Why you still want your sociopathic partner

Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they’re in love with them, and can’t get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions.

Now, there’s proof. A recent study found that “the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings,” according to Science Daily.

Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on

Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.

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389 Comments on "Why you still want your sociopathic partner"

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* talked you into leaving your marriage (?)
* arrested for having a stolen vehicle
* was still married in spite of assertions of divorce
* you paid the bills while he piddled around

What were the 2 years that you refer to as having been “great,” and what made them so?

You’re not losing your mind. The trauma-bond is a true and very real part of abuse, whether it’s physical or emotional abuse. And, he’s in your head because he knows how to stay there. Two words for you: NO CONTACT. No emails. No text messages. No phone conversations. No snail mail. Nothing. He’s keeping you dangling because he CAN, plain and simple.

Hugs to you, Stormy – we’ve all been there, and some of us are still trying to manage the “Beck-and-Call” hold that they have on us. “No Contact” is the only way to break it, and end it – the only way.

Brightest blessings

Thank you all for the very kind and helpful responses and thank you Kim for the links. I will definitely check them out.
I suppose it is a very small part considering all I have been through and still go through, what I cannot seem to get past is how some people look at her as the victim. She has her craft down and labels me as a Jeckyll and Hyde personailty with nothing to back her claims up but lies. I need to stay strong I know, which is why I am so thankful for this website, newletters and the people here who can relate to what is being said. All I can say is Thank you so much!

I am really in a bad situation. My sociopathic girlfriend “dumped” me. I told her at first I’d like to be friends and from a position of love, she turned to a position of hate, yet still wanting to REMAIN friends. It was really a ploy by her to regain the power she had lost and then “win” as all sociopaths seem to be fixated about. So, not only did I get dumped, I also now have to carry her burden instead of me being the one to dump her first. I am really upset and dont understand why things always have to end in a power struggle?
Because right now I feel like I have been shafted and she’s just dumped all her emotional baggage on me.

You cannot remain friends with someone if either one of you is still hoping for a romantic and real relationship. IT DOESN’T WORK and personally, anyone who dumps me, but asks me to be friends, is putting me on the back burner, and seeking to play with my emotions. Ahhhhh, no. That is a huge red flag.
Get your ego out of it. If you don’t want a power struggle, surrender. Go NC and move on.
Why does it bother you so much that she dumped you? Did you want her? Ahhhh, noi.
She simply let you know that your conditions didn’t work for her.

Tony I was also DUMPED by a sociopath.
Its horrible man. Do all you can to let your
emotions out. Scream, bed your head in a pillow.
Take out all your frustrations on paper. Write notes.
Write notes about her moodswings, about her good
times and bad times with you. Read the notes before
going to sleep. This is the only way you’ll get some
understanding of who she really is and what she wanted
from you.

Kim – it matters who breaks up because in the end
the sociopath only recognizes power. He/she does
not recognize compromise. If Tony was dumped, Im
sure he’d feel 100% better if he dumped her first.
Because now, the sociopath is looking back at Tony
and probably laughing. Sorry Tony, take it easy
on yourself. I’ve been there but on top of what you
got i also had threats of a restraining order.

I’m with Kim on this…….Another thread mentioned being a victim.
As opposed to a survivor.

Understand the nature of the sociopathic “beast”.

It’s all about power.
They have to win.

Let them. We have a saying here.
Am I bothered?

Yes it hurts and you do have to grieve for the person you thought you were in love with. But the more you allow them in …..through contact or “keeping you on the back burner” the more you will remain under the cosh.

My two pence

It doesn’t matter, Sebbo and Tony who dumped who. All that matters is having escaped worse and remaining in that sick relationship.

The only way you can win from a spath is not to play their game: to step back and realize what truly counts – you have rich feelings (the pain of being discarded is proof of that), you can learn from life’s experiences, and build up a life based on genuine peace and happiness… Spaths will NEVER EVER have that! If you think of it that way, you realize you already won on what truly matters on being human on the day you were born.

Lots of strength and healing wished for the both of you!


Wow, that’s great. I’m going to write that up on my wall.

A big red circle with the word VICTIM and a line through it.

I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor.

Thanks for the gift today.


You are most welcome Athena. 🙂

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