Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
Yes, BEv, my son and my X-BF-P are both very vengeful, my XBF actually burned the home of the woman before me because she “dis’d” him. There is no legal proof but there is NO doubt in the minds of any of us that he did it. I made the mistake of telling my P-son that he was disinherited from my estate when I saw that he was not in any way repentant.
That was when he formulated the plan to get around that by making sure I died before my mom did so I couldn’t also disinherit him from the Family Trust (which is worth far more than I am personally as all my land, airport and home are in the trust as well).
Yea, I know the rage that they keep bottled up, so that they don’t give you a clue about what they intend to do. I have been too open and honest with him, and it was all used as ammunition to shoot back at me. The more information they have the better armed and the better their aim is. I didn’t start withholding information until it was too late.
Looking back though, I can see that he slipped a few times and gave me some clues. I picked up on them at the time, but I talked myself out of doing anything about them, again, until it was too late. He counted on my mother “taking his side” and he played her like a harp–he knew just which string to pluck to get the note that he wanted and sure enough, before long she was playing his tune perfectly.
The ONLY thing that went wrong with his plans was that after I left home and they couldn’t find me, that the Trojan Horse started having an affair with my DIL and my son C caught them and the whole thing back fired and blew up, landing the DIL and the TH-P both in jail. Of course then we had the TH-P’s letters from my son P to read and figure out all the “plot”–I can almost laugh at it now, but it COULD have worked.
In the eyes of the world my P-son is certainly not a “success” in any way, but in HIS OWN EYES, he is.
I know other Ps though that are considered “successes” in the world’s eyes, professionals, financially successful, etc. and though most people who know them don’t personally “like” them, they still consider them successful because of the professional or business stature that they have acheived.
Around here in the farming community of Pa., there is a saying that fits these sociopaths…They are the kind of person,(man), who could fall into a pile of manure and come out wearing a three piece suit. They are like cats. They always land on their feet or someone else’s.
Thank you thank you thank you. I am getting free. I am doing this I am winning this game. The Prize???? MY FUTURE!!!!!!!
WAY TO GO IRADESSA!
hi all,
as much as I want to believe this is true, I don’t.
I think because their core values are different, they do not have quality or lack of quality lives in the same way we see it.
Their lives are just fine by them. They are successes at what is important to them.
It differs simply because what is important to them and important to us are at opposite ends of the spectrum.
Living up to our values is what makes US a success, using and abusing people is what makes them a success.
Would you feel bad about yourself for hitting a nail with a hammer? Would you judge your life unsuccessful if your refrigerator didn’t like you?
I can’t see how any of them suffer. The only way I see them suffering is if they are locked in a room ALONE for the rest of their lives.
Otherwise, I see them being successful at what is important to them, which is not the same as how we would judge our lives. But I wish I could be convinced otherwise.
OxDrover.
Thank you for the support. I need all I can get. I had a huge breakthrough. DOesn’t mean I am not afraid of his next move. He normally barks and then gets quitet for a while. I’ve watched and learned for a long time. But you never can tell.
truthonmyside,
Your story is much like mine. My ex has custody and has poisoned the kids against me. If you want to be able to understand this phenomenon, I recommend “Divorce Poison” and “Adult Victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome.” These books explain how a P can turn kids against you, almost overnight.
My ex was able to convince the judge (who at the least is incompetent and a fool for allowing it, and at worst may be a P himself) that he was the better parent, after essentially ignoring the kids for 15 years. He convinced the kids to choose him by bribing them with expensive gifts and permissiveness. I refused to play the game and told the kids directly that I would continue to do what I thought was best for them even if they didn’t like it. I hope they will come around eventually. I think deep down they know I’m right, but it’s hard for a teen to give up the permissiveness and lavish gifts.
My ex was able to fool a lot of people. He still is. But I think he is less able to do so as he loses his looks and he is beginning to see a bleak future. The kids will soon be grown and he is now old and without any real friends. He has short term “friends” that he has been able to “buy,” but no real relationships. I don’t believe he made any friends in college, which is surprising, because I have deep and lasting relationships from those years. He exchanges Christmas cards with a couple of people from his military career, but none that seem very close at all. Only one that has ever visited, and that was just once in over 25 years.
He claims that he is a “family” man and comes from a close family, but the kids from his first marriage only call when they want money from him! And he seems to have to “buy” his other family members, too. Everyone in his extended family (not just siblings and nieces and nephews, but even grandchildren of his siblings and beyond) knows they can hit him up for a cash gift whenever there is a wedding or a birth, but not a single person from this supposedly “close” family came to our wedding. Although we were expected to appear for all of their special occasions and also to visit them regularly for no special reason, they could not be bothered to come to see us. Except for about 3 times in 25 years, no one has ever visited us even when they were “in the neighborhood.”
Maybe outwardly he looks successful. He has managed to rip me off financially and for now at least he has the kids. But I can’t believe that he has any inner life. As sad as it is for me to realize that I was so used by him, it must be even worse to be him and realize that ALL of his relationships are ultimately built on using or being used.
I am thinking about this post, and I am at a point in my life where I am sorting out my thinking.
I am wondering, if a psychopath who has inflicted suffering on people ends up with a terrible life in the end and we, the victims, end up with a terrific life in the end, what is that saying?
Right now, if you ask me, it is the opposite. I am struggling. I am suffering. He is on a whirlwind trip through the luxuries of life.
I am in debt, my dog almost died, I have lost all the support and friends we had in common, they are with him, and calling him and taking care of him. I am eating lunchmeat from a paper bag. He is on a tropical island sipping frozen drinks with umbrellas.
If we apply the thinking that bad people=bad life, that actually has me doubting who is actually who is good and bad here.
For me, all the studies in the world will not convince me that the good guy wins. I used to believe that, but when the good guy is up against a bad guy who will stop at nothing – absolutely nothing – to win, the good guy stands no chance.
Just because someone lives a good life does not mean that good things happen to him.
If someone lives life as a predator, they lie in the shade with a full belly.
The prey dies.
I don’t need a study to tell me that the prey actually ends up happier than the predator.
I know we want to believe that the predator suffers, but thinking that way is not good for me.
There are predators in the world. Stay away from them. Stop trying to make sense out of someone who preys on his own kind. Not even lions do that.
I stopped trying to understand. Now I am figuring out what makes me happy. I have neglected self for a really long time. I am also afraid of what is next to come from him. Divorced with two children I have to hace some contact. If you are in this situation tell me what works, I am willing to do anything to protect myself and my children.
Dear Lillygirl – I laughed when I read your post, not at you or at what you had written but at the absolute RIDICULOUSNESS of the situation. But isnt it right. My ex who doesnt know I have undergone cancer treatment, quite likely caused by him, has carried on in sweet oblivion with his new target, which he so quickly got on the scene. It makes you want to spit. Doesnt it. But getting down to the nitty gritty questionning of life is A GOOD THING. Asking quite reasonable questions like why do good things happen to bad people, could turn up more gold than you ever realised, but you have to keep digging thru the dirt to find the treasure. Keep questionning, This will increase your consciousness and your wisdom.