Like us, Claudia Moscovici had her run-in with a psychopath, one that almost destroyed her marriage. Since then, like many of us, she has thoroughly researched this destructive personality disorder. She started a blog called “Psychopathy Awareness,” and wrote two books: a novel called The Seducer, and an upcoming nonfiction book called Dangerous Liaisons.
In her review of my book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Claudia writes, “I didn’t think I could learn much more about the subject, but Donna’s book proved me wrong.”
Read the entire review on Psychopathy Awareness.
Love Fraud is available in the Lovefraud Store.
Dear Me,
I am so sorry that you are suffering so much and have suffered so much in the past. ((((Hugs))))) I am also glad that you have your faith to lean on and I too have that same faith. Keep on leaning on it.
Also, as a retired professional I am also “hearing” CLINICAL DEPRESSION in your posts and I STRONGLY SUGGEST that you be evaluated by a mental health professional for depression and/or PTSD. The symptoms you describe of your deep pain are not something that you can “snap out of” by yourself either. You DO I think need “someone” but not a romantic relationship, but a caring and professional relationship with a good therapist and a mental health professional, and possibly medication.
Please, get some help. You do not have to go through this alone or in such deep pain. LoveFraud is wonderful for some things and a great help for us all but sometimes it is NOT enough help, and some real world professional help is in order. In the meantime, you are NOT alone. God bless and keep you is my prayer. ((((hugs))))
Thank you Oxy : (
I am sore afraid of theripists to tell the truth. My experience as a teen was really tramatic in its self. I think I know you are right though.
I can’t find the drive now. I got mad and stood my ground but then I had to take the time to feel it and it seemed the pain just took over.
I am on lyrica for fibro and tramadole for pain. It’s suppose to work on serintonine and all that also.
I have a huge trust issue and that has prevented me in so many ways. I did go to a counselor just a few years back but well he just didn’t get it.
Please keep encouraging and praying for me? I know you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves… and while I know that’s where I’m at, my brain does want to find the will again. : (
Dear Me,
Sugar, sometimes you might need a different medication and I would suggest you see a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL for an Rx change maybe…not just your family doc. As for therapy, it is PAINFUL, and sometimes it is like lancing a boil, when you cut it open it STINKS and hurts to let the nastiness out but unless you get it out, it is NOT going to heal. Emotional pus is the same way.
Keep on reading here and keep on learning. I keep on working on it every day and that is why I am here at LF after well over 3 years, and why I still order and read books, and why I still work on my own issues and my own life and how I react to it.
When we quit growing, we start to wither. My favorite Bible stories are about King David and how he was a sinful man, but at the same time he learned and repented and grew as a human, and that is what we can do as well. We make mistakes (sin) but if we learn from those mistakes as David did, then there is good comes out of them. The other favorite is the story of Joseph and how he forgave his brothers for their evil ways, but he did not TRUST them until he had TESTED them for all they were worth to see what kind of men they had become. So, reread these old stories and look at them with NEW eyes, and see how they apply to YOUR life and YOUR learning, and YOUR GROWTH. (((hugs)))) and God bless.
I’ve got my Bible now. I admit half of me is numb or uncaring but another part is excited to see how this is going to help me. Thank you so much (Oxy)… I remember both stories well (I believe) and I see what you mean, it will be great to see what I walk away with reading them this time.
I realized a few days ago maybe or even longer, I don’t know anymore… but I realized that I had quit growing. I knew many years that, the phub was trying to kill my hope, belief, will, and he knew to sit on my growing possibilities. I had a take charge and do the job right personality and he was always saying, you CAN’T, it WON’T work, did you think that was smart? It chipped away at the armor I had built, determined to succeed, to excape my disfunctional family. I really didn’t think though he would ever kill it. Damaged, dieing,,, but dead?
I think it’s scarey to look around in myself and not be able to find me anymore.
Thank you for the hug, I need them
I hope to get the courage to see someone very soon
oh, I hate to be stupid, but how do I get an appt with a mental health prof, is that something I do through my family doc? That’s how I did it last time and I got the ‘counsler’ (sp?). I hope I’m making sence. (I’m not even sure how to spell anymore, confusing)
Dear Me,
The COURAGE IS IN THERE, the STRENGTH is IN there. Take the bull by the horns and FIND YOU in there, find your strength and “wrestle with the devil” and break out of the prison of your own self doubts! The only bars that are holding you down are the ones you imagine! So SEE yourself strong and succeeding! SEE the power and strength that is yours. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! I know you can!!! (((hugs)))) WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! and remember, “all things work together for GOOD to those that love the Lord.” That’s a promise and it’s true! ALL THINGS!!!!
I say this crying,,, I forget, and sometimes it doesn’t feel true, those times are the worst.
Oh!! Like jacob? who wrestled with God (I think that may have been over jacobs doubts?) and he did something to jacobs leg… which later it seems I recall was a limp or something that…. saved his life? oh, I should go read that too. Maybe you remember or know what I’m talking about?
Thank you so much Oxy! I am terribly needy and before that runs you off, I want to thank you so much for reaching out to me like this!!
Dear Me,
Sugar, being “needy” is what space we all get in from time to time, that is why humans are “herd” animals, we need each other. We also have to learn to do some things independently too, but there are times we just NEED SOMEONE to validate us. I been there and have been and WILL BE AGAIN! It’s okay! You are not going to run this old woman off! I’ve been here for a while probably as long as anyone here except Liane Leedom and Donna but you know what, I NEED LF just like everyone else here and I stay because of that NEED. I need to keep on growing and I NEED to learn more about myself and how to heal.
That’s what life is all about—and there is nothing to apologize for. I felt SO ALONE before I came here to LF—and the warmth and support I’ve had here has helped me through the worst of the pain and the efforts to figure out what was going on inside myself.
There were times I could hardly get out of bed in the morning, EVEN WITH a double hand full of anti-depression medications. Therapy and medication has helped me, along with love fraud, friends, and just plain old INTROSPECTION. I’ve lived a long time with some BAD habits and ways of doing things, so it will take me a while to get into NEW HABITS and new ways of doing things. Some poor ways of making decisions have become habits and I’ve had to break those and make some new habits and it hasn’t been easy or quick.
I KNOW how to to do better, but it is not always easy to DO better, but I’m working on it. I’m actually making myself do things I know are GOOD that I do NOT want to do. LOL
Just like getting REAL about my dietary habits and how MUCH food I ate and how much SALT was in it—I can keep on making poor choices or I can TAKE CHARGE of my own behavior and do what is RIGHT and GOOD or choose not to do what is right and good, but what is bad and wrong—and I GET THE CONSEQUENCES OF EITHER CHOICE. I can choose to smoke or not to smoke and I get the health consequences either way. So it is up to ME to decide what I am going to do with the life God has given me. I have FREE will to do whatever it is that I choose to do—and my “temptations” are nicotine and carbohydrates instead of booze and drugs so I’m not going to throw any stones at those who make the choices of booze or drugs or sex or whatever their “substance” of choice is—but at the same time, I’m not going to think that they don’t have a CHOICE because they DO—just like I do. Just like you do. So choose LIFE, CHOOSE HAPPINESS! You can DO IT!!! I know you can! (((hugs)))
JustMe,
like Oxy said, needing others is the human condition, it’s normal. There are good people out there who can love you back. Don’t give up on that, but don’t just give yourself away either. Hold back your hooks and your vulnerabilities until you’ve gotten to know someone really well. Even then, I always hold back my hooks, no one needs to know them. They are mine.
You wrote about being a tiger at one time in your life. Me too. When I was a teenager, I let all my anger out and became very entitled. I didn’t let anyone push me around or scare me. I think it was the teenage hormones that did that. Now I’m tired again. I have low thyroid. I think it comes from being around N’s and P’s for so long. It takes its toll on our immune system. Then around age 35, I started taking thyroid medication. It did help but I gained lots of weight immediately. I began to love food a lot, which I never had before. So when I quit the medication I continued with the weight problems and still have it. The only time I lost weight was when I was running from the spath. Fear does that.
So what I’m trying to say, is you should have your hormones checked, especially your thyroid. It’s not going to be a magic bullet, but it could be one of a variety of things that you need to fix. After years of spathdom, we are like broken buildings with burst pipes, cracked windows, crumbling walls, leaky roofs, shoddy electrical and God-forbid, decaying foundations. Everything needs a makeover. Most of the time, that makeover reaches as far back as the foundation, the stuff our parents did to us. If the foundation had been strong, the walls wouldn’t have sagged and cracked and broken the windows etc….
JustMe, I can tell that you are a very sensitive person. Try not to show it to the wolves in sheeps clothing. Take good care of you by eating well, exercising, taking vitamins. I’m going to do the same. I used to do all those things and they are what helped me survive the spath – despite the fact that he was poisoning me. My never ending faith in God was the other thing. As long as I could feel gratitude, I could keep going.
Thank you for asking for help. Your story made me reach down into my psychic bag of goodies to try to help you. I’m much more motivated to helping others than myself and YOU MOTIVATED ME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I NEEDED TO DO FOR ME. That’s God’s voice in my life – and yours.
So, I’m going to get off my ass and go to the vitamin store today, then I’ll go work out. xxxooo
One Joy,
your post inspired me too. You are absolutely right about taking care of my body must come first. Without that, I have nothing. I’ve done it in the past there is no reason not to do it now.
Most of the day I avoid carbs, because they make my blood sugar swing. I eat low carb, but at night I indulge in wine and cheese. BAD BAD BAD habit.
I’m not good with anger. My anger is explosive. It hurts people. That can’t be good. I’ll try for indignation. how’s that? I let a little anger out today and my BF went to bed. He does that when he gets upset. Then I felt bad.