Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
I so agree with you, EB. Listen and learn.
Have you moved into your new house yet? Haven’t seen much of you lately. I miss you, and especially miss the sillyness of late night at LF. Wish I had my own pc! But I am grateful that I have day-time access.
Fish guts, huh? Can’t I just use miracle grow?
Towanda, LL. Glad you are feeling better.
LL,
the spath is always stealthy.
Mine and Oxy’s sent other spaths to infiltrate our FAMILIES!!
HELLOOOOOO! That is audaciously stealthy and evil.
Don’t be surprised and ANYTHING they do. Always be on guard for the SMELL TEST!
Thanks Sky,
Ox, I’ve been reading your posts, the one to me and those afterward. I don’t wish to assume, but as I reading them, my blood started to boil. I wondered if you believed me to be a spath.
I’m not. That I know for sure.
But I had to ask myself why that makes me so angry and upset.
Usually when things are said that bring up anger, there is something underneath it. I’m willing to address that. I think you are right about playing the victim role. I see that of myself. It is a VERY uncomfortable feeling!!! I HATE it and I understand the perspective. In thinking about it more, I think it’s something I”ve always been. I think it’s self sabotage and other sabotage too. It’s more “comfortable” (even though it’s really not), to play the victim role rather than learn something new. The survivor role.
Your posts kicked my ass. As did Katy’s. It’s deserved, but I needed to hear that I think. It comes from a very deep place and i think it’s important. The scariest things about myself are those that I”ve been afraid to look at. Lately, I feel angry at myself and about what I did in the relationship with spath too. I’m seeing that anger turned inward, going outward. I need to address this with my therapist tomorrow. I don’t want to hurt anyone. My anger and the posts thereafter addressing it, hurt. I had a long talk with my daughter this morning. I flat out asked her if she thought I was a spath. She just laughed. AM I?
No. But I’m certainly angry for sure. I also know that in my relationship with my ex, I was ALWAYS in anxiety/paranoid mode. I reacted to him, the same way I reacted here, as if I WAS reacting to him.
I don’t want to be this way. So it needs to change. I don’t know how to describe how I feel about my reactions. Stupid is one word, but incredibly sad is another.
I think this also comes from years of being in the relationship, trying to tell others what was going on and not being believed. That also comes from my childhood too. So many times I tried to tell someone what was happening to me. My abusers were ALWAYS believed. There is something to this because if I don’t feel validated, I’m completely triggered.
I have a lot to work on. A lot.
Thanks for your post. It gives me a lot to think about and work through, and this is the hard, painful stuff too. The shit I don’t want to look at, but have too now.
LL
Kim
I want to substitute healthy for good and sick for evil. Think of it like this: you are split right now. You have a healthy side that is fighting for your life and you have been doing all the right things in attending to that side of you. It is growing and getting stronger everyday. But you still have that unhealthy part of you that is grappling for your attention. POS just thre it a bone and stirred it up. He fed it, and gave it energy. You didn’t feed it, he did”.but all he had to do was throw a bone, and now you are doing all the work for him, attending to your unhealthy side. This is one of their best tricks and we fall right in line.
He has you dramatized and traumatized and all he (thinks) he has to do is sit down and wait.
He thinks that because that’s the way it’s been in the past. Always worked before, right?
Now is when you need to pull back the energy from the unhealthy side of you and fight like hell for the healthy side. Attend, attend. attend.
I appreciate this more than you will ever know!!!
Thank you!!!
LL
LL, I did not and do not mean to imply that you are a psychopath, but that does not mean I think you are behaving or have behaved in a healthy manner either. The “drama-rama crisis dejour” is not healthy coping—-wasn’t when you were with him, and isn’t now.
I do think you need to look to fixing yourself which is where we all end up looking—but it IS A PAINFUL PROCESS. I’m still there.
Ox,
Being in relationship with him was CONSTANT vigilance and drama rama for sure.
I noticed the last few days I’ve been having a great deal of trouble with PEACE. THAT is scary.
You’re right, it’s NOT healthy coping. And it is EXACTLY how I reacted to my last relationshit, well, how I’ve reacted all of my life in expectation of DRAMA.
I’m proud of maintaining my NC and I’m willing to learn from these reactions. I’m still reacting even though he’s gone as if he’s still around, but triggered BIG TIME, knowing he’s “there” somewhere.
I’ll get there. I have to believe that.
Thanks again, Ox, for the opportunity to SEE the ugly stuff I need to take care of now and it IS very painful!!!!
LL
Lesson, I am so glad you have a session with your therapist tomorrow. I remember when mine was such a lifesaver, that I knew I’d feel empowered with her help.
One little thing more, which is meant to help your support at home: Ask your therapist what you can do to stop involving your children. They may seem wise but your trauma is trauma done to them. For a parent to turn to kids for emotional help, and then be angry they don’t say the right words, that’s not fair. They are just kids, not with your years of experience. Kids can be comfort b/c they remind us of what truly matters and they are your source for HEALTHY focus, but that’s all they should be held responsible for. Share your happiness and your love with them, not your trauma.
Katy, who is trying to help you see hurtful behavior that you will regret.
Katy,
Thanks for sharing that. And you’re right! I think this also signals to me the value in finding the right kind of support.
I’ve not seen my therapist for two weeks. He was sick last week. I can’t WAIT to go.
I’ll be asking my therapist about that, as well as addressing the reactive/acting out behavior. I’ve been thinking a lot about that this morning. I’m so mad at myself about it. I hate it and SEE it in myself. The breathing stuff isn’t working. I go from 0 to bitch in 1. 5 seconds when triggered. And it’s the littlest of things too that set me off. I do have more moments of peace and I’m not a raging lunatic at home. This is something that troubles me deeply. I don’t like myself much right now, nor the way I’m reacting. I’m so GLAD you and Ox brought this to my attention in such a big way. It is concerning to me. Big time.
THanks Katy. And I know you mean well. Even though it’s painful, I appreciate the honesty and swift kick in the bootie!
LL
Lesson,
BIG objection to you using the B word to Ever refer to yourself. You’ve been through hell. You are going through a process. A B is a woman who doesn’t care about anybody but herself and will walk on others to get what she wants. The definition doesn’t fit you. Angry, traumatized… but NOT a B.