Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Kim Frederick I would love to sit on your porch with you, drink some wine, look at the moon and just be – that’s it just be..thank you for today.
Aussiegirl, I understand your point about “runners” and “nonrunners” as far as psychopaths go. It’s a valid distinction. But all psychopaths cause a lot of emotional damage, if not worse. I have not exposed the psychopath I left three years ago in terms of acting against him specifically–although if his cyberstalking continues I will pursue legal action against him as an individual, as many of you suggest. I just tried to inform myself as much as possible and also others (on my blog and, later, in my books) about psychopathy and other personality disorders. My family and I would have been spared a lot of unnecessary suffering had I known about psychopathy. I would have never been lured by “the mask of sanity” or found the pathological lying plausible and compelling. If this information becomes general knowledge, with each of our efforts in our own way, a lot more suffering, not just for individuals but also for entire families, will be spared.
Hens,
I just caught your post and I would like to comment before another good cry and then hopefully a good slumber with my loving wiener….
I like your sister too!
If there was one thing I taught my children that I”m very proud of to this day, is to NEVER show indifference t (okay I didn’t teach about spaths, but well..anyway..) those who are DIFFERENT from you IE: Disabled, gay, bi, purple (except Barney), black white, yellow, you get the picture, as well as teaching them that those that SHOULD AND WILL love you most, are your family, your brothers and sisters (six of them collectively)…THEY are the ones that will be there for you no matter what happens……
So one day, while my daughters were teenagers and still in high school, there was a kid going to school there who had severe cerebral palsy. He was in a wheel chair, could not speak and had an assistant who was with him all throughout the school day….the kids were SO MEAN to him. At lunch, my daughter’s noticed that some little bastards were taunting this child and throwing food at him and his assistant at lunch. What was more disgusting is that staff at the school did NOTHING about this…
But my daughter’s were sickened and appalled by it…so they decided to step in. My youngest is a tough ass. She doesn’t mess around, the other two were a bit more “lady like” than she, so she did all the cover “Throw that again, you little son of a bitch and see what happens to ya, BRING IT”…..ugh…but the other two would sit there and talk with this kid and be cheerful and kind to him and the assistant so they could get through lunch without being bothered. I can’t recall what time of the school year this was, but I know it was early in….and the they all sat there with this kid, every single day (unless he wasn’t there or they were sick or what have you), for the rest of the school year. I was so so so so proud of them. It was one of those pivotal moments for me that showed me that what I was teaching about loving and caring for others was a message they were getting…..
So this story of your sister resonates so well. I see it with my tough ass daughter with her brother when he’s taunted for being gay. Problem is, she’s an adult now and calm as calm can be, but she’s one I wouldn’t want to ruffle feathers with, because when it comes to her family, her brothers in particular, she will not hesitate to kick a little ass now and then.
Thanks for sharing that story. It made my whole night.
LL
It’sjustme
You must change your name soon..I think “it’sme” sound’s so much better, there is nothing ‘just’ about you, and thank you for today..as I said I am at a total loss as to what was said or deleted – not sure if I want to know. thanks and your a very important part of lovefraud, sometimes I wish I could let people know they are going to be ok because if they found lovefraud they are on the right course..
Aussigirl, I should add, since this thread is on the subject of Donna’s book: even though Donna describes how she pursued the “runner” psychopath to bring him to justice and get back her money (she never did get back all of the money, but she did push him into bankruptcy), she also states that once she found out about sociopathy/psychopathy, her main objective became to inform others about this and other personality disorders. That’s why she started lovefraud the blog/forum and wrote Love Fraud the book. From what I understand, now she doesn’t even bother with the particular psychopath who deceived and defrauded her. She’s focused on her primary mission of offering information about personality disorders for as many people as she can. That’s one of my goals as well. One of the ways I do so is by reviewing new books about psychopaths and their victims that have helped others. Many of us were helped a lot, for instance, by the classics–Without Conscience, The Sociopath Next Door–and by newer books like Women Who Love Psychopaths. So if any of you have read (or written) any new books on this subject that I haven’t yet reviewed, please let me know.
Hi Katy and LL,
Katy,
Have not heard from you in a while.
I am doing OK, however, I miss him, miss the dream.
going on with NC and go to bed at night – thinking if my thought even crossed his mind. and then say to myself – maybe this is God’s way of protecting me from pain that would surely come if he entered my life again.
you said – He has been so kind to me, offering to help me fill out forms. All I have to do is tell him what numbers I am missing and he will tell me what number goes in the blanks. Gentle, sweet, caring help. Charlie Sheen may be a god, but my husband is such an angel”
so do you think your husband has changed, becoz they say that Ns and Spaths do not change.
Hi LL,
you sound much better. the pain is still there for me. one big hole in my heart of how I let my defences down, compromised my morals, believed his lies and after all that – I still miss him. we need to keep looking deep into ourselves to find the answer – what was wrong with us that we allowed all this to happen. keep sharing LL, you are a huge help to me.
petite
I think I owe LF and all it’s readers/posters an apology. I am sorry about my suspicious comments about certain posters being possible imposters. I thought about it last night and felt a little ashamed of myself for stirring up drama, and causing doubt in the newbies. The last thing I want to do is cause a newcomer who is traumatized and in pain to doubt themself. I surely don’t want to alienate anyone who neeeds LF, and just me, I am so glad you spoke up, because you made me aware of my mistake.
I thank you all for your tolerance and not boinking me.
I learned a lesson, though.
I have some comments I want to make in response to others here, but it will have to wait. I have company coming and need to tidy up.
Love you all. Sincerly, KF
Kim, Please don’t feel bad. I take full responsibility for my unwarranted suspicions, and especially for my overreaction. Even if I had doubts, since I was not familiar with the members of this group, I could have waited, read and observed before reacting or reacted by asking Donna about this rather than hurting Hen’s feelings. In fact, this thread has made me think a lot about the issue of trust. My marriage recovered fully from the psychopath, but the deepest scar he left in my life is that he changed my personality with respect to being able to trust others. Before meeting him, I used to have an open and trusting personality and my practice was to trust people who seemed “nice” unless they gave me concrete proof of not deserving my trust. Since the psychopath lied so well and hid so many aspects of his life for over a year, I was floored by the degree of deception and mind-games he played with me, my family and his own family. Since then, although I’m still relatively trustful most of the time, I have episodes of extreme hypervigilence and distrust, as I did yesterday. They happen sporadically, if something triggers the bad experience with the psychopath, even if the distrust is unfounded. Have any of you had similar problems trusting others again after discovering the psychopath’s lies and hidden lives?
Dear Claudia, yes, to your question….learning to trust not only OTHERS, but also to learn to trust ourselves to pick the bad guys out from the good guys is another avenue of trust I lost. TRUSTING myself to keep ME SAFE is a big issue.
Kimmie, I think those of us who have been around here a while have seen some of the trolls who came here—came openly as a psychopath, or covertly as a “victim” needing sympathy, then turning on the people trying to be supportive and flaming them…and we now have the “report abusive comment” button which Donna responds to very well.
Sometimes a “self professed victim” will come here out of a “gasoline and fire” relationship where they have been in a relationshit with another disordered or dysfunctional person and they “lost” so pose themselves as a victim. Remember that guy who came here wanting us to help him “write a letter” to the girl who dumped him so he could “control her.” ????? How at first everyone thought “poor guy” but as his story unfolded we started to see that this guy was not the VICTIM, but the ABUSER himself and HE DID NOT GET IT, he really thought he had been victimized because this woman would not answer him when he tried to contact her—and he had bought her things and done things for her and SHE OWED HIM to let him control her. LOL
If that guy was a “put on” he was good at what he did, but I honestly think he BELIEVED himself a victim…but it didn’t take us but a few days to figure out that he was anything except a victim.
Then of course we have the ones who come here openly telling us how mean we are being because “sociopaths have feelings too, you know.” LOL
The ones who come here posing as victims, but who are NOT victims, but faux-victims, pseudo-victims, usually out themselves eventually. I’m not sure if the one that posted the “odd” song was a stalker for Claudia or just someone who posted an unfortunate choice of a “comfort” song—could be either…but the thing is that NOW (and not in times before) I am not triggered by the occasional troll coming here because I am finally at a point where I am NOT THREATENED by them. They cannot reach out and hurt me through the screen. I don’t want them to reach out and be able to hurt others who are more vulnerable either, but I know I can’t do any more about any of it than to hit the “report abusive comment” button or if something appears to need more immediate contact with Donna, I will pick up the phone and call her, or leave a voice mail.
I know that many of us are very “protective” of “our LoveFraud” space here…me too. When I first came here I was VERY vulnerable to “trash talk” and flaming. I’m not now. However, I know others are more vulnerable, that’s part of the healing process.
Our ability to “police” our own space here at LF and to keep the peace here is one reason that LF is as successful as it is. Believe me I have seen the trash talking and flaming and carp that goes on on other “survivor” sites and how bloggers are persecuted….not fun. But that is the reason I am HERE and not there. There is very little of that goes on here and it is quickly resolved by those that are involved…the bad guys are tossed by Donna and the other people kiss and make up. That is how it should be. (((hugs)))) to everyone here! EVERY VOICE is VALUABLE!!!
kim, don’t put all of this on your shoulders!
There are a lot of comments on the thread about the subject,
and you didn’t write all of them!!
There has been drama here before, and there will be
drama here again! Jeez, you and I were right in the middle of some
major problems in the past… and we kind of ignored each other
for about a year, which made me feel bad because I really relate
a lot to what you write, so, anyway, we’re moving on!