Editor’s note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud’s Professional Resources Guide.
Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. She has also created a wonderful animation that describes the antics of a sociopath, called Exposing the Mask of Insanity. View the animation here.
Getting your head out of the washing machine
By Sarah Strudwick
Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide
I often receive emails from people asking me to talk about different subjects. One recent subject was the mind-bogglingly creative ways in which a sociopath will literally mess with your head. A client came up with the perfect analogy and said she felt like her head had been in a washing machine.
The sociopath will use many different techniques—gaslighting, emotional blackmail, manipulation, creating confusion, lying and creating fear.
Gaslighting, for example, is the type of abuse whereby an abuser uses an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from the victim, and/or providing false information. This has the gradual effect of making victims anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception. When it’s done for a long enough period, you will literally start losing your mind and feel like your head has been in a washing machine for most of the time you have been in relationship.
It could come in the form of verbal gaslighting, whereby the sociopath manipulates by lying to control information. They may also do it to keep you off balance psychologically. The classic example of gaslighting is to change things in a person’s environment without their knowledge, and to explain that you “must be imagining things” when you challenge these changes.
Let’s say they wanted you to think you were forgetful. You lose your car keys then they help you find them. Whilst they have been very “helpful” searching for the keys with you, the keys suddenly appear in the ignition of your dashboard. You’re thinking, “I am sure I didn’t put them there.” They say, “Oh silly you, see you are so careless, you need to be more careful otherwise someone could have stolen our car!” The reality is they are the ones that moved them there in the first place.
One very sneaky trick a sociopath I knew used on me was to hack into my hotmail account, not change the password but selectively delete some of the incoming messages so I would see them one minute and the next they were gone.
More tactics
Sociopaths appear to have selective amnesia. They may say things like, “I don’t ever remember saying that I think you have you’re wires crossed,” or “Did I really say that?”
They are experts at creating unpredictability. The victim feels on edge because they never know where they stand and the goalposts are constantly shifting. Victims always remain hyper-vigilant, wondering when the abuser is likely to have an outburst or change of mood. As a result, the victim may start to feel frightened and unsettled.
Other tactics might include keeping the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place. For example, they may make plans for you and then cancel them, or talk about you behind your back, with the intention of isolating you from others. This type of abuse is done with the intention of keeping the victim in a constant state of anxiety and confusion.
There are a number of other mind blasting techniques that do not fit into any of the other types of verbal abuse categories, such as putting you down, being verbally abusive, using the silent treatment and so on. These tactics can also apply the narcissistic type personality.
The silent treatment is a favourite weapon of both personality types, and is particularly effective because it renders you unable to communicate anything to them. This is the most powerful weapon in their arsenal of sneaky abuse tactics.
Crazymaking comments
Other tactic includes conversations or actions that divert from the original argument or put blame back on the victim, but often they are very ambiguous. These comments are meant to make you feel crazy, confused, off guard and unable to respond. For example:
“I think the fact that you are really angry is stopping you from seeing things clearly. Let’s talk about this another time.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Why would I do such a thing? I wasn’t going to tell you, but only yesterday, I went out and bought you that present you wanted.”
“Look, if you are going to cry every time we have a conversation, how can I answer you? You’re not really in a fit state. Here, have a tissue and let’s talk about something else instead.”
“I really don’t see any point in discussing this further until you have all your facts straight.”
“It’s all your imagination. Isn’t it about time you went back on the antidepressants darling? Here let me make you a cup of tea.”
The mist clears
If you are left feeling confused and crazy by their gaslighting behaviour, their verbal assaults and emotional demands and strange conversations, stop!
This is exactly how they want you to feel. The minute you become aware of what they are doing, and the fact that they are actually manipulating you, sometime miracles happen.
You realise much of what they say and do makes no sense at all. You take yourself out of the washing machine. Your head stops spinning and suddenly the mist clears. You realise you are not crazy, but they are.
After the relationship many victims of sociopaths have literally felt like their head had been in a spin cycle. They are left emotionally, spiritually and financially drained. On an energetic level you have literally been sucked dry and brainwashed until you have no idea what is real or imagined anymore.
My advice is to start writing down what the sociopath says to you and you will soon find yourself wanting to take your head out of the washing machine— hopefully long before the spin dry and they have completely taken you to the cleaners.
truelove, if it is one thing ( though the “things” are innumerable, really ) that makes me furious it is how the sociopath will try to “include” you in the drama that, he self-willingly, and singlehandedly created! For example, let’s say the S cheats on you, and you get angry at him. The S will try and make it a point to blame you, or at the end “resolve” ( after much devalue/discarding ) will say something to the effect (if you cannot be placated with the fact that he simply did nothing wrong and it is all in your head ) that “we” did this. “We” should come to a resolve over our issue. Things haven’t been working out for “us”, “we” should make up. “We both did something wrong.” “We both made an error.” Hello! He’s the one who did all those things! You in no way should have to take responsibility for HIS misdeeds, which they ALWAYS to try get you to do.
The S i knew would say, “Why is it always my fault?”
Umm.. because you (He) DID it. He tried to twist the logic up somehow to make misdeeds “equal” in the “relationshit”( credit to Oxy for the term which i picked up, i refuse to use the word relationship in reference to a predator-prey interaction ) … that somehow I should be responsible for half of the drama in the relationshit*, when it is always him that takes my trust and puts it through a meat grinder to the point that it is utterly unrecognizable.
They are responsible for their shit and they always try to find someone to load all their disgusting pile of repulsiveness on. Of course, that’s also why you get heaps of projection when involved in a sociopath.
Did they sleep around and you happened to come upon incriminating information? Well it must be YOUR fault. You didn’t TRUST them enough. It’s your mistrust that’s the problem, not their breaking your trust… err.. and I get lost on that one.
Did they blatantly disrespect you by “forgetting” promises or discarding obligations? Well it must be YOUR fault for putting these oh so heavy “expectations” on them. After all, your expectations are getting in THEIR way of getting whatever they want, with grubby little hands like plump children in want of cake! How dare you!
Did they, out of whim, decide to blame you for things that are entirely not your fault ( and obviously not your fault? ) Well… ( here it comes again ) It must be your fault anyway! Because they are perfect and, well since they’re perfect, well, uh, they can’t do anything wrong so if they do, in fact do anything wrong, it must be your fault ( again, the absolutely perverted logic will baffle you. Why? Because there’s no logic there to be had at all!)
So you get angry because he did something which violated your trust. Well you have a RIGHT to that anger, you have a right to any verbage of unmentionable words and expletives because it is a RESPONSE to what he did. But no, the S will slyly turn the tables on you, he will play smokes and mirrors and make you out to be the culprit. When he is put on the spot for something he should be responsible for he will try to make you believe that somehow you should feel sorry- sorry for your feelings ( which you have a right to, you are entitled to ) , sorry for “pointing out that he violated your trust” ( They will rage, “Don’t you trust me?!?!” ), sorry for having a mind of your own in the first place!
This is why some people here have aptly referred to the experience with a sociopath as a sensation of being lobotomized.
oops!
double post..
Post is below.
thx
Thanks aussiegirl and dancingnancies!
I can relate alot to things you both said.
@aussiegirl-
Thank you.
I Will need to touch base here in my weak moments.
I have to remind myself of the violent agressive behavior he demonstrated to me right before we parted.(because I seem to forget)
He was talking to demons in bed at night the last three nights
(as if sleeptalking,but sort of awake…scary),and this ,to me was freightening and had me sleeping with one eye open..
He began doing this on the night he tried to act like he was gonna drive us off a bridge during a fight we had in the car…
I WILL go into strict NC now.
It is hard for me that he seems so normal now,with the latest girl he’s engaged to.
They have outlasted he and I,and it doesn’t make sense.
I think he may have dated her before,and just went back to her when he and I didn’t work out..
Either he is learning to keep up appearances longer now,or she is willing to put up with his abusive side.
I don’t know..
Also,I also had it in my head that he may be trying to prove
some sort of point by getting engaged again so fast.
Like a big F-u to me..(the icing on the cake)
Taking OUR plans and continuing on with them with someone else.
Its like he wants to tell me:
“You are replaceable..”
Thats pretty freakin’ mean..
Hateful..
But you are right,in that there is nothing I could have done to change anything that happened..
I thought that he would’ve already showed his crazy side to her by now..
It is none of my concern anymore,so,yes..
NC,strict NC,is the best thing for me to do.
At the end of the month I will be completely moved to my new town.
I wont have to come back here as often,therefore,I can miss the drama..I look forward to that.. ; )
@dancingnancies-
YES!
That is EXACTLY what he did/does..Never owns ANY blame for Anything!
As a matter of fact,the last e-mail I got from him(and ignored),
was a half-assed,pretend attempt of an apology,except he never took any blame for any of it,and Only said things such as,”we this”,”we that”,through the whole thing..
I was somewhat tempted to post the e-mail here,excluding names of course,to show what I mean..
He never has taken ANY of the responsibility for ANYTHING..
It is a pattern for him though,his two ex-wives sued him collectively using the same lawyer..
This was going on while he and I were together,but he told me that they were both “still in love with him”,which I thought was a little odd and egotistical thing to say,but what if it Was true?I blew it off.
I never heard of the outcome of what happened,but to me it is weird that two exes would team up like that..
Don’t you think?They mustve figured out also,that he is a spath.
Maybe they didnt term it that,IDK,but apparently they felt strongly enough about it that they teamed up(which is definately unusual.)
Sorry for the novel here tonight,but I really do need to keep reminding myself of the many reasons that it is good that I am far away from him..
Yes,I miss the Dream,that was never Real..
But I want The Real Thing that is REAL..
And I still DO have hope of true love..
I’m determined not to give up hope..
But I want to be more cautious next time..
truelove
True love, he will not change for her…it is all an act. He is gaining something from it that is to his benefit right now but it is not love. They cannot love. He is making her look like a fool by running around telling everybody how brokenhearted he is bc of you. This was always one of the things that bothered me most..thinking that he would change and be good to someone else. It will not happen. My x spath would even tell me sometimes that since I did not trust him he would go and do all the things he intended to do with me with someone else and he would thank me for helping him make the right choice to go back to her. He went back to her..the one that he cheated on me with and I thought..wow..he is living with her..maybe he really loves her and has changed. He didn’t. If it was not me he was bothering it was a new girl that he picked up or found on an internet site. They cannot be faithful to anybody even if it appears that they are doing so. They may wear their mask for awhile but it will always come off again. You didn’t lose anything except for someone that was toxic to you. It wasn’t your fault. He was a fictional character..all an illusion..not real. We want who we thought they were and it is hard to grasp that the person we loved was just a fraud. They want us to feel like that..like we let go of the best thing ever. Mine would even tell me when i tried to break things off with him on several occasions that all of his exs still want him back bc they have never be able to find in someone else what they had in him. so did i really want to let him go? he would say..are you sure this is what you want bc i dont want this. He always made me second guess myself and stick in there just a little longer. Then he would walk anyway and blame me for something. That is one of their favorite games to blame us and leave hurt and confusion behind when they walk away. That way it was on their terms. The only was we can win is nc and the best revenge will be for us to live happy lives and not care about them anymore.Good luck on your no contact. Day 13 for me! We can never meet someone real that actually knows how to love if we keep letting these spaths play this cruel game with us and keep making us unavailable.
Hello Everyone,
I do have a question, my Spath left me several times to go back to his ex-wife. After reading her many texts, I truly believe that she is a Spath too. She was very manipulative and would pour on the “woe is me” to him. She was a drama queen. Can two Spaths be together and drive the third person (me) to obscene craziness?
Schnoodle
Hi schnoodle, I just glanced through this thread & some others and have to say to whoever started it, I love the washing machine analogy and can say that is exactly how I’ve felt. So if you WANT to get your head out of that ‘cycle’ then decide to do it here.
You can probably answer your own question above about the two Spaths, but here it is: if ONE spath can drive you into negative beliefs or bad feelings, then what are TWO capable of??
I’m not saying this out of sarcasm or giving you a hard time, only gently but firmly pointing out the obvious. That is why you read about NC here in so many places. That is the only way to manage people like this – distance and TIME. The more time you give yourself with NC – or as minimal as is feasible (I have two kids with mine so am forced into some but I guard myself, have firm rules, document, ignore & keep myself busy & surrounding by good healthy people.)
I’ve learned not to look to anyone else for sympathy over my situation – just to professionals for the right kind of help. Other people CANNOT relate or acknowledge or admit that you are valid in feeling beaten up or crazy from the spaths in your life so don’t waste your energy there either.
Use this forum as it WORKS SO WELL. We know you’re not crazy and that you deserve better – but you have to decide that you’re done being a yo-yo. I hope you have been left by the spath for the last time and can turn off the flow of junk they want to spin in and around your head.
My thought is that if you keep asking questions like that then it means you want to stay in it? Not ready to be alone so you keep close to what they do and say, at least in your mind?
If you can busy yourself with things that have nothing to do with them and find other people to take up space in your life you will learn to forget and not engage in the ‘obscene craziness’. There is so much more worthy stuff – or even better ‘craziness’ – to wrap your head around if you try!
I say these things to you because I’ve had to say it to myself many times over the last few years…and it is now concrete in my brain. Zero tolerance policy & NC with ANYONE who will manipulate, use, or waste my time/energy.
Best wishes 🙂
Schnoodle-two psychopaths can definitely team up together in a marriage relationship. I am convinced that was the case with my ex and his wife. Both of them were psycho as individuals and off the charts as a combo. They feed off each other. The NC is THE BEST thing going. Let them have their own drama/issues together and take yourself out of the equation so you can have some peace. I finally feel at peace for the first time since I can remember and it feels super good! 🙂
I heard the “two psychopaths” in a relationship called GASOLINE AND FIRE RELATIONSHIP and that totally describes it. It is like it is ALWAYS ABOUT TO EXPLODE—and the ‘loser” in the relationshit, the one that gets burned the worst then presents themselves as GUESS WHAT?????? a VICTIM!!!!! to the next REAL victim, US.!!!!
So I am actually CAUTIOUS when I encounter a person who presents themselves as a “POOR victim” of all these “crazy mean X’es” and it is difficult to distinguish the difference between a REAL VICTIM AND A PRETEND VICTIM.
Last summer (a year and a half ago) I took in a woman here on the farm, gave her a place to stay, and she had presented herself as a VICTIM of several psychopaths to several people who knew her and was living in her small RV/Motorhome.
Now, the thing is that MANY OF US have been the true victims of multiple psychopaths as we tend to attract them before we finally learn to STOP allowing them to use us and to spot the red flags.
This woman did a convincing job of presenting herself as someone who had been UNFAIRLY TARGETED and was in need of assistance and help. I gave her a safe place to park her RV and some companionship, but told her I couldn’t provide financial help, but would help her find work, give her a safe place to park and the free use of my kitchen, etc.
I listened to her stories of abuse and how she had been ripped off of everything she owned and how hard she had tried, and first one person and then a second and then a third person had taken advantage of her. I noticed though that she didn’t seem interested in a JOB—and there were always “excuses” (not reasons) that she couldn’t even look for one, and how could I expect anyone as abused as she was to even try to find a job, she was just too fragile.
She seemed glad to take advantage of my hospitality and to use my bathroom to shower and clean up, my washer and dryer to wash her clothes, etc. but she wasn’t too big on helping to CLEAN the bathroom after she used it…and she was comfortable eating at my table and sharing the meals with my sons and me, but didn’t seem to want to wash a dish or to cook any—eventually she did start to cook, but would take 8 hours or more to cook one meal, and therefore never had time to do things like clean up behind herself, or to clean the bathroom that was hers exclusively to use—I also noticed that she seemed to be broadly HINTING that I might want to give her money for this or that need she had (she never asked directly but would CRY because she didn’t have money for this or that) I resisted all the hints, though, and didn’t give her money, instead pointing out that if I did give her money to pay for the storage for her furniture in another state hundreds of miles away, WHAT would she do next month, and even if she had the furniture, how on earth would she transport it, and where would she put it?
Then I began to notice her stories “changed” a bit with each telling. Now I have CRS pretty badly but I started to write down the outline details of some of these stories, and then compare them to the next time she told this same story….and they changed quite a bit….still she would not make any attempt at getting a job, even when I offered her free rides to town with my son who worked in town, etc. and of course she, superior being that she was, couldn’t work in fast food service, she was just too superior for that…and she couldn’t do anything around here like cleaning the bathroom she used because she had this really bum shoulder—but I noticed that she used it for things she WANTED to do.
So, little by little, I saw the RED FLAGS that this woman did not want to HELP HERSELF. She felt entitled to my support and “help” while TAKING and taking, and offering nothing. I discussed the situation with the friend who had recommended that I take this woman in, and she agreed with me that the woman didn’t seem to be the “victim” she had presented herself as, and was most likely indeed a psychopath herself, at least a user/mooch/liar and so I asked the woman to leave—really, “asked” is not exactly the right word, I TOLD her she was going to have to leave—- and when I did, I saw transformed before me a living, breathing, squirming, writhing psychopath who had just had the mask ripped off her face! She presented to me as being my VICTIM, and proceeded to tell me how I had destroyed her, how I had used her, how hard she had worked for me, and I had no appreciation, and she was probably dying with cancer and I had refused to take her to medical care, and on and on and ON!
There is no telling what she told her next victim about how I had abused her—I know she had told me stories about previous people who had “pretended to help her” but had actually been abusers too, so I am sure she added my name to this list of the people who had been mean to her.
I’m actually glad I took her in though, because she was SURE A LEARNING experience. She TAUGHT me a lot. She taught me that “you can give people things but you can’t help them, they must help themselves.” and she also taught me that psychopaths are very good at presenting themselves as victims. I also kept a “clinical” distance with this woman and though I did sincerely try to give her an opportunity to HELP HERSELF I did not feel guilty that she didn’t take advantage of my opportunities, and I didn’t get emotionally involved with her.
I realized that when I offer an opportunity to someone so that they can use that opportunity to help themselves, whether it is an opinion, an idea, or a check or cash, I cannot allow myself to become emotionally involved in whether or not they use it the way I intended for them to. If they do, great, if they don’t, then I can’t get angry at them for not taking advantage of the opportunity. Maybe the reason they dont’ take advantage is because they are not ready yet, or maybe they themselves are just posing as a victim and not really are a victim, just the loser in a fight between two psychopaths, but whatever the reason they don’t take advantage of any opportunity for growth I might give them, that is on THEIR heads not mine.
I can (and I think SHOULD) though at some point, when I see that no matter how many or how sincere the opportunities I present are that for (whatever reason) the person I am OFFERING THIS TO is not going to take advantage of it, so I can then STOP offering MORE OPPORTUNITIES to that person, and offer those opportunities to someone else.
So it is like here, if someone wants my opinion and I give it to them, but they don’t “take it” or use it or value it, I shouldn’t feel upset that they don’t utilize what I think is a “great opportunity” in the way I think they should. I can offer someone an “opportunity” the way you can offer someone a meal. If they are hungry and eat it, fine, if not fine, or if they say, “well, I’m hungry, but I dont’ like what you are offering me, so I would rather starve” that’s okay too. I may think it is “foolish” or a poor choice, but they have the RIGHT TO REFUSE MY OFFERING without me getting upset about it. I have NO OBLIGATION to offer anything to anyone. If I do offer someone something (again, advice, money, food, whatever) they have no obligation to like what I offer, and they have every right to decline to accept my offering.
This is all connected to the concepts of “helping” vs. “Enabling” I think and while on the surface a “helping” act can appear enabling or vice versa I think the intention and the subsequent emotional reactions determine which is which.
I realize this rambling post started out as “can two psychopaths join up” but ended up about enabling vs helping, but they are connected I think because anything we DO for a psychopath only further enables them, so as soon as we see (and honor) the RED FLAGS in a person who is posing as a “victim” when in fact they are themselves a psychopath using being “abused” as a cover-mask.
How many of us had psychopaths that pretended to be the victims? Of abusive parents, poor me. Of Crazy X’es, pooooor me! or “life is sooooo unfair, pooooooor me!” and the greatest one, “Only YOU understand me, and I need your love to fix me and teach me to trust, poooooor me” LOL
Oxy-WOW, what a woman she was. I would call her a psychopath and you gave her every opportunity. It’s amazing how they have such nerve to turn it around and act like she did SO much for you-she did nothing. She reminds me of my very first psychopath. He was the one who sexually assaulted me when I was in my early twenties-long before this last man. His wife had died real young of a heart condition and left him with 5yr old and 3yr old son. He used those cute little sad boys to get to me. I became a pseudomom-the stable female in their lives. He was a drama major and a son of a minister. His father actually warned me about him, telling me that there was something wrong with him and that he would take advantage of me. If only I had listened. I am still paying off credit card debt from the relationship. He couldn’t keep a job and when I met him, he had already lost more than 30 jobs that year. I had good credit and used it all to provide for him and his boys and I was working 3 jobs to do it. When I finally broke it off, after he forced me to lose my virginity to him, he tried to stalk me. He would show up at my work and sit outside and watch me. If he came upon me driving on the rode, he would follow me to my destination-until I drove into the police department and my dad threatened to kill him.
I really do wonder if I have the word victim on my forehead in ink that only they can see. I stepped out of “serial victimhood”-(Kathleen Hawk). I used to give people 3 strikes and you’re out. They only get one strike now. You lie to me once and you’re gone-THE END! When I got to the point where I had to leave the blog before, I was really antagonizing people and I couldn’t figure out that I was doing it. It was so all about me being the victim. I was sure that all of ya’ll thought that I was one of THEM. I guess it’s really true that it’s hard to pick out a true victim. I am sick of being that serial victim and I got to the point where I had to say NO-NOT GONNA BE THAT anymore-NEVER AGAIN. I am SO SO sorry to all the people that I offended and antagonized when I was in that place. It was like your head being in a washing machine. My head has finally stopped spinning. I have never felt so much hope in my entire life.! :):)
Oxy, some story, good for you for standing up for yourself.
Some of the things you say parallel my experience.
He was a chef…rarely cooked though, was always going to do it when this or that had finished on tv. I used to get fed up and do it myself.
If he cooked he made such a mess using everything in the kitchen fat everywhere, rarely washed up and if he did I had to do it again cos there would be bits all over the plates etc, he never dried up or put away.
His saying was ‘if you do it badly you won’t get asked again’
Same with the bath, that was when I could get him to have one, personal hygiene was not good. Said his mother used to hold his head under the water.I asked him about her just once and he called her a sadistic bitch, I said oh you can’t
say that about your own mother – but he hated her.
I think as a child he was a P and she was at her wits end. We went on holiday and I went to see his dad once and he said he wanted nothing to do with him – spoke volumes.
Went to see his sister – only stayed 5 mins – no love lost there.
Met his school time ‘friends’ it was obvious they did not want to be associated with him. Sad thing was he was all over them like a rash, was embarrassing.
He got there emails etc and sent messages, no one replied.
He never had any real friends, no one to send a christmas or birthday card to, no one to phone or visit.
He was supposed to go into the army at 16 but he said he had a bad school report – I now think ‘they’ realised that there was something seriously wrong with him mentally. He was stealing cars at 13.
He was married, had 2 kids, they were adopted. He said it was mother in laws fault – but one daughter told his ex she was abused – enough said.
One interesting thing – I took the computer to work one day. He got quite uppity and asked why I was taking. I used to have a saying for such occasions ‘because I can’ (it was mine) He was like a bear with a sore head, threw his toys outta the pram! I think he thought that I would be checking him out.
He’s back with his ex, lovely woman, we’ve chatted but she’s not aware that he’s a spath. When he dumps her, and he will, then I will tell her, she’s not ready to hear it just yet (we’ve all been there)
Again tonight he’s sending photos, I never even opened them, sent them straight to re-cycle bin – if only she knew. He’s only been back with her 4 weeks and he’s at it again.
He told me when he was about 15 him and a friend were playing on a shed, his friend fell off and died, I was shocked and saddened, then a few weeks later I brought up the sad event and he had no recollection of having said anything!! LIES!! I said ‘but you did..you’re best friend, how can you forget?’ he just shrugged.
One time I really got to him, I paid for it though with a torrent of verbal abuse. I accidentally ran an amber/red light – he was going on in my ear about my ‘rubbish’ driving (I have not had so much as a parking ticket in over 30 years – unlike him who drove without a licence cos he had it taken off him)
Anyway……I looked over my left shoulder at him, shrugged my shoulders and went ‘so’ boy did he let rip. See it was ok for him to do it to me but vice-versa really needled him.
TV – he was addicted to TV. I used to joke that he needed constant ‘input’ the thing was never off.
Tonight I am in a hotel, start my new job tomoz.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.