Editor’s note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud’s Professional Resources Guide.
Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships.
Mr. Invincible and other Un-Inspiring Characters
By Sarah Strudwick
Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide
As many of your know, having come out of relationships with sociopaths often we feel powerless. Some like Donna and others like myself have felt inspired to speak up and share our stories and talk about their experiences. I had this little voice that wanted to shout from the rooftops in the hope that others would not have to go through what I had to.
When I was child I felt powerless to speak up to abusers, which was one of the reasons why I kept on attracting psychopathic types during my adult life. As a life coach, there is a technique whereby you reduce your abuser to a cartoon-sized character in your head so they no longer have power over you. Imagine, for example, Mickey Mouse screaming at you and trying to throw a fist in your direction. When you play the image back it has less of an impact. At the same time, it doesn’t take away from the dynamics of what actually happened, but allows the victim to see things in a different way.
I live in the UK and we have a strange sense of humour. I was a big fan of the two comedians called The Two Ronnies. At the end of the show, they would say, “It’s good night from me and it’s good night from him.”
After healing and realising my sense of humour was still intact, it led me to create an animated character and find a voice and educate people on Youtube about the psychopathic type personality. In my book I call them Dark Souls.
Reducing the abuser to a cartoon sized character not only has the effect of lessoning their power over us, but also it enables those people who don’t particularly like reading lots of long texts to educate themselves in a fun, informative way. Also, Youtube is an excellent platform if used properly for educating people. The videos are now shared on many blogs. Here are some of the most commonly viewed.
Mr. Invincible — The Invisible Psychopaths Among Us
This particular video exposes the “dual” nature of sociopathic personalities, whereby they hide their real self behind a mask, hence the inspiration from The Two Ronnies.
I have been inspired to do other videos including one on why empaths like myself are drawn to these people, or should I say WERE drawn to them, and why they choose us and why we as victims need to change.
Because I am highly sensitive and work with energy, I think the most favourite one is:
I was inspired to do this video after my ex kept trying to call me at home from a withheld number after we finished, just to hear my voice. I knew he was watching my website so I put this one up and suddenly the calls stopped.
Although I have now moved on I occasionally see something that inspires me to put up a new video like the recent Charlie Sheen story:
Charlie Sheen — Love Me or Hate Me
I’ll continue to keep on putting up the videos because it not only helps victims, but videos like “Mr. Invincible” help to educate the masses too. Despite some mild swearing on them, which is done for obvious reasons, I hope they will make a few people smile in the process.
Wow! OneBeliever,
amazing insight. they are like cult leaders that need followers. They need the special 2nd in command (the OneBeliever) and then the apostles and all the other believers. You are so right.
You’ve spoken about the essence of the spath. It is what Dr. Peck wrote about in “the people of the lie”. They lie, we believe and reality is usurped.
sick, sick, puke.
Confession – I think my ex BF was probably the last in a series of socios, but this one was the only one I ever really fell for, and it was a long and painful fall.
I live in a fraudulent-prone city. I was born and raised here before a slumber party promise became a city slogan. What happens here, stays here – this is a sociopath’s mantra.
For whatever reason, I’d been immune to the crap until he walked into my store. (I was shutting down my retail business and taking a new job when we met.) Right place right time for him – not so much for me.
I believe in my future and the ability of the universe to punish him.
OneBeliever!!
WOW! I’m so amazed at your faith!!! Fantastic posts! You inspire me!
LL
OneBeliever,
oh, so you are very aware. that’s a good thing. His entry into your life will reveal the tiny chink in your armor. Pay close attention. It could be a gift to you. You are inspiring.
Well, I’m kind of a downer now too. LOL! It happens.
So tired.
Well, I need to get to emails. I hope you feel better sky.
Love ya guys.
Ox…..hey are you back yet? How did your thing go this weekend?
LL
Great videos Sarah! Thank you!!
As a “enabler” of TWO non-relationship relationships with two spaths both found on match.com……
I knew all about the spath destructiveness for MANY years previous because I had a guy pal in high school who was my first “encounter” with the dark side of lies and manipulation. This was in the mid-1970s when the only info that was available was in textbooks on psycholocical “disorders”. The self-help book selection was limited to saving your marriage manuals. The narcissistic/sociopath disorder was never considered an issue- “frigid” sexual response was usually blamed for a bad marriage- remember those days girls? HA! I’m getting off track now….but now that there is much more preventitive material available to the general (gullible) public- will it really HELP an individual who is trusting and doesn’t want to think negatively about his/her spath partner? Problem is no matter how much warning you give a “first timer” they just never believe you. These “cartoons” are much more specific than a book. I hope more people pay attention. The only way you can stop a spath is if his/her scheme is NEVER effective on ANY one! Not likely….sadly….these people just move from potential target to potential target until they hit the bullseye- which eventually they all do. A good place to find spaths is match.com and other dating sites. These sites are patrolled by them. Now we’ve made it even easier for spaths to hook up with their targets. Well (shrug) hopefully these educational “cartoons” will get the word out. If only they would listen, sigh!
Oh God, yes, I’ve known some energy vampires. Especially one really extreme case, a woman very much loved in a community. I complain, and people say, “She’ll always be that way.” Strangely enough, she’s the one who gets sick, feels like she’s being drained by others. Possibly, one other — her deceased mother — has drained her and continues to do so in her messed-up story of things. She “looks great,” for sure, after she scolds me. I finally just retired from the scene. I still have to deal with her in some ways, but I’m very wary of it. She’s projecting a “holographic image,” but then, so am I when I deal with her. I figure it doesn’t matter whether I’m being my authentic self; that’s not the game that’s being played here. It’s fair. If she’d rather deal with dolls, I’ll be a doll. She thinks she wins, but I get what I need from her. Each time she blows up, stomps away, I know she’ll be back anyway when she smells fresh blood. Fake blood!
I had my own Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. He was a boyfriend who was highly religious. It wasn’t so much that he told an unbelievable, fantastic story when we met, but that he seemed to know the subtle things I really liked. I was completely charmed.
I still remember the last conversation I had with him when I thought we were “relating.” He literally changed his voice from the nice guy to the guy on the high moral horse, judging me as “sinful.” One side totally didn’t hear the other side talk.
I mean, how long did he think he could carry on this mask? I could see it, but he couldn’t. The only part that was deceptive was, I expected to see consistency.
The friend I broke up with last summer was very good at making me feel I had hurt her — not the other way around. Every time I called her on something, she would pour on the guilt. Even when I told her I was onto her for that, she did it again — digging up more personality flaws on my part.
Sistersister,
Ah yes, the old projection and blame placing….gaslighting at its finest!
Isn’t it amazing though how wonderful it is when we no longer fall for those games? When we actually SEE what they are doing and it doesn’t penetrate any deeper than our ear drums, it just literally bounces back without creating an emotional response—if it does, the response is astonishment that they think we would fall for that any more.
Yep, aaaaaaa-mazzzzzing!