Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don’t.
The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality:
I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don’t allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I sound very narcissistic and apologize for that but if you are so proud and concerned and attached to your emotions why not allow someone to make you feel like a queen for something as worldly as money? We give you what you are missing just as all of the world ecosystem has since the beginning of time. It’s funny how we have been so easily classified and even now as I attempt to alter myself in order to become unparallel to descriptions of us, I find it very difficult to even perceive. I would like to boast of my strategic victories over hearts but I would fear you making another video and making this game more difficult, of course it would make it much more challenging and pleasurable when enjoying the hunt.
This email is a great example of the sociopathic perspective, whether or not individual sociopaths are aware of it. Lest we forget, here is how sociopaths view themselves, the rest of us, and the world:
1. Sociopaths are superior beings, and everyone else is a mark.
2. If marks are dumb enough to be conned, they get what they deserve.
3. Marks deserve to be targeted because of their stupid emotions and consciences.
4. Emotions and consciences are useful in marks, because they can be exploited.
5. Exploitation is a perfectly reasonable way for sociopaths to get what they want.
This is why there is no rehabilitation for sociopaths. They do not feel that they have a disorder; rather, sociopaths believe they have an evolutionary competitive advantage.
Or, for those sociopaths who don’t have the intelligence or education to analyze their place in the world, they’re simply content the way they are and see no need for change.
This letter is interesting on so many levels.
I suppose he has self identified and is graciously sharing his wisdom.
However, no truer words can be spoken.
He, in some perverse way is validating has mission.
Joke’s on him, he is validating our mission.
Libby, I like your perspective. That is true. They feel very important letting us know how superior their inferiority is! Then, we know them even better and know what they think, how they think, and how disgusting they are.
Jm I love your post. Nice job leading through the different stages of development. Your final conclusions on the advanced stage and our being targeted. You really nailed it ! Just so you know, I will be plagiarizing you. Thanks for sharing.
Very interesting letter. The spath I was involved with referred to himself as a “Daddy Lion.” I had thought he meant his alpha personality, now I believe he knew exactly what he was.
I have learned more about what qualities and traits really make someone safe to embrace into our lives from this horrible event, than any other single encounter I have had with another person in my lifetime.
Thanks to all for the clarifying comments.
Bluemosaic
Like Daddy lions eating their young….
Reading this article about the spath speaks loudly to me about importance of my Christianity. A spath violates AT LEAST 2 of the 10 commandments on a regular basis. Thou shall not lie (which is a way of life for a spath) and Thou shall not worship false idols (themselves-they are the idol) Thou shalt not kill, bear false witness against thy neighbor, commit adultery and the rest I’m sure are also not considered as they use any form of evil to think they are getting ahead in life, when in fact, become less and less of a person, until nothing is left. Seem like a lot of work to end up with nothing. But of course, they just resort to- well I don’t believe any of that.
There was nothing there to start with for a psychopath. They are born without a soul.
My Brother is a Spath-of-the-worst-kind! One who had a tramatic head injury as a young child. In his case at birth. One that is an Idiot.
And yes, at 61 he has our 87yo Completely Mother snowed.
Here’s the number one thing that that completely marks a Spath in my life…Utter Complete Self Importance, way beyond Narcissism. It’s Great to be the King!
He doesn’t “Steal” from her, but he pilfers. Let’s say he comes and eats 10 Lb of bacon over time, buys one and eats that one, and believes he has replaced all he consumed.
Yes, he gets things from her and gives it to others, taking the credit for it. Mother has discovered that several times.
He doesn’t play the direct lying game, he plays the Lead-To-Believe game.
Because he’s an Idiot, he’s found out by his targets and they Dump him HARD! The longer they are with him, the harder they Dump Him. His X of 8 years and another Girl Friend of 11 years both cleaned him out. The Girlfriend did it Fast and Furious.
One said “He doesn’t lie, he just doesn’t tell the truth!”
And he get’s others to fight his battles, including his targets.
If you have EVER felt like lying for someone (or did), you’re probably dealing with a Spath. Those Wives that cover up for their Husbands physically abusing their children, their dealing with a Spath.
I believe that Sociopathy runs in Families. It can take shape in the Village Idiot all the way to the Super Genius. That they are Born that way. That it cannot be “Taught” out of them. Most Importantly, that a child, well before age 15, will exhibit signs of being affected by it. A lot of Spath-ness can be spotted early on. If a child that does something Anti-social and is “corrected” for it does not cease the root behavior, but merely alters it’s implementation, that’s a SPATH. Although, I do believe a majority of the signs aren’t spotted until they are about 15. An example would be little Tommy stealing a light bulb from the neighbors. After being “corrected” doesn’t learn that stealing is wrong, but only that stealing a light bulb is bad. He’ll stop stealing light bulbs, but he won’t stop stealing. That’s a potential Spath. Sitting at the dinner table, garbing the best of everything, being the first to be served, (all the time), with no consideration for other family members, nor concern for missing family members is a good sign too.
Most,if not all, of the Sociopathic signs from the front page can be exhibited by age 5. I would just add ‘Continued after multiple corrections’ to the beginning of each line.
From the Front Page:
“Failure to conform to lawful social norms
Deceitfulness
Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicted by repeated
physical fights or assaults
Reckless disregard for safety of self or others
Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure
to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial
obligations
Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent about having
hurt, mistreated or stolen from another”
However, we as parents don’t want to believe our child is a Spath. However when these things cannot be corrected early on, they will always be there and a Spath is borne.
I don’t believe it’s been even experimented with yet, but I would hope that early identification and intervention might be able to help Spaths.
All that being said: The only way to deal with an Adult Spath is to RUN! Or better, not deal with them at all.
Even though there are fewer Female Spaths than Male Spaths, the Females seem to be more cunning, at least toward Males, than the Males are to males, and they can do more damage to one’s “life” than a Male Spath can do.
Finally, that email, sounds like a nearly direct quote some spath wrote in response to someone else here at Love Fraud
Just a Thought: I wonder what would happen if we could put a bunch of them on a desert island and let them Spath each other?
Cheers,
BuBu
pattywack you make some good points. What a chasm between the lofty ideals held out in the scriptures and the reality of what those with no apparent conscience aspire to. Their day to day existence is in diametric opposition to the basic tenants of Christianity. Jmshort’s post was spot on. Those who have worked hard to develop their moral, ethical attributes are often targeted specifically. It makes sense then in a twisted way why some of them seem to be very religious. Notice I said Seem. Dr Martha Stout addressed how many hide in organizations, religious and otherwise. Mine is a haughty, defiant, pathological liar,she has no honor, has massive entitlement issues, never takes accountability for her actions, ect, that’s the real her. She also conducts many bible studies, devotes a large number of hours each month to her ministry, and even enjoys a designation given to “exemplary” ones. As Dr Stout puts it her act buys her a hat that says respectable. This is a powerful resource she can exploit, and trust me she does.
4light2shine,
Spaths like hiding in religion (sheep in wolves clothing)—
it’s like heavy camouflage!
Yes, many spaths use religion and working in positions of authority over others to terrorize some people while fooling others.
There are many religions…not just one. And many of us are amazing, loving, caring, and people who do the right thing whom have no religion at all. I have dealt with many frightened and apathetic people of religion who will watch sociopaths terrorize others and do nothing while I have stood up to them and done the right thing.
Hey FFWR – First thanks for the in depth comments about what spaths do to our brains and physiology. There’s a lot for me to digest there but I will revisit that post as needed. Next I have to agree, power and influence over people, narcissistic supply, ect. Religion or anything else, Using is what they do. These are resources to exploit. I see your point too about the people most would expect to step up and do the right thing are often not quite up to the task. Fear, utter cluelessness, under the spell of a sparkling spath, whatever the reason, they just aren’t there for you. If I’m claiming to be a spiritual person shouldn’t there be some evidence of it ? We all have the capacity for good inside of us. Hopefully whatever ideology, philosophy, or religion we embrace nurtures that humanity. So somebody had to step up and I guess it was you. I’ll join you FFWR. I don’t have a cape yet though, and my legs are way too skinny for tights so we’ll have to figure out my uniform …
Thanks 4Light!
BuBu,
If we spatholated them like they like to do to us;and especially if we spatholated the spaths all together on a desert island,no doubt they would spath-exterminate!
“Spath Island!” You need to call Brian Burnett. LOL!
What a glorious vision you planted in my mind’s eye with this.
Spatholate them to spath-extinction!
Jerry- While the ruthless ones will often get caught, the craftier ones may not. All humans, including those who are emotionally disturbed, are unique. Some are more slippery than others.
4Light2Shine- Thanks! Plagiarize away with my blessing! Hopefully, spreading the word about this travesty will enlighten those who would otherwise become victims. Unfortunately, we rarely learn from the mistakes of others. It’s more likely, however, that information can help someone heal and make sense of what happened to them.
BuBu- The Board of Ed deemed my son ED, emotionally disturbed, by age 14. By that time, he’d been asked to leave 2 schools. More followed. Although he had a private therapist and evidenced all the descriptions on your list,no one described him as “at-risk” for psychopathy. The turmoil of raising a child who looks perfectly normal on the surface, but behaves without the least caring for people around him (or her), consistently breaks rules and is totally untouched by rewards, punishment, consequences, reasoning or any form of intervention is heartbreaking.
It is abundantly important for parents to be well-informed about the possibility of this disorder occurring in their child and to recognize that if a very young child behaves in an incouragable fashion, they need specific, very nurturing help to develop caring toward others.
I believe the present school of thought by professionals in the field is that by 8 years old, a child’s code is well formed and they may be beyond intervention.
All human behavior can take many forms. If a child grew wings and could fly, we’d know there is something quite special about them. We can pretty readily identify signs of illness and intervene. ED kids simply misbehave in ways that are very human, so concerns about them don’t gel until there is a significant continuum of foulness, that exceeds what one envisions as normal. If there is one criteria that I could point to and say, this is an indication of the potential of psychopathy in a child, it would be the early-on diagnosis of oppositional-defiance. By the time a parent receives that diagnosis, the child’s character is well formed already and simply managing their behavior and keeping safe becomes the focus.
My son is the product of rape by fraud. When he aged, he found his father who had become extraordinarily wealthy and who spent the next few years blaming me for the fact that he’d abandoned him and failed to support him throughout his entire childhood.
Emotionally disturbed people do, in fact, gravitate to each other for support. One lies and the other swears to it! They form alliances that feed their acceptance of themselves and their rotten behavior.
Jm
jm
I read your comments and could not agree with you more……..
Especially the last comment
“Emotionally disturbed people do, in fact, gravitate to each other for support. One lies and the other swears to it! They form alliances that feed their acceptance of themselves and their rotten behavior.”
This is the perfect example of the relationship that began many years ago between my daughter and her father, my now ex. They feed on each others lies and continually covered for each other. This behavior began when she was only about five years old.
My ex is a textbook psychopath and was diagnoised by a MD as having antisocial personality disorder. I was told of his disorder at the end of my horrific marriage. Our daughter began her “training” from her father at a very young age. By the time I finally left the marriage, she fully mastered her art of lying with the backup and assistance from her father.
I will always love her, and pray for her daily. I am so grateful that I am divorced and away from my ex. Unfortunately it came at a cost. I have not seen our daughter since my divorce. I am accepting that part of my life. It is definitely for the good. Perhaps someday I will see her again. This was her choice, not mine.
I continue to be fearful that my ex will come after me, as he has threatened me, broken restraining orders, hired a PI to find me even after I moved several times. I will always be looking over my shoulder for the rest of his life.
My response to all of you who are going through the initial stages of leaving these very disturbed individuals, is get some help with a very good counselor and PRAY and PRAY because al is possible with God. He has taken me through some of the most difficult and dark days and I am alive to help and comfort those who are where I once was. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Peace and happiness will come.
Thank you for these comforting words of support out of there, God bless you as you move forward in your recovery.