Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
LL, you sound like such a sweet person! I’m really sorry to hear that you had so much trauma from so many people in your life. You definitely deserve to be treated really well. And Sky, I like your distinction between when disgust and anger are appropriate. I agree anger is a visceral reaction of fight or flight, because it’s so sudden and eruptive.
Claudia,
Well not lately all the time! It’s been rough and I’ve NOT been nice, I’ve been ANGRY!
But becoming enlightened helps loosen the load a little bit.
I feel like my feet are finally on the right path anyway.
I can tell you Claudia that making distinctions with regards to what is appropriate and what is not, that all ties into boundaries is a huge issue for me right now. It’s taking time, but I’m getting it.
I’m really glad to have met you here and your site is very interesting too. It’s nice to have different perspectives with regards to personality disorders, even though there is agreement with the bottom line. It seems like a lot of pioneering work going on about it. That brings the Oregon Trail to mind. Was more than one Pioneer to make it happen in setting in this part of the country. Lots of pioneer cemeteries here too that have the names of those pioneers. Each has a special place in history in carving out the same path. That’s how I like to see this too. I think there will be more pioneers here too.
I appreciate your contributions as well.
LL
LL, It’s understandable that you feel angry given so many toxic people in your life. And yes, psychopathy research is ground-breaking. The modern one, as we know it today, began in the 1940’s on the psychopaths themselves. And the one on their victims, particularly female victims, was done just a few years ago.
Claudia,
I’m learning to PRAY a lot before I open my mouth lol! I prayed a lot last night, praying a lot today. It’s nice because it keeps me at peace. I was able to handle this contact much better this time. I think this is the first really good day I’ve had in a long, long time and I got lots done, visited a friend, made some short term goals for the future (including meeting with the Director of the BSW program here at one of our Universities) for school. All registered for classes. Arranging a therapist for my son and a new one for me. Busy day! I’m finding that keeping busy helps a lot. I think I’m ready to move forward another step now. Just one at a time. It helps with the anger too.
You mentioned the book “Women Who Love Psychopaths”. I thought it was very good. I’m curious as to your opinion of the author? I read her articles too. I think she’s good. Just don’t much care for so much promotions, but I think she’s done some great work in this field.
LL
LL
LL, this means you’re moving on with your life. You sound so much better and more collected than a few days ago. What contact are you speaking of when you say you handled it better? Did the psychopath call you again today? And what is BSW?
I love the book Women Who Love Psychopaths. In fact, I reviewed it on my blog. As far as I know it’s the only one of of its kind: focusing on the female victims, clinical yet for a general audience. Since psychopaths victimize so many women, it’s about time psychologists pay attention to the victims as well.
Claudia,
He sent an IM request with a message inside. I IGNORED it. This is good news because I believe this means my delete and block worked. He can’t see me anymore. I made a decision to IGNORE it and then PRAY about it. I busied myself with something else instead and it really helped. I believe he would like to keep me as a back up, just in case new gf doesn’t work out or attempt another triangulation situation. NO THANK YOU!!!
BSW is Bachelor’s in Social Work. The Social Work/Psych department also has an MSW/LCSW Program. If someone gets a bachelors there, then getting into the masters is a bit easier. I’ll find out more when I land there for the meeting.
I’ll have to read your review. I found the book a great read. I’ve read it twice now. The second time I read it had more of an impact on me than the first. Funny how some books can do that depending on where you are in the healing process.
LL
lesson learned –
“We all have our own issues, issues that temptation plays on and twists our moral compass out of true”but we can repent, make up our minds and change our courses. I think most of us here are in the process of doing just that. Fixing ourselves so that we will not be “lured” or “tempted” by the dishonest.”
LL, I am SO PROUD of you to read/hear you write/say this!!!
THIS is what I mean when I say to you “enough, stop”. It is fantastic to see you reach this point……now (please) STAY here. xxx
“Last night I realized that the ONE thing that is so critical from my background that ties into what happened with my ex is WANTING THEIR APPROVAL!!!! I would have done ANYTHING to get it. There was a BIG huge memory that came up for me that set this off in thinking about why I was so attracted to my ex in the first place….He was KIND to me, at first. I IGNORED all the RED FLAGS, as well as MY OWN BOUNDARIES FOR THAT APPROVAL!!! This has been a pattern for me ALL OF MY LIFE. ”
Sweetheart, this is also the story of my life! I am still working on it. It’s very tricky when you realsie how that approval-seeking has infilitrated EVERY pore of your life, but I’m getting there. We both will.
“How disgusting is THAT? ”
Not disgusting – sad and understandable. Now we just need to turn it around for ourselves. Once we have our own approval, we no longer need to seek it elsewhere.
“I loved these people in my fam SO MUCH, I would have done ANYTHING to get their attention and win their approval because I didn’t have it. …Their rejection of me, added fuel to that fire of wanting/needing to be loved by them, having their approval of me. I never had it, from ANY of them. NONE of them loved me. And that’s the truth. THEY NEVER LOVED ME. And NEITHER ex’s did either. ”
Me too and me neither. Even since I have been put off work ill (11 months now), I have discovered who really cares about me. I actually had a big cry just the other night. I have always been such a good and kind friend to others; I would drop everything and do anything to help them when I could. I cried because (apart from one or two) I don’t understand where they have all gone this past year. Hell, I’m not even contagious!!! LOL.
“This, I think is where the trauma bond was completed and set the course for all my miserable FAILURES in life, my greatest mistakes. It is also a GREAT source of incredible pain for me.”
Oh yes. Same here.
“his abuse was also the abuse I got from my spath fam.”
Well, my family are not spath, but they are certainly dysfunctional. I agree that this is what sets us up so badly.
Never mind LL – we are getting there – and that’s more than we can say for our silly toxic family members and the spaths we have loved, none of whom will acknowledge their wrongs or even try to make amends and/or change themselves. We are streets ahead, despite our pain.
(((((((((( Aussie )))))))
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing that about yourself!! It is such a relief! When that realization hit me last night, I was thinking “YOU ARE SUCH A BAD PERSON!!”. then I just stopped and blogged a little, then I just cried. It really does help to know that someone understands this because it was sooooooooooo hard to admit, even to myself. But it is TRUE! I”m so glad you understand and that helps so much!
I think with each revelation, it helps separate me more from him and the toxic others of my fam, emotionally, from my life. Awareness is SO WEIRD. ONce the awareness happens, it’s like micromanaging my emotions and boundaries. Am I saying/doing this right? UGH! I suspect it will be that way for awhile, I think…
Aussie, I’m so sorry about your friends. I think the discovery is good though? When you’re sick or in crisis you really DO find out who your friends are, but there are also those that DO care, but just can’t deal with it, ya know? Hopefully, you’ll find out what happened to them. If not, you have lots of friends here who care for you. 🙂
Thanks for your kind words and taking the time to share with me!
you helped me so much in feeling like I’m not alone in that revelation. It’s kinda embarrassing to me a bit, I think….
LL
LL, A degree in social work with a MSW/LCSW combo would sound wonderful for you. Especially given you’ve learned so much about personality disorders, based on your experience with toxic people as well as reading books. I hope you do it!
Aussie and LL,
The real bottom line is that we do not have HUNDREDS of “friends’ but can count them on a few fingers…and you know, that’s all that counts is those very very few REAL friends and loved ones. Most people who think they have “tons” of “friends” find out when the chips are down that they KNOW A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO ACT FRIENDLY TO THEIR FACES, but those that will come through in the pinch are RARE and FAR BETWEEN.
Usually they are also those people who have also “been through the mill” a time or two themselves. They appreciate us for what we are. We have BEEN friends to others because we wanted to have people treat us like we treated them…but that is often not a two way street. In the meantime, I am happy for those people in my life that are tried and true and do love me. In the meantime, I am no longer associating with people who are NOT honest and reciprocal in the way they treat me. Just don’t need them around, thanks.