By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I recently bought a book, Violence Risk and Threat Assessment: A Practical Guide for Mental Health and Criminal Justice Professionals, by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D. I actually bought it to give some “credence” to the statistics I put into my letter to the parole board protesting the release on parole of the Trojan Horse-Psychopath that attacked our family,
Of course this book is directed, as the title says, to professionals, and to assess risk of violence. But since we are dealing with psychopaths, it is, I think, a good idea for us to be able also to look at the assessment for possible violence in our own psychopaths when we thwart their desires, or kick them to the curb. We need to answer the questions, “Is my psychopath likely to respond with violence? If so, how?”
Most violent individuals are not violent all the time. In the introduction, the author illustrates that “just because an abnormality (in behavior) ”¦ only shows on occasion, does not mean it has gone away.” (My emphasis.)
A “false negative” is when you decide that your individual will not be violent, and you are wrong. You may pay for this decision with your life. A “false positive” is when you think your individual will be prone to violence, and they are not. Being prepared for violence, even if your individual psychopath does not turn out to be physically violent is, of course, the safest way to play it. If you are going to err, erring on the side of caution is the best course. False positives are less damaging to us than false negatives.
There are also different kinds of “violence.” Not all violence that does damage to us is physical. Psychopaths can become financially violent and deprive us of our income, our estate, and a hundred other violations that we can all imagine.
Contributors to violence
Dr. Meloy uses what he calls a bio-psycho-social model for Violence Risk Assessment to assess an individual’s risk for violence. This consists of the biological aspects, the psychological aspects and the social aspects of the individual in question.
The first, the psychological domain, contains such things as gender, age, past history of violence, frequency of violence, how recent have they been violent, and severity of past violence, paranoia, intelligence, anger, fear problems, and the frequency and intensity of them, as well as control of impulses. Of course, the psychopathy and other attachment problems will weigh in heavily on this.
The second, the social or environmental domain, looks at the family of origin violence, economic instability and poverty, WEAPONS HISTORY, weapon skill, interest and approach behavior, as well as alcohol and or psycho-stimulant use.
The third domain is the biological one. Is there a history of head trauma, or major mental disorder (like untreated bi-polar disorder).
Dr. Meloy also emphasizes that the MOST IMPORTANT factor in his judgment is the history of past violence. The best predictor of future violence is a history of past violence.
Questions to ask yourself in doing your own “risk assessment for violence” in your psychopath are: How “provoked” is your psychopath by losing you? Do they have the paranoid personality disorder, in which they feel “that everyone is out to get them,” with a long memory for imagined slights or wounds from those people “out to get them”? Are they chronically angry, fearful and jealous? Some forms of illegal drugs will also contribute to paranoia, and as the use of drugs and the interest and reliance on weapons goes up, so does the risk of violence. Dr. Maloy mentions the killing of Nichole Brown Simpson, where she was not only killed, but after death her body almost beheaded. He says that drugs, along with the rage, could have easily lowered the threshold for the abandonment rage which probably motivated the killer.
Fear and stalking
Dr. Meloy also goes into the lack of difference between biochemical reactions to both fear and anger. Both cause the same reaction within the body. How intense is the anger response in the person you are evaluating? How does the person handle anger?
Dr. Meloy differentiates between two different kinds of violence by illustrating his text with a story about a cat.
We have all seen a cat, cornered by a dog, with its hackles raised, its tail up, hissing and spitting. That cat is emotionally reacting in a violent way to the fear inside it that it is going to be attacked by the dog. (This is called “affective” or emotional violence in reaction to a perceived threat.) Once the perceived threat is gone, the cat will quickly return to a state of calm. The purpose of this kind of violence is “threat reduction.”
The second type of violence illustrated with another story of a cat is the predatory violence, which is planned and purposeful and goal directed.
The planned and purposeful (or predatory) violence has a minimal or absent autonomic arousal, (which is the hair standing on end, the hissing and spitting etc.). As you observe the cat in predatory violence—such as stalking a mouse or bird—the cat is calm, cool and collected. It is focused on a goal as it stalks the prey. It tries to keep its purpose (violence) hidden and it tries to keep the prey from realizing that it is prey.
The brain chemicals released in each of these states of violence are completely different. The emotionally generated fear induced violence is a defense mechanism. It can still be a threat to anyone who is the perceived enemy, but it quickly subsides once the threat is gone.
With predatory violence, the predator is goal directed to do violence to the prey. They may plot and plan and take quite some time to stalk and corner the prey. The predator may strike without warning. Unlike emotionally (fear) induced violence, predatory violence is not time limited and the stalking may go on for days, weeks, months or years.
Knowing which type of violence your psychopathic adversary is involved with at any given moment can help you assess what your course of action should be. If the Psychopath is showing the “cornered cat” response, for example for being confronted in a lie, your best response is to just “back off” and let them calm down when the perceived threat is removed. If the psychopath is stalking you; emotionally, financially, or physically, they will not be so obvious to spot as the enraged cat. Once you have determined that the person you are dealing with is a psychopath, or likely one, you must assume that the person will engage in predatory violence on some level. The fact that this stalking and predatory violence may be very subtle does not make it any less dangerous.
In the short term, cornering one in a threatening manner (confrontation of any kind) can produce an emotionally violent response or even physical attack, but in the long term, the predatory violence can do more damage to us, body and soul. We need, I think, to assess the state our psychopath is operating in, and learn when to back off with confrontations, and when to prepare ourselves for “out of the blue” attacks when they are in a predatory state.
Dear Muldoon,
“In any event, he now has to keep that charade up so its probabl;y going to be peacefull for a time.”
Oh yeah! There is nothing more fortuitous than being shunned by an N/P/S. Later, when the N/P/S acts out again for attention, he looks really dumb. With any luck you can get him to shun you indefinately.
It actually helps you if he believes his own lies. See if you can get visitation/custody exchanges set up in such a way that he interfaces with someone other than you to pick up and drop off the kids. With your history, this should be received by the court as a reasonable request. The X will look silly if he objects, so he’ll most likely agree. Deprived of the ability to crazy-make during custody exchanges, he may get bored and drift away.
I’ve got a strong feeling that your best chance for a safe future is to bore your X to tears.
Even if I tell people he is a sociopath, that will also effect my kids who will grow up with that stigma to boot.
My solicitor is going to ask the judge to assess his risk and for what I am saying..like oyu say here though they are master bullshitters..any articles on here I can copy out that will help me make the judge understand?
Elizabeth….the thing I have been reluctant to tell anyone other than the solicitor and a friend is it has come to light from the kids he has been viewing porn in the presence of our five yr old, she says dady always smacks his front botom when he is on the p.c…the elder child has also caught him.
Again, speaking from my own experience…you cannot play his game and win. If he’s an S/P, he’s a very convincing liar. It’s what they do, who they are. You can’t let yourself be concerned with what he is telling other people. There will be a certain number of people who believe his lies, and there will be nothing you can do about it.
Just ignore it all as best you can and get on with your new life. If you have a job, concentrate on doing it well. Put your attention on your children and their healing. Try to help them be strong. In time, most people (and remember, MOST people are not disordered)…MOST people will eventually see through the S/P’s lies.
In the meantime, work on yourself, your healing, your children’s healing.
All I can tell you is this: five years ago, my ex had a large group of friends/acquaintances who believed his every word (I call them his groupies). I was personna non grata with everyone in our circle. Today, he is down to TWO people who still believe him–and people come up to me on the street and apologize for ever believing him in the first place.
It wll pass. His smear campaign will pass.
Thats reassuring. Tood
Dear Muldoon,
The advice you have been given above is all GREAT advice. He will do the SMEAR CAMPAIGN and a number of people will believe him, BUT what those people believe is not worth your time, thought or effort….THEY DO NOT MATTER. Yes, as long as he is getting ATTENTION and “Pity” from these folks he will not be so focused on you. They NEED ATTENTION and so they can get it elsewhere. He is more dangerous to you when he is not getting attention from others.
Don’t worry about counteracting his lies (and yes, I think he wille ven start to believe his own lies after a while) just APPEAR CALM in front of these people if you encoutner them and say, something along the lines of “I know John is very angry at me right now and saying things that are not true, but I’d rather not discuss our personal problems with everyone in the world.” That way you are TAKING THE HIGH ROAD and NOT giving those folks ammunition to go back tohim and say “You know what Muldoon said?” and piss him off more, and draw his attention to you again.
I agree, he does NOT want to see the kids except to use them as abuse to you, and if HE CANNOT SEE YOU WHEN THE KIDS ARE DROPPED OFF OR PICKED UP then he will NOT get what HE wants, which is contact with you, so chances are that he will drift away after a while if his tactics are not working and getting a “rise” out of you.
He may tell them some AWFUL stuff, and you again, I think, need to be CALM with the kids and just repeat “Daddy is very angry at me right now, and because he is angry he is saying things that are not true. I know that this confuses you, but he wille ventually get over it. I am not going to behave badly because I am angry at him.” DO NOT criticize him to them, but kep RECORDS of the things they tell you about his mastrabating in front of the PC in their presence. TAPE RECORD THOSE THINGS if possible but don’t let the kids know you are doing it. Especially the 5 yr old. Sheesh,, he is a real piece of work for sure!!!
Hang on Muldoon, you are DOING GREAT and you still have a long way to go, but you are getting there, I can hear it in your posts!!! I am so proud of you and proud FOR you as well. Getting away from this horrible man is going to open the way for you and your kids to have a GOOD LIFE. ((((hugs)))) and my prayers are with you daily for your safety and healing!
Muldoon: Liane Leedom, M.D., has a special interest in the risks to children of sociopathic parents. Educating judges and lawyers about these risks is a real challenge. Given what the father is doing, watching porn etc. in front of the children, this may be called “child abuse,” depending on the laws where you are.
Muldoon: Liane’s blog, “A sociopath will always leave you out in the cold,” is about an apparently sociopathic parent. You may find some useful references in those comments as well.
Before I wrote the above article, I had always at least with my animals been one to take a “risk of violence” assessment of each animal in my herd because simply put, ANY large animal can hurt or kill you accidently and I did NOT INTEND to have any that WANTED to hurt you just out of malice. Since this also tends to be genetic in animals, I didn’t even want the offspring in my herd of animals that were tending toward violence or malice. So I insituted what we jokingly refer to the “Bigger AND meaner” rule. If an animal was bigger AND meaner than I was, it WENT! If it was smaller than I was and was meaner, I could handle it, or if it was bigger and not as “mean” I could handle it and not have INCREASED risk of injury from unpredictability or malice. I have not been seriously injured by an animal on this place since I put that into effect. One chance and one chance only, any aggression (unless it was out of panic or protecting a baby) was a death sentence, the second aggression under any circumstances was a death sentence.
A couple of days ago when I was getting my few head of pet cows up and their calves (who are not pets and haven’t been trained to lead or handled since I haven’t had time to break the to lead etc) I was going to butcher a young bull about a year old and as we were driving the entire 9 yead into the corral to separate him out, one of my pets (who because she was bottle raised when her mother broke her leg) is “dysfunctional” and has NO fear or even respect for a human, decided she didn’t want to go into the corral and turned and headed DIRECTLY for me, intending to run right over me. A cow that had not been raised on a bottle by a human would have RESPECT and would have made every effort to NOT run directly over me, but as I stood there preparing to be hit by her, making direct eye contact, and I realized she was NOT going to turn, I was going to get hit head on, and probably hurt severely, in the last instant of time, my son’s hat came flying and struck her in the eye and turned her away from me. I stood there, having the “shot at and missed” feeling of being grateful not to be on a medical helicopter for the state medical school, and immediately changed my mind about which animal I was going to butcher. The cow went to the top of the list immediately.
Not that she was “meaner” than I am, but she decidedly is dangerous to life and limb because she is NOT affaid of me at all and has no “flight zone” from humans.
Assessing risks of violence is an IMPORTANT thing for us, because if we are WRONG because we think they are not a risk, and they ARE a risk, we are “on the helicopter” or on our way to the funeral home as the “guest of honor.” We can’t afford to be wrong—even one time. Because one time may be the time we are mangled or killed.
I’ve known since she was less than a year old that this cow was a “dysfunctional” cow because she was raised on a bottle, away from other cattle and did not BOND to the herd and the other cattle, or they to her. She doesn’t know she is a cow. She doesn’t even like the other cattle, so has no inclination to “stay with the herd” as the others do, and to move in a group, making every effort to stay with them. She is liable to strike out on her own away from the rest of the herd. She has no “fear” or “respect” of me as the others do, though they are “gentle” if I say “boo” and wave my hands they will move AWAY from me—not her, she is not intimidated at all by me because she isn’t “normal” and doesn’t have normal herding instincts, they have been “trained” out of her.
I’ve known she wasn’t “normal” since she was first put back into the herd, seen that she wasn’t bonded to the herd, had no desire to stay with them, and every time we would drive the herd up she would take off the other way away from them. But, because I “liked” this cow and had raised her on a bottle in the summertime when she was a baby, I hated to kill her or get rid of her, I just tolerated her being a pain in the butt when we drove cattle—I IGNORED THE RED FLAGS of her dysfunction and I shouldn’t have. I knew better, but I rationalized it. Yesterday I was lucky and fortunate that my son had the presence of mind under a tight situation to save my old bones from a sure fire big time injury or worse.
I can’t ignore the red flags any more. Maybe she would never try that again, but chances are, she will and sooner or later someone will get hurt. I’m not willing to risk myself or my sons or anyone else with an animal that is very likely going to repeat a dangerous behavior…maybe next time my son might not be wearing a hat, or be too far away to throw it, or might be looking the other way. NOT WORTH THE RISK. Cattle are very much like psychopaths in that whatever they have done in the past they will REPEAT in the future. Maybe not EVERY time, but usually when you least need it to happen (Murphy was an optimist!) It is BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. So if we are going to err, it should be on the side of thinking that they are more dangerous than they actually are, rathr than thinking “Oh, well, he was dangerous in the past, but he’s calmed down now.” Then find out we were wrong!
Muldoon,
If you can get a copy of Dr. Meloy’s book that would be a great one to give to the attorney and/or the judge.
THE BEST ASSESSMENT OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST BEHAVIOR.
I wouldn’t even use the word “sociopath” or “psychopath” just say HE IS VIOLENT. Any dumbo can understand that! You have proof that he is violent (you’ve called the police on multiple tims) If they say “You weren’t very afraid of him because you keep going back?” Then you must stand up and say, “Yes I AM afraid of him. In the PAST I thought because he apologized that he would STOP being violent, but I can see now that HE WILL NEVER STOP BEING VIOLENT.”
ADMIT to the attorneys or the police that “I was a fool, I thought he would quit it, he said he would quit it and I loved him and I was a fool, but I AM NOT A FOOL ANY MORE.”
We were all fools one or more times, we all thought the Ps were really sorry, we hoped they were sorry, etc. but WE ARE NOT FOOLS ANY MORE. WE KNOW THE TRUTH NOW.
Because you did take him back time after time, they are going to try to use this against you in court to show that you are not really afraid of him, but by admitting that you kept taking him back because you had HOPE he would get better, but you SEE NOW that you were wrong, shows that YOU accept your part in it by allowing it, by going back to him, but that you HAVE YOUR SMARTS ON NOW. NOW is what really matters anyway.
If they get you on the stand or try to use anything you have done or said (your old e mails or anything) admit freely that you did those things, but that NOW YOU SEE WHY YOU DID THEM, YOU WERE UNDER STRESS. But now you are seeing the light, NOW you know that he is violent and will NOT change. NOW YOU ARE CALM AND REASONABLE.
I did and said some unreasonable things when I was trying to convince my mother the Ps were out to kill us, she did not believe me. She thought I was the CRAZY one, and I was crazy, but they WERE the psychopaths and they were out to kill us….so my own behavior was turned back against me. It happens, but that’s okay. I didn’t have love fraud at the time, and YOU DO–you have a whole army of people here to be with you through this!! A WHOLE ARMY of survivors!!! How wonderful is that!!!! (((hugs)))))