By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I recently bought a book, Violence Risk and Threat Assessment: A Practical Guide for Mental Health and Criminal Justice Professionals, by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D. I actually bought it to give some “credence” to the statistics I put into my letter to the parole board protesting the release on parole of the Trojan Horse-Psychopath that attacked our family,
Of course this book is directed, as the title says, to professionals, and to assess risk of violence. But since we are dealing with psychopaths, it is, I think, a good idea for us to be able also to look at the assessment for possible violence in our own psychopaths when we thwart their desires, or kick them to the curb. We need to answer the questions, “Is my psychopath likely to respond with violence? If so, how?”
Most violent individuals are not violent all the time. In the introduction, the author illustrates that “just because an abnormality (in behavior) ”¦ only shows on occasion, does not mean it has gone away.” (My emphasis.)
A “false negative” is when you decide that your individual will not be violent, and you are wrong. You may pay for this decision with your life. A “false positive” is when you think your individual will be prone to violence, and they are not. Being prepared for violence, even if your individual psychopath does not turn out to be physically violent is, of course, the safest way to play it. If you are going to err, erring on the side of caution is the best course. False positives are less damaging to us than false negatives.
There are also different kinds of “violence.” Not all violence that does damage to us is physical. Psychopaths can become financially violent and deprive us of our income, our estate, and a hundred other violations that we can all imagine.
Contributors to violence
Dr. Meloy uses what he calls a bio-psycho-social model for Violence Risk Assessment to assess an individual’s risk for violence. This consists of the biological aspects, the psychological aspects and the social aspects of the individual in question.
The first, the psychological domain, contains such things as gender, age, past history of violence, frequency of violence, how recent have they been violent, and severity of past violence, paranoia, intelligence, anger, fear problems, and the frequency and intensity of them, as well as control of impulses. Of course, the psychopathy and other attachment problems will weigh in heavily on this.
The second, the social or environmental domain, looks at the family of origin violence, economic instability and poverty, WEAPONS HISTORY, weapon skill, interest and approach behavior, as well as alcohol and or psycho-stimulant use.
The third domain is the biological one. Is there a history of head trauma, or major mental disorder (like untreated bi-polar disorder).
Dr. Meloy also emphasizes that the MOST IMPORTANT factor in his judgment is the history of past violence. The best predictor of future violence is a history of past violence.
Questions to ask yourself in doing your own “risk assessment for violence” in your psychopath are: How “provoked” is your psychopath by losing you? Do they have the paranoid personality disorder, in which they feel “that everyone is out to get them,” with a long memory for imagined slights or wounds from those people “out to get them”? Are they chronically angry, fearful and jealous? Some forms of illegal drugs will also contribute to paranoia, and as the use of drugs and the interest and reliance on weapons goes up, so does the risk of violence. Dr. Maloy mentions the killing of Nichole Brown Simpson, where she was not only killed, but after death her body almost beheaded. He says that drugs, along with the rage, could have easily lowered the threshold for the abandonment rage which probably motivated the killer.
Fear and stalking
Dr. Meloy also goes into the lack of difference between biochemical reactions to both fear and anger. Both cause the same reaction within the body. How intense is the anger response in the person you are evaluating? How does the person handle anger?
Dr. Meloy differentiates between two different kinds of violence by illustrating his text with a story about a cat.
We have all seen a cat, cornered by a dog, with its hackles raised, its tail up, hissing and spitting. That cat is emotionally reacting in a violent way to the fear inside it that it is going to be attacked by the dog. (This is called “affective” or emotional violence in reaction to a perceived threat.) Once the perceived threat is gone, the cat will quickly return to a state of calm. The purpose of this kind of violence is “threat reduction.”
The second type of violence illustrated with another story of a cat is the predatory violence, which is planned and purposeful and goal directed.
The planned and purposeful (or predatory) violence has a minimal or absent autonomic arousal, (which is the hair standing on end, the hissing and spitting etc.). As you observe the cat in predatory violence—such as stalking a mouse or bird—the cat is calm, cool and collected. It is focused on a goal as it stalks the prey. It tries to keep its purpose (violence) hidden and it tries to keep the prey from realizing that it is prey.
The brain chemicals released in each of these states of violence are completely different. The emotionally generated fear induced violence is a defense mechanism. It can still be a threat to anyone who is the perceived enemy, but it quickly subsides once the threat is gone.
With predatory violence, the predator is goal directed to do violence to the prey. They may plot and plan and take quite some time to stalk and corner the prey. The predator may strike without warning. Unlike emotionally (fear) induced violence, predatory violence is not time limited and the stalking may go on for days, weeks, months or years.
Knowing which type of violence your psychopathic adversary is involved with at any given moment can help you assess what your course of action should be. If the Psychopath is showing the “cornered cat” response, for example for being confronted in a lie, your best response is to just “back off” and let them calm down when the perceived threat is removed. If the psychopath is stalking you; emotionally, financially, or physically, they will not be so obvious to spot as the enraged cat. Once you have determined that the person you are dealing with is a psychopath, or likely one, you must assume that the person will engage in predatory violence on some level. The fact that this stalking and predatory violence may be very subtle does not make it any less dangerous.
In the short term, cornering one in a threatening manner (confrontation of any kind) can produce an emotionally violent response or even physical attack, but in the long term, the predatory violence can do more damage to us, body and soul. We need, I think, to assess the state our psychopath is operating in, and learn when to back off with confrontations, and when to prepare ourselves for “out of the blue” attacks when they are in a predatory state.
Muldoon,
“but this time I wont imagine its all over like last time.”
Good. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Muldoon,
If you can bore your X to tears, you might get lucky. He might latch on to a new target. (I know, this sounds evil. It probably is.) Any way, if he’s busy crazy-making with someone else, it will take the heat off.
Strive for boring. It sometimes works.
Elizabeth,
A friend of mine (my age) had a brother and when they would fight her father would make them hold a board between them and press their noses into it so that their eyes were about 3 inches apart for various periods of time. LOL
I think your husband’s idea was great!!! especially if they were teenagers! My how they would hate that! LOL I remember when miine were about 6 & 8, I realized that the younger one who masquaraded as “peter perfect” was inciting the problems and his older (ADHD) brother would hit him and get in trouble. So I decided that I wasn’t going to referee any more and told them that if they got into afight they would both be punished. For six months I thought I would go crazy and one day I heard one of them say, “If you do that again, I am going to hit you and then we will BOTH get into trouble.” ROTFLMAO Oh, I enjoyed those days though! I miss those little kids that kept me busy and pulling my hair out too!
But that is why God gives children to young women, because you have the energy to cope with it! I’m also glad that you have a willing and good partner as well. I did some home schooling back in the days when it was illegal to do so, with my ADHD son (the non-P) and I know how busy that can keep you too. Parenting and caregiving of any kind deserve a break once in a while, I am glad you are taking one.
I’m fortunate that I am retired and dont have to work off the farm, and can limit totally the interactions I want to what I want. Those days that I like my jackasses better than most people I limit my socialization to the jackasses. LOL
Ox Drover,
“So I decided that I wasn’t going to referee any more…”
Smart lady.
My kids were provoking each other in the doctor’s examining room the other day. He hadn’t arrived yet, and experience had taught me we’d be waiting at least 10 minutes. My bladder was full and I was getting cranky. I left to go to the lady’s room. As I walked out I told them “I’m leaving now. Go ahead, work it out. I’ll keep the survivor.” Sure enough, they were both alive, well and in harmony when I returned. My two will argue for the fun of it, and to get me involved in their monkey-shines. Lately I’ve recused myself.
Good for you! Unless there was something VERY dangerous or serious I tried to let them settle their own squabbles. I really love kids the ages of yours, they are my favorite ages! Lots of fun, interesting and learning so much! Those years were some of the best I had with my kiddos. Son C and I have been reviewing some of the memories of those years and the things we did together as a family! Funny the odd things that they remember from those years! Hard to believe my baby is 39!!! Where did the years go?!
Ox-D: Cutting back on the non-essentials — good advice. So much of what people believe is essential is just busywork and distraction. And the taking care of others, without discrimination — that’s a sure path into the clutches of the next S/P, not to mention personal exhaustion along the way.
I believe that as a result of sociopathic behavior on a national level, we’re seeing a tsunami wave of people who are reeling — facing joblessness, homelessness. And everything you mention — mental/emotional stability, immune system, mental clarity for problem-solving in extreme circumstances — all those are and will be present issues for people who don’t even know the concept of “sociopath.”
And the situations are shaping up to be so dire that there aren’t enough soup kitchens and dormitories to handle these people. Not that those are really good solutions, either.
Kathleen Hawk posted a comment that pointed in this direction. We tend to focus on our own personal relationship betrayals, but I think it’s worth noting that those up-close-and-personal S/Ps are just smaller examples of those who have plundered society.
Thanks again for the thoughtful response.
It does seem that there are more and more sociopaths out there doing damage on all scales, small and large. I wonder if the sociopaths have multiplied (because they procreate so thoughtlessley), or, with ever increasing technology and communication, there are just more venues for them to wreak havoc with their selfishness and lack of conscience.
I think it will be a big turning point for the world when people begin to recognize that there is a sick breed of people amongst us, and that we MUST learn to identify and manage them. At this stage of civilization, the vast majority of them go unnoticed, and even rewarded, until something huge happens.
I hope the recession, which is driven in small or large part, by greed…will open people’s eyes. And that survivors will more and more identify themselves as such as will educate themselves and others.
I think, sadly about my ex S and the damage he has reaped, and the damage he stands to reap. There are a lot of women out there right now, who are doing okay – not great, but okay…and he’s going to come into their lives and devastate them. I wish I knew he they were so I could call them and try to help them – though it probably would not keep them away, it might help get them out sooner.
He’s out there – and he’s evil, and he’s incredibly charming and has always been a magnet for women (especially women like us). I shudder when I think of all the damage he is doing RIGHT NOW…and all the damage he is going to do, and all the people he is going to hurt, in the coming months, years, decades. SHUDDER
Hello….checking in and educating myslf whilst here…It seems that the evil one is now telling people how glad he is to be free from me, that I am scorned and that I was controlling, abusive, tyranical…all the things he himself is…What I want…no have, to know is does he believe this in all sincerity/ Or does he know full well and is consciously lying…In any event, he now has to keep that charade up so its probabl;y going to be peacefull for a time.
Muldoon,
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what he thinks or believes about his own lies. But I’ve been exactly where you are, and I know how important it is during that period to try to understand their crazy behavior and their crazier excuses.
Mine also went through a brief period of calling me a “bitter, scorned woman.” And of course I was insane and he was as pure and innocent as the driven snow.
I think they know they are lying when they first begin the lie. But with enough repetitions, I think they actually come to believe their own false universes. Because, after all, in their own minds, they are GOD and they CREATE REALITY. Words have no meaning beyond what THEY give them. So after a time, they actually believe that they can shape reality just by speaking the right lie.
But as you will come to know as time passes, what is in his sick, disordered head is of no consequence to you. Because you are out of his false, crazy reality and living in a new, real, true universe of your own. Keep up the good work.
Todd, i am not trying to understand the no mark for what or why you think, I gave up trying to understand because I just cant think how he does, I cant switch off my empathy/conscience so will never get it..
The reason being I live in a small coastal town where everybody knows everybody..he is now painting me rotten, saying i was a nymphomaniac, etc…The children have to grow up around here, talk travels fast..the kids will have the piss taken out of them and there are people here who will stop their kids associating with them because they will not want to be around a drug taking hooker…I am wondering if it is worth pointing out to him that the consequences of his bullshit on the kids could do untold damage, I was hoping he may step back because its me he wants to hurt not the kids.