Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Ox – NO SANTA – I’m gutted.
Yea, Candy, I am surrrrrre you are gutted! LOL ROTFLMAO I was too when I found out! I was so gutted I had to run and tell every kid in the neighborhood–sheesh I had them all bawling and squalling! LOL
I remember back when I was a teenager and thought I knew everything, and I found out that wars were not fought for “Mom and apple pie and the American way” but were actually fought for greed and power! Sheesh, I was more devastated than I was when I found out Santa wasn’t real! Even The Father of Our Country George Washington was in on the graft…but he excused it by saying that he did good for others too so he deserved the tens of thousands of acres of free land and the “expenses” he got for being general…and then president. LOL Nothing has changed today…the politicians are all still feathering their own nests and bank books and their buddies’ as well.
But the best part I have learned is that There isn’t a damn thing I can do about it except vote and that’s not worth a lot, but I do vote. I just don’t BELIEVE that everyone is “good” any more. I recognize that people do lie and steal and do bad things and have no remorse and all that. I no longer feel responsible for fixing every wrong in the world. And I don’t despair that I can’t fix every wrong in the world. Back when I was a teenager I did despair because I couldn’t fix it. I realize now that the ONLY person I can fix is ME…and I realize that fixing me is a HUGE JOB that isn’t going to be complete in my lifetime even. I’ve only started to scratch the surface of fixing me. In fact, I didn’t even get started until recently, so there’s a lot of fixing to do!
Oxy, thank you for your understanding and encouragement. Yes, keeping on learning about psychopathy and ourselves is so important. We’re sharing a valuable experience that, among other things, can help others avoid getting burned. Because, like you point out, most psychopaths are not in jail, caught and held accountable for their wrongdoings. They’re out there, hurting as many people as they can with immunity.
Dear Claudia,
Interestingly enough, I think the people here at LF are a cut above most groups on various blogs in terms of literacy and intelligence and general education. That was one of the things that attracted me to LF in the first place was the “smarts” in general of the bloggers here. To start with Donna is very well educated and a journalist, Liane is an MD, the other various posters and people who write articles are therapists and in general SHARP COOKIES. This is not a group to which we have to “write down’ to or “dumb down” the posts—they get it.
My writing style is generally pretty “casual” and “earthy” because that is just who I AM…and I have an education and can write and have written formal papers, but on LF I choose to just be ME and to write more in a familiar manner and it seems to resonate with most of the bloggers here who have gotten to “know” me here. I’m an opinionated old biddy sometimes but I do care about people and their feelings and want to reach out to others and hold out a hand in concern and compassion. I also want to impart some blunt truths sometimes…and sometimes I just have to back off and realize that someone doesn’t want to hear what I have to say…and that’s okay too.
I pretty much realize that I have done just about every “dumb” thing or “stoopid” thing that anyone on this blog has done…and probably done it TWICE! So I can relate to what people are going through or how they feel or felt. I have received some great support and validation here at LF and I hope to be able to give back at least a portion of that gift to others. In the end, I think that what we are able to share with others helps pay for the rent on our space on the planet and I think we have an obligation to pay as much rent as we use up space. I think I have got a big rent bill still owing so I want to pay down the debt as much as I can where I am able to.
LL,
I knew Oxy would boink you! Now you have a bump on your head. Let me kiss it better. xxx. 🙂
What you told him, was a good thing because you told him you are happy and over him. And NO, they are NOT lies. You are happier than you ever were with him. That was not happiness, it was delusion and trauma bond. And you ARE over him. You see him for what he is and you’d never take him back. You spoke the truth.
Now that you’ve done that, remember that NC is more painful to them than it is to you. They crave their supply, don’t give him any, torture him with NC. You are getting stronger AND happier each day.
LL and Claudia,
In my last post above, I was telling Claudia about how my perspective has changed and how I can SEE so much that I didn’t SEE before. It’s like this whole other world was happening right before my eyes, but invisible to my intellect. Right at that moment, as I was typing it, a shift happened in my brain. I know that this is a shift I’ve been waiting for and wanting my whole life, I can’t describe it, except that it feels like a very calm happiness/security. I’m trying really hard to hang on to it.
I went back to bed because I’m still sick, but when I got up, that shift was still there. I hope it’s real. It’s not an emotion, so much as a different way of feeling/reacting.
I imagine Claudia, that you are having your own AHA! moment, as you begin to understand the motivations of women who stay in crazy-making relationshits. It’s precisely BECAUSE they make you crazy that you don’t leave. Your perceptions change and you no longer recognize the door.
I think what I’m perceiving now is the pleasure of living in the real world, which seemed so scary before. Now, it isn’t so scary. It just is.
I think I’m rambling now…
Sky, I’m going to answer you here but not post on this thread any more after that, as it is getting so long it won’t load easily on my computer.
I’ve had several “ah ha” moments like that as I made a step toward REALITY and HEALING….and I know what you are trying to say, but I can’t put it into words either, it is a FEELING that defies description almost, at least I can’t find a description except that it is a NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS….things haven’t changed, but my way of SEEING them has. Just like my reading the Bible—the words on the page haven’t changed, but the way I see them has. The meaning I now see in the stories is DIFFERENT…that meaning was always there, I just didn’t see it.
I was trying to LOOK THROUGH a piece of dark glasses, coated in smudge and the glass wavy, now I have taken off those glasses and I can SEE clearly what before I couldn’t even imagine. I’ll see you on another thread somewhere. Pick one. Good for you!!!!!!
Ox Drover, I agree. Like you and others, I was attracted by the fact that lovefraud posts are written by very intelligent, educated people who write clearly and know what they’re talking about. These posts are just as informative to specialists in psychology as they are to a general audience. They offer the best of both worlds. Plus, as you point out, the entire lovefraud community is impressive in the level of education, self-awareness and eloquence of its members. That’s probably why I’ve become a little too addicted to communicating here this past week. I’ll have to exercise some discipline:).
Sky, yes, I understand the mindset of women who stay with abusive psychopaths despite the abuse (or because of it) much better now, thanks to reading lovefraud posts on the subject.
Skylar!!!!
In my last post above, I was telling Claudia about how my perspective has changed and how I can SEE so much that I didn’t SEE before. It’s like this whole other world was happening right before my eyes, but invisible to my intellect. Right at that moment, as I was typing it, a shift happened in my brain. I know that this is a shift I’ve been waiting for and wanting my whole life, I can’t describe it, except that it feels like a very calm happiness/security. I’m trying really hard to hang on to it.
YES YES YES YES YES YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **HIGH FIVE, CONFETTI, BALLOONS!!!!**
That was EXACTLY what I was referring to the other day, isn’t it GREAT?????
You’re not rambling at all, SKy!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!
I TOTALLY GET THE SHIFT!!!!!
It DOES come and go, but ya know what? Once you have the shift, it’s more FREQUENT!!! Eventually, it will be ALL the time!!!! Isn’t that a GREAT feeling???!!!!!
Sky, since I wrote that last night, I had ANOTHER shift too.
And what you’re wrote is right, although I’d not thought of it that way. My tooth is hurting but not as bad as it has (antibiotics) dentist tomorrow and really wanting to get shit DONE now. Today, I’m cleaning my house and ENJOYING what I”m doing. Heck, even a load of laundry is ENJOYABLE. It’s a beautiful day here, the trees and grass look GREENER!!!
The sun is brighter. My mood is lighter!
I feel like I”m being unbound. I’ve been praying in EARNEST for God to help me make that emotional shift to freedom from HIM and HIS STUFF!!!!
I wrote that email with so much resolve! You’re right, I’m happier without him, and even though it’s slow I DO see progress!!!
Celebration time chica!!!
LL
Claudia,
WELL SAID. I AGREE WITH THAT!!!
LL
BTW, SKy?
I knew Ox would boink me on the head. But it’s all kissed and better now. I respect others views.
However, it helped me HUGE!
Ox, I agree with you about the bible. I’ve been reading and reflecting and things are just LEAPING out of the pages for me! I find it ENORMOUSLY enjoyable.
LL