Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Sky,
I read that book MANY TIMES when I was younger. I remember, vaguely, the characters now. It would be an interesting read for the perspective I would have of it now versus what I had of it then. Was it triggering when you read it again as an adult, have you done so?
I DO remember babe’s post and it resonated with me so well because I cannot TELL you how many times my spath said that EXACT SAME THING TO ME OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!!! “You need to be nice to me”, “Why are you always so mean to me, I’ve been nothing but kind to you”, “when will you be nice to me after everything I’ve done for you and you treat me this way?”
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH Makes me want to kick his ass now!!! I can’t BELIEVE I put up with that crap as long as I did.
He slimed me with that shiat CONSTANTLY. Even when I was “Nice” (ie; Doing what he wanted me to do for him, which, coincidentally was NEVER enough), I was told “you need to be nice to me”.
He would say it after sex too. “Why are you so nice to me in bed? Why can’t we be like this out of bed? You need to be NICER to me”.
**sigh**
Can you say TRIGGER? Like a dog, yep.
And I will NEVER allow myself to be treated that way again EVER> Not ever again, Sky.
Yep, heard that crap too, alot! “It’s in the past, that was then this is now, can’t you take a joke?” WTF???
Thanks sky. Really. I hear ya on the anger. All it takes is stuff like this and it’s zoooooooooom….I think I’ll go read my bible here after a bit for awhile and pray…
LL
Oh yes LL,
I remembered the book because Mark was described like a LION.
Cats are the ultimate narcissists and I can’t resist cats. But a LION will mesmerize you with his beauty right before he eats you. ARen’t Lions beautiful? OMG There is nothing more beautiful. They are predators and they lounge around all day until it’s time to hunt. Then the females go out and do all the work. The males mostly just fight other males who try to move in. Good thing because if they didn’t the new Alpha lion would kill the young offspring of the defeated old lion.
Spaths, I hate to say it, are like cats.
My spath bro said, “I wish I was Georgia (my mom’s obese cat) and could just lay around all day with no worries.”
Well, he does anyway. No rent, and get food stamps which he sells. such a tough life! free cable and internet so he can watch porn all day and drink beer. excuse me while I puke.
Sky?
Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Pffffffft on your spathy bro!!!!
I agree and you paint a vivid picture of the lion. I remember soooo many wild kingdom episodes lol! I LOVED that show.
I see that in my mind.
Sky? Need a barf bag?
LL,
you wouldn’t say that if you saw him, He makes women turn red just by looking at them.
He has always been good looking but now, in his older years (46) he can make them sweat just by his animal magnetism.
Its a red flag for spaths. They have a certain something.
Sky,
How funny that you said that. Last love bomb before current gf, didn’t think my spath was that good looking and there was no “animal magnetism” in the slightest, BUT the DIFFERENCE was that she was HEALTHIER than I was at the time I got involved with spath.
She RAN because she felt he was A. coming on too fast, B, arrogant (which he is), C. entitled, D. Almost stupid in his pursuit (he was peacocking, as she put it-calling her and singing songs to her on the phone BLECH!), E. DEMANDING and finally F. His stories were TOO victimy. When the dates (3 nights of going out as he flew spontaneously to her state to do this), she said, “I couldn’t WAIT to drive his ass to the airport (he half heartedly asked her to take him, but then he showed up at her door EXPECTING to be taken), she said she KNEW something was wrong with this man and she said, “I didn’t ask myself whether or not I should even date him, but rather what women would see in him TO date him!” LOL! A defining moment for me.
His oddities and eccentricities, set in stone are apart of his dailly rituals and overreactions to things, particularly physical distress (almost daily) as well as his ongoing tirades about what a bitch his ex wife is.
Yep, animal magnetism there lol!!
I don’t mean to undermine your experience. I have heard of spaths that are EXTREMELY Good looking without those oddities that fly under the radar.
I have no doubt that what you say is the absolute truth Sky.
That certain something you talk about that you say about your spath?
The key to mine was two things. He was SO CALM, SO ARROGANT (aka; UNEMOTIONAL, ENTITLED), I was immediately smitten. I thought he was the next best thing to God. He knew it ALL. There was also something about the way he SAT that showed his stuff, if ya know what I mean, that was EXTREMELY sensual. UGH!!
Now? It’s just nauseating given what the WHOLE picture was.
eeeeewwwww!!!!!!!
Sky, if I’d met him now, I wouldn’t have seen what I saw then.
I stopped seeing that LONG before the relationshit went, well, to shit 🙂
LL
Sky,
You’re so intelligent and remarkably insightful about things. You’ve really contributed a lot to me understanding my background better with the sharing of yours here.
Thank you.
LL
I woke up this morning with a new revelation. A sad one.
I have just learned about trauma bonds, and have been reading as much as I can about them. I have been thinking a lot about them.
I think that I have been triggered by it, because I have felt a little depressed and lonely the last couple of days. Just down, without really thinking why.
I was conditioned to bond through trauma, BY TRAUMA. It is not just that I WAS TRAUMATIZED, but that I seek to be traumatized. OMG, say it isn’t true.
No. It’s true.
LL and Sky, your conversation about approval seeking and shame is so right on. Me too.
The intermittant reinforcement of traumatic bonding is what I’m thinking about.
I have been pretty forth-coming about who I am, here, on this forum. I am alcoholic and a co-dependsant and have been diagnosed with BPD. Before anybody thumbs their nose at me I can tell you that I think a lot of you fit the criteria, too. Ignorance is bliss, however. Oh the bliss of going undiagnosed. Do I sound angry? I am. I’m triggered.
I have read a couple of articles on the dynamics of BPD/Narcissistic relationships…( a lot of Ns here, too, in my opinion.) and understand the (mutual) attraction. I knew I was attracted to narcissists and understood why…but now you through the whole trauma bond thing on top of it and, wow, I don’t know if I can handle the implications.
Here is my revelation. I am even trauma bonded to some of you, here at LF. That is so incredably sad, but I can see it.
I want your approval so badly. Sometimes I get it, and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m ignored and sometimes I’m praised.
LL, I so identify with you, and your story. I have tried to reach out to you, I am attracted to you, but I feel rebuffed by you. Mostly ignored. Now is when I stop seeking crumbs.
Oxy, I so want you to approve of me. You are the nurturing
caring, mother of LF. You seem to like me, and respond to me most of the time. But then, later you are saying some really nasty things about drunks, disparaging AA and placing female BPD’s on the spath scale.
WTF? Still trauma bonding.
This is a very blunt, honest, triggered post.
I understand if you all take it like a BPD drama expedition. It’s okay.
I just hurt right now….and the trauma bond thing is overwhelming.
Sorry.
Kim, I’m sorry to read you feel so sad today and hope you’ll feel better. It’s a cliche, but the important thing is to accept yourself rather than craving others’ acceptance. We all want to be well-liked and to belong to various communities: that’s only human. But, ultimately, the main approval and sense of who you are has to come from yourself. Because otherwise your moods will oscillate depending upon how you perceive others view you and you will often feel hurt. Sometimes you may not even be right about the perceived disapproval, especially in an internet forum, where you can’t hear or watch people’s reactions and everything is expressed only with words.
Thanks, Claudia.
I feel a little bad about my post. I hope I don’t offend or alienate anybody.
This trauma bonding thing is amazing.
My x spath continuiously abandoned me at my lowest points. It was absolutely awful. The laying in the fetal position on the floor, kind of awful. He did it over and over, and I took him back. Trauma bond.
I knew it was killing me, but I felt powerless to do anything about it….Everytime he left me, he made me more bonded. God, that really sucks.
I feel damaged and I don’t think I can have a normal relationship. I don’t even try.
I am just so sad right now.
Kim, your ex did that because psychopaths are sadists and get a rush out of causing, and seeing, other people’s pain. The drama they generate also diverts them from their inner emptiness and boredom, which is what I want to write about today.
But I don’t quite understand how such cruelty would make you even more bonded to him. I realize this happens a lot, since I’ve read about it in articles and on this blog: it’s called “Stockholm Syndrome”.