Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, Christie20.
After dating a narcissist for 7 years, I remained single after we broke up for three years. I decided it was time for me to date again.
A doctor in northern California found me on my Instagram account. I am the type of person that gets a generous amount of messages from men, however I usually won’t respond. For some reason, I read and responded to this man. Something about him had me intrigued.
We decided to meet when he came to Orange County for a medical conference. He immediately started love bombing me. He spoke about how he was the greatest, smartest doctor in the E.R. He would forward me work emails that complimented him as a doctor. He would talk about how the nurses all wanted to date him, but he was not interested.
The oddest thing is that he had a way of never paying for anything.
We met again in Las Vegas a month later. He pretended to propose to me in public using a ring I already had on my finger for attention. He then had me pay for the bill for dinner and left me to get his own cab. He told me that I was the one for him and he told all of his friends.
He often spoke about how he was the sole reason his mother became a nurse. Due to his intelligence, he tutored her at age 10 to become a nurse, he claimed.
He made plans to visit me in southern California after. He slowly started making me feel bad for not visiting him first. He was a very busy doctor who was about to move apartments. I was in grad school at the time working with Autistic children (equally busy). However, I fell for his manipulation and spent the little money I had to visit him. He introduced me to his family and ignored me the entire time. I was only for show. At the end of our visit he started acting distant.
I later realized I had made a statement that angered him TERRIBLY. He was disgusted that I was on my period during my visit. He said, “Thank goodness you don’t have hepatitis C or something.” I told him, “You’re a doctor, it’s just blood, get over it.”
After I left him at the airport I never heard from him again. I confronted him through the phone and he said I should have known he was busy moving and that I was being selfish.
I did not get out of bed for months following this. He was toxic.
Dear Christie,
Chances are this is no doctor – although there are many doctors that are sociopaths!
In the future, agree to meet someone in the daytime halfway between where they live and you live. You pay for your lunch and he pays for his, no matter how rich he is. You each have brought your own car, in case the date goes sour.
Listen to your gut. If, for any reason, it doesn’t feel right to you, shut it down, and figure it out later.
You probably caused what is called a narcissistic injury by accident. Anyone that is easily offended is very likely a narcissistic sociopath.
If you don’t heal, you are bound to repeat. Read all the books by Amber Ault and Donna Andersen. Another book is The Gift of Fear. On Tuesdays, 8 PM EST, watch Donna Andersen live on YouTube.
You are lucky more damage was not done. Read and listen to those who lost thousands of dollars and more. By walking around with an open wound, he may feel free to return. This man is potentially very dangerous. If you don’t believe me, invest in a background check on him!
Know you hurt as Hell, and blame yourself for his rejecting you, but he apparently sensed something healthy in you that makes you a poor mark.
You deserve better!
Yours truly,
Monica
Dear Monica,
I cannot thank you enough for your response to my story. Gaining insight from this experience has taught me so much, especially about empaths and the type of energy they can attract. Up until this experience, I never thought narcissists were as evil as people depicted them as. It took me an extremely long time to realize that this man had issues.
He is indeed an E.R. doctor and a fairly good one since he attended Stanford Medical School. However, as we all know, the narcissist can be an extremely charismatic individual etc……so this is no surprise. I did look into this prior to meeting him. I later found out from a mutual friend (who is also a doctor for Standford Medical) that this man has quite a reputation (not a good one either).
Our first date was at a restaurant but because he was in the town where I live in southern California we didn’t meet halfway. By no means am I justifying my actions, but he had some odd “spell” over me.. I would never have done such things when it comes to dating. normally.
I failed to mention that I was extremely sick when we met with a cough. However, I figured I could at least meet him while he was in town. He ended up lecturing me about my cough most of the night and telling me he knew how to cure me. ….except he refused to write a prescription for anything to help my cough (despite his constant comments on my illness).. He claimed it would be unethical to write me a prescription for an inhaler etc. I understood this, but he complained the entire night we spent together if he even heard me make one noise that sounded like a cough. Once I was able to see my doctor, he immediately said that my doctor’s diagnosis was absurd and that I had walking pneumonia. He went on a tangent ridiculing my doctor’s prescriptions as well. He was obsessed with being correct ALL the time, but wouldn’t even help me find a cough syrup at CVS. Quite odd.
Thank you for introducing me to the term, “narcissistic injury”. I was unaware of this terminology! Unfortunately, I found myself engaging with another narcissist this past month. I think that the individual knows I see through him if that makes sense. I am trying my best to not speak to him. The wise thing to do would be to block him though.
Thank you for your comment back to me. I appreciate it.
Christie20 – Interesting that you mention a “spell.” This isn’t as crazy as it may seem. Many sociopaths engage in a kind of mind control. The same techniques used by cult leaders. In fact, cult leaders are sociopaths.
.
I failed to mention that the consequence of my depression following this experience caused me to drop out of grad school for 4 months.
Hello Christie20 – I am so sorry for your experience. Please give yourself time and permission to heal.
Hello Donna,
Thank you for your kind words. I am grateful that I was at least able to learn fro this experience. I know that many people have had far worse experiences than I.
Thank You Donna
Dear Christie20,
I’m sorry you experienced this. What were some of the things your mutual friend had said about him, and how did he/she know to tell you about him?