Sociopaths do not authentically love anyone, including their own children. My new book, Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers, includes a chapter specifically on senior sociopaths as parents. I think it’s the most important chapter in the book.
I surveyed Lovefraud readers about people they knew who were age 50 or older and whom they believed were sociopaths. A total of 2,120 people responded to the survey, including 357 who wrote about their disordered parents or stepparents.
I also asked all survey respondents if they were familiar with the individual’s behavior as a parent; 1,260 respondents said yes. So I have a wealth of data about the parenting behavior of people who have serious, exploitative personality disorders. My book is the first to address senior sociopaths. It’s also the first, as far as I know, to document how sociopaths treat their children when they’re young and when they grow up.
Terrible parents
My basic finding is this: Senior sociopaths make terrible parents. They manipulate, exploit and abuse their children while they are young, and, if the kids stick around, continue to manipulate, exploit and abuse them as adults.
Mothers and stepmothers were described by 196 survey respondents, while 120 respondents described their fathers or stepfathers. There were no significant differences in the levels or types of abuse inflicted by male or female parents. They were equally cruel, callous and manipulative.
One survey question asked respondents to describe, in their own words, how the senior sociopath, while over age 50, treated their minor biological or adopted children. Nearly a thousand people wrote responses, and I read all of them. Following are the trends that I observed.
Cold and indifferent — 26%
This was the most common description — 26% of respondents said the disordered parents treated their children coldly and with indifference. These parents were described as showing no empathy; not involved with their children; failing to support them; ignoring, neglecting or abandoning them; or not wanting the children.
Abusive or harsh — 24%
Nearly a quarter of survey respondents said the senior sociopaths abused their children in some way, inflicting physical, emotional, psychological or sexual abuse. Harsh discipline and threats were included as types of abuse.
Inconsistent, superficial, fake — 17%
These disordered individuals only acted concerned about their children when they had an audience to impress, such as in-laws or school groups. They were Disneyland dads (or moms), treated their children like friends, tried to buy off their children with money or gifts, or broke their promises to their children.
Lies, manipulation and triangulation — 16%
Sixteen percent of survey respondents said the parents lied to, manipulated and triangulated their children, playing them against each other or the other parent.
Objects, possessions, “all about them” — 13%
Thirteen percent of respondents said the parents put their own needs and desires first, and considered their children to be possessions, extensions of themselves or trophies. They sometimes regarded the children as competitors, were jealous of them, and interacted with their children only on their own terms. For sociopaths, it’s always “all about them.”
Critical and disdainful —11%
In the survey, 11% of respondents said the parents criticized, disdained or blamed their minor children. For what? Anything that was wrong in the parent’s life. Sometimes these parents were pleasant when interacting directly with the children, but then smeared them behind their backs or attempted to make them feel guilty.
Controlling or enabling — 11%
Eleven percent of survey respondents said the senior sociopaths were controlling. Sometimes the method of control was to enable the child to behave irresponsibly or to cover for the child’s failures, even criminal behavior.
Parental alienation — 11%
Eleven percent of survey respondents reported that the index individuals engaged in parental alienation — they intentionally influenced the child so that he or she rejected the other parent. These parents wanted to make the child believe that the other parent didn’t love them, was incompetent or negligent, or was to be feared.
Okay or good enough parenting — 8%
A fraction of survey respondents — 8% — reported that the parent was an okay or good enough parent to their children. In fact, some said that this individual doted on or spoiled the children.
Exploited the children — 7%
Seven percent of survey respondents said the parents exploited their children; treated them as servants, slaves or pawns; or financially abused them.
Golden child or scapegoat — 7%
Sociopathic parents often play favorites among their children, treating some well and others terribly. Therapists and survivor communities describe this as the golden child and scapegoat scenario — the favored children are “golden” and the ostracized children are “scapegoats.” In the survey, 7% of respondents said the index individuals treated their children differently; many specifically mentioned the golden child and scapegoat terminology.
Adult children
I also asked survey respondents to describe how the senior sociopaths treated their children when they grew into adults. The short answer: just as badly.
Learn more: Senior Sociopaths Youtube series
Well, that’s when the adult children still interacted with their parents — 18% of survey respondents reported that the adult children went No Contact with their parents and cut them out of their lives.
Specific forms of abuse
In a separate multiple-choice question, I asked survey respondents to categorize the types of abuse that the senior sociopaths inflicted upon their minor children. The choices were physical, emotional, psychological, sexual and financial abuse.
For this question, I analyzed the data based on distinct groups of informants:
- Children and stepchildren of the disordered individuals (N = 357)
- Mothers and fathers who shared children with the disordered individuals (N = 254)
- Romantic partners and spouses who did not share children but observed parenting behavior (N = 475)
- Outside observers such as other family members, in-laws or neighbors (N =110)
This analysis lead to one of the most dramatic findings of my research: On every single measure, what the children of disordered parents experienced was far worse than what the adult observers knew about.
For example, all groups of respondents agreed that the disordered parents neglected and manipulated their children. But abuse was reported by 12% of respondents who shared children with the index individual, 5% of romantic partners who did not share children, 8% of outside observers — and 30% of the children themselves.
If you want to know more, all the data is in my book’s footnotes.
Heartbreaking stories
Senior Sociopaths also includes plenty of heartbreaking quotes and stories about how these disordered individuals act parents, and how it affected the children. Some children of sociopaths managed to escape and recover, but many were damaged forever.
Millions of people have grown up with sociopathic parents. My book will help you understand their experience.
More info: Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers
Sociopath pretended to be the perfect father and husband
Jan7
So incredibly sad so many children are emotionally & mentally abused by their own sociopathic parents without others realizing. Then many children go to school to be futhered bullied all because they are suffering from PTSD and no on realizes it due to lack of abuse education and sociopathic abuse lack of awareness.
It’s a cruel world. 😢 I wish anyone that has parents of a sociopath all the best & that they follow the no contact rule for a better calmer & peaceful life.
Donna, you did a amazing job on this book.👏 The data you have collected thanks to all those filled out the survey is on the level of a professional University or Govt study however, you being the first to compile this data/info study of it’s kind.
I’m waiting for the soft cover to come out so that I can pass it on to some local senior programs.
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(on a side note pls look up this on google “noah yuval harrari psychopath“…this pure evil guy and his puppet master evil Klaus Schwab are on a psychopathic level like no one else who has walked this earth.
See Hugo talks Klaus schwab you tube vid. And, also many vids on both of them on Brand new tube. These two along with evil Bill Gates, ALL world leaders, CEO’s world wide etc etc have literally HIGH JACKED ALL world governments and are moving the world into “One world government” aka “New world Order” (look up these terms) where we will literally lose our Constitutional rights.
They (Bill Gates, Klaus Schwab, World economic forum, WHO, CDC, World leaders etc) used a experimental drug on the world citizens which is literally murdering them daily. They have tied the arms of doctors/nurses etc from advicing citizens not to take these experimental vx.
The US FDA and Pfizer went to court this year to stop pfizers experimental vaccine data from being released for 55 years!!!!!!…the Judge ruled NO that they had to release the data no…they then went back to court and requested that data be hidden for 75 years!!!!! crazy…judge said NO. Look up on Brand new tube/net for the release of the side effects from the Pfizer experimental Vx = IT’S A 9 PAGE LIST OF MAJOR SIDE EFFECTS!! including hepatitis, heart issues, monkey rash (never seen before in humans), etc etc = SHOCKING!
Look up the govt reporting vaccine website for corona experimental vx on: VAERS. hhs. gov.
This is where those that have been harmed by these experimental vx are told to report over 1 million have reported…however there are more…the US govt is literally taking down report from their website so that their “numbers” do not report the actual amount of vx harmed victims = CRIMINAL. MOre on this on Brand new tube.
Thanks for your hard work (Terry too and your staff) you all are making a huge difference in this evil world. Take care. 🌸🌼
oppressednolonger97
Hi Jan, I do agree and look forward to reading this newest title. And to those with one of these individuals I strongly concur it is a much needed subtopic to explore and heal from. I was always hoping you and your tram would look deeper into sociopathic ageing parents, and I look forward to reading this latest offering,.
My senior sociopathic parent became so desperate for supply she began to hoover me after decades. I had a new life and family. She put on crocodile tears on a phone call after looking me up to apologise for huge transgressions made AFTER I became an adult. (Not even counting the serious neglect and abuse during childhood) I used to think of things therapists told me like “time heals all wounds” or “eventually you may be able to see eye to eye.” This needs to be more finely tuned in the therapy circles for sure, this subtopic of sociopathic parents who terrorise their grown adult children. The example I share below in the comment is actually the lesser of some more heinous examples so as to mitigate triggers for those who have experienced worse.
Unfortunately I was unaware at the time of just how serious and in my case dangerous an aging sociopathic parent could be. Some of us have experienced that they sometimes get worse. She did a number of things that put my life in danger even after I had children and no one was physically present at those times to believe me. I did what I did as a child and thought I may be exaggerating her transgressions.
I even thought perhaps she was becoming senile. I have revisited and now am strongly rethinking this consideration in order to maintain my wellbeing more than ever before.
Any filters from their (meaning sociopaths’) more youthful days of honing their craft in order to acquire human ‘narcissistic supply’ (if yours has strong narcissistic traits for example) can begin to diminish and so the tactics and deviousness can really show, as in our case. Lets just say my children got the chills and described the experience as “creepy”. It was after they endured a visit from grandma, despite it being shortened and very much monitored.
In my state of lowered awareness at the time following the ‘fake’ apology, I decided to to the conscientous thing and consider forgiving her.
However, I decided to have her visit at a popular destination about an hour from our residence and keep a close eye on all interaction, for safety sake. After just a few days with her during a visit, I had to visit a doctor for physical anxiety attacks and my ankles gave out while wheelchairing her through the airport on the way transporting her following said visit.
Since I wont make this too long I will cite only one concrete example of her sociopathy. She had arranged for a pet sitter to look after her small animal while she was on this visit. I found out later that the animal had been given an overdose of insulin and suffered and died during her (aging sociopaths) visit with us, all whilst in the care of the poor pet sitter. The pet sitter told me later she did not administer any medicines to the pup whatsoever. Hours after the sociopath aging parent (who I now believe drugged the animal by overdosing just before leaving for her trip) left by taxi to her flight for her visit, the animal when into all the physical manifestations of ODing on insulin, and was brough to the veterinarian where the animal did not quite make it. When asked about this incident the socipathic parent said “oh I think Sally must have made a mistake and gave Rover the wrong dose. Well no worries because the dog was becoming a nuisance anyway.” Yes the sociopathic aging parent actually told me this. Yet later I found out from the pet sitter, who swore to me – she gave no medicine to this pet. Additionally this pet sitter was equally as distraught and expressed angst with me over such a thing happening to this small dog on her clock:/
The anxiety that I may have thought was simply part of who I was over the years, or just something that was not sourced to my background began to have deeper origins: That her sociopathic personality had influenced such a physical mainfestation of anxiety in me, that I had begun to feel actual physical effects. I now know that I have had panic attacks and been subject to them, and now know why. And oddly enough, on a sidenote, our car displayed a check engine light en route to the airport during the drive to return her to where she came from. Just her presence in the vehicle made the internal electrical systems unwell so to speak!
We have since decided to often refer to the check engine light as a reminder to check in with just who we allow into our lives henceforth. So important to ‘gauge’ just who is allowed in, so as to prevent us from any further emotional or otherwise harm.
All visits were ended from there on in. I worry about my brother who does visit her – and he does happen to have pets.
We went extremely low contact since and have not provided her any further personal information in regards to our own family (AKA me spouse and children) thereafter. Please check with your internal gauges and there is no law about requiring one to stay in contact with an ageing relative displaying disturbing signs of sociopathy. Thank you for reading.
Donna Andersen
Hi Jan – thank you for your kind word. FYI – I did publish a scientific paper on this data. You can read about it here:
https://education.lovefraud.com/new-research-on-senior-sociopaths-antisocial-behavior-gets-worse-after-age-50/
oppressednolonger97
Hi Jan, as an aside I read further of your commentary and would be glad to connect with you regarding the other topic of sociopathy that you mentioned (higher level sociopathy hijinks occurring on that global scale you mentioned).
I am currently researching as well. Perhaps if you would like to and there is a way to do so, great. If not no worries, thank you for the additional heads up!