Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don’t.
The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality:
I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don’t allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I sound very narcissistic and apologize for that but if you are so proud and concerned and attached to your emotions why not allow someone to make you feel like a queen for something as worldly as money? We give you what you are missing just as all of the world ecosystem has since the beginning of time. It’s funny how we have been so easily classified and even now as I attempt to alter myself in order to become unparallel to descriptions of us, I find it very difficult to even perceive. I would like to boast of my strategic victories over hearts but I would fear you making another video and making this game more difficult, of course it would make it much more challenging and pleasurable when enjoying the hunt.
This email is a great example of the sociopathic perspective, whether or not individual sociopaths are aware of it. Lest we forget, here is how sociopaths view themselves, the rest of us, and the world:
1. Sociopaths are superior beings, and everyone else is a mark.
2. If marks are dumb enough to be conned, they get what they deserve.
3. Marks deserve to be targeted because of their stupid emotions and consciences.
4. Emotions and consciences are useful in marks, because they can be exploited.
5. Exploitation is a perfectly reasonable way for sociopaths to get what they want.
This is why there is no rehabilitation for sociopaths. They do not feel that they have a disorder; rather, sociopaths believe they have an evolutionary competitive advantage.
Or, for those sociopaths who don’t have the intelligence or education to analyze their place in the world, they’re simply content the way they are and see no need for change.
There’s so much we can glean from from hearing the first person perspective. Here are some of the things I noticed along with your observations. I am studying you and will adapt my behaviors using the info I glean to exploit you. While he was aware that in just his opening remarks he had already revealed his narcissism, notice what is being presented as an apology is immediately followed by comments that excuse, condone, and justify. I am increasingly baffled by just how many people will not only swallow these haughty pseudo apologies down themselves but will go to great lengths to try to shove them down your throat. Next he revealed that he wanted to have his massive ego stroked by revealing his godlike power, and how successful he had been, and just how easy it was. Then the player checks his hand. He is aware he is being studied also and must adapt = deceive. Winning, exploiting, dominating. I Will win. I Must win. Thanks for sharing that with us Donna.
He’s a keeper! Form an orderly queue ladies!
….directed at the charming correspondant, not you 4light,..!
No worries Tea. I’m with you.
Funny, Lightsie!
What an article and a revelation into their rotten minds! I feel the complete opposite. I find that sociopaths I have dealt with are the missing link in evolution. I have actually called mine a foster monkey to his face before. Daddy got him a job. Daddy died and they immediately fired the loser. Then he lived with Mommy until he was 32. Then, he joined the military and was a useless drunk on taxpayer dollars…just as he is now.
In between, he faked out men and women with normal, healthy emotional and physical faculties. This is because normal people do not expect an “devolved” human to actually be like the missing link monkey. My main spath has serious anti-social personality disorder. He is like a monkey in many ways. He only does what animal instinct tells him to do. However, he has edged just enough above a monkey, so he can use language skills, a phony smile, etc. to get what he wants.
Sociopaths are anomalies of evolution. They are the missing link. It is especially interesting to hear from a male one. I do not want to insult men whom have suffered at the hands of a female sociopath. However, statistics are statistics. And the most recent scientific research shows that most men are not capable of using both sides of their brain at once while most women immediately and regularly use both sides of their brain.
I wonder if perhaps the missing link sociopaths can only use less than half of the brain. The part that contains animal instinct only (the amydala) and makes them go after whatever they want using any means possible…just like a monkey.
It is interesting to see what a monkey with language skills believes is a higher plane of brain when they don’t even have the neurons to connect the dots of a human brain. He won’t figure it out until he is old….just like an old useless monkey who can’t figure out that the monkey tribe doesn’t find him appealing in any way unless he has money or changes his ways. Most of them end up alone in bad apartment buildings with nothing but their monkey brain telling them they are human.
My abuser will end up with mummy peeling his bananas for him twice a day if, as he claimed when he last harassed me, his wife is leaving at the end of the month.
Oh, Lightsie, I hope he leaves you alone after she is gone.
Hey FFWR the one side of my brain that I’m using right now is not offended. When I can access the other side later I’ll let you know what it thinks ! I hope you know I’m just kidding. Keeping our sense of humor helps us all to bring a little lightness into our mostly heavy realities. I enjoyed your monkey analogies and foster monkey was a sweet burn. I bet it felt good when you said it.
4light: Thank you for being gracious. I know we have men here whom have been tormented by spaths. I also have known men who do use both sides of their brain and those are the ones who usually seek out information, counseling, and personal growth. I know that everyone who is legitimate on this site is someone who is much deeper than the average person….male or female. I am always glad when men understand that statistics show more men fitting into certain categories than women and vice versa. I honestly often fit into what some people might consider more male traits. They think that both sides of female brains communicate with each other and work at the same time because they have usually been the caretakers of children so the neurons had to connect more to protect babies. I never wanted children, but still have connecting parts of my brain which I use to develop comedy! LOL.
Good to hear from you FFWR . I’ve never really fallen into the average guy mold. My life would have been a lot simpler had that been the case. Not my gift. I’m sure that’s a big part of how or why I developed other areas of my person beyond the norms. I have an artistic side. As a drummer I can do something different with all 4 limbs and sing a harmony part at the same time. So I’m a pretty good multitasker. Does my brain work like you gals ? I don’t think so. I shall defer at least for now. My synapses aren’t quite what they used to be lately. Hope you’re getting some good rest. Mine’s out of town for a few days too. Soooo peaceful. We all enjoy your comedy here btw.
FFWR,
Loved your post!I’m not an evolutionist,but rather believe the Bible’s account of creation,that man was created in God’s image
(not in appearance,but rather in qualities and emotions~YES, MR SOCIOPATH~GOD HAS EMOTIONS!
Just before I came to Lovefraud today,I checked out the news on msn.com.There was a picture of a MONKEY getting juice out of a vending machine! Good pic,lol! Goes along with the previous posts!
Yep,spath was always stopping at vending machines for diet coke…even monkies can do that!
Hi FFWR. I was hoping I could get a bit of advice from you. I noticed in another post you mentioned to Blossom about changes in brain chemistry, ect, and that it can make you ill. Since your other post was addressing her situation I didn’t want to distract from your concerns there. Here’s my situation. I was doing better at least a bit. Lately I am back to waking up @....... 3 or 4 till I crash again 2-3 hrs later. My anxiety seems higher lately. Sometimes the weekend is spent just recouping from being stressed and physically hurting from work. My spath still lives here and I’m working out my strategy. I had someone else trigger my red flag reflex by not honoring a commitment he had made that has put me in a stressful situation trying to come up with something fast to cover for him bailing. My radar is up as I see deception, entitlement, lack of accountability, and manipulation. I actually smelled some of these earlier coming from the same direction. Is my body reacting to these toxic personality traits ? Seems basically like a type of chronic stress ? Anyone’s thoughts are welcome. Thanks
4light2shine,
As one who has suffered from the effects of stress and anxiety,I guess I’ll “do” until fight can get back to your question!
YES,YES and yes!When you are having to use your weekends just for “recuping”,then your body is definitely reacting to these toxic personality traits!Not only are you faced with stress at home,but also at work,that =CHRONIC STRESS!If proactive action isn’t taken,you will find yourself feeling and getting sicker!
Hi 4Light and Blossom:
Sorry I have been losing sleep with getting the spath to the hospital for surgery and slept 11 hours last night so am still catching up. I am glad Blossom was kind enough to answer your question. I am sure everyone here has experienced sleep problems…some sleeping too much and some not enough.
There are decades of brain research that show that parts of our brain actually change in size under stress and/or depression. The hippocampus is a very important portion of the brain and it will actually shrink in size when we have prolonged stress. Dr. Peter Levine is my favorite expert about this and I have read two of his books so far. Every part of our brain is affected by stress and trauma. Especially if we are Highly Sensitive People (another great book!).
It is too bad you are still living in the same quarters as your spath. Mine lives in a place that I own, he rents, and we are separated by solid walls and my locks. I can walk away. We are not a couple any more in my mind. He is my Lodger and he thinks he is much more important to me because he used to be. Since I began studying sociopaths and narcissists and sharing and getting such great suggestions and encouragement here, I have changed a lot. I still spend time with him and he can be pleasant as they all can be. But, my time with him is dished out sparingly. We don’t make any outside commitments as a couple and the only commitment we have right now is he gives me money and he has a roof over his head, some caregiving, and he will listen sometimes when I need to talk.
I strongly recommend massages if you can afford them. I also highly recommend getting Jon Kabat-Zinn’s “Mindfulness for Beginners” and “Mindfulness for Pain” CDs. Waking up at different times and being unable to sleep is also a sign of Depression. Kabat-Zinn has one of the best books (and it also comes with a great CD) about Depression I have ever read. These books and CDs and their authors are the things I use daily and they are the best thing I have ever found for a way to read, listen and learn how to relax…even if your mind wanders away a lot.
When living with a spath, it would be abnormal for your sleep not to be affected. They leave us jumpy and hypervigilent. What will they do or say next? How will they hurt us next? So, it is affecting your sleep and as Blossom said, it is normal to need to catch up on your days off work. When your plan comes together to get the spath out of your home, or when you leave if it is his home, you will go through a long time of confusion, grieving, sleeping too little/much, waking up at the wrong time, etc. for a while. If the trauma/depression goes away, you will get back to normal. If it doesn’t, you may find that your sleep patterns need to be different for a good, long time…which is OK. Sleeping when you can is better than not being able to sleep at all.
It sounds to me like you might want to learn more about a wonderful thing called Detachment. I first learned about Detachment in Al-Anon meetings…for friends and family of alcoholics. Detachment means you don’t take on his things. If he made a commitment for you, you only call for yourself and let the person know that you were not aware that a commitment was made for you and you won’t be able to make it. If the people are important to you, ask them if they would be willing to call you directly with any invitations because you do enjoy their company very much, but you just can’t make it this time. Then, after the spath is gone (if he/she is leaving) take the time to take care of yourself and invite those people by yourself for something. See if you can read more about how to detach from other people negatively affecting you.
I would also suggest getting a lock for your bedroom door and a sound machine. That works very well for me as I feel safer. Think of yourself first.
More on the exploitation of emotions,Hmmm~~~I’m wondering if MR Sociopath realizes he doing a jig with the devil?!He needs to remember that’s how the Devil originated….He thought He should be God!
Blossom you’ll do just fine. I’m glad to hear from you and you comments are always valued by me. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it the way FFWR was alluding to. Managing my stress levels is going to have to be high on my priority list. It definitely has taken its toll. Thanks.