Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Eva, I agree with what your general practitioner is saying. I’ve realized I can’t blame myself for the psychopath being the fraud that he is (to everyone, not just me) but that I have to take responsibility for engaging with him and not reacting in time when I saw his pathological, and often gratuitous, lying to other people (like his wife and parents). Now I recognize such red flags, but sometimes go to the other extreme and suspect honest people of deception or of playing mind games. I also agree with your doctor stating that these frauds target women who crave/enjoy attention and validation. That’s how they initially lure us (before putting us down). Unfortunately for us and fortunately for them, that’s a lot of us:).
That’s what this woman says, Claudia. That it is our responsability to cut a relationship when a man is not honest and startes producing pain. She says i’ll repeat the pattern till i learn to refuse to adopt the victim role.
She has understood inmediately when i’ve mentioned the term integrated psychopath and sociopath and she has said i have to overcome those kind of creatures and that it’s better to be alone than with any toxic person at any level of relationship.
And she has told i’m obsessed and that compulsive obsessive disorder is pathological, too. So you see there’s a hint there… 😀
Eva, she’s so right! I’m quite confident that you’ll find the right person, without any personality disorders. After being burned and learning so much from books and lovefraud, you can identify the danger signs.
She’s a general practitioner not a psychiatrist or Psychologist. Bet she doesn’t know anything about trauma bonds.
I wouldn’t listen to a word she says about relationships with spaths. She’s doing a lot of victim blaming.
Eva,
I agree with Kim. Yes we have to be strong, but it is just as easy for your doctor to be taken in as it is for you or I. (well…not me! 🙂 )
Kim, your article on trauma bonding is so useful
http://www.healing-arts.org/healing_trauma_therapy/traumabonding-traumaticbonds.htm
Eva, I recommend you read it. It describes the fact that WOMEN in almost every culture are vulnerable because of societal expectations. No matter how “good” your upbringing was, you will still be more or less vulnerable.
Kim, I learned that there’s a line between accepting some responsibility for involvement with a psychopath and blaming the victim that shouldn’t be crossed. If the general practitioner blames you, then you’re right, she won’t be very helpful.
I want to learn to entertain myself, to be satisfied with myself, and if happens that I meet a man with those moral values that would increase my happiness, then i’ll take him. If that doesn’t happen i won’t give a damm and will continue living happily with myself.
Yes, Claudia, she, as far as i know, knows what she’s talking about.
I think she has been herself depressed because some relationship. Once, more than a year ago, she made me wait almost an hour because she said she had to go out to have a tea and she was kind of depressed. She was clearly damaged emotionally. Now she’s firm again. I think she speaks by personal experience, not just as a doctor.
Eva, I think a lot of therapists go into the field as a way of understanding their own problems in life. Which, in a way, is a good thing. Psychology can’t be purely objective because knowing the mind is not just a science and because being a therapist requires a lot of empathy.
Claudia, I can’t find the post, but it was up thread a bit and I read it this morning before my company came. It was about your reasons for creating your web-site and staying vocal and visable in spite of spath attacks.
One thing I pinged on in that post was that you said something like “….I think it works better then just letting them get away with what they do.”
None of us ever “Let” a spath do anything. They DO what they DO. They do not have our permission and they don’t need it. There is an implication that they can be controlled, if we can punish them, somehow. They can’t and it’s a self-defeating assumption.
I was caught in a back and forth war with my spath for 7 years and I was definately trauma bonded to him. I was under the false belief that I could change him or at least control him. He acted like an incoragable 6 year old, so why not treat him like one and punish his bad behavior, so he’d grow up.
Only kept me more traumatized and more firmly bound. It was part of the dance we did and was an absolute waste of time and energy, and the adrenaline rush became addictive, and exhausting.
NC for me. It’s the only thing that worked for me.
This constant harrassment by your Spath is not NO CONTACT.
I know I’m being blunt, but I think it could be counter-productive to your recovery.
Claudia, a psychologist who hasn’t lived is worth nothing, according to me. And psychopathy is very tricky for most of them because most of them haven’t experienced the psychological and emotional pain those creatures produce. Many of them haven’t even seen a psychopath or recognized him/her by what they are.
This subject is very tricky, that’s why these type of blogs so well documented are so much helpful.