Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Oxy, I remember a couple of posters who really stand out in my mind…
RitWo and T… I won’t put their entire names.
And that guy writing the letter to his ex gf, yeah,
somebody called him out on the carpet!
There was definitely DRAMA
Oxy, thank you for your comforting words. Unlike you, I have not yet reached the point of trusting myself to trust those I don’t know well: not only because of the experience with the psychopath’s monumental deception, but also because, like I keep repeating, he continues to harass me, which is quite unnerving. I will continue to think about this subject and write a short post for your consideration, to get your input.
In fact, like many of you, I particularly benefited from reading Women Who Love Psychopaths and Donna’s Love Fraud because they revealed the victims’ perspectives and vulnerabilities. Most other books on the subject are about the psychopaths themselves, not about us: how, why and when they might choose us, why were we vulnerable to their advances, etc. That’s the part of the equation I’d really like to understand better, through introspection, writing, and exchanging ideas with you guys on lovefraud, a community of people with whom I have a lot of experiences and emotions in common.
Chic,
Yea, I remember that guy and it was ME that called him on the carpet about wanting a letter (his words) to “CONTROL HER!!”
I had been suspicious for a while that he was not what he presented himself to be, but he was I think SINCERE. He never did get it about what he was wanting to do, he actually thought (I think) that he had a RIGHT TO CONTROL HER since he had “done things” for her to “help her.” Unfortunately many control freaks think they have a RIGHT TO CONTROL for one reason or another.
I actually believe that my egg donor thinks she has a RIGHT to control me for the benefit of her grandson. (my P son) I really do think she BELIEVES IT! She is willing to LIE to get what she thinks is right and just. I don’t think it is right or just but that’s just my opinion.
Yea, Kimmie, quit pulling a Henry and taking all the guilt and blame over something. You’re gonna make me have to get the skillet out for your guilt trip if you aren’t careful! LOL(((hugs)))
I’ve finally gone to my general practitioner to ask for some anxiolitics so i’ve have had to explain to her why i was anxious and a bit depressed and she has told me i’m obsessed with psychopaths and narcissistic personalities. She has told me it’s partially our fault because some way we look for attention and that it has been a traditionally female problem. She has said that one has to be very firm and not allowing any abuse or sucking of our time and energy by toxic people.
She hasn’t given me any anxiolitics but has asked for another blood analysis because i’ve lost weight. Just probably not more than 3 kilos but they’re very noticeable since i was not fat at all. She sees me very sporadically but has noticed it inmediately. And she has blamed on me for being an obsessive with this subject. At the end i had to laugh because she’s right: i’m obsessed. 🙂
Petitie,
It’s good to see you! I understand missing him, but I find myself dealing with a transition. I don’t miss him in the same way anymore, it’s become about me now, what I did or didn’t do to allow myself to be involved. Some of it wasn’t JUST HIM, it was me too. THOSE are the hard facts that I”m dealing with now. He’s going to do what he’s going to do. I need to work on why I did what I did.
You mentioned that you compromised your morals and let your defenses down. I so get that, but for me there is an underlying layer as to WHY. I think for me now, just saying that isn’t as important as understanding why.
He wasn’t entirely to blame. That’s a hard pill for me to swallow. I had a big revelation last night about my involvement, MY Part in it. I cried a lot. It’s so hard to look so deeply within yourself. I think moving from victim to survivor means taking responsibility for my part. I want to blame HIM because it takes that the focus off of me. But that prevents my healing.
I don’t miss him that way anymore. He’s toxic to me, not just for what he is, and what he’s done,….have you ever heard the cliche “you bring out the worst in me”?
He sure did. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all. Understanding what I did and what I”m responsible for, is almost a relief in a way. It gives me back control I need to have in my own life, puts me in the driver’s seat, rather than sitting on the passenger’s side and letting HIM drive….
But it’s also very painful to see these truths. Petite. But I do recognize that healing isn’t going to happen without it.
Keep up the good work Petitie.
LL
Chic, 🙂
Eva, apparently, so am I. My therapist told me the same thing, but we still focused our sessions almost exclusively on my relationship with the psychopath.
LL, I know this sounds kind of cliche, but You might really benefit from some inner child work.
You are awfully hard on that helpless little kid. Lighten up a bit. Have some compassion for yourself. The shame you talk about you probably don’t deserve. You were a child. Please be gentle with yourself.
I’m glad you found the trauma bonds article and liked it. I went back and re-read it today. Good stuff.
Claudia, this woman is a general practitioner doctor. I’ve gone because i have the sympthons of a slight cold and seems it’s mostly due to the fact that i’m a bit weak emotionally.
So i’ve told her about the two psychos and she has told me it’s a common problem with women to get involved with these men. I’ve told her it’s the second one who is sucking me, the one i haven’t had any relationship with. But she has anyway rather blamed on me for paying too much attention to those social kamikazes. She says that when a man is not honest one has to cut. And that our time is ours and that we should not allow anyone, nobody to exploit or manipulate our time and energy. She says women allowed it and that it’s partly our fault and that are us who have to change that.
Oxy, yes, I remember you were the first to call him out on the carpet!
He just went on and on and on… until you told him to cut it out.
He was trying to control her and the outcome,
never mind that she was a toxic person!
I still have one of his posts in my journal… from the beginning, when he was making sense!