“When we focus on something repeatedly, the brain forms a habit,” says Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Living and Loving After Betrayal. “We have to be careful on what we focus on.”
When we discover that we’ve been betrayed by a sociopath, for a long time that’s all we can think about. Although this is a typical response to the betrayal, it also has the effect of keeping us mired in our pain.
Stosny suggest replacing the memories of the deception with restorative images, which he defines as “any emotionally laden bit of your imagination that eases pain by shifting mental focus from loss to growth.” He explains this approach in an article on the Psychology Today blog:
Healing from intimate betrayal
For more information on how to get past the pain and move on in your life, you might want to get Stosny’s book. It’s part of the Lovefraud Recovery Collection, available in the Lovefraud Store.
Lovefraud Recovery Collection, 35% off
citizenX
I was before Judge Tomasello. He is a incredible jerk.
He actually held trial dates without me present. Refused to let me cross-examine witnesses.
Claimed I was both severely mentally ill and capable of making $100,000 a year.
The divorce trial was so bad it will end up being declared a mistrial and the costs will balloon all because Judge Tomasello is one of the worst judges in all of New Jersey.
flicka
For at least 5 years following my devastating divorce from the father of 5 of my abused children, I walked the seashore of the Outer Banks, NC. The sounds of the ocean, the waves, the sandpipers, the never-changing skies somehow soothed my broken soul as I came to realise how insignificant I was compared to the aweasomness of Nature all around. The plwasures of Nature helped heal my soul!
aintgonnatakeitnomore
I just sat at the beach of a small lake with my kids the other day. I just sat there for 2 hrs. I have not done this in years. I had to have a book to read or lots of ppl to txt on my phn. I was restless.
I recognized i was just sitting and it was ok the day at the lake. I kept waiting for it to change. I had to go to work and that’s the only reason we left after 2 hrs.
I am just soooo fried that finally my restlessness is overpowered by the EXHAUSTION.
Which i’m trying to enjoy, the ability to relax. Esp in the mornings…i can actually go back to sleep like a normal person now!! The problem is i dont go walk anymore (in the a.m.) and that’s the only exercise i get. Now, TRUE, this winter and spring I was frenetically walking 2x a day, out in the winter storms if need be, and always in the frigid, arctic cold. It wasnt good, but I needed to do it. It helped even. But it was also good for my health to do it.
Now I am just trying to tell myself the relaxation is better for my health, my adrenal health at the very least, and that I not feel guilt. But you know me–guilt is my motivating factor for just about anything in my life 🙁
so its not a good place to be in right now.
its causing my depression i think. this relaxation lol and the inability to lose an ounce for the last 2.5 mos.
can you believe it? i am something else!