Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
I withdrew my message about hens and am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
Lesson Learned,
I came back to this site a few days ago after a long period away.
I was reading a bit and it appeared to me that you were going through a current crisis concerning N/C.
I also read back a few days and saw that you had a recent crisis with your son. That was something that I thought about replying to because that was something that I could directly relate to. Problems with my son was what brought me here in the first place, a few years ago. And there are only a handful of bloggers that are here (mothers) posting about this. concerning their kids.
I decided against posting because I had been away for so long and I just didn’t have the background to fully understand your current situation. In other words I didn’t have the full story and I didn’t want to offend you in any way by “jumping” right in there.
As I read more about the current N/C situation you were in you getting alot of support. However it did seem to me that you were not embracing that support….Again, I just poped in after a long time away…..So I’m NOT judging, I’m just saying…
I, again am not sure exactly what is going on and what was directed at you and what wasn’t at this point in some of the post.
BUT I do want to say that I have alot of respect for you that you are accepting responsibility for knowing that you were triggered and in melt down mode.
I think that sometimes when we are at our worst it is difficult to see that people are trying to support us. Because we can’t see the forest through the trees. And everything sounds more like criticism to our ears instead of support.
Everyone was trying to rally around and support you but you were unable to embrace that in the moment.
However for most of us it is hard to humble ourselves totally and admit this so readily. When it is still so fresh. (the crisis)
You were able to do this. That is pretty huge!
I think that when we find ourselves in such humble territory is when the healing REALLY begins. Because that is when we start to focus on ourselves and putting the pieces back together again to be a complete and whole person.
Dear Claudia,
I suggest that if you have a RED FLAG FEELING that you hit the “report abusive comment” button or directly e mail DONNA and explain to her your reason for thinking that the person posting may be a troll. I ASSURE YOU THAT SHE WILL TAKE CARE OF THE SITUATION APPROPRIATELY.
NO ONE WANTS THIS SITE TO BE PEACEFUL ANY MORE THAN DONNA DOES. And that includes me. LOL
I came here after being on an MSN “victim” site owned by Sam Vaknin that was in itself ABUSIVE and the moderators were abusive. I was in the “fetal position on the floor sucking my thumb stage” of pain at the time I found that site and started to read and blog, but then got ATTACKED on and off the blog by the “moderators” and was DEVASTATED by their personal attacks. I found LF at the time and moved my grief over here and was SO GLAD to be here, but still was SOOOOOO RAW, and there was some Borderline Personality Disordered Troll /faux-victim here who FLAMED me and another poster named Aloha and just CRUSHED ME—I actually was going to quit posting here because I thought I had UNINTENTIONALLY “offended” a victim and hurt them the way I had been hurt on the other site. Donna Emailed me and Aloha (who had also been attacked) privately and asked us not to leave and we have stayed.
As I healed and recognized my own strengths, I realized that these people (trolls) on line can only hurt us as much a s we ALLOW it to hurt us. They can however and do STIR UP trouble and pain for those people who are STILL SO RAW. I am no longer raw and vulnerable to on-line insults from passing trolls or even people who have been here a long time and I have developed a “cyber relationship” with here on LF. So when people say snarky things to me on line it doesn’t “get to me” and more or less pours off my back like water off a duck’s back.
Earlier in my journey of healing, I realized I had not set appropriate boundaries for a lot of people who were in my life, and was “walking on egg shells” trying to NOT UPSET ANYONE, BECAUSE IF SOMEONE BECAME UPSET WITH ME, IT WAS MY FAULT (insert feeling of GUILT HERE!) LOL As I came to the realization that other people’s feelinGs are NOT my responsibility, and that it is OK to set a reasonable boundary, and that I also must be prepared for the loss of the relationship if the person is not respectful of that boundary….and I don’t have to feel guilty over setting this boundary, or over them becoming angry about it.
Like, and I kid you not. One of the first boundaries I had to set for a “friend” was YOU WILL NOT STEAL FROM ME ANY MORE.
Yep, let me repeat that you you won’t think it is a typo. “You are not allowed to STEAL from me again.” LOL ROTFLMAO I was actually TEARFUL over setting that boundary and making it stick. Afraid I would HURT HER FEELINGS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I cried for two days when I caught her STEALING again. It took me two weeks to get the courage to tell her she had to leave here. She was actually living here on my farm in her and her husband’s motor home, using my facilities, and acting like she owned the place, refusing to clean up her own trash etc. and STEALING stuff from me, and had STOLEN STUFF in the past before I had let her and her husband move back here AGAIN.
So talk about a PUSH OVER, and a PATSY, I was a big one. I took on the responsibility for everyone’s happiness and if the world wasn’t happy it was MY FAULT. I should make them happy or I was a bad person and should feel guilty. WRONG!!!!!
So, as long as I try to treat others with respect and honesty and kindness their happiness is not my responsibility in any way shape or form. If I offend someone here it is, I know, UN-intentional, and if someone says to me (and sometimes they do) “you offended me.” I reply and I sincerely mean it, “I had NO INTENTION to offend you.” Most people here that have been here a while know me well enough to know I am kind of blunt sometimes, but they also know I have NO INTENTION of offending anyone. I am an “opinionated old biddy” and I admit that, but I am also a very tolerant one as well and not too quick to judge others’ intentions, and I am willing to let others have an opinion different than my own (even if I think I am right! LOL What’s that old joke I tell my son? “you’re entitled to your opinion, even if it’s wrong?” ROTFLMAO)
Anyway, glad you are here Claudia and just keep in mind that RED FLAGS are sometimes just that, red flags but don’t mean much, but they CAN BE indicators of a PREDATOR IN THE AREA. Keep your P-dar working! It will protect you! (((hugs)))
LL, I think you are describing PTSD symptoms.
You might get something out of googling trauma bonds, like I did this morning. Some good stuff there.
I can relate to the feeling that he is lurking. Mine had an uncanny sense of knowing everything I did, where I went and who I was with…but I never saw him staulking or anything.
If he ran into anybody I knew, he had a way of extracting information from them. He often told me nasty things they’d said about me. Once I caught on to this I would ask them, in his company if they had said that. Most of the time they were shocked and said no.
I also relate to the idea that you know he will make contact, and fear it. I went through that over and over.
I wasn’t really afraid of him, I was more afraid that I would cave and take him back.
One time I took him back out of complete exhaustion. I just couldn’t fight it anymore. He wouldn’t leave me alone and every time it triggered me and It took enormous amounts of energy.
Oxy, Thank you for your input. I’ve considered you a big support since 2007, when I left the psychopath. You are like the mother-protector of this website: warm and wise. I also remember Aloha and Stargazer helped me alot, from years back.
ClaudiaMoscovici”
I support your healing but you apply a broad brush where you know not. Hens is WONDERFUL, empathetic and trying to provide LL a direction to release her pain.
You have lost me. Hens is a valid poster as you would know if you read this blog. You attack a treasure and I BEG Hens if he reads your post to know that NOBODY else thinks as you do about Hens.
I will never read your posts again.
ps I did think something fishy in your need to print the words to an Eminem song that none of us clicked to listen.
Katy, I’m sorry that I said that about Hens if I was wrong. I am just very much on my guard because of the daily harassment I still receive. In fact, if anyone has any helpful legal advice for how to file a restraining order against someone based on email threats and harassment (from different email addresses) please let me know.
Hens,
If you’ve read ClaudiaMoscovici posts, please ignore. She’s attacking b/c of her spath, and not seeing your motivations at all.
You may be here for company but you are my comfort. I need you. Please don’t withdraw. I simply could not stand the loss of you.
-Katy
Claudia, Hens has been here a long time and we know him to be a good and loving guy. You have misjudged him! He really is what he says he is.
I think he may have triggered you because he sounded like your Spath, but I know he didn’t mean to.
We love and honor Henry.
Katy, if I printed the Eminem song it’s because the psychopath sends me regularly by email songs that are misogynistic and are about vengeance or violence against women. I am particularly attuned to this mode of harassment. I would hope, Hens and Katy, that you’ll accept my sincere apology.