Editor’s note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Sebastian.”
Dated a female sociopath over 3-4 years and have a child with her. The child is now over 2 years old.
She was held for 72-hour observation on average once every 3 months. Constant shoplifter, abused Rx medications, and would cheat on occasion.
The stealing and drug-use was accompanied by remarks, for example, “I stole cause you don’t give me enough money,” or “prescription medications are fine because doctors prescribe them,” and “I did it cause you didn’t pay enough attention to me.”
I was working 40+ hours a week, going to school full time, and still taking her to 4 therapy sessions a week. During this time she did not work and was filing for disability.
One time she told doctors treating her for a cut on her head, which she did herself, that we had an argument. The doctors and nurses were ready to call the police on me.
Professionals have diagnosed her with affect disorder and anti-social behavior disorder.
The worst was when I broke up with her. She ended up being 3 months pregnant.
Two months before our son was born I was diagnosed with late stage cancer. By then she had moved away and was calling me on a daily basis, worked up with an anxiety attack over little things.
I was told to put my treatment on hold and come take care of her and when I told her I couldn’t, then she told me to give her money or stay out of our child’s life.
At this point I got upset and yelled back, saying something out of character for me.
I spent over $8000 for legal fees and still have to pay more to a lawyer, and didn’t get to see my child till they were over a year old.
She now claims to be born again and tells me every time I see my child I need Christian counseling because I am a bad Christian.
I cannot get into how difficult it is to get used to the fact our child is named to hurt me. I am tied to this woman for the rest of our child’s life. I cannot tell the child what their other parent really is like cause they don’t deserve it.
The courts won’t do anything cause all the evidence I could use is protected by HIPPA Laws.
This is a story that falls under “No good deed goes unpunished.”
Sebastian – I am so sorry for your experience. It is amazing what they can get away with.
Their not wanting to work and then telling you that you did not provide enough is one way the narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders play out. It is really abusive to make you work so hard, put it all on you, and then attack you for shortcomings perceived only by them, due to their warped view of the world. I know. I’ve been there. And I know others who have been there.
I hope you will not blame yourself or listen to her accusations. It sounds like you are very hard-working and responsible and do not deserve it. I hope you will meet a woman who can appreciate that. Most do.
Try as much as possible to stay connected with your child. It can be hard when you part ways when your child is only 2. But people like this try to alienate you from your child for a variety of reasons, and they can talk down about you to your child, coloring their view of you. Grown children say they wish their parents kept fighting for them and stayed in their lives or tried to keep in touch.
Sebastian, I hate to say this, but the ride has just begun. My husbands ex wife was diagnosed as a sociopath with BPD and narcissistic disorder. We have spent over $80.000.00 dollars on atty fees for 2 children that have been alienated from their father into their adult hood. They are now 19, and 23 and have nothing to do with their father since he divorced their “mother” 11 years ago. His 19 yr old daughter joined the most expensive, private college, and after not speaking to him for over 6 yrs, called him and wants us to pay for it! We are in court over that now, we tried to prove repudiation, but her “mother’s” lawyer coached her on what to say in the deposition and we failed. His ex has over the years lied to the courts and got away with it, defrauded over 24 k from a church she joined claiming they had no income while we were paying her over $4400.oo monthly in support and her bills. The sad part is they kids are so brainwashed they lied over the years right along with her…she always cons everyone! She has threatened to kill me, tried to kill my husband before their divorce, threatened suicide( which she would never do), tried to get both of us fired repeatedly ect…. It has been living hell for 11 years and hell for him 14 yrs before that. It never ends! Never! He got her pregnant, she was 31, he was 41…now we are paying, in every sense of the word! He is now almost 65, and can’t retire because we are ordered to pay 2/3 of her college. The 3rd her “mother” is responsible for is on us, her mother is also on Disability! ( she has never been tested for what she claims she has, her brother is a doctor and diagnosed her). Your child will be continually used as a pawn, and the courts won’t recognize it, or want to listen…they don’t care! The hard part is finding someone who loves you enough to deal with the terror, and who can stay one step ahead of your ex…it takes skill and a lot of strength…I know. I am 53 and have never had a vacation…we spent all of our 401k’s and savings on lawyers, to no avail! She walks into court with a cane, crying, any other time she walks around just like u and I! Sadly, it works..everyone feels sorry for her and is part of the con! My husbands children graduated from high school and told him “they didn’t want him there,”, his son got married, and we weren’t aware or invited. Your life will never be the same and your child is in for a miserable life no matter how “normal” you try to make it. Money will always be the key, and there will never be enough of it to satisfy her anyway! I could go on for pages and pages and tell you things she has done that are unbelievable and unheard of…but I won’t! Document everything, record all conversations( get yourself a small pocket recorder), protect yourself first, if you don’t, you can’t protect your child! My husband’s ex even tried to accuse him of sexual abuse, when all else failed…her mission is to destroy us…she has failed, barely! They feed on Drama, and any attention at all, negative or positive is attention. Communicate as least as possible, and record it all. God Bless you, you are in for one hell of a ride! Winifred
WHY is it always that apparently good/great men go for women like that? I see it now as I have all of my life. Men passing up beautiful (at least much more attractive than what they end up with! ) ladies of all ages to pursue or BE pursued and caught by lower quality females. What gives with that, you guys?
@....... TenTanToes Because spaths are expert at targeting nice, giving people. And then treat them so horribly the nice people get scared to love again. In the beginning, an effective spath makes you feel so incredible, you literally can’t think straight. You’re living in lala land, and then one day you realize paradise has turned to hell, and by then it’s too late.
Document EVERYTHING. Try not to ever be alone with her, always bring a friend as a witness whenever you have to see her. Hopefully her illegal activities will land her in jail. Keep hanging out here, at least here you can see you aren’t alone. Love Fraud keeps me sane and has helped me dodge other spaths.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had words of wisdom and comfort for you. Unfortunately, I don’t have any so far.
We are supporting a friend going through it now. He has custody of his children, but the the sociopath mother has expertly brainwashed a nine year old and seven year old to lie for her so the “bad men won’t take her away and they never see their mother again.” Her current husband is abusing the boys during her visitation. Because there is no exigent circumstance according to CPS rules and a judge got snowed into dropping the supervision of the visitations… there is no help. Our friend has already racked up thousands in legal bills trying to fight her in court. At our current count: there have been seven CPS investigations into HER actions with only one originating from our friend all found a reason to believe that abuse occured, a 288 page court ordered social study which she requested of which only 4 pages deal with our friend – she’d like a new one now because she didn’t like this one, and a never completed psych evaluation because she claimed her handicap would not allow her to participate in it! Now she is claiming that the seven year old has been diagnosed Oppositional Defiant Disorder this past weekend when not only has no diagnosis been made, he is most assuredly not ODD, and the paperwork she is waving around is a informational questionnaire about ODD and a discharge sheet from the ER saying that the mother reported a “violent episode”. This is meant to cover the abusive behavior of herself and her husband. The gall!!
These children are a long way from 18 and we have court this Friday. We feel your pain. All we know to do is keep on keeping on to do our best to protect the children and patiently wait for Karma to finally kick in. I just wish Karma would hurry up!
Men,meaning a large percentage, seem attracted to ‘bad’ women. Even to much prefer them.
They pass by a thousand much more attractive, sweet, funny, accomplished ladies and zero in on trash and ‘bad news’ types. Unless the man is a spath himself. I am retired and have observed this since I first noticed boys. The older the man, the more prone they seem to bad taste in women.