On Friday, June 22, 2012, the verdicts were announced in two important child molestation trials that had been going on simultaneously in Pennsylvania:
Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant football coach of Penn State University, was convicted of 45 of the 48 child molestation charges against him. And, Monsignor William J. Lynn was found guilty of essentially contributing to a cover-up of sexual predators among Catholic priests in the archdiocese of Philadelphia. The priests had been molesting children for years. Lynn was the first high-ranking church official to be prosecuted for failing to protect children.
The Philadelphia Inquirer has reported on both of these cases extensively. You can read more about them here:
Complete coverage: Scandal at Penn State
Complete coverage: Clergy abuse case
In both of these cases, sordid details of men using their positions of prestige and power to seduce and manipulate children were aired in public. The eight young men who testified in the Jerry Sandusky trial were incredibly brave, and prosecutors in the church trial were able to introduce into evidence decades worth of rape and molestation charges. For victims everywhere, many of whom probably thought they would never be believed or see any modicum of justice, the verdicts are great victories.
But here is the real change brought about by these trials: Big, powerful institutions are now on notice. They can no longer sacrifice the innocents in order to preserve their reputations and protect their treasuries. Whether it is the Holy Roman Catholic Church or Penn State Football, the hierarchies will be held responsible for the crimes of their representatives.
According to the Inquirer, since priest abuse allegations first started surfacing in the mid-1980s, more than 3,000 civil lawsuits have been filed, and the Catholic Church has paid out more than $3 billion in settlements. Dioceses have closed parishes and sold property to cover the costs. The Diocese of Wilmington, Delaware, filed for bankruptcy.
Read Sex-abuse crisis is a watershed in the Roman Catholic Church’s history in America, on Philly.com.
Penn State University, with two officials already indicted for perjury related to the Sandusky case, anticipates more criminal proceedings and an onslaught of civil suits. The university has already embarked on damage control. As soon as Sandusky was declared guilty, the university announced a program to offer cash settlements to the victims.
Read: Bob Ford: In Sandusky case, Penn State tries to get ahead of civil actions, on Philly.com.
(By the way, more Sandusky victims, besides the 10 listed in the trial, have come forward. Read: Jerry Sandusky trial did not include all of his alleged victims, on ABCNews.go.com.)
So, for all of us at Lovefraud, all of us who have been manipulated, molested and abused, these verdicts are worth celebrating. Evil was exposed. Evildoers are going to prison. Enablers of evil are paying the price for averting their eyes, shutting their mouths and failing to act.
All of us who are fighting the good fight should feel encouraged. Perhaps the time is coming when we can go up against the rich and powerful—and win.
Grace – please post a link to your piece. I’d like to read it.
Just Us 5 – I am glad you are finding some relief and a sense of support here – it helps me to reread that piece every so often and remind myself that I am a flawed and imperfect human being and while I seek to perfect myself – that is a lifelong process… And I think it is important to check in on myself and see that I have made progress – (and the One I answer to is not another imperfect human.)
Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth (G1 I know you know that one.)
By the way ladies – it is happening – I believe I will have moved @....... 2 hours from the Malignant N within the next 3 months! Woo-Hoo!
Thanks for the great list, Louise – it really helped me and gave me another ‘aha’ experience.
What an interesting discussion about “turning the other cheek” and being a “people pleaser!” YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I identify with this, 100%.
Once again, I refer to my shame-core as the basis of this perception of whom I “should” be.
Let me say this: not anymore. Oh, hayell no! My damaged self wanted desperately to be accepted, approved of, and appreciated – and, for whatever mystical reason, “bad people” are able to hone in on this needyness with absolute precision.
In fact, the almost-business-partner-turned-stalker wrote a letter addressed to several of his victims and he addressed me, specifically, in terms of how I wanted everyone’s approval. Mind you, this guy was a real dyed-in-the-wool spath fruitloop, but he was accurate in his assessment of me. Needy. Indeed, I was.
Today – if it’s even JUST for today – I am disallowing myself to “feel” needy. The discussion with my “inner child” must be gentle but stern: you are valuable and you don’t need _________’s approval.
And, the misconception of what “turning the other cheek” really means is reconstructed to maintain the true intention: NO CONTACT. At least, that’s how I interpret it, now. I’m not a doormat. I’m not a punching bag. I’m not a whipping post. I’m a human being with value, dammit, and I’ll turn the other BUTT-cheek as I walk away from toxicity.
Brightest blessings
ash:
You are welcome. The list helped me tremendously.
Louise, “The List” is wonderful and I should print this out and put in on the fridge for minute-by-minute reference!
Thank you for posting it!
Honest-MIL said to you, “Have you tried feeling sorry for him.” Yeah, wonderful backward thinking, isn’t it? That is exactly what I was brainwashed with. If someone was nasty to me, with absolutely no justification, I was given ONE option…”You should feel sorry for him(her).” Not the kind of sorry as in they are worthless. The kind of “sorry” were your heart aces for them(denoted in mom’s tone). Very confusing to live with and a great way to take away ALL of a person’s self worth.
Breck-flawed and imperfect…yep, that’s me. It’s funny how the whole religion…Jesus thing which my mom used to shame/control me with has finially back fired. I’m imperfect, I’m human and if because I human no one loves me then God still does. Oops, I don’t think I was suppose to get THAT message.
Truth-turn the other check…it sure has been misinterpreted. Indeed, more like don’t abuse back BUT walk away…NO CONTACT. Again, I have to say, thank God I learned that soon enough to teach my children the truth instead of a twisted version used by abusers to control.
One more thing, I have to comment again on how my nh said to me, “I don’t see the shame anymore.” He wasn’t saying it because I had just done something shameful. He just said it out of the blue in an angry state. WTF, that was a tell. All these years he seen my shame core and
used it against me, used it to control me. He used to always say, “I know you better then you know yourself.” I guess he did. I had no idea I was controlled by shame, he did.
Just us 5,
Exactly what I thought. Backwards, backwards, backwards..I wanted to get along so badly, wanted his approval so badly that I (yes Me, Myself and I) trained him to some backward thinking. ….such as
He would rage and I would say I’m sorry I made you mad.
He would complain and I would immediately try to fix “it.”
He would want steak, there would be steak for dinner.
He would say he’s tired, I would do the clean-up alone.
As if I should never be mad or unhappy. I wasn’t allowed a negative emotion. I was to be positive and upbeat at all times (thank God, it probably saved me from a raging life long depression). I was not to complain – that would be criticizing him. He would pick a restaurant and even suggest (be pushy) about what I should order. I don’t think he ever felt sorry for me. He could have me in tears, worked to the bone, insult me, and I would be left thinking what can I do better… but if he felt sorry for me, it was only fleeting.
His main act of kindness, which I love him now more than ever for is not performing a fake act of apology – when I knew undoubtably that after all the abuse, that now he is also an adulterer. Early on in my divorce process I probably would’ve believed a fake apology, but now a little over 2 years later, NO way would I believe an apology. Even if it were real for him, I would never buy it. Plus, I’ve gone NC so it’s not up for discussion.
Truthspeak, I did the same thing:
My damaged self wanted desperately to be accepted, approved of, and appreciated. I wanted his approval and love in the worst way. I ask myself why??? I think I grew up in a family of 7 kids where even though I felt loved by my mother, I sensed that I had to please her and that was mainly by busting ass helping out, getting physical work done. My worth was too prove I was a hard worker with endless energy and he saw the gravy train and rode it.
Truthspeak:
I did print it out and am going to highlight all the ones that I observed and endured.
Honest-lol-Yeah, mine too, he’d be too tired to help me with my work. I busted my rear end working out in the hot sun so he could have the business he wanted. I danced like a crazy chicken to make the business he wanted work. I was the day labor, the office admin, the accountant, the employee manager. On top of it I did ALL the housework and managed the kids by myself(4 little ones at the time). If I complained, exactly as you said, I was critizing HIM which gave him licsense to actually criticize me.
Out to dinner, yeah, mine too. In the last couple years I have been out to eat abscense his presents, I didn’t know HOW to order for myself. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I was AFRAID to make my own decision, all by myself, as to WHAT I WANTED TO EAT!! Sorry for yelling, but the thought struck a nerve and REALLY peeved me OFF.
Negative emotion TICKED mine off. Took me years to realize that, I was to busy apologizing to him for making him mad. Well, ok, maybe sometimes I wasn’t apologizing, sometimes I was in the corner bawling my eyes out, trying to keep my sanity, as he finished up his tongue lashing and went to bed(he’d be snoring in 5 minutes.
The apology, mine did it the first 5-6 years, then I said, ” don’t say your sorry, you don’t mean it”. NEVER got an apology again. That was better though, the fake apologies are draining in themselves.
Yep, I kept trying harder and harder and harder. Nothing ever good enough, he was always mad. I always tried to make it better. One day, as I was starting to figure it but while I was still extremely emotionally unstable, I said to him, in agony and tears, “I can’t earn your love”. He replies, “I don’t believe that”.
JU5,
spoken like a true narcissitic spath. “I don’t believe that” means if you just stay in my grip, I just know that someday over the yonder (never) I will keep duping you into thinking you’ll be good enough (you are, just not for the sick b*st@rd you were with). I danced like a crazy chicken too, like a cat on a hot tin roof, like a women who was desperate. But not anymore.
JU5, are you rid of IT?
Did you have a family of 5? (3 kids?)
Blessings, you deserve the best, as do all lovefraud good people.