Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
skylar
Thanks LL, you are sweet and you always inspire me with your work on yourself.
Claudia, I know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
What happened to me was that a very strange poster came on and said things that nobody could understand. It was gibberish but she sounded like she was in emotional pain. She posted twice, so I finally replied to her that she should slow down with her thoughts, type slowly and go back over her grammatical structure, so that we could understand and help her.
BOOM! The attack from crazee1 came out of left field. I was told that my words were the words of a spath because I was correcting someone’s grammar when they were so obviously in pain. It finished with something like, “End of discussion, I’m not even going to listen to anything you have to say about it.” whoah! My spath said those words to me so many times. But you know what, she posted on here for several months and received hugs and encouragement from everyone. WTF? No one else noticed that by coincidence both of these posters (the word salad poster and crazee1) came on to LF for the first time on that day. All those RED FLAGS and no one noticed. In a group that is supposed to be hypervigilent about spaths, that is really disheartening.
It made me understand that the dynamics in this group are not all that different from anywhere else. I’m not really anymore safe here. So I take the good (and there is so much of it) and leave the rest – unless there’s a lesson to be learned.
Claudia
Skylar, for what it’s worth, I really like the way you think and express yourself. And, like you, I’m usually not emotional when I write notes either. I tend to analyze emotions. With the main exception being my anger and profound dislike of the psychopath. That’s what makes me snap.
I say if someone is acting suspicious or nasty here we stand up for ourselves and call them out. Like I was called out about Henry, even though I certainly didn’t mean to be insulting him.
lesson learned
Sky,
Yep. I totally agree with you. I thought Claudia was attacked rather unfairly as well. People DO react to drama. No matter from where it comes, but I think there is another lesson to learn here too. When reprimanding someone, it doesn’t need to be an attack.
My spath was fabulous at You’re WRONG WRONG WRONG…
I HATE it when someone says that to me, I absolutely HATE it and it’s triggering for me. When I disagree with someone and I catch myself saying, “You’re wrong” (I caught myself once saying that here), I immediately apologized. I think saying that, amongst other things, INVALIDATES the other person. What’s right for me, may not be right for THEM, but it doesn’t mean it’s “wrong”…there’s a broad spectrum…..UGH human behavior, it IS more complex than the black and white simplistic perspectives of spaths.
I’m mindful now too that sometimes typed words don’t convey a message that may be accurate, exception when it’s a direct attack or point of view being expressed. We don’t get the benefit of facial expression or body language. That makes a HUGE difference in the messages that are conveyed on any level.
Self respect and other respect. I’m learning those very basic things all over again. After spathdom, it is an enormously difficult process. I’ve been reacting to him and his slime for ten years. I perceive things that are, at times, VERY inaccurate!
But there’s other things that I think I’m comfortable with. Those are the things I take from here. Just like little gifts given, one at a time 🙂
LL
ElizabethBennett
Oxy-how is nursing in Arkansas? I may be heading back to Missouri to get the compact license. I contacted an attorney today but haven’t heard back from her yet. Typically, the city has shut for Mardi Gras so I may not hear anything until Wednesday. The hospital appears to be blocking my unemployment. They also refused to give me a copy of my last performance evaluation, which was actually good-despite being fired. I need it to apply for VA jobs. They are doing their best to make sure I don’t get a job. I went to get my final check and the HR lady told me that I was eligible for rehire. The lady who fired me said that I wasn’t so now I don’t get a straight answer? I wish I could forget about this for the weekend and workout and chill, but I just can’t. I don’t do well unemployed and I feel like I have to be doing something productive like filling out applications all the time. If I try and relax I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I was in tears on the phone with my dad this morning cuz he had to send me money and I was feeling like a failure and so worthless that I had my ex Marine father in tears on the phone. I am just so sick of all these evil people winning and getting away with their shit all the time. I feel like such a colossal fucking loser and it’s not even my fault. I had no part in doing this. I’m sorry for cursing. I just feel so bad. I just want a job.
Claudia
LL, you’ve been through so much, but I’m confident you’ll reemerge from this better and stronger. From what you write in your posts, you’re on the right track, focusing on a combination of emotional recovery and achievements. Working on emotional issues is crucial. But the degree you mentioned you’re getting–in social work and therapy–will also help you. It will give you an even stronger sense of purpose and direction. You won’t need any psychopath’s approval anymore:).
skylar
Thanks Claudia,
communicating has always been easy for me and also enjoyable. Can you imagine what it was like to be isolated from normal humans for 25 years with only a spath to talk to?
The spath had me on an island, in a cabin in the woods. He surrounded me with neighbors who hated me and infiltrated my family with a trojan spath in an attempt to destroy my relationshit with them. (my family are all Ns and Ps too, but I didn’t know)
Truthfully, I could easily have ended up in an asylum! LOL!
But God helped a lot. Mostly He listened and then laughed at me. God has quite a sense of humor and encouraged me not to take myself and my DRAMA so seriously. As He laughed and I cried, I realized it was senseless to try to convince Him of the seriousness of my situation. He thinks it’s a big joke. I could see that I was the butt of it.
So I figured, if I can’t beat Him, I might as well join Him. So I learned to laugh too. It really helped!
lesson learned
Claudia
Thanks! Yea, I don’t know if the social work degree will work out, but I”m going to pursue it anyway, even if blindly. There may some obstacles that prevent that (money-already thousands in debt with student loans-UGH), and I may have already neared my credit limit for an undergrad degree. I’m still going to go meet with the Director of the BSW/MWS program and see if there is anyway to work around that. I’ve received scholarships before, so ya never know! If that’s the path God puts me on, then doors will open. If not, then I have a better idea what I”m looking at and what to do next.
But for now, it’s off to the doc office and hopefully a nice course of diarrhea inducing antibiotics lol!
Bless your heart, Claudia. Thanks for all your positive input. I truly appreciate it.
LL
Claudia
Sky, I can’t believe you were with the psychopath for 25 years. What hell that must have been! And I definitely can relate to the way these psychopaths alienate you from others and undermine you.
The one I was with did this, but in a subtle and underhanded manner, to his wife. And he was getting ready to do it to me too, since he didn’t want me to meet his parents. I grew very suspicious of that. If a man loves and respects you, he’s more than happy to present his future wife to his own parents.
I realized that he was starting his isolation campaign. If I actually made the error of leaving my wonderful husband for him, he could abuse me more easily, since I wouldn’t have had any allies left. This is exactly how these psychopaths think, strategically–these are Machiavellian strategies of war–when they try to isolate us from others or to set others against us.
After everything you’ve gone through for so long, I’m so impressed at how calm, confident and collected you are. He could have destroyed you. You’re a strong person.
lesson learned
Sky,
LOL, I like that part about God and a sense of humor.
And just to let ya know, you don’t even have to be on an island with a spath, nor to live with him for him to create isolation. His intermittent reward system was pretty effective with me.
LL
lesson learned
Claudia,
I agree with you about Sky too. The more I learn about what she’s been through, the more amazing it all is in the test of what it is in human survival. Amazing.
I’d like to think about the rest of your post, because it resonated with me. Perhaps expound on it a bit further. My spath did that to his wife too, but she divorced him. When he had just me, the abuse escalated. I often wonder if that’s what he’s done to other women all along, lure, catch, abuse. He seems to start the abuse system going from the get go. He doesn’t waste time, but she was isolated, as was I, compartmentalized. Twisting and weaving those webs of LIES the entire way.
LL