Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who we’ll call “Jenna.” At the end, she posts a document written by her sociopathic ex about the price of his soul, which provides a unnerving glimpse into how he truly thinks. Names have been changed.
I have spent the last 18 years dealing with a classic sociopath, a man who lies beyond my wildest imagination. I have come to believe that he isn’t just evil that is too easy an explanation. Evil people can’t help themselves; they can be “born bad.” No, this man chooses to be sadistic and mentally cruel. He can be “nice” when he wants to. He has a now four-year-old granddaughter who adores him and thinks her “Papa” hung the moon. If she ever sees on her own what he is, he will be her first broken heart.
He calculates his moves and sets up his victims over a long period of time — feeding off one woman after another, using the exact same pattern, until they no longer are sating his appetite for whatever it is he hungers for money, respect, ego gratification. I have never met anyone like this before. He enjoys what seems to have been his life’s work. He often said he “didn’t like women or children.” I should have listened.
I met him through work in April 1992. I was 44 years old, attractive and I thought relatively intelligent. My boss knew him from a previous job, considered him an associate, and brought him in to do some computer consulting. Looking back, my first impression was that he was focusing on me, trying to impress me. I should have heeded my bells and listened to my first impressions. He was knowledgeable about everything, charming, and I realize now he talked only about himself, his business plans, his big ideas. Going for lunches developed into a relationship. He was never pushy or all over me just the opposite.
Moves in
He moved in with me on January 2, 1993 after I had broken off with him because I thought he was playing me. I went away that Christmas alone, and when I came home, he was ensconced in my home, with the fireplace burning, two dozen long-stemmed red roses, a bottle of wine and a six-page handwritten letter about what a fool he had been and how much he “loved” me. The fool was me; I let him stay.
I had been on my own for a long time so I tried to establish some beginning boundaries. The first year we were together, he had to pay half the rent and half the living expenses, but slowly that morphed into us having joint accounts, and making decisions as a couple.
Within two months, he would fall asleep on the couch watching TV. I worked, he didn’t. He was trying to build a consulting business, but I think he did nothing most days. I’d come home and he’d be busy doing dishes that he had obviously just started, so it would look like he was busy.
No sex
Within six months, he withdrew sex. “I don’t know why” was his stock answer to every attempt to work through this. I thought maybe he had problems so I backed off and learned to live without a normal and healthy love life. It was step one in completely undermining my own self confidence, self image and willingness to walk away. I was mature, had not been committed enough to really work at previous relationships, so my mindset was, “I love this man and I am going to work at this.”
In 1994 he got a job that lasted four months. He talked me into starting my own business and I did freelance accounting. When he was fired from his job I was never able to find out why, but they let him go on a Tuesday and paid him only to the end of that day, which had to mean just cause. Knowing what I know now, no doubt he was inappropriate with female staff or maybe even male staff, because now I wonder about everything. Nothing was as it seemed.
August 1996 and he has just started his second job lasted six months, during which, I find out, he has been having an affair with the receptionist. He moved out March 1997 and came back begging me to give him another chance in May, saying he was nothing without me; he might as well go live on “skid row” because he would never be able to get off the couch again if I wouldn’t take him back. We had a business to consider he reminded me. He made love to me four times during the “take me back” stage. Soon as he was safely back, sex stopped, but he did come to bed at night. In later years, he would sleep in the living room, on the couch every night, in his clothes and only came downstairs to get a change of underwear, knowing that hurt me and was the exact opposite of what I wanted.
In business together
Over the years this scenario was repeated. In 17 years he held down four jobs, all of which lasted max six months. He talked me into going into business with him and we are 50% shareholders in a small home-based business that supported us from 1999 onward. I am seriously living to regret this, as I divorce and try to extricate myself from him. He talked on the phone a lot, and I did all the heavy lifting.
I had my life savings, which wasn’t much, but it bought us the home I live in now. We moved here in 1999. Yet another “job” he had, this time contracted through our company. He lasted five months in what was supposed to be a five-year contract.
I have to say that the privacy act and employer’s unwillingness to share information is a tremendous handicap to women in my position. Even as 50% owner of the company, no one is willing to tell the truth. If any one of the people who saw through him, anywhere along the line, had had the courage to tell me what my husband was up to, it would have opened my eyes. I was getting his side of the story only, and his best skill is, he is a honed and practiced liar. No matter how suspicious or concerned or questioning I might be, he could talk himself out of it, so I’d wind up giving him the “benefit of the doubt.”
Job in Florida
On April 21, 2009 my husband (he wanted to get married in 2003) left “on business” to take a consulting job in Florida. When he left, I prayed that this would be make it or break it. My health and spirit were so broken that his decision to take this job was almost a relief.
A month after he was gone I began to feel better physically, but such was my commitment to my marriage that I actually said out loud, what worried me was he would want to come back, and I wouldn’t want him to. I would feel obligated to take him back, even though I knew I was living in a toxic relationship. A counselor said to me afterwards that if you have a kind heart, cut people some slack and believe in God, and in doing unto others, you are custom made for this type of predator. They count on it! Your decency and your ability to love and forgive are the very tools they use against you.
First month, he web-cammed daily while I helped him get set up, furnish his apartment and paid his bills. He phoned me 10 times a day on his way down to Florida, saying how much he missed me already.
Cheating
The lies kept up until June 27, 2009 when he avoided an opportunity to web-cam home to see our 3-year old Granddaughter who was visiting. Everything began to add up. I spent all day July 1, 2009 trying to figure out how to hire a private detective in Florida. Turns out he had put himself on a dating site within three weeks of arriving there, and he had “grown an inch” from the time he left here. By August he was on Craig’s list as well and had grown yet another inch!
I had to take control of our business servers and over the course of the next few months I received emails from two women, who came after the one the private investigator filmed him with. His story to them he had been a widower for 40 years, had raised his two girls alone, his wife had been tragically killed in a car accident, t-boned when his youngest was just 2 months old. He had sacrificed himself to raise his daughters. Turned out I wasn’t the dead wife he was speaking of he was actually referring to his first wife, who is alive and well and who is still married to the man who really helped her raise the children.
Second woman who contacted me, did so because she had been told I was his “cousin” and I “worked for him” and she wanted to know if I was going to be helping her learn how to work for him. Both the women who contacted me were kind enough to send me the “ads” they answered, and photos of themselves and one even send me photos of them together, which I could have lived without.
My honesty saved the two women who connected with me, but every woman who crosses his path is at risk. I have come to see that he is like a reverse serial rapist. It is all about power and control, and once he assesses what you want and need most from him, in my case, warmth, love and affection, he withholds that from you. He apparently was quite lustful with the women he met on line and I wonder now, who was he cheating on me with during the 10 years we’ve been in this town? A man doesn’t go from being celibate for 17 years to suddenly being active. I now consider it a gift that he didn’t touch me at least I know my health isn’t at risk.
The document
Interestingly enough, in the “document” you read below, the woman referred to as “Marsha” is in fact his first wife (you know, the one who wasn’t killed in a car accident). The second woman he mentions, is the woman he cheated on “Marsha” with and left Marsha for. It would seem that none of us who came after mattered at all.
I found this document while searching his computer using the word “university” because he claimed to have a Bachelor of Commerce degree and I wanted to share that with my lawyer. This document, written by him on Oct. 1, 2005 at 7:30 pm, popped up. His oldest daughter’s birthday. The night after my 58th birthday. Two years and one month to the day after our marriage, and two months before he would “set me up” by putting me as sole director of our company, which as it turns out, has backfired on him, but it was part of a long-term plan he had and was slowly working on, a trap that would be used when he was ready to spring it.
I can tell you that when I opened this document, it embarrassed me to read it. I never knew this man at all. I have no doubt that I was in my office working, or making dinner, or cleaning up after dinner, while he sat in his office writing this. I can tell you that knowing what I know now, he doesn’t have “a soul to sell.”
I’m weeks away from my divorce being final. He has fought me every step of the way, threatening me, filing lawsuits against the company, using the business and my fear of losing my home and what little security I have left. He has harassed both me and my lawyers, gone out of his way to increase my legal fees, hoping to break me. He represents himself, and at every turn is foxier and more cunning than one could ever believe. Normal does not apply. I wonder what the women before me went through and know in my heart, they went through exactly what I am going through. I can’t wait to get rid of his last name legally.
He threw away his life and I need to be punished for that. I wasn’t supposed to find out. I was supposed to continue in the role I had played, the easily conned wife who kept knocking herself out trying to make her marriage work, while he kept his options open and explored for greener fields.
PS: Job in Florida lasted four months, then they let him go. I have no doubt he is trolling for his next food source as I write.
The Price of My Soul
- To return to Easter, 1956 when my parents moved.
- To have all of the knowledge that I have now and have had in the past.
- To be popular with both boys and girls. At school, in clubs and all other parts of my life.
- To excel in sports without injury, particular in hockey, track, football and baseball. To be good enough in football, baseball and track to attract quality athletic scholarships.
- To excel in school without undue effort. To receive the highest marks in every subject, to effortlessly complete all homework and assignments. To receive the highest possible marks on all tests and examinations. To be the valedictorian in both High School, University. To be first in my class in Graduate School.
- To have the inherent ability to make the right and correct choices regarding education, finance, investments and career.
- To be attractive, fit and athletic for my entire life. To live well in to my 90s and to be happy, contented and satisfied with my life. To die with no regrets.
- To never smoke or partake of non-prescription drugs. To always drink alcohol responsibly and never get drunk or impaired.
- To never have an illness and to be immune from all disease.
- To be hardworking, focused and disciplined. To be courteous to everyone. To be calm, soft-spoken and fair. To have, and experience, no prejudice.
- To be unusually attractive to all women, of legal age, regardless of age, race, color, marital status or religious beliefs. To have the inherent ability to communicate my interest to a particular woman and to have her feel a tingle in her loins and know that, by overtly contacting me, she will experience the most satisfying sexual encounter that is it possible to have.
- To have the inherent ability to bring women to the deepest orgasm possible at my whim and thought. To do so, if I wish, just by touch, by stroking, or by any other means that I wish. To have women become addicted to sexual relations with me. To be completely uninhibited in sex and to have each of my partners wish to be willing to try anything. To be able to bring my partners to orgasm orally, anally, vaginally and any other way I choose. To have them long for each way. To be able to bring women to multiple orgasms, including ejaculation, and to be able to experience multiple ejaculations, myself, within minutes of each other. To never lose this ability until my death.
- To never, either myself or a chosen sexual partner, experience a jealous husband, fiancé, lover or friend. To never end a sexual relationship in any way other than as enduring friends.
- To have women become so addicted to my sexual prowess and their satisfaction that they will do anything that I wish to continue the relationship. To have them recommend me to their women friends and to have those friends join us in the relationship.
- To have this attraction begin from the moment of puberty and, until I am of legal age, to have these relationships with women older than myself.
- To have these women pay me for my company until I have graduated from school and have become a wealthy person. It would be my expectation that, beginning at 13 years of age, I would earn $100 per week from each of my lovers and that I would have five lovers. I would expect my income to increase with each year until legal age.
- To have the inherent ability to save my money and to invest in the most profitable manner. To always know the correct time to buy stocks, bonds or other investments and to always know when to sell at the maximum profit. To never make a losing investment.
- To always know the correct time to create a new company or service and to always know the correct time to sell the investment. To never lose money in this manner. To always have prior knowledge of startup companies and to know which ones will succeed and which ones will fail. To always know the optimum time to cash in the investment.
- To be financially well of by the age of 18. To be a millionaire by the age of 20. To be a multi-millionaire by the age of 25. To be a billionaire by the age of 30 and to be the richest man in the world by the age of 40. To remain so until my death.
- To be asked to mingle in the highest levels of society all over the world. To be politically astute and to have political influence worldwide.
- To never marry and to never have children. To die, peacefully and happy, having left a legacy of both deeds and money that will be invested for good. To have planned those investments so that they will never stop working for good.
- To have several loving relationships during my lifetime. To love deeply and be loved deeply. One of those relationships is to be with Marsha Jackson and the other with Susan Morris. Both are to be deeply satisfying for everyone involved but are not to be monogamous on my part. As in other relationships, they will be so satisfied that they will want to share me with their female family members and friends.
- To be an outstandingly accomplished dancer. To be able to bring a women to climax just by whispering in her ear while dancing. To be able to engage in a conversation, with a woman, about absolutely anything. To have her feel no offense at the most intimate of conversations and comments. To be able to bring her to climax during those conversations.
- To be appreciative and knowledgeable of the arts. To be an engaging and interesting speaker. To have an inherent ability to lead people in the direction I choose for them to go. To always do so for good, never evil.
- To be truly satisfied and happy in everything that I do. Especially in each and every sexual relationship that I have. To be able to give the deepest possible pleasure to my partner and, in turn, to receive the same.
apt/mgr, thank you so much for coming back and sharing your story, I remember seeing your name in the past, but can’t remember all the conversations, I am really struggling to get to where you are now, so it is a fabulous testimony to read the peace and happiness you have found (on top of the toxic relationships, my daughter now lives 3000 miles away — and I’m not happy (: I can really relate to what you wrote). I am going to copy and paste it to my journal! Thank you for the blessing of your writings.
apt/mgr
I came over from the Mel Gibson article…. oh boy…it’s getting depressing…Oxy said there was inspiration in your post…thanks Oxy…because I feel uplifted and I’m smiling now, to hell with Mel…I admire your clarity when it comes to ‘having a man’…there is this niggling super ego voice that tells me I am incomplete without the special relationship to the ‘man’….yet after my experience with a P , I seriously doubt I will ever trust a man again….your writing is crackling with wisdom and your voice has sailed past the niggling voice to “I get it”
I see a picture of a very cool 60 year old woman driving around in her car…she named serendipidy! so similar yet different to Oxy who decribes herself as “a lil ol red neck biddy, living in the boonies, wearing her feather hat and riding her jack ass” ha ha….2 very cool women!!! who have earned their peace of mind
apt/mgr,
I read your posts and wept, being totally encouraged by them. Peace.
Thank you one and all. I feel like I’ve made my come back! Actually I have. And at this age, Oxy and I can do what we want and it’s just attributed to our age.!
But for me there will be no more pretense. I refuse to play house with anyone, anymore. I waited for so many years for the real to kick in. I would implore everyone who is in a caustic relationship to seek help, issue ultimatums, pull out all the stops, and if that doesn’t work, to run. I lived in a state of denial for a long time, due to wanting my marriage to work, for the sake of my kids, for other issues, but left myself out. Co-dependent all the way. I was the one who suffered. When one is used for sex and services, but not wanted, that person becomes so emotionally depleted. I was there.
That was the desert of my life. Feeling beholden, as I didn’t have my own source of income and knowing my husband begrudged me using his, but it was for our children, home, life, etc. At that time, I wanted to stay at home with the kids and my husband said so too, but he apparently didn’t mean it. That was such a disordered time of my life, and I observe so many going through the same thing. I wanted better for my daughters. Having an education and the ability to take care of themselves, even though married, gives the mind a sense of independence. Being dependent on someone, leaves you at their mercy. So we think.
There is a woman of the past, Victoria Woodhull, who ran for President of the United States in 1872. (A little bit of history) She had said, to paraphrase, a woman’s ability to earn a living is better protection against the tyranny of men than her ability to vote. This can apply to anyone. When we are at the mercy of another, they take the right to use us at will and we become a prisoner of their mind and ours. It really is possible to be in a committed relationship and still have a sense of freedom. We can’t own another. We all want a sense of belonging, but when that person consumes all of us, and we are required by their way of thinking, to constantly perform, provide, satisfy, we empty ourselves of life itself.
I choose to love God’s words and apply them. He says “as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is”. I believed in my heart I was okay, but the external, (husband, in-laws) seemed to see me in a different light. I was a product of convoluted thinking. But deep within I knew there had to be a better way, and by the wonderful light of day, God’s grace and mercy, I was set free. Lots of circumstances that brought me to this moment. Losing the guilt was the starting point. I am not responsible for another’s happiness. We can be happy together, but there’s no way I can fix their messed up emotions and mind. It would be fun to explore all the possibilities together, but when the other wants to blame and refuses to acknowledge their part, lives in a constant state of denial, it’s all futile and I quit. I figure now if anyone wants something from me, they have to ask and like them, I have the choice of saying no. And if they walk, I say don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you. Ah, freedom. Tastes good!!
Bluejay,
I’ve wept for the pain of others as I keep seeing me at that same point. I want so badly to reach inside of those hurting hearts and provide comfort and help them fast forward to this point. I wouldn’t wish the despair I felt and the darkness I endured on anyone. But it took going through that darkness to really appreciate the Light. The mind can be our downfall. Our own thinking can keep us so bound. For me, I was torn between my obedience to God and my commitment to my family. I was the strong one, but yet I was resented for that. I got sucked into the vortex of a messed up mind and family.
That’s why I think people’s sexuality becomes the center of the distortion. We live in a society that wants to dictate even how many times a person should “do it”. We are not sexual beings. We are human beings who can have sex if we want to. It is an emotion, all-be-it physical, but an emotion none the less. It’s an appetite that wants to be satiated and for some, they can find the right satisfaction, but for others it’s their only drive through life. I guess that’s another form of a drive by shooting!!
I’ve learned that love doesn’t need sex, but lust does. It’s up to us to determine which is which. I was desperate for someone to love me. Because I was used for sex and services for years, I started believing somehow the two went together. I don’t feel that way anymore. I came from a very unenlightened part of society. Very sheltered to the point of being a total greenhorn. I was 18 before I knew how a woman got pregnant! That was very naive. But I was a fast learner and thought this thing called sex, was a wonderful pastime but soon learned it meant nothing. It proved nothing other than to satisfy lust, but it was outside of bed that really counted.
I’ve always had this analytical mind. My catch phrase is,” what did it prove?” If there is no genuine meeting of the minds, and we aren’t on the same page, sex becomes a wasted emotion. But the mind is still wanting it, even though this person beats us up and kicks us to the curb. I would see this, with myself and so many others. I started thinking on this, and realized that somehow it’s all connected.
Crimes of passion-we see this all the time. Where does that come from and why would someone kill another they just had sex with or why would they kill an innocent child they just used for sex? It all comes together for me. A person’s sexual psyche is really messed up. They need help to find out where it all began, because they caught us up in their messed up psyche and if we don’t perform to their delight, we get cheated on, beaten up, (verbally, physically, emotionally, mentally), and we don’t even know what we did wrong. Thus the dysfunction continues because we are trapped by their thinking and our own.
To be able to free ourselves isn’t an instant process, at least it wasn’t for me. I have this huge ability to love and thought I needed to be loved as I loved. Not everyone has that capacity. I’m looked at almost as a freak because I don’t do what others do. I’ve always marched to a different beat, and I know, for me, it was the tune that God designed just for me. I will gladly hum a few bars and let anyone join in. I refuse to be taken advantage of again. I blame myself too, for not being more assertive. I thought in order to please God I had to please man. Not so. That came from some of my own thinking, but planted there many years ago. Again, I had some disorder in me that led me to being used. I was a co-dependent, dependent on another. Major dysfunction. But I raised my daughters to be just the opposite.
I don’t have more than a high school education, so I don’t have the marketable skills. I wanted to be sure my daughters fared better than I. Education and leverage. But even that doesn’t always protect. I guess it just comes down to finding out who we are from the way we are treated. For me, I want to be a strong woman who can stand on her own and will no longer take the abuse of another. When I know I’m right, I will speak my piece. I’m tired of defending myself to those who would delight in seeing me fall flat on my face.
I wish for all here and beyond to be free of tyranny. To some I lead a boring life because I refuse to fight. So they think. I’m a quiet fighter, they just don’t see it. Silence really is golden. Just keep smiling. It makes them wonder what you are up to, and in so doing you are taking back what they stole. Peace of mind. Just biding your time till it all comes together. Learning to deceive the deceiver. Turning the tables, quietly throwing their words back at them, and allowing them to throw away the relationship, and we walk away, relieved to be free and we didn’t have to fire a shot. They did. But they are still trapped inside their small minds. We hurt, for sure, but we know how to process the hurt and turn it into a healing. For ourselves and others. They just keep doing their thing to others and while they are out there hurting others, we are taking our hurt and helping others heal. A cycle of life. We become free because we know how to let go.
Dear Apt/mgr,
Darling, you did it again! What a wonderful confirmation of ourselves!
I totally agree with you, financial independence is so important for women (and men) even if they do choose to be stay-at-home parents.
No one Can make us happy, and I agree that a relationship should be “SHARING HAPPINESS.” I was fortunate I had a husband for 20 years that shared happiness with me and we were INTER-dependent. I do miss that I admit, but I cannot and will not settle for less, and being by myself I have GREAT COMPANY at least!
I’m sure you have seen the “Red Hat” society stuff of older women doing as they please. Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen MD wrote one called “Drones Don’t White Concentrated wisdom for Juicy women, 13 qualities to cultivate” I AM PROUD TO BE A CRONE! Which is the ancient English word for Woman of Wisdom from the days when being older (and, supposedly at least, wiser) was an honored position.
I can choose to be who and what I am, and change it at any time, and it doesn’t make any difference what others think of me. I can validate myself. I can dress up and go to the symphony or a play (we have 3 universities within 35 miles of us) or I can dress down and float the Buffalo National River, or go trail riding on my floppy eared jack ass and drink Mountain Dew and Jack Daniels out of a paper cup! (YUK! actually LOL)
You are so right FREEDOM TASTES GOOD and God’s grace and mercy have set me FREE!!!!! BTW Victoria Woodhull is one of my heroes, along with Abby Kelly, who devoted her life to anti-slavery and women’s rights to speak in public. There’s a great book by Dorthy Sterling about Abby called “Ahead of her time, Abby Kelly and the Politics of antislavery.”
As long as ANY group is DEPENDENT they are enslaved. As long as any individual is dependent they are enslaved. FREEDOM is wonderful! It also requires that we work to maintain it, and to make wise choices. Living in Denial or dependent on someone else for our happiness give them power over us, and I no longer choose to give that power away…I will take it back, along with the responsibility for myself.
I’m glad you are back and strutting your stuff, Mgr! You are a wonderful example and mentor to us all! HOORAY FOR US OLD GALS.
Every time I read another description of a relationship there is always one moment of aha! We were married to the same person! no matter how different it was in other ways. Mine did the withholding bit so well, while giving me something else, usually something HE wanted (we shared a lot of common interests) that it took me a long time to catch on. His mistake was to with hold sex while blaming it on me, while still telling me how much he loved me and how sexy he found me. As besotted as I was with the man, I didn’t believe him. Of course I believed he didn’t find me sexy any more and it trashed my fragile ego even more. Finding out he was an on line predator actually made me feel a bit better, since he was using the same words to her, exactly, as he used to me. I still doubt I will ever have another relationship even after three years, but I’m slowly crawling back out of my shell. I’m wearing make up again and working towards clothes that look good on me. I figure I’m not dead yet, so who knows. And one day when I was with my kids and feeling pretty happy, I grinned at a guy standing on a ladder at Walmart and he almost fell off, LOL! I hold that one incident close to my heart, hee hee.
Crying. Oh yes. Every day for two years, the first year almost non stop. The other day it suddenly hit me how lonely I was and I burst into tears. I wanted that relationship to work sooo much. But like any really involving fantasy, it had to end. And I realized I had not cried over that broken dream for months. I hardly ever cry any more. Can’t say I’m the happiest person in the world, but I’m actively working on getting better. Lately a very needy, adorable kitten has come into my life and totally changed it. Such a small thing, such a tiny ball of fluff, but I now talk with my neighbors and make sure I leave the house every day, even if it’s just to give the kitten his bottle outside in the sunlight. I’m slowly coming back to life. It’s been a long, hard three years, but the worst part is over. Hang in there peeps, I know it doesn’t seem possible, but if you let yourself, you will heal. All my life I had been chasing that relationship I thought I should have, that it was my right to have. Other people did, didn’t they? So much freedom now, I’m finally building a relationship with myself…and with a few friends and a lot of cats!
Find what gives you joy, no matter how small it is. Be gentle with yourself. Try to have patience. Have faith that it WILL get better. And hang out here a lot.
Wow, about being a victim in court, so very true! I never realized that before. It explains so much. I hope I never have to go to court again, but after taking some law classes required to get a degree, and being told I was good at it, I can speak legalize enough when someone like Dancing’s X tries intimidation I can respond with polite legal venom. I used to just collapse, dear Dancing, I’m so proud of you, how much you have grown in just this posting. Wish I could be in court to cheer you on!
Lawyers always tell the best lawyer jokes. I hope this is a new one for some of you.
What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman. Of course, that’s maligning the dobies.
Dear Romantic NO BODIES’ FOOL,
TOWANDA!!! GF I love lawyer jokes, but I’m not a lawyer. I’ve known a couple of honest ones, you know that 99% of lawyers give the OTHER 1% a bad name. LOL
My best friend is a real blonde so I know all the blonde jokes too. LOL
You will stop crying all the time and start to laugh again, even if it is gallows humor for a while. I always loved gallows humor anyway, so that was okay with me. Most humor is us laughing at someone else’s pain anyway. I used to cry so much as I posted, and now my tears are mostly empathetic ones or even happy tears! I’ve always been a sentimental slob, I cry at Bambi and any Lassie episode LOL I can’t watch Old yeller or Where the red fern grows without crying from the start because I know the story. LOL The yearling is just too much, I can’t watch it any more it is too sad.
It takes TIME to move away from the beaten down mode, and each of us takes a different amount of time, but it is never short. I can vouch for that. And it is a roller coaster ride as well, up and down up and down.
Goggle Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and her explanation of the grieving process. It is what we are DOING is grieving the LOSS of something we thought we had, that in fact, was a fantasy.
But our perception of LOSS is REAL and is PAINFUL and we have to process that loss, and that grief. It isn’t quick, but it will in the end be worth it! (((hugs))))
Apt/Mgr,
I would like to move into your building!!! Wow, what a post!! So clear. So beautiful! Thank you so much!
Hey, we now have the LOVE FRAUD HOUSE! LOL Wouldn’t that be a hoot! Dare a psychopath to come there!
Apt/Mgr is there a barn near by I could rent for the donkeys, and how about Pets, is there a problem with them in the apartment?
EB and I will be the security guards, she will pack her can of WASP SPRAY! Henry can be our gardner, Matt will be the resident shark, wow, there will be a LF peep for every job we need. The kids will all be happy and there will always be a loving eye to watch them! We can even have our own little leagues and Scouts, and dance classes, and base ball teams to root for and cheer on!
Mama Gem will give art and painting classes, and there will be so many wonderful things to do and people to go places with.
Ah, what a wonderful fantasy—Lovefraud-land!