Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
L,
It may be helpful for you to be able to say to yourself “I’m being silly” even though it feels very very real. Even though your feelings are strong. you have to still be there for you kids.
And there are a lot of little things that are going to be hard. And recognizing the struggle you are having give you a perspective. It gives you a chance to recognize and validate your own feelings of frustration.
Like having to walk all over again after a crippling accident.
It is hard. And you will pull through.
There was a great horsemanship teacher who taught that when you need to relax your whole body, it helps to look ahead using your peripheral vision your “soft eyes”. It takes some practice, but it does work. On a horse or in a desk chair.
Broaden your vision.
Pull up on the throttle and get up above the turbulence. Pretend you are a pilot in an airplane and instead of flying through this storm, you’re going to take some altitude and get above it.
Make a ritual for releasing the frustrations. Perform the ritual when you need it.
Analogies, rituals, poetry, music, anything that takes you off the spot where you want to answer him. The hardest part is not unleashing all of what you think and feel.
It is compelling.
But it will only buy you more trouble.
Have you tried writing him a letter with all of you feelings and then putting it aside, tearing it up? It worked for me. And I wrote hundreds of them. Over months.
And they all ended up asking the question for which there is only one answer: because it was all a lie.
The toughest part was living with that.
It doesn’t feel good.
But that is the way it is.
And accepting it was really, really hard.
I tried a thousand ways not to.
Until I just wore out.
It takes time.
Give yourself that.
IF NC is too hard then wake up everyday and promise yourself I won’t respond today. And do it over and over.
Wouldn’t hurt to change your phone number and email address.
That would cut him off.
Just me
I don’t know what you’re situation is, whether wife or OW, but it doesn’t MATTER to them…
I was the OW. Now he’s divorced. When he thought he had me, he didn’t want me. Now he has gf, so now he “wants” me again.
Funny, eh?
Bastard. That’s what they are, Just me. And with as possessive and jealous as mine has been (couldn’t stand the thought of his wife with someone else NOR me) it gives you an idea as to how CRAZY AND SICK it is all REALLY IS…..those phone calls?
If you’re the wife, prolly the OW. And she’s as FUCKED UP from him as you have been, trust me!! ANd what a rollercoasting MINDFUCK it truly is!!
HANG IN THERE!!!
LL
LL, the easiest way to realize what hurts you most right now is the fantasy of him, not the real him, is this little thought experiment: if you had known all the negative things you now know about him from the start, BEFORE becoming attached to the false image he projected to lure you, you’d have run away from him as fast as possible. The attachment is always to the false image of the psychopath, since very few of us–hopefully none–would like the real him if we had known what he is from the start (cheater, sex addict, liar, fraud, the list goes on).
LL You are at that no turning back point.. How many times before did we take them back to stop the pain? Just like a pill or drug. But the pill wont work anymore, nothing can wash away the truth. Your brain is addicted and craving a drug that you cant give it anymore. Do you want to be his fix? his drug? how long would that high last? 30 minutes? 2 days? forever? No turning back because there is nothing to turn back too.
Silver.
I cut off email address AND phone. I’m not allowed to tell you here how he MIGHT have access to me, but I would put NOTHING past him in finding out. He can do that. I can’t tell you how, but he knows and there isn’t SHIAT that can be done about it.
I can change my phone number a million times and he’ll find out what it is, simply for what he does in the job he does. I am still a client and told that while he cannot find or have access to my files, he is NOT forbidden from all of it.
I cut him off email and IM. What he was responding to was an IM request back in September, which was months ago and on his regular everyday email I know better than that. I’ve not responded to it. I got it today.
Maybe this isn’t a big deal. Maybe I’m making it bigger than it is….but bigger than life is what he has been in my life and I’m trying to minimize his impact on me and my life….
My kids are good, Silver. They’re older. The younger two almost adults now. We talk a lot. They get it. They want to kick his ass, but they get it. They KNOW him and what he does….and how upset it makes me.
They see the difference between my peace (even if depressed ) when he’s gone and the enormous upheaval and drama and triggering when he even remotely contacts me….
It probably isn’t a big deal…………
This just hurts so………it really does………there are areas of my life where I’m making strides……………even when I feel so low….
Please pray for me. I”m so struggling…………I miss him. I want to go back…..I knwo where that comes from, but I can’t go back…and it’s a daily fight to stay emotionally/spiritually alive to handle it all……..
Just please pray for me or send good thoughts if you’re not a prayer person.
LL
Hens
I’m crying as I read your post….
I know that’s true…………..I know it’s true………
GOD HELP ME!!!
LL
Dear It’sjustme – You silly thing you – what is wrong with being passionate? We are all passionate people here. That is one of the things that attracted the passionless empty souls into our life. They see our passion and goodness, and want to bask in our light. Stay the passionate person you are and love yourself with passion….be true to yourself. And you can talk to me anytime.
Lesson:
I’m reading your posts. I remember one where you said you were daddy’s girl, at least for a while. You know what daddy’s girls are, don’t you??
Yep, Daddy’s girls are little princesses. Princesses get rescued, by the Prince! Isn’t that the hook he used? He swooped in and saved you when you were a mess from your marriage??
Truth: He didn’t rescue you. He took advantage and exploited your vulnerability. (He lied. TEN YEARS?!! He didn’t end his marriage, his wife did.)
He was no prince. He was THE TOAD. THE. SHORT. TOAD.
Now… do you think it’s time for the princess to become a QUEEN??? So what would the Rose Queen do when a TOAD tries to invade her castle? (Ignore the toad and go do something fun with her HERO kids??!! Hmmm…..)
Katy
Why?
Why is he doing this to me?
Why is he doing this when he has gf? Why?
Why so STEALTH? Has anyone here experienced this? He makes me feel crazy with as STEALTH as he is……..the mind fucking games……..
OMG he’s so good.
I don’t even think he’s textbook anymore, he’s so good.
Most of the spaths I’ve seen here experienced were OBVIOUS at some point or another………
This one is SO GOOD at what he does.
What am I missing here in what he’s trying to do?> Not even anyone here sees what he’s doing as a big deal and yet I TOTALLY get it…………
Has anyone had a spath that stealth and intelligent, keeping a job, lots of gf’s on the side……..
He makes me feel crazy….and this is why I was so attracted to him in the first place……….
I never suspected. Mine is EXTREMELY covert. Extremly subtle…and then leaves it UP TO ME to lead the way….
He never pursued, all he had to do was PLANT THE SEED and I was off and running……
Maybe it was ME? Maybe I”M crazy?
No one believes me.
I feel completely alone. Even here. Is this what spaths do?
OMG mine is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slick!!!
He is so functional and intelligent………….
I”m screwed.
LL
LL,
I can’t pretend to understand what you are going through right now, but in the 6 weeks I have been NC & found LF you have been such a role model for me.
STAY STRONG LL!
You can get through this!