On Friday, June 22, 2012, the verdicts were announced in two important child molestation trials that had been going on simultaneously in Pennsylvania:
Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant football coach of Penn State University, was convicted of 45 of the 48 child molestation charges against him. And, Monsignor William J. Lynn was found guilty of essentially contributing to a cover-up of sexual predators among Catholic priests in the archdiocese of Philadelphia. The priests had been molesting children for years. Lynn was the first high-ranking church official to be prosecuted for failing to protect children.
The Philadelphia Inquirer has reported on both of these cases extensively. You can read more about them here:
Complete coverage: Scandal at Penn State
Complete coverage: Clergy abuse case
In both of these cases, sordid details of men using their positions of prestige and power to seduce and manipulate children were aired in public. The eight young men who testified in the Jerry Sandusky trial were incredibly brave, and prosecutors in the church trial were able to introduce into evidence decades worth of rape and molestation charges. For victims everywhere, many of whom probably thought they would never be believed or see any modicum of justice, the verdicts are great victories.
But here is the real change brought about by these trials: Big, powerful institutions are now on notice. They can no longer sacrifice the innocents in order to preserve their reputations and protect their treasuries. Whether it is the Holy Roman Catholic Church or Penn State Football, the hierarchies will be held responsible for the crimes of their representatives.
According to the Inquirer, since priest abuse allegations first started surfacing in the mid-1980s, more than 3,000 civil lawsuits have been filed, and the Catholic Church has paid out more than $3 billion in settlements. Dioceses have closed parishes and sold property to cover the costs. The Diocese of Wilmington, Delaware, filed for bankruptcy.
Read Sex-abuse crisis is a watershed in the Roman Catholic Church’s history in America, on Philly.com.
Penn State University, with two officials already indicted for perjury related to the Sandusky case, anticipates more criminal proceedings and an onslaught of civil suits. The university has already embarked on damage control. As soon as Sandusky was declared guilty, the university announced a program to offer cash settlements to the victims.
Read: Bob Ford: In Sandusky case, Penn State tries to get ahead of civil actions, on Philly.com.
(By the way, more Sandusky victims, besides the 10 listed in the trial, have come forward. Read: Jerry Sandusky trial did not include all of his alleged victims, on ABCNews.go.com.)
So, for all of us at Lovefraud, all of us who have been manipulated, molested and abused, these verdicts are worth celebrating. Evil was exposed. Evildoers are going to prison. Enablers of evil are paying the price for averting their eyes, shutting their mouths and failing to act.
All of us who are fighting the good fight should feel encouraged. Perhaps the time is coming when we can go up against the rich and powerful—and win.
JustUs, I remember reading your posts – welcome back!
The “shame on you” worked on everyone who has a shame-core, IMHO. Discussing “shame” has been extremely helpful to me, and I think that’s one of the “green flags” that spaths see flapping around potential targets – sort of like, “This target is a GO!” For me, I’m certain that this is true.
Truthy, I am so sorry about what you went through. But that diamond that was trampled into the dirt so long ago is still as bright and beautiful. Thank you for sharing such an incredibly painful memory.
Maybe the “shame on you” was a generational thing because my mother said the same thing.
Or maybe it goes back centuries. Just look at all the ways society used to shame people who were outside the norm.
Ash, thank you – I’m okay, today. The events were part of how I developed and simply speaks to the “shame-core.”
Shame is powerful. Once I was educated about this facet of my development, everything fell into place. But, having typed this, shedding the shame isn’t an easy task. Building boundaries is still a challenge, and recognizing the red flags is going to be a lifelong exercise for me.
Brightest blessings
JustUs5,
I hear you. I understand why you would be hesitant to explore your relationship with your mom. I think that you are already on your way though, and once the genie is out of the bottle, its hard to stuff him back in.
There is no rush, this isn’t a race. The internet is a great source of information on N moms, and what they do to their kids. Your mom was likely just raising you the way she was raised, it was all she knew. And YES my mother was egocentric, but her self esteem was in the gutter. That’s why she flew into rages, she simply could not bear to see herself as she really was.
I know that I keep getting involved with the wrong men due to the way I was raised, no doubt about it. And the thing is, I KNEW she was an N many years ago and thought I was much further down the road of healing than I actually was, and ended up with a creepy spath who proved how WRONG I was. I still have a lot of work to do. This site is so great for healing.
I’ll be reading Toxic Shame soon, at the recommendation of some folks on this site.
Just us 5,
“Honoring your father and mother” is done by becoming the kind of person that would bring honor to a parent, it is not done by being a door mat to them, and it is not done by not telling the truth about how they treated you.
The Bible also says that “fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”
Wrath is not just normal “anger,” it is the kind of vengeful, hot anger that is caused by being treated UNFAIRLY.
So the feelings you had of wrath because your mother treated you unfairly is a normal response to being treated that way. Talking about it is not “dishonoring” your parents.
You need not feel “shame” for what you feel about how you were treated.
Thanks everyone. It seems this, exploring my relationship with my mom, is where I need to do.
Oxy-You’re right, my actions need to honor a “parent”, the kind of parent that would have respect for me as a person. It has been easy for me to teach my boys to stand up to their dad when he provokes them, not so easy to teach myself to stand up to my mom.
Karma-I don’t think my mom was raised with shame. I can’t ever remember my grandparents ever being hateful or judgmental. My grandpa was a saint. I think my mom had/has such low self-esteem that she needed to mold us kids into nothing to feel ok. I also think her low self esteem was somehow of her own making. I think she got her attention as a child by being the “sickly” one. Although, she was a successful (and healthy) adult she could only see herself as the one with “problems”. Succeeding just didn’t seem to be able to overcome the sickly child. That’s my thinking for now. I will probably change that opinion in the future because with that explanation something doesn’t
seem to add up. It doesn’t make sense to me why one would shame their children so horribly because they have low self esteem. Then there is her pompous attitude….ugh.
I too was thrilled of the Sandusky verdicts. As for the topic of shame…this sparked me to write. My former beloved so very frequently parented me. Initially I was amused and let it go. I worked harder to become a better person. Then the marriage morphed into him shaming me for not working hard enough. I was literally raising three small children mostly on my own. He knew I valued hard work and would convince me that he was working very hard at his job. He would come home on a Friday night and within 30 minutes declare that the weekend was wrecked. A ploy to leave Saturday and Sunday, making me think he was going in to work but rather have his own sort of fun…. as I now have come to believe. I came to the conclusion I could never be good enough for him. Sadly I accepted this role but immersed myself into being a good mom. He continued parenting me mostly to let me know I could be doing better. I felt ashamed of myself but knew that I was exhausted and could give no more. These roles that developed empowered him and drove my self-esteem into the gutter.
The matter how many times I tried to have a conversation about this, the discussion was never going to take place. Or the discussion would be very short very brief and dishonest….. A bone thrown to me to get it through my head that we’re not going to talk about these kinds of things (having a good healthy relationship). His mother eventually did the same to me. My firstborn child at 12 years old declared, “mom if there something you want to talk to grandma about and she doesn’t want to talk about it, you will not be having that conversation” the lack of a healthy conversation that was honest made me feel ashamed. The other dynamics at work are the building you up and slapping you down building you up slapping you down with Shame. Now that I have gone no contact…… In other words put some boundary lines in place, they have an uncanny way of acting in public like what’s her problem?? The relationship just didn’t work out. They just grew apart. They always cover up the verbal abuse the mental abuse emotional abuse the lying sneaky Deceitful behavior and betrayal. And then I feel ashamed of myself for having put up with it. The Counselor tells me “stop beating yourself up for his issues.” I struggle to get myself back on track, but I WILL have the life I wanted And dreamed of. Little by little it will manifest .
Just,
Sounds like you have already given this a lot of thought.
No better way to prop yourself up than to make sure those around you are lower than you are. Interesting about the hypochondriac stuff. Looks like you have a good start for doing some reseach. I have a step mother who uses illness as a weapon to get what she wants, it’s very tiresome.