Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Claudia,
Ya know…..I really don’t know what to think about that. I’ve learned more here from this site and from reading, than I have anywhere else. I understood what personality disorders were insofar as Narcissism, Cluster B’s, but I knew nothing of sociopaths and psychopaths. I”d heard the labels but associated it with VIOLENT behavior. Narcissist was the only understanding that I had. While my spath fit that profile for sure, there was so much more and it was the predatory aspect. Without remorse or guilt, without conscience. I didn’t know that stuff in depth until I came here. I guess I can’t “blame” society itself, psychology in particular, for not having a grip on this particular personality disorder, let alone narcissism, because I didn’t really FULLY understand it either like I do now, but now that i”m aware of it…well, trying to explain it is difficult without sounding like I’m nuts. The therapist I have now, while well versed about personality disorders, doesn’t want to apply labels to anyone because it’s such a broad spectrum. That bothered me and we agreed to disagree and I understood his perspective, but that’s kinda where things get murky for me. So I guess for me the question remains: Does it MATTER if they know about personality disorders? OR just that they understand abusive, toxic behavior and the trauma it leaves behind? Don’t they all have the same end result for the victims of such trying to find healing? This is where I don’t want to say “Um, you don’t know about personality disorders, but you’ve worked with those who were victims of abuse and/or those who were abusive?”
Hens: You were lucky to get that psychiatrist! Sounds like a situation similar to mine though. They split for greener pastures lol! Oh well…..I DO have insurance, so I’m very thankful for that, BUT, it is state backed insurance, so……getting a really good therapist is going to be super tough. Seems as though the good ones move on….I had that happen to me once before awhile back. The new therapist I got, I stayed with for a long time, she was good too, but it got to the point where I knew it wasn’t right anymore because I felt that she wasn’t “getting” the impact of my experience and at the time, I couldn’t define it…
Well, now that I can…how do I approach it?
I do know there is some great advice and therapy here, but I need the face to face hard core stuff. 🙂
It’s disappointing to know I”m going to have to go through this process again. I just hope I can get “lucky” again, but there is no way I can go without therapy.
LL
Claudia,
Aloha is working on her therapist license and masters degree she doesn’t have it yet, but she does work with adolescent girls in a shelter type environment. A lot of these girls are actually BPDs as well as abused kids, so she’s got her job cut out for her, but they couldn’t have a better person to work with them than Aloha. She has been down the track as well as is learning it from a professional angle as well.
The thing I think we all need to understand is that we need to keep on learning, broaden our perspectives and get real. Learn to set those boundaries and be comfortable with doing so.
LL and Henry, I think it does matter a lot if therapists know about personality disorders: if anything because then they encourage us not to have any further contact ever again with the psychopaths (not even friendship); help us see why that person behaved in such an underhanded and deceptive manner even to the people who loved them, and then help us recover on our own as opposed to working on the pathological relationship. I think that’s why Henry’s first therapist, who knew about personality disorders, was far more helpful to him than the one who was simply a good listener.
LL I am like you I didnt know chit about ‘ personality disordered’ peeps in my life.. The first step I made in understanding was reading “Meaning from Madness’ by Richard Skerritt…just a thot…
Hens,
I’ve got that book and have a read it. My stack is getting rather tall now. I had that book PRIOR to learning about sociopaths HERE. I KNEW about narcissists…but nothing to this degree. I’ve read Dr. Hare’s book and Martha Stouts book too. Both were great. I have the betrayal bond, women who love psychopaths, and (yes I admit it) I bought Sam Vaknin’s book too prior to finding this site with all the other reads. I have several more I’d like to purchase, and/or read, but I want to check and see if they have them at the college library first. It’s cheaper than buying them.
Hens, didn’t Richard Skerritt have a blog or was apart of a chat site? Maybe the MSN Narc chat site? I can’t remember now…
LL
i dont know – seems like he does – i will go check it out and let ya know…I know he lived with a socipath wife for like 26 years?
Claudia,
I’ll get more advice from my therapist next week about this, but I’m going to start looking tomorrow. I want to be on the stick so I’m not missing a week or two in between losing this one. I was actually quite surprised that he couldn’t RECOMMEND anyone HE KNEW that was familiar with personality disorders and those affected by them. It is a little disappointing. I just don’t want to give up yet. I’ll be praying about it too, it’s just that important to me. There is a Christian run organization close by that has therapists, one or two, who deal with trauma victims and personality disorders (I checked on it), but I have a problem with the place because 1. They will have absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone who was/is a juvenile sex offender. Because my son is recovered, that concerns me. It’s an integral part of some of the traumas I’ve had in the last five years. 2. ExPOS gets therapy there (can you say conflict of interest-at least for me?lol), and 3. It’s CHRISTIAN run……ex POS was a Christian and my faith is a bit compromised, although still intact. I prefer to deal with someone who is open to ALL avenues of spiritual enlightenment.
Wow. Seems like I’m asking a lot!
LL
LL
Hens…..
Ohhhhh I thought she was BPD? I can’t remember, it’s been awhile since I’ve read it….thanks tho….
LL
LL, it is asking a lot, but I hope you don’t settle. At the very least you should feel comfortable with your therapist–otherwise you won’t open up–and also choose someone familiar with personality disorders. That’s not asking too much, especially since you or the health insurance will be paying him or her a substantial sum of money (therapy isn’t cheap).
Claudia,
Is it stereotypical to assume that those that work in low income settings would be more likely NOT to understand or have worked with personality disordered people or the victims of such? The reason I ask, is because the guy I have now is a Psychologist. It’s also a low income place, but I see it as a spring board for him. He’s really good so it’s RIGHT that he moves on. I’m happy for him. Having said that, are there MSW or those not in high of academic degree that are knowledgeable? My insurance doesn’t pay out for high level therapists. It’s going to be a low income environment. I don’t want to assume that all therapists that work in this venue are NOT knowledgeable, just that the likelihood might be that there are fewer of them.