By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I recently bought a book, Violence Risk and Threat Assessment: A Practical Guide for Mental Health and Criminal Justice Professionals, by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D. I actually bought it to give some “credence” to the statistics I put into my letter to the parole board protesting the release on parole of the Trojan Horse-Psychopath that attacked our family,
Of course this book is directed, as the title says, to professionals, and to assess risk of violence. But since we are dealing with psychopaths, it is, I think, a good idea for us to be able also to look at the assessment for possible violence in our own psychopaths when we thwart their desires, or kick them to the curb. We need to answer the questions, “Is my psychopath likely to respond with violence? If so, how?”
Most violent individuals are not violent all the time. In the introduction, the author illustrates that “just because an abnormality (in behavior) ”¦ only shows on occasion, does not mean it has gone away.” (My emphasis.)
A “false negative” is when you decide that your individual will not be violent, and you are wrong. You may pay for this decision with your life. A “false positive” is when you think your individual will be prone to violence, and they are not. Being prepared for violence, even if your individual psychopath does not turn out to be physically violent is, of course, the safest way to play it. If you are going to err, erring on the side of caution is the best course. False positives are less damaging to us than false negatives.
There are also different kinds of “violence.” Not all violence that does damage to us is physical. Psychopaths can become financially violent and deprive us of our income, our estate, and a hundred other violations that we can all imagine.
Contributors to violence
Dr. Meloy uses what he calls a bio-psycho-social model for Violence Risk Assessment to assess an individual’s risk for violence. This consists of the biological aspects, the psychological aspects and the social aspects of the individual in question.
The first, the psychological domain, contains such things as gender, age, past history of violence, frequency of violence, how recent have they been violent, and severity of past violence, paranoia, intelligence, anger, fear problems, and the frequency and intensity of them, as well as control of impulses. Of course, the psychopathy and other attachment problems will weigh in heavily on this.
The second, the social or environmental domain, looks at the family of origin violence, economic instability and poverty, WEAPONS HISTORY, weapon skill, interest and approach behavior, as well as alcohol and or psycho-stimulant use.
The third domain is the biological one. Is there a history of head trauma, or major mental disorder (like untreated bi-polar disorder).
Dr. Meloy also emphasizes that the MOST IMPORTANT factor in his judgment is the history of past violence. The best predictor of future violence is a history of past violence.
Questions to ask yourself in doing your own “risk assessment for violence” in your psychopath are: How “provoked” is your psychopath by losing you? Do they have the paranoid personality disorder, in which they feel “that everyone is out to get them,” with a long memory for imagined slights or wounds from those people “out to get them”? Are they chronically angry, fearful and jealous? Some forms of illegal drugs will also contribute to paranoia, and as the use of drugs and the interest and reliance on weapons goes up, so does the risk of violence. Dr. Maloy mentions the killing of Nichole Brown Simpson, where she was not only killed, but after death her body almost beheaded. He says that drugs, along with the rage, could have easily lowered the threshold for the abandonment rage which probably motivated the killer.
Fear and stalking
Dr. Meloy also goes into the lack of difference between biochemical reactions to both fear and anger. Both cause the same reaction within the body. How intense is the anger response in the person you are evaluating? How does the person handle anger?
Dr. Meloy differentiates between two different kinds of violence by illustrating his text with a story about a cat.
We have all seen a cat, cornered by a dog, with its hackles raised, its tail up, hissing and spitting. That cat is emotionally reacting in a violent way to the fear inside it that it is going to be attacked by the dog. (This is called “affective” or emotional violence in reaction to a perceived threat.) Once the perceived threat is gone, the cat will quickly return to a state of calm. The purpose of this kind of violence is “threat reduction.”
The second type of violence illustrated with another story of a cat is the predatory violence, which is planned and purposeful and goal directed.
The planned and purposeful (or predatory) violence has a minimal or absent autonomic arousal, (which is the hair standing on end, the hissing and spitting etc.). As you observe the cat in predatory violence—such as stalking a mouse or bird—the cat is calm, cool and collected. It is focused on a goal as it stalks the prey. It tries to keep its purpose (violence) hidden and it tries to keep the prey from realizing that it is prey.
The brain chemicals released in each of these states of violence are completely different. The emotionally generated fear induced violence is a defense mechanism. It can still be a threat to anyone who is the perceived enemy, but it quickly subsides once the threat is gone.
With predatory violence, the predator is goal directed to do violence to the prey. They may plot and plan and take quite some time to stalk and corner the prey. The predator may strike without warning. Unlike emotionally (fear) induced violence, predatory violence is not time limited and the stalking may go on for days, weeks, months or years.
Knowing which type of violence your psychopathic adversary is involved with at any given moment can help you assess what your course of action should be. If the Psychopath is showing the “cornered cat” response, for example for being confronted in a lie, your best response is to just “back off” and let them calm down when the perceived threat is removed. If the psychopath is stalking you; emotionally, financially, or physically, they will not be so obvious to spot as the enraged cat. Once you have determined that the person you are dealing with is a psychopath, or likely one, you must assume that the person will engage in predatory violence on some level. The fact that this stalking and predatory violence may be very subtle does not make it any less dangerous.
In the short term, cornering one in a threatening manner (confrontation of any kind) can produce an emotionally violent response or even physical attack, but in the long term, the predatory violence can do more damage to us, body and soul. We need, I think, to assess the state our psychopath is operating in, and learn when to back off with confrontations, and when to prepare ourselves for “out of the blue” attacks when they are in a predatory state.
This is an old article I wrote, and while I think J. Reid Meloy is in many ways a narcissistic creep himself, I do think he is right on in this particular topic.
The lady who wrote in a few days ago about fearing for the life of her Granddaughter because the psychopath was stalking, and others who have recently talked about how they were afraid their psychopath would take their kids and run, maybe to another country, I think this particular article speaks to those fears. Of course there is MUCH MORE TO LEARN about how the psychopaths stalk us and why, and how each one should be evaluated for their level of risk in stalking.
My psychopathic son is a calm, cool and collected stalker with every intention of making me his prey—he will never give up. The Trojan Horse Psychopath is dangerous when cornered, but probably not dangerous to me as far as stalking me NOW. He was very dangerous at one time, but he doesn’t have the same dedication that my P-son has. He doesn’t have the same desire for revenge, hang the consequences!
Though Reid Meloy’s books are ALL difficult to read and understand, there are other authors who are NOT difficult, Gavin DeBecker is one who is easy to understand, so treat yourself to some books–I am no longer using Amazon.com due to the fact that they gave such a stupid DEFENSIVE response to the e book that they were selling on HOW TO GROOM CHILDREN FOR MOLESTATION written by a presumed child molester. “Freedom of the press” my arse! Most of the time you can find what you need cheaply on Barnes and Nobel used (the only kind of book I buy now—I’m a tight wad) Sorry for the slam on Amazon Donna, but I’m still mad as hell about the “how to” book on child molestation and their stupid response. At least they did take it down and quit selling it. They should have fired who ever approved its sale in the first place!
Wow. My xspath is BOTH kinds of violent. I knew it and I have said many times that he will never go away, whether I ignore him or not. All of which makes me even more determined to at least get him behind bars where his capacity to stalk would be somewhat hindered. I’m not being naive here and I do know that “things” can be organised from “inside” but right now, he is walking around free and proud.
Not for long buster!!!
I thought this way of thinking about “aggression” like the cat story—is a very easy one to understand. I no longer fear the Trojan Horse Psychopath because he is a coward and I don’t have him cornered so he has no reason to fight me, he would rather avoid me…but my P son would take a fight as a CHALLENGE and he would ENJOY it. He enjoys the stalk but he also enjoys the fight. It isn’t so much about winning or losing, he just enjoys fighting! The battle. Of course he likes winning better, but he would come in here if he thought we had machine guns waiting, but the Trojan Horse Psychopath won’t come in as long as I he knows we would fight back and are armed and ready, he doesn’t enjoy the fight.
I’m really not sure WHY there is a difference in the two types of violence in psychopaths, why one has some fear and the other one doesn’t appear to…neither of them learn much by the consequences of their behavior, but I think the TH-P does learn more, or at least changes his behavior more based on success or failure risks. My P son doesn’t have any respect for risk at all.
I hope you can get yours behind bars, but the thing is that they don’t keep them behind bars forever….mostly they do get out, even for murder.
Learning how to “hide in plain sight” is necessary for me if mine gets out OR if he gets enough $$$$ to hire someone—as it is now, his buddies don’t have enough money for the gasoline to get here, but if he had the money to finance them, might be a different story. I wouldn’t be hiding from the cops though, just from him, his buddies and anyone they could hire to trace me (private investigator) and I am pretty sure how to circumvent that. I hired my own consultant.
The threat of violence is elusive when you don’t know what to expect. How can we judge violence when we are dealing with cowards with no values? Will they snap or not…
When spath says he checked out the house down the street (to purchase) so he could spy on me, then said “just kidding”, will this never end? It has taken so long to get him out, and it’s still a process, his violence was to deny me anything that I wanted. To do it in the name of love. It’s sick and twisted love, not real at all.
When he is gleeful because he thinks he can blame me for all that has come to pass, how cruel and violent is that.
Sometimes I think I’m luckier than most and I should be grateful for the life I have but he has caused me so much pain and I need to recognize it and honor it.
I think my daughter has really come to terms with her pain by disowning spath, disowning his being related to her at all. I cower and try to avoid inciting the spath because he goes all out with his verbal assults. I try to avoid the possible violence of his attacks.
He acts so normal, I just want him gone. He is evil.
What’s his e.t.d. Hopeforjoy?
this is profound: ‘I think my daughter has really come to terms with her pain by disowning spath’ WE ALL NEED TO DO THIS!
One step,
He said he would be out in January. He has tried to stay for so long, begged and cried and bargained. When I look rationally at this behavior and would I act like that if he were the one to say it’s over? No way. Of course he wants to stay, being part of a make believe family is so important to him.
I lost what was important to me and that is to be treated with respect. To be treated like a person instead of a thing. I feel rather sad right now and I’m not sure why. I think I care too much about the lies he is spreading to his friends and family about me.
I have to stop wallowing and realized that the end is in site and I need to save my strength to protect myself and the kids. He still is trying to hug me all the time and I don’t want him touching me. I just walk away. Freak! It’s psychological warfare.
You have been on the receiving end of the psycho babble so you know what I’m talking about. It seeps into your bones and makes you tired and restless.
Thanks for asking One Step. I hope that by this time next year, it will be done!
How is everything with you? Did you resolve the issue at work? Your voice sounds stronger than you were. Your posts are longer and your pain seems to have subsided somewhat. Maybe I’m just hoping for healing for you and want you to feel better.
Maybe I’m just hoping for healing for you and want you to feel better. well, i’ll take your good wishes!
oh, things are whacked. really really stupid. lots of toxic exposures and ridiculous work problems. PTSd flag flying high.
BUT – many blessing in the last few days. many. and i do see some progress, even though things are very grim in some ways.
January? Any way to speed that up? I doubt he plans to actually leave. I suspect he’s using the time to plot and scheme, so you use your time similarly. I am not reading as much the last while and don’t know if i missed it – but can you get help to get him out sooner?
Dear Hopoe4joy,
Sugar I hear you, but Let me suggest that you tell him to “keep your fricking hands off of me. If you try to touch me again I will call the police and have your sorry ass thrown out of this house and taken to jail. I DO NOT WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME”
He is still trying to cross your boundaries and “hug” you. Make it CLEAR TO HIM your feelings. Quit pussyfooting around about it. I would be willing to bet he will say (In january) “I” be gone by March”
HE IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE UNTIL YOU MAKE HIM BY FORCE.
I actually don’t think you have physical violence to fear with him, why should he clock your plow? He can just continue to evade your boundaries and you don’t stand up for yourself.
Why let him live there…tell him to get a motel! GET OUT! Your daughter has her ADAMANT, get yours chickie! Throw out the wish bone and grow some more back bone! (thanks Gem for that phrase)
Give yourself the ultimate Christmas present—a P-FREE CHRISTMAS! (((hugs))))
One step,
He pity played me about Christmas, wanting to be here. He said it would take time to get a place, etc. He showed his hand by saying that he wanted son. Not gonna happen, I will fight that unless son expresses differently. It’s my job to know what is best for him, and that’s without his spath dad’s full time influence.
Oh, spath loves his little mask of the magnanimous, helpful, father of the year. He has been very careful with his mask.
I want to have him out sooner but at least the wheels have started turning. He has 30 days to respond to the divorce papers, so he will have to hire an attorney and get his butt in gear. I have done the best I can with my plans and don’t know what else I should be doing. I want to be done with him so I stopped spying, etc. Still need to be checking the financials though.
Happy to hear that you have had some positivity in your life, those good things really make the bad seem less bleak. Did you figure out what your doing over the holidays?
Oxy,
That is the gift that keeps on giving, ‘As seen on TV’ spath free Christmas, only $19.99 plus shipping and handling. Priceless!
I know about the back freaking bone. He triggers the I feel sorry for him response. This is where he is more the narc. because I see the injured little boy who will never have enough affection to fill the hole in him.
But, I am clear about the hugging but I think I have to just find a way to get him to lay the heck off. Call the cops? I need that in my back pocket, just in case. No way would he go to a hotel, he would say “make me”. And blah, blah, blah. How do I get him to leave by force? Something I will have to ask my attorney.
I love your sense of humor Oxy, and I’m glad you’re honest and tough on me because I need it!