By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I recently bought a book, Violence Risk and Threat Assessment: A Practical Guide for Mental Health and Criminal Justice Professionals, by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D. I actually bought it to give some “credence” to the statistics I put into my letter to the parole board protesting the release on parole of the Trojan Horse-Psychopath that attacked our family,
Of course this book is directed, as the title says, to professionals, and to assess risk of violence. But since we are dealing with psychopaths, it is, I think, a good idea for us to be able also to look at the assessment for possible violence in our own psychopaths when we thwart their desires, or kick them to the curb. We need to answer the questions, “Is my psychopath likely to respond with violence? If so, how?”
Most violent individuals are not violent all the time. In the introduction, the author illustrates that “just because an abnormality (in behavior) ”¦ only shows on occasion, does not mean it has gone away.” (My emphasis.)
A “false negative” is when you decide that your individual will not be violent, and you are wrong. You may pay for this decision with your life. A “false positive” is when you think your individual will be prone to violence, and they are not. Being prepared for violence, even if your individual psychopath does not turn out to be physically violent is, of course, the safest way to play it. If you are going to err, erring on the side of caution is the best course. False positives are less damaging to us than false negatives.
There are also different kinds of “violence.” Not all violence that does damage to us is physical. Psychopaths can become financially violent and deprive us of our income, our estate, and a hundred other violations that we can all imagine.
Contributors to violence
Dr. Meloy uses what he calls a bio-psycho-social model for Violence Risk Assessment to assess an individual’s risk for violence. This consists of the biological aspects, the psychological aspects and the social aspects of the individual in question.
The first, the psychological domain, contains such things as gender, age, past history of violence, frequency of violence, how recent have they been violent, and severity of past violence, paranoia, intelligence, anger, fear problems, and the frequency and intensity of them, as well as control of impulses. Of course, the psychopathy and other attachment problems will weigh in heavily on this.
The second, the social or environmental domain, looks at the family of origin violence, economic instability and poverty, WEAPONS HISTORY, weapon skill, interest and approach behavior, as well as alcohol and or psycho-stimulant use.
The third domain is the biological one. Is there a history of head trauma, or major mental disorder (like untreated bi-polar disorder).
Dr. Meloy also emphasizes that the MOST IMPORTANT factor in his judgment is the history of past violence. The best predictor of future violence is a history of past violence.
Questions to ask yourself in doing your own “risk assessment for violence” in your psychopath are: How “provoked” is your psychopath by losing you? Do they have the paranoid personality disorder, in which they feel “that everyone is out to get them,” with a long memory for imagined slights or wounds from those people “out to get them”? Are they chronically angry, fearful and jealous? Some forms of illegal drugs will also contribute to paranoia, and as the use of drugs and the interest and reliance on weapons goes up, so does the risk of violence. Dr. Maloy mentions the killing of Nichole Brown Simpson, where she was not only killed, but after death her body almost beheaded. He says that drugs, along with the rage, could have easily lowered the threshold for the abandonment rage which probably motivated the killer.
Fear and stalking
Dr. Meloy also goes into the lack of difference between biochemical reactions to both fear and anger. Both cause the same reaction within the body. How intense is the anger response in the person you are evaluating? How does the person handle anger?
Dr. Meloy differentiates between two different kinds of violence by illustrating his text with a story about a cat.
We have all seen a cat, cornered by a dog, with its hackles raised, its tail up, hissing and spitting. That cat is emotionally reacting in a violent way to the fear inside it that it is going to be attacked by the dog. (This is called “affective” or emotional violence in reaction to a perceived threat.) Once the perceived threat is gone, the cat will quickly return to a state of calm. The purpose of this kind of violence is “threat reduction.”
The second type of violence illustrated with another story of a cat is the predatory violence, which is planned and purposeful and goal directed.
The planned and purposeful (or predatory) violence has a minimal or absent autonomic arousal, (which is the hair standing on end, the hissing and spitting etc.). As you observe the cat in predatory violence—such as stalking a mouse or bird—the cat is calm, cool and collected. It is focused on a goal as it stalks the prey. It tries to keep its purpose (violence) hidden and it tries to keep the prey from realizing that it is prey.
The brain chemicals released in each of these states of violence are completely different. The emotionally generated fear induced violence is a defense mechanism. It can still be a threat to anyone who is the perceived enemy, but it quickly subsides once the threat is gone.
With predatory violence, the predator is goal directed to do violence to the prey. They may plot and plan and take quite some time to stalk and corner the prey. The predator may strike without warning. Unlike emotionally (fear) induced violence, predatory violence is not time limited and the stalking may go on for days, weeks, months or years.
Knowing which type of violence your psychopathic adversary is involved with at any given moment can help you assess what your course of action should be. If the Psychopath is showing the “cornered cat” response, for example for being confronted in a lie, your best response is to just “back off” and let them calm down when the perceived threat is removed. If the psychopath is stalking you; emotionally, financially, or physically, they will not be so obvious to spot as the enraged cat. Once you have determined that the person you are dealing with is a psychopath, or likely one, you must assume that the person will engage in predatory violence on some level. The fact that this stalking and predatory violence may be very subtle does not make it any less dangerous.
In the short term, cornering one in a threatening manner (confrontation of any kind) can produce an emotionally violent response or even physical attack, but in the long term, the predatory violence can do more damage to us, body and soul. We need, I think, to assess the state our psychopath is operating in, and learn when to back off with confrontations, and when to prepare ourselves for “out of the blue” attacks when they are in a predatory state.
Dear Star,
The security “outfit” is an electronic security system on my house and farm that notifies us of intruders (or cows out of the pasture LOL). We also intend to upgrade this in the near future as well to cover more area.
I am cautious, but now that I have overcome the INITIAL SHOCK of the parole board doing stuff “under the radar” I am more calm about it now, just cautious, not terrified. I am noticing about myself that “sudden things” effect me more than they did before, but I also am getting my head back on straight “quicker” than I was in the worst of the chaos so I am regaining better control over my emotions and reactions than I had in the recent past, but still not “perfect” by a long shot, but VASTLY improved.
The old saying about “a coward dies 1000 deaths, the brave man but one,” is true, I am not going to “die a 1000” deaths by living in terror. My sons at first were going to do a day shift and a night shift, with one of them awake at all times, and I told them both, if you want to do that, then we will pack up and LEAVE HERE. I am not going to live in terror and neither are you. Because if we have to do that we are not sufficiently safe to live here, so you guys make up your minds how you want to live. The TH-P is only 40 years old and my P-son is 37, so they have potentially long lives ahead of them and I won’t live like that the rest of my life and I don’t want you living that way either.
We have a reasonable security system, and we are all trained and armed in small weapons use and have adequate fire power available, so we either move to where we KNOW absolutely we are “safe” (as much as anyone can be) or we go on with our lives in caution, but not terror or hypervigilent.
One of the things I learned over all this is that STUFF or a home, or a place, none of that is really important. I would be MORE happy living in peace in a tent or on the street homeless rather than be living in a palace in fear and chaos.
I also learned that material things are not “security” at all. No matter how financially “secure” you are, you can always lose it in the blink of an eye. Just as no matter how healthy you are you can lose that in the blink of an eye as well. OUr “security” has to be from within and not depend on external things, however valuable those external things are.
The Bible tells us to “lay up treasures for yourself …where moth and rust and thives” can’t get to it. On this earth,, the only way you can lay up those treasures for youself is WITHIN yourself, not depending on anyone else or anything else. Though I loved my late husband dearly, and he loved me, nevertheless I depended too much on him for my happiness. He didn’t deliberately die to hurt me or leave me alone, but that’s what happened. He died, he left me alone without sufficient “treasures” within myself to maintain myself and that vulnerability was what made me fall for the P-XBF.
OxD, you are the female equivalent to Clint Eastwood (who is one of my all-time favorites.) Do you ever watch any of his old movies? I was picturing the security outfit as bulletproof longjohns with metal plates in them for deflecting knives. LOL. Your house actually sounds very safe.
Your comment about how quickly you are bouncing back from traumatic events reminds me of a poster I saw years ago. It was a wise Hindu guru standing in a yoga posture on a surfboard. He was standing on one leg, while holding the other one up in a yoga posture with his hands in prayer position. The surfboard was on a large wave in the ocean. The caption said “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf”. This was such a profound way of saying we cannot control all the bad things that may happen to us in life. But we can learn how to manage our responses to them. I think you have done well in your life. You are an example to me of triumphing over extreme adversity. There are so few role models for people like me because most people who grow up in such an abusive environment end up dead, in jail, or in a mental institution. Or just dying of a drug OD.
StarG: I think that’s why they go to such extremes what they do to us … hoping we end up in mental institutions, in jail or drop dead of a heart attack.
Smile … Thanks for sharing the poster story. I’ll remember it.
Surfs up, hang 10!
Wini et al,
This actually turned out to be a great day. After the deposition, I was very nervous about giving a massage to a nearby chiropractor for the first time. What if she didn’t like the massage? She’s probably had lots of good ones. Also, I do my massages in my living room, which can seem not very professional. Well…..she said I was very good, and she wants to trade on a regular basis. She also talked about a lot of her clients she wants to refer. Woohoo!!!!! This means more income for me. She felt one of my massages was worth more than one chiropractic adjustment. She also wants to give me an aqua chi foot bath AND a chiropractic adjustment for every massage. The foot bath actually removes toxins from your body and leaves you feeling very energized. I wanted to get one every week, but couldn’t afford it. This all makes me very happy and builds my confidence in my chosen career.
This event was so much more important to me than what happens to the pathological liar I turned in to the army.
Dear Star,
Nah, you wouldn’t mistake me for Clint Eastwood’s movie characters, I look more like Granny Clampett than Eastwood! LOL My P-son does call me “Osama, my mama” though! He said it joking, but I am sure he meant it as what I call “kidding on the square” where you say something nasty to someone that you MEAN, but you laugh like it is a big joke, so even though you meant what you said, they can’t get mad, cause if they do you just say, “Ah, get your panties out of your crack, I was just kidding.” LOL
My husband used to have a narcissistic jerk friend that I despised, and he would come over to the house all the time and I did him like that. He KNEW I despised him and the feeling was mutual I know, but I could say anything nasty to him and he couldn’t get “mad” (I know he felt it but couldn’t retaliate) LOL See how “evil” I am! LOL Fortunately, since the day of the memorial service for my husband I haven’t had to put up with the jerk any more.
Congratulations on your massage contact today, that’s my favorite thing in the world. I bought a great professional massage table Sat night at the auction for $50, looked it up on the net and it is retail $329 and is new, in the case, folding, great padding etc. My boys and I trade massages when we can’t afford to get a professional one, so this is great for us. Helps the old back muscles quit spasaming.
OxD, you got a real deal, buying a massage table for $50. I have never seen one less than $200, and mine was about $700 or $800. I used to teach crash courses in massage for couples and family members who were willing to buy their own table. I don’t find too many people who are serious about buying their own table, though.
I’m realizing how easy it is to build up my practice with just the tiniest bit of marketing and networking.
Re: Clint Eastwood. Even he doesn’t look like Clint Eastwood anymore. He’s getting up there in years. I’d still marry him in a second though. Unless of course, Henry comes through first.
Very good article and posts. Thanks Oxy for your detailed insights.
I am about to corner my “rat”. He has no history of violence that I know of, but is very callous. A close freind keeps saying how “brutal” he is. When asked he agreed I could be in physical danger.
But if we live in fear then the terroists win, right?
I am thinking of putting my story, legal papers, backup, and some very very personally embarrassing ( to the rat) documents that I have in a safety deposit box. When I corner him (legally) I plan to let him know about the box. It would likely not protect me if he were to really want to “have me taken care of”, but it would seriously implicate him.
He put me in a place of fear and insecurity for many years. He is counting on the status quo. I plan to show no mercy through the legal system to the extent that I can afford it.
Any thoughts LF’ers?
Eyes Wideopen
Just posted this check my most recent post ! LOVE JJ
eyeswideshut,
No idea about your P, but here is what happened with mine.
He never hit me outright, he only “accidentally” hit me. But after the court case was settled (divorce), he hit me overtly in front of the kids.
What I believe is that during the marriage, he knew that if he ever hit me, I’d leave him. He knew this not because I threatened to leave, but because of general conversations on the topic. For example, in discussing some news story or something I would clearly say something like “If I were her, I’d have left him the first time he hit me.”
I can’t remember how we got on these topics, but I now have suspicions that he brought them up in order to explore just how far he could push me.
He played to the hilt the act of the “devoted” husband and father, right up until the court case. Once he was finished putting on the show for the judge and had the “win” he was after, he hit me. I also have pretty good evidence (photographs and multiple witnesses) that he manhandled our daughter, but she was so caught in his web that she would not admit to anything. (“I have no idea how those marks got on me.”)
My advice to anyone in a similar situation is to trust your instincts. Do you feel that you have to walk on eggshells in order to keep him from exploding with rage? If you’ve been walking on eggshells, that means that you are afraid. Ask yourself what it is you’re afraid of. In a normal relationship, you would not be afraid to disagree with your husband.
Even if his rage has always been verbal, it could easily escalate. I think that part of the reason that my ex was not overtly violent was his need to maintain the image he wanted to project. Once he no longer needed to maintain that image, the violence came out.
I think the type of man who is respected in the community but is also a psychopath does one of 2 things. One option is that he finds a victim that will not talk. This is pretty classic with the rich or powerful man whose wife enjoys the lifestyle he provides her. She doesn’t dare say anything because she fears that she will be on the street if she does. Sometimes the wife in this case has a very high need to appear respectable or stable as a family. Again, she is not likely to say anything. Another type of wife who will not talk is the one who is very religious and believes that her marriage is for life and that she has to make the best of it. Sometimes a woman like this also believes that the man is in charge and that she should be grateful for what he does for her.
In all of the above cases, the man can risk hitting the wife because he has a hold on her.
The second case is where the wife is more independent and he would risk losing her or risk exposure if he hit her. In this case, he may WANT to hit, but he holds back because he fears the consequences. In some ways, this is the more dangerous situation, because the woman doesn’t quite know what he’s capable of. He just seems threatening in a not very well-defined way. With the man who actually hits, his wife has a better idea of what he will do (although I imagine that these guys are capable of escalating, too).
My best advice: Trust your instincts.
Dear Eyeswideshut,
My P-son is big on REVENGE for anything you have done to him. My P-XBF is also big on REVENGE, he keeps up a front in the community,, but he is sneaky, and he burned down the house of his GF previous to me because she dumped him.
So, there are “ways” they can “get you” even if they don’t overtly appear dangerous. Mine had a good idea how to get the thing you valued most—in her case was her Victorian house which contained all her grandmother’s antiques etc. In my case, he “got me” emotionally with a “zing”—in revenge for the “embarassment” I had caused him.
If you really do put the quash on him, and “hurt” him “where he lives” he in my opinion WILL “get even” in some way.
There is a difference (to us) in JUSTICE vs. REVENGE but to them Justice=revenge so if you make them pay the consequences so that they are “hurt” then they seek revenge against us in SOME way. You can just about count on that with a P. Quite frankly, it is like poking a badger in a corner in some instances and they will come out and BITE YOU.
I know that there is a BIG need in us to get JUSTICE, but at the same time, there is almost always (In MY experience) a PRICE TO PAY. They are “like an elephant, they NEVER FORGET” a slight, a “wrong,” or what they see as you “getting revenge” on them.
Look at OJ Simpson—he had hit his x wife plenty of times, but who would have thought he would have slaughtered her and her friend in a rage? Much less gotten away with it, but he finally did let his rages get him in prison, and frankly, I think it COULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED TO A NICER GUY. LOL
I remember vividly watching the expression of the Trojan Horse Psychopath after he was arrested, sitting in the orange jump suit and chains and jelly flip flops in the court room, smirking, chatting up my DIL who was sitting similarly attired behind him, the hateful looks she would shoot me, and the smirk never leaving his face. It was all a big game to him, and she was enraged that SHE was in jail. Not ashamed of what she had done, just enraged that I had in her estimation “won” and she was caught. (Of course this was her frist time in jail and he had a life time of arrests and incarcerations for long periods of time.)
He wasn’t afraid of jail, or even prison. He knew the system and how to do it, but even getting caught wasn’t a “failure” to him. He had habituated to prison, police and court rooms. He knew how to play the game and as far as he was concerned, even though he was in jail, he had “won” the game by injuring our family, by “stealing” my son’s wife, he was a WINNER in his estimation because he caused us pain and havoc.
During his time in prison he spent it trying to get charges filed on us for various things including mail tampering. He and my DIL even LIED to try to get this accomplished. They weren’t successful, but it wasn’t because they didn’t TRY.
They have NO SHAME, only a desire for REVENGE. So one way or another, many times, they will find a way to get revenge on you for you seeking justice.