Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Star,
I’m really glad you’re going and I think that’s the RIGHT decision if YOU feel it’s the right decision.
FIVE YEARS in psychoanalysis? um, noooo……I want to LIVE life. I’m not fifty yet there, chica, but I’ll tell ya, if an opportunity such as yours with what you enjoy presents itself I AM GONNNNNNE!!!!
Star, this could be worth more than five years of psychoanalysis! You can deal with your age issue ON THIS TRIP, FACE TO FACE. I think it’ll turn out great!! Believe in YOURSELF and those young thangs will have a little competition 🙂 I don’t know how long the trip is going to be, I guess I missed that part, but what really matters is what’s INSIDE of you, YOU as a person. Use your WISDOM to observe in a way that provides a great contribution to the younger set. And well, geez Star, ya just never know what might happen THIS time!
I’m really excited for you! Yep, better therapy than psychoanalysis!
I hope you have a BLAST….
EB? NIPPLE piercing? OUCH!!! Although I think Janet Jackson said that when she got hers it was “erotic” Lovely.
I’m thinking about a tongue pierce. ALL the kids have them, and I watched it done (hilarious), so….hmmmm…..
Can’t WAIT to see if you do it!
LL
Claudia,
Good for you! I look forward to seeing you again. I enjoy your sharing of your perspectives given that our psychopaths seem somewhat similar as are our involvement with them.
Have fun!
LL
Hi Skylar, i’ve read the link. Thanks for sending it, i’ve found it interesting.
Yes, i know you’re right, the bottom of the problem is the education that women have received. This woman doctor was trying to explain that to me, about trauma bonds and so but i told her i’m not exactly the type of woman that endures abuse, however something is not completely healthy in me, i think, since i was vulnerable to the seducer type of man.
Then she blamed on me 😀 and said a man has to be honest and good and a MAN, not a seducer.
(((Kim)))
Ain’t it great that we are here helping each other move forward in these HUGE revelations? It was your link about trauma that got LL and I talking about our shame and our trauma bonds.
So before I go further, I want to tell you that I’ve always admired you from the very first time you told me about your research into literature and mythology. I can see that you have an amazing ability to perceive and I think that’s why your research bears so much fruit. Plus it makes you really fun to hang around with because you have great insight, which is a component of your hilarious sense of humor.
I have mentioned before that I have a strange and strained relationship with my BF. I knew that he had all kinds of issues because he doesn’t hide them. He appears very eccentric to other people. That’s why I picked him. I want to have everything on the table, not hidden like it was with the exP. My BF doesn’t make me ecstatically happy the way the trauma bond with exP did. In fact he said he doesn’t love me – I’m ok with that. He definitely has fear of intimacy. My understanding of trauma bonding has helped me make sense of why he doesn’t think he loves me. He is USED to trauma bonding and I refuse to provide that for him. He has tried to do it to me by doing the whipsaw behavior love/hate rinse and repeat. I don’t bite. I just do gray rock.
I could, at any time, create that drama for him. I could trauma bond him by being like the women in all his past relationshits have been: CRAZY. Well, of course they were crazy, he picks the crazy ones and then he proceeds to drive them crazier by his own crazy behavior. I just refuse to participate and it takes the wind out of his crazy sails. Unfortunately, this is the only way he has ever experienced relationshits and I think he sees me as boring. Oh well, not my problem.
You might ask, “skylar, why didn’t you pick a normal guy?”
This guy has everything I need right now. It is in watching his behavior and my interplay with it, that I’m learning so much about myself. Besides, I’m not normal either. What would I have in common with a normal guy? I’m in the middle of uncovering the layers of abuse from my previous 2 lives (parents and exP). A normal guy would run away, but my BF gets it because he has lived it. I do wish he was more open to changing himself and some of his unhealthy thought processes, but I can’t force him, I can only do for myself.
You said, you need approval from LF members. It’s very gratifying to get approval for posts. I always get a warm fuzzy feeling when someone “gets” what I said. But there have been times when I was attacked and no one stood up for me. Do you remember NottheCrazee1? Her very FIRST POST was an ATTACK on me. No one said a thing to her and she continued posting like it never happened. I continued suspecting her because every single post she made was !!!!!SO EXCITING!!!! lotsof !!!!! on every sentence!!!! OMG!!!! so much DRAMA!!!!!!
No one else noticed this. also no one else noticed that she had nothing new to say. She simply repeated (mirrored) whoever she was talking to. Can we say RED FLAGS? No one noticed, and she was never taken to task for her venomous attack on me. But when Henry got attacked by Claudia, the troops came out in full force. Why? I thought about it. It must have something to do with how I’m perceived. I guess people think I can take care of myself. I usually show lots of backbone. I only sometimes show my needy side. So Kim, if people don’t offer you a lot of hand-holding, hugging and kissing, it’s because you come across as very together, intellectual and knowledgable. I guess we forget that all kinds of people have been trauma bonded, not just the ones that are currently in a fetal position on the floor.
Anyway, I know that my and your experience with love and relationshits have been full of drama. And they were so exciting and made us feel alive. Resolve to find the other kind of relationship. The kind where your emotions are not so extreme. You have so much to offer. Your intellect and knowledge are better things to share and bond with, than trauma. It is really amazing how the spaths know that a sure fire way to get extreme love emotions out of us is to swing the pendulum the other way. It gets that emotional momentum going and it’s as exciting as any roller coaster. But I want to get off because that roller coaster makes me nauseous now.
Sky
“No one noticed, and she was never taken to task for her venomous attack on me. But when Henry got attacked by Claudia, the troops came out in full force. Why? I thought about it. It must have something to do with how I’m perceived. I guess people think I can take care of myself. I usually show lots of backbone. I only sometimes show my needy side. So Kim, if people don’t offer you a lot of hand-holding, hugging and kissing, it’s because you come across as very together, intellectual and knowledgable. I guess we forget that all kinds of people have been trauma bonded, not just the ones that are currently in a fetal position on the floor.”
Or even a little in between Sky!
Wow, Sky. What an incredibly insightful post! You NEVER CEASE to give me something to chew on!!!
I hadn’t thought of it that way. But I think you’re right!!!
I see all kinds of things here as times passes. It’s teaching me a lot about myself too, how I perceive things and sometimes, it isn’t all off the wall either.
You’re amazing sky.
LL
Skylar, I think you’re probably right about your hypothesis: people tend to reach out more to those who seem to need it most, especially if they’re in a dire situation and they require immediate emotional support. You seem to be very collected. And you’re so right, that even people who don’t express themselves emotionally still need acceptance and support. You have mine.
But I’d like to add that there is a difference in the comparison you draw because that woman apparently WAS attacking you, whereas I WASN’T really attacking Henry–or certainly wouldn’t have, had I known “hens” was him. Once everyone jumped to his defense and explained to me who he was, I realized I was attacking the wrong person.
That particular day I was on the alert since several people mentioned suspicious characters trolling this site, I had already been sensitized by the comment of “Sympathy for Sociopaths,” and, given the behavior of my psycho-stalker and his unwelcome emails to me, my alarm signals rang against the wrong person.
If I had known it was Henry, I definitely wouldn’t have said anything negative about him because I wouldn’t have had anything negative to say. In fact, I remembered Henry from three years ago and formed a very positive impression of him.
Of course, this is just a tangent, since your main point is how lovefraud members reacted to the attacks the moment they happened, whether they turned out to be real attacks or complete misunderstandings in the end.
Sky
This brings to mind something else I’ve been thinking about. This pertains to my wanting approval and what all of that means. This board is a great place to exercise all of that stuff. I think here, as well as in other areas of all of our lives, we will run into people we DON’T like. Not that their necessarily toxic, per se, but just not connecting with someone. That’s okay too. I can learn from them, but I may still not feel a connection. Some are overbearing, others are right on the money, others annoy me, others put a big smile on m my face, others have great wisdom and knowledge that I learn A LOT from, others help provide invaluable insights…..no one is the same. I think there are narcissistic qualities to everyone. I may not like someone and they may not like me, but that doesn’t mean that person is personality disordered or anything else. We can agree to disagree! How’s THAT for being enlightened. I also think that there is some truth to the “clique” crowd, but that is wherever you go. I tend to enjoy connections with people, but I’m finding that it’s fewer than it use to be. Others I prefer to take an observers stance and see if I learn from them. It doesn’t mean I will avoid those I don’t like altogether when they AREN”T toxic, but I’m not going to go out of my way anymore either to suck up to someone for their approval.
That’s a great lesson to learn, ANYWHERE. There are some here that I don’t connect with. That’s ok. There are some here that don’t connect with me, that’s okay too.
It’s teaching me that the only approval I really need to have is of myself and if there are connections outside of that, great, if not great!
That’s my big enlightenment today after seeing your post.
Your contributions are those that I feel I really relate to and have provided some invaluable insights into my background and myself. I really appreciate it and you Sky.
LL
Claudia,
I know all of that has passed now, but I understand why you would have thought that way. It doesn’t change my opinion of Hens and it doesn’t change my opinion of you either.
It’s an opportunity for growth though. I experienced this too the last few weeks. I am aware of it and as to why and with that comes great peace and a better reflection and much more patience before I react to something. I think it’s okay to disagree, but with respect for others, even if you’re not necessarily feeling connected.
It’s something our spaths never gave us. Respect for our opinions or thoughts. Those weren’t allowed. I have a feeling that you and I are not the only ones who have overreacted in the present, past and definitely not in the future. When we come out of these relationshits we are a MESS and there isn’t one person here that can say they weren’t lol! That’s just how it is.
But hopefully, I’m going to continue to learn and grow here. Learn to respect, have boundaries and to give the same.
But most of all, just accepting and loving me for me and letting go of all the rest …..and when viewed from that perspective of self compassion, it really gives my mind A LOT of peace. A lot.
LL
LL, I agree with you. Self-respect, neither too much nor too little–meaning without narcissism–is the best way to go:). It makes us less dependent on the opinions of others without making us be too full of ourselves. In fact, that’s the attitude that set me free from the psychopath. Ultimately, I didn’t depend on his excessive flattery and I certainly didn’t need him putting me down unfairly either, the way he eventually does all of the women he gets tired of.
Claudia,
EXACTLY! I’m so glad you understand where I’m coming from!
I, however, went way too far in my dependence upon my spath and put up with way too much mistreatment. I hope as the fog continues to lift, I’ll continue to see more of what he was. It goes WAY WAY back. I wish I could say, from my perspective, that his treatment of me, both with flattery and with mistreatment was not extremely excessive. It was. And I allowed that for ten long years.
LL