Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don’t.
The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality:
I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don’t allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I sound very narcissistic and apologize for that but if you are so proud and concerned and attached to your emotions why not allow someone to make you feel like a queen for something as worldly as money? We give you what you are missing just as all of the world ecosystem has since the beginning of time. It’s funny how we have been so easily classified and even now as I attempt to alter myself in order to become unparallel to descriptions of us, I find it very difficult to even perceive. I would like to boast of my strategic victories over hearts but I would fear you making another video and making this game more difficult, of course it would make it much more challenging and pleasurable when enjoying the hunt.
This email is a great example of the sociopathic perspective, whether or not individual sociopaths are aware of it. Lest we forget, here is how sociopaths view themselves, the rest of us, and the world:
1. Sociopaths are superior beings, and everyone else is a mark.
2. If marks are dumb enough to be conned, they get what they deserve.
3. Marks deserve to be targeted because of their stupid emotions and consciences.
4. Emotions and consciences are useful in marks, because they can be exploited.
5. Exploitation is a perfectly reasonable way for sociopaths to get what they want.
This is why there is no rehabilitation for sociopaths. They do not feel that they have a disorder; rather, sociopaths believe they have an evolutionary competitive advantage.
Or, for those sociopaths who don’t have the intelligence or education to analyze their place in the world, they’re simply content the way they are and see no need for change.
Donna, I don’t know if I just can’t see it, but has the link to the Guidelines for posting on the blog be removed? I can’t seem to find it anymore.
Tea Light: You truly are the best. Thank you for checking on this for me. I know you are making a difficult decision just by asking about it and I truly appreciate your empathy and concern.
You are very intuitive and I have been very depressed the last couple of days because I have had a dream of getting back to my home state. I have been looking and even after I can sell my house and make a profit. There is just no way I can get back home. It is a progressive, beautiful, and expensive state. Where I live, houses are cheap. You DO get what you pay for. I would live in a tiny, tiny house if I could get back home. But, I would probably have to buy land and have it built and I have realized over the last couple of days that I will probably always be stuck here. In the South, women get paid less per dollar than men. Therefore, we end up with less for retirement. Then, add to that, the fact that I am very ill, I don’t see how I will ever make it back to my real home which is a very open minded place.
I think the best I will be able to do is move from my little wahoo town to a larger suburb that has a better mix of people and cultures. I won’t get my beach weather. But, I can find a place with a few more progressive and open people and it is also a safer place crimewise. Thank you, again.
Hi FFWR, Religion is not a ‘magic pill’ help you to get over the damage a spath did nor should it be used as one. Religion is one way to help you learn to live a good life. No amount of ‘religious instruction’ I received could have ever prepared me for for what the latespath did nor did it prepare me for what a ‘good Catholic boy’ could grow up to be. It should not be used to mitigate any of this.
I will never forget after Christmas vacation 3rd grade, the nun asked us the proverbial ‘what did you do over the break’. Innocent me said that one night my father’s friend and his family came over. The nun asked me what church they went to and I said Saint XXX. She responded, do I know that this church is Episcopalian and I said yes. She then made the whole class, all 9 of us, get on our knees to say a prayer for this ‘unfortunate’ family. I was never so embarrassed at 8 years old.
I’d have a cup of coffee with you anytime. I know what it’s like to feel estranged on a website, happened to me on a divorce site.
Hi lost:
Thank you. I feel better now. It is terrible what some authority figures can do to children whenever they want. What happened to you is another example. If people can’t attract with kindness and love, maybe they need to close down the “business.”
For me, religion is one way some people can feel safe. I prefer using my wits, learning my lessons, and doing my best to research and learn, and hopefully help others along the way. I do like nature a lot and get some peace from that. I like to look at a rock, the stars, etc. knowing that they have been around for over 4 billion years, so surely I can make it through life.
I am very lucky brainwise when I think about it. I’m smart, but not too smart for my own good if I pay attention. LOL. I think just as there is scientific evidence to show that sociopaths are born with brain differences, so are we.
My mom used to say that I was just born knowing right from wrong. I took care of my sisters from a young age. I have always fought against injustice when I saw it…even to my own detriment. I just never needed indoctrination to make me want to be a good person.
When I was moved to the south, I was shocked at all of the pot smoking, sex, and ugly underbelly going on with kids who would invite me to smoke pot one day (always no) and then beg me to go to their church the next!(too many times yes just to try to fit in to this new, sick environment). Talk about Cognitive Dissonance!
I had not experienced that in my progressive city/state. The people who smoked pot knew to stay away from my friends and me. They actually all used to go out to a place that was called “loser’s bridge.” It really was recognized as a problem in a high class place.
Most of my friends never talked about church or went. I remember going to Cathechism one time with a friend when I was around 10. She had alcoholic parents and I think they just liked to get rid of their kids a lot. She did a lot of things in life I wasn’t doing. But, she never tried to get me to do any of them and she never judged me for not going to her church. She was allowed to go to other churches and I remember we both took a bus that a church sent around trying to round up kids…The Church of Nazarene. We loved the bus ride and had fun. But, we usually didn’t attend the church services. No one seemed happy or kind.
My other friends were just really nice kids like me. We rarely went to churches unless the evangelical whom had moved here came to town. It was scary. That babbling is used as a tool and it can be really creepy to be a normal 10 year old and have your grandma standing next to you and a thousand other people all babbling nonsense. I still have terrible trauma flashbacks of kid after kid in the high school here in the Belt, asking over and over, “What church do you go to?” I had no idea people thought that was OK in America. Of course, all Civil Rights here have never been fully accepted, or implemented, as those from other parts of the USA know.
The best thing about this site, I believe, are the human beings who show empathy and care for everyone of any race, creed, orientation, non-belief, etc. I don’t want that to go away. Faith can help people if they so choose. I choose educating myself about sociopaths, anti-socials, and narcissists and following through with my rules of living amongst them. I also feel better when I can share about my sad things or help others feel better about their sad things.
Thank you for sharing your family story. We had a preacher here just a few days ago that was arrested. He had a christian school and day care and had gotten a 14 year old pregnant. A good human would never do that, and anyone or anything, who knew about it, or who knows all, and was good, would never allow this kind of horrific thing to happen….just like what happened to your mother. My belief is that only good humans who are watchful of all other humans, take care of each other and our children. I don’t know of anyone or anything else who is putting a stop to such evil. Just good, protective human beings. We should feed the hungry, the sick, the poor, the disabled as a country of human beings. We should all care about everyone whether they believe like us or not….that is my belief anyway. And if one must abuse to upset or terrify others into their belief, well can it be that good of a belief?
Thank you, again, lost. I don’t feel so ostracized tonight. Many here have been very kind to me today.
FFWR, I’m just another poster here, no more, no less. I didn’;t check the guidelines for you, I was trying to find them because I wanted to be sure I had not unfairly commented that Blossom may have flouted those guidelines.
You are making a number of assumptions, in concluding that my asking Donna where the guidelines were was a ”difficult decision’. It wasn’t. I just wanted to read them myself.
Most posters here on LF in my 6,7 months experience are very empathetic. Blossom is one of them. And as many regular posters may or may not know ( you assume that simply posting regularly here means that ”everyone” will have read your posts and have a good recall of them, but that isn’t necessarily the case. For example, although I check in nearly every day, I often skip over lengthy posts, as I don’t always have the time to read them. I have been posting here longer than you, but I don’t assume everyone here reads my posts, ,or recalls my story.) Blossom lives alone, is a disabled person with limited mobility, and is often in great pain. She is also a survicor of 20 plus years of domestic violence and abuse.
If we are going to ask for empathy from others, we must practice it. I am very uncomfortable with your reaction to Blossom’s post and I am saddened that you felt unable to write a simple request to her, asking her not to mention her religious beliefs to you again.I am certain she would have apologised for having caused you any discomfort and certainly for have triggered you. Blossom was one of the first posters here to offer you a warm wlecome FFWR, and you have acknowledged that yourself. You are making a number of very derogatory assertions here about her character and motivations, and I find this unfair to her, and unnecessary.
You have a legitimate right to ask Blossom to refrain from mentioning her religious beliefs in any post to you. You have a right to report Blossom’s posts , or anyone else’s , to Donna if you find them abusive.
You do not have the right to make baseless assertions about another poster’s character based on your own subjective impressions, no matter how intense your feelings may have been when you wrote the posts.
Tea Light:
Donna posted a link to those spiritual comment rules below. Here they are:
“Spiritual recovery
Sociopaths drag us into a place of blackness. They run roughshod over our lives—taking our money; ruining our relationships; costing us our homes and our jobs; undermining our minds, our confidence, our identities. We find ourselves in a place so bleak that all we can do is pray for deliverance.
Many, many Lovefraud readers have found that spiritual practices help them to overcome the devastation wrought by the sociopaths. For this reason, Lovefraud includes posts and comments about the spiritual aspects of these experiences. Articles of a spiritual nature are preceded by the following notice:
Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
Lovefraud honors all spiritual and religious traditions. Lovefraud also recognizes that some readers do not have spiritual beliefs. If any reader is uncomfortable with the spiritual nature of a particular article or comment, please do not take offense and simply move on to another post or comment.
Although spiritual discussions are welcome, readers are asked respect the world’s diversity of beliefs—Lovefraud does have readers from around the globe—and refrain from preaching or proselytizing. Please do not post extensively about any religion’s scripture.”
If any post or comment is viewed as extreme or objectionable by the administrator, it will be deleted.”
I believe the spiritually proselytizing post initially directed personally to me has been removed along with my assertive response in order not to be bullied about religion by someone here again.
I agree with the guidelines and hope it doesn’t happen again. Now that I know the guidelines, I can see that there are some comments I can now report that do not follow them. I will be happy to do that as no one should ever feel bullied or chased away from such a helpful web site.
Hope you are doing better with your new medication and that the spath has not exhibited any more stalking behaviors towards you. THAT, of course, is what this site is all about.
Hello Tea Light. I wanted to commend you on your post as I thought you were quite accurate and reasonable in your observations. I have been too busy with work, ect to post until now. I have however read all the posts, including the ones that have now been deleted. Honestly I understand why Donna would do so. Lovefraud clearly has an intent to educate, motivate, and support. Since I have been here I have truly benefited from the high standards in these areas. Inappropriate, abusive, aggressive comments don’t belong here. First let me acknowledge that Blossom’s comments were a bit over the line. That’s all, just a bit. The spirit in which the comments were offered up was not abusive by any reasonable standard. The response from the other poster was on the other hand angry, extremely aggressive, and excessive. Kind of like if you poked me with your finger and so I pummeled you and broke your nose. Not commensurate. The response while claiming repeatedly to have been abused put forth a running stream of consciousness that attempted to twist and sculpt Blossom’s motivations into some dark coercive sniping attack. Funny but from my perspective the very things she was accusing the other person of she in fact was doing much more so. If I wanted to I could probably make an argument that any form of human of communication with another could be considered coercive, but most intelligent people would see that I was being unreasonable and probably had an agenda, and I was trying to manipulate. I was quite troubled by many of the posts in which I saw dogma, condescension, intent to malign the character of a fello poster. I saw someone who seemed to need to assert dominance, to talk louder and faster than everyone else. I think we can all learn some lessons here including myself. I will certainly try to moderate my comments so as not to step over the lines as it were. I could not in good conscience sit back and let someone be bullied or bulldozed. I think we have all seen enough of that. I wish you all peace and healing.
4light2shine & ALL,
Thank you for your kind and fair comment,even though it was addressed to Tea Light.
Although I was accused,I haven’t chased anyone from here by freely talking about my religious beliefs.If anyone isn’t commenting,they may still be lurking and reading;it doesn’t mean they left.I’m here for the same reason as everyone else~~to heal from interaction with a sociopath.I’m not here to proselytize.But when others freely talk about their cherished beliefs (whether it be traditional religion or evolution,Humanist,etc),I have a tendency to share my own.I apologize to everyone that I offended.I won’t do that anymore.I just ask that everyone else respond in the same way.
4light, good to see you. Hope all is reasonably calm with the ‘ shepath’ ( term coined here for poster fixerupper’s sociopathic ex girlfriend, shall we rename pseudowife?!) and that you manage to grab some me time to relax, keep yourself strong and yo let us know how you’re getting on. All best to you.
If the spath is still there home is not safe. I came back “home” thinking I was safe after 30 years and he turned my children against me and left me bleeding. Now I am trying to leave home again in self-defense. This time I must leave my daughter and grandchildren behind.
This thread has a very thoughtful discussion. Thank you everyone for your comments.
Sociopaths can target anyone, therefore, the people who find Lovefraud have a wide range of spiritual beliefs and non-beliefs. Everyone is welcome. Whatever path leads to healing for an individual is the right path.
I’ve been really pleased with the discussions over the past few months – the conversation has been focused and supportive of everyone. I believe this is everyone’s intention (except when we get the occasional troll). I ask everyone to assume honorable intentions with any comment, at least until it becomes apparent that intentions are not honorable.
The guidelines for comments are posted above – hover over the gray “blog” button to see the links for “Guidelines for comments” and “spiritual recovery.” Here they are as well:
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/guidelines-for-comments/
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/spiritual-recovery/
Thank you to everyone for your contributions to Lovefraud. It is the caring, wisdom and support of the community that makes Lovefraud so special.
No religion is off limits, as a target, to a spath. Nor is any religion off limits from becoming a sociopath. Sociopaths have or know any boundaries.
I am a Roman Catholic. Ultra private convent school, K-12. The school day started with prayers and then religion class. We had to go to church, the nun’s chapel, 3 times a day; in mid-morning for the Rosary, right before lunch for Mass, and mid-afternoon for a Scripture or other religious reading. Lunchroom prayers before the meal and at the end. Of course classroom prayers to close the day.
EscortM was Jewish; she was described on a Jewish blog as ‘baal teshuvah’, meaning modern orthodox; she was very fluent in Hebrew and bantered back and forth in Hebrew, on escort boards. She describes herself as growing up wearing a sheitel, a wig, as an ultra orthodox Jew. EscortM said that her husband spent all of his time studying religion, while she worked and raised their kids, they couldn’t afford anymore kids, and their religion forbids birth control. After more then a decade of living like that, she became an escort, yet she never forgot, nor missed an opportunity to bring up her holidays or religious nuances. She was buried with all of the rites of her religion.
My mother, you know the one he used to commit elder financial abuse, was Eastern Orthodox Catholic, the religion that uses a tri-bar cross. My grandmother made sure that my mom and her sister, from when they were toddlers, went to church 4, sometimes 5 times a week, to learn the language (not English, even though they were in America), culture (not American), religion, to practice singing, etc.. This in addition to going to Mass every Sunday and various services during the week.
As an aside, the priests and instructors, professors as my mother called them, all male, spent many hours a week, alone with these children. Many of these kids spoke no English, they didn’t know any American ways. I remember my mother always saying that she spoke no English until she went to public school. This was the setting in which my mom was sexually abused by clergy. Time frame the 30’s.
The latespath, when to a large (50+ students in classroom was the norm) parochial school and was an altar boy from 3 to 8 grade, at the same parish church. He went to a private, all boys, Catholic high school, run by Brothers. His mother is and always has been a practicing Catholic; member of ‘divorced Catholics groups’ and to this day, in her late 80s, attends church on a regular basis.
In the last semester of law school, like everything else, all of that started to change. He refused to go to baptism classes for the baby, and became agitated when the priest, who came to the house to meet the baby, suggested we have a ‘marriage blessing’ (we got married in Supreme Court NY).
In an email, to a fellow john, he described himself as: “Myself, I am a non-practicing Catholic, probably leaning toward the agnostic.”
lost: Your information in this post (as well as many documented religious and non religious criminals) is a very good compilation. Sociopaths know no bounds. Sociopaths can use large groups of people and espouse many things just to get to more victims. That ex-husband I told about? He recently got ripped off by two members of his church. 200.00. They were supposed to do some work for him. One of the guys passes his card out at church. He took 200.00 in cash and then dropped a guy off who didn’t even know how to paint and stood and watched while the ex did most of the work. HE then borrowed money from him! My ex-husband is borderline in my opinion. He very quickly “idealizes” people who tell him they share his religion. He completely “devalues” people who aren’t. But, he will marry them if they have a good job and a house he thought he would live in! I remain his phone friend and have him over every once in a while for a visit. He isn’t a bad person or a sociopath. He is just from a mentality where he believes if people tell him they are a certain thing, they are good without his needing to actually check them out.
He travels from non-denominational church to the next looking for good people. Every single time, he gets taken in by someone. Every time. They borrow money. They want him to come to their house or the church to do work for free because he is a good handyman type. He used to tell me the names of these churches. Even some of the more popular mainstream ones are taken over by cultish people. I used to look them up online and tell him, “That one is a weird cult. Don’t give away any money.” One wanted him to sign a contract that he would be visited in his home by them where they might decide to stay for a couple of days and observe whether he was living the right religious life! Crazy. This church also has a family plan! They have members of the church go live with families for a week a month. How creepy is that? He is on the search again. So far, 200.00 is the most these phonies have stolen from him. He feels a lot of shame telling me about it. I try to be nice. I try to tell him that bad people are always attracted to places where people will just trust them because they are there in the building. I’ve experienced it in every one of those buildings I’ve visited since I got to this part of the country. But, that guilt and fear put inside them from the time they are tiny (as you discussed), is nearly impossible to penetrate. It is like cult thinking.
I have three uncles who all became non-denomination, evangelical “preachers.” Two were pedophiles. The other one took his kids out of school and drove around in a motor home saying they were “home schooling” them when neither parent had made it out of high school. Only one of their kids has a high school diploma and that was from a small church school so I’m not sure it was recognized. They all did drugs and one got pregnant by a devil worshiper. Her father was the pedophile who used to tell us that WE were the sinners for not going to church and believing as they did. These are people that love to talk about demons all of the time. One christmas right after we were moved here, he began showing a religious video about demons! My dad was working nights, so it was us girls and mom. My mom took a great risk in insulting dad’s idiot brothers. But, she told him, “If THAT is what christmas is to you, no thank you” and we all left. I was so glad. He actually used to tell my parents that we would be druggies and pregnant, unwed teens. Did not happen to us. It happened to his daughter…his little girl whom his best church friend molested from ages 4-12. I still gave his daughter a baby gift. My little sister had helped her understand that she would be better off to escape the devil worshipper she was drawn to. Who could blame her? Her father showed demon vidoes for christmas! But, it was too late, she was already pregnant with his son.
With these kinds of religious family members and trying out probably at least 100 churches around here, I agree with you 100%. Sociopaths are everywhere. They speak softly and carry a big stick. And they especially are attracted to places where people are easily led or they have authority over little ones. Very upsetting.
I agree that sociopaths can come in any religions. I have posted before my ex was clergy (and so am I). Yet by the time I left him he had lost his little flock for claiming to smoke pot at a church meeting and trying to get a member to join him in using it. He also had decided that church had moved beyond the need for worship. His church had had 5 worship services in 1 1/2 years.
He made fun of me throughout the divorce process for needing the crutch of faith. He continues to refuse to allow our two youngest children to go through the rites of passage that would make them full members of our denomination. (As custodial parent I know I could allow it to happen, but he keeps also adding the guilt card of missing out on seeing the event himself that has me hooked I have to admit).
Ironically he is again employed by a church in a non clerical position! A long story that has me upset with this particular congregation as well.
The charisma that makes for a “good” minister: smart, articulate, attractive, able to motivate others, an innate sense of authority make it a natural fit sadly for all too many sociopaths. The key is to look for a message that speaks of God and not about that person.
To me it is one of the miracles of the faith that it still exists despite human beings best attempts over the millenium to turn us all off from it. To me any faith that does not preach “love” for all of God’s creation is something that we should run away from. And with true love we cannot seek to harm anyone or anything. Love seeks to build up and nurture, not abuse and harm.
Thank you for sharing what you have shared here revjanice. It is well thought out.
Tea,
Thank you for understanding.Good night.Take care.
I too am somewhat triggered by statements of absolute conviction that the speaker’s religious beliefs are the only ones possible (or the only right ones, or the best ones, etc.)
But that is what religious fundamentalism is; basically. Each fundamentalist religion or life philosophy believes that it has the only gen-u-ine, pure-d lock-hold on The Truth.
There is a subtle but rather profound difference in tone, between stating, “this is what works for me; this has helped me” and stating “The Truth that I speak of is the *only* Truth, and when you accept The Truth it will work for you and you will be better for it.”
So, I will have to cheerfully disagree with you, blossom 4th; you probably are not even aware of it, but your posts do stand out in both tone and content as sermons, at least in my opinion.
That’s a good and positive thing to share with those who share your religious faith, but I am in the camp that prefers to stay on topic with discussing how to recognize and protect ourselves from psychopaths (aka sociopaths or antisocial pds) rather than discussing whose version of The Truth is the right one.
And RE discussing healing from the damage done by psychopaths, or managing a relationship with a psychopath, again, I see nothing wrong with stating something along the lines of “this prayer (this mantra, this philosophy, this exercise, this book, this doctor, etc.) helped me” as long as the suggestion is made as *a* way to heal, not *the* way.
Babs~
Well said! Like i told FFWR, if any of us were “blessed” we probably wouldn’t be here talking about how we’ve been cursed by the spaths of the world. I’m for doing whatever it takes to right yourself after trauma, whether that be religion, Xanax, therapy, but what’s medicine for one can be poison to another.
Renee
Hi imhope: “…what’s medicine for one can be poison to another.” Very interesting phrase and I agree. I am finding the “Report this comment” button very helpful and now that I have the guidelines for the site, I will post them when I feel someone might want to know what they are. I have recommended this website professionally and personally and I hope to feel confident to continue to do that.
My former ‘name’ (Babs) I wanted to be recognized for my comments under my real name (Barb) There is another “Babs” and it may have caused confusion.
Barb says: there are entitled people everywhere. If you were brought up like me you are unprepared to absorb the shock these people cause you. Your opinion will also be negated. I have been jumped on and ‘slammed down’ simply for opening my mouth. It has been horrible on jobs, especially when no one came to my defence (because we are all brought up to ‘blame the victim’ and we have always heard, “No one is going to do it for you”).
Hello? We have all kinds of rescue leagues for animals, which I applaud. We rush to help anyone or any animal in physical distress (if we are decent). What gives when we witness verbal and/or psychological bullying? Why is ‘helping out’ in this situation taboo?
We are bound by current awareness and human decency and compassion to assist the bullied. We can report it to a supervisor at work … we can talk to the victim and offer our friendship and support. But I see too many adults not bother or figure, ‘I don’t want to get involved’. Ok…we don’t always know how to ‘get involved’. So we wince and walk away. And even worse…we ‘jump on the band wagon’ and ‘assist in bullying the bullied’. And we are adults…so-called ‘adults’. If you witness the ‘adults’ of today, in many cases, there should be no surprise that so many kids are bullies. The tragic loss of life has been horrendous. Wake up people…teach your kids that bullies are cowards and this behavior is reprehensible.
Don’t ignore or abandon the bullied. Stand your/their ground. You may even save a life.
Barb: I hate to hear that you have been bullied at work. I was viciously bullied at my last job after blowing the whistle on something very, very serious.
You are so right when you discuss the observer’s dilemma. Most of the people where I worked became frightened of me. They would listen, but they would not stand up for what was right. There were a few who stood up for me many times and stayed by my side….until the embarrassed supervisors began to make things up and put lies in my evaluations after the “event” had been over for a few years.
Then, it seemed that the ones who had been clear that they would protect me for what I did, began to disappear. It was affecting me and will always affect me. For them, they wanted to move on and if I was fired, that was my problem. These people did not follow through upon their self-reported moral or ethical “convictions.” They watched me be terrorized and maligned for five years. They spoke up the first couple of years (partly because as one thing was discovered, so were more and the organization was committing other frauds that affected retirement and THEIR salaries) and were compassionate. But, when I was being pulled into meetings and tortured until I cried, lied about, etc., they began to diminish.
After I was fired, I wrote to some of them (I did not belong to any type of protected union or contracted group and they did) and asked why they didn’t write an article in their newsletter to which I had contributed many times. I asked them why they never spoke up about what was done to me after I did the right thing which DID save lives.
They wrote me back and told me that they felt it would be better for ME if I didn’t work there! But, they certainly never offered to pay my bills. I believe that Nietzsche was right….most people can be led off a cliff like sheep before they would choose to independently speak up and do the right thing.
State laws vary and my state’s laws include that someone can be fired for any reason or no reason. The local newspaper still advertises jobs requesting a certain gender, religion, etc. So, while some states are better than others, I do agree with you that over the last 12-13 years, it is up to the company/boss to make or break you. And good employees are usually bullied out by bad employes. I read a book called “The Bully At Work” that does a really good job of explaining this. I hope you can get a better option soon.
Hearing others have been bullied here, as have i at times, i’m the passive till i’ve had enough type, then all hell breaks loose, probably has to do with being the youngest kid in the family…brings to mind that our passive personalities are perhaps what makes us targets for spaths…
Renee
imhope,
You make a good point.Being a passive person;having a mild temper does make one a target of a bully,as I’ve learned from personal experience.
imhope:
Donna is very nice when you contact her directly. She will remove any posts that bully you. Also, you can hit the link directly beneath any bullying, or inappropriate comments, that says “Report this comment” and then send a few words to Donna about how and why you find the post offensive. It is best not to respond to the bully directly, report the post, and email your concerns to Donna.
Here are the guidelines for the site below. There are guidelines for the blog as well as spiritual guidelines. Donna is very kind and willing to take action if she feels that someone is targeting you or if you believe someone may be a troll. My understanding is that it is best to report the comment and not engage with someone who targets or attacks you personally. Here are the guidelines:
Posting guidelines for the Lovefraud Blog
1. The goal of the Lovefraud Blog is to provide information about sociopaths and their effects on victims, and to help victims recover from entanglements with sociopaths. Please post all comments with the intention of promoting healing, and read comments with the intention of finding the healing message.
2. It’s fine to disagree, but do not engage in personal attacks.
3. Keep in mind that Lovefraud readers are extremely diverse. Our readers are men and women from all over the world, representing different races, ethnicities, religious and spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof), education levels, economic circumstances, political views and sexual orientations. Please be respectful and tolerant of all.
4. If you find a comment objectionable, please do not respond to it. Notify the blog owner, Donna Andersen. If you suspect that someone is a predator, alert me immediately. You can use the “Report Abusive Comment” button. Or, send e-mail to donna@LoveFraud.com.
5. Please refrain from using offensive language—such as George Carlin’s seven dirty words. However, feel free to imply your feelings with those wonderful characters **#$$#!!!!
6. Each article posted by the Lovefraud Blog authors starts a conversation. Please post comments related to the conversation, unless, of course, another reader has posted a comment asking for support. Then, feel free to offer it.
7. We cannot name people believed to be sociopaths without documentation. If you want to describe your personal story, please do not include names or other identifying information. If your story is already in the media, however, you may post links to it.
8. Please do not post copyrighted material such as articles from other websites, book excerpts, song lyrics or poems. This is a violation of copyright law, even if you cite the original author. To draw attention to information outside of Lovefraud, you may summarize it in your own words and post a link.
9. Please do not copy any article from Lovefraud or the Lovefraud Blog and post it on another website. This is a violation of Lovefraud’s copyright. But feel free to post links to Lovefraud content on other websites.
I thank all Lovefraud readers. Your contributions and insights about the terrible problem of sociopaths in our society, and your willingness to help others, makes the effort of maintaining Lovefraud worthwhile.
Spiritual recovery
Sociopaths drag us into a place of blackness. They run roughshod over our lives—taking our money; ruining our relationships; costing us our homes and our jobs; undermining our minds, our confidence, our identities. We find ourselves in a place so bleak that all we can do is pray for deliverance.
Many, many Lovefraud readers have found that spiritual practices help them to overcome the devastation wrought by the sociopaths. For this reason, Lovefraud includes posts and comments about the spiritual aspects of these experiences. Articles of a spiritual nature are preceded by the following notice:
Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
Lovefraud honors all spiritual and religious traditions. Lovefraud also recognizes that some readers prefer scientific and/or evolutionary explanations for human existence, and do not have spiritual beliefs. If any reader is uncomfortable with the evolutionary and/or spiritual nature of a particular article or comment, please do not take offense and simply move on to another post or comment.
Although spiritual discussions are welcome, readers are asked respect the world’s diversity of beliefs—Lovefraud does have readers from around the globe—and refrain from preaching or proselytizing. Please do not post extensively about any religion’s scripture.
If any post or comment is viewed as extreme or objectionable by the administrator, it will be deleted.
Hope knowing the guidelines will help everyone.
I have deleted several posts in this thread. Please remember that we have one basic rule at Lovefraud: We don’t attack other members of the community.
We are all raw about something. We all have triggers. And it’s easy to get triggered, because when we’re typing words on a screen, we don’t have access to most of the meaning of the communication, because most of the meaning is in the tone of voice, gestures, eye contact, etc.
I’d like everyone to assume that comments are made with honorable intentions, and if someone posts something that is upsetting, that it was not intentional but an honest mistake, or a misinterpretation.
Was it me?
Barb
Okay.