Shame, along with guilt, embarrassment and pride, is a moral emotion. Shame is the emotion we experience when we discover a defect in ourselves. The expression of shame is a submissive response. It is an acknowledgment to others of the defect and the decline in our status that results from the defect. This submissive response shows to others our attempts to conform, improve ourselves, apologize, and make amends.
Early experts in psychopathy documented that the absence of shame is part of the disorder. According to Dr. Cleckley, author of The Mask of Sanity, psychopaths are incapable of feeling shame. Because they do not feel shame, they blame everyone else for their problems. “The psychopath apparently cannot accept substantial blame for the various misfortunes which befall him and which he brings down upon others,” Cleckley says. “Whether judged in the light of his conduct, of his attitude, or of material elicited in psychiatric examination, he [the psychopath] shows almost no sense of shame.“
More recent researchers also recognize the fact that psychopaths accept no personal blame. Item 16 on the “gold-standard” psychopathy measure, the Hare Psychopathy Checklist—Revised (PCL—R), assesses a failure to accept responsibility for actions. Item 16 of the PCL—R identifies “an individual who is unable or unwilling to accept personal responsibility for his own actions (both criminal and non-criminal) or for the consequences of his actions.” Instead of accepting responsibility for his/her actions, the psychopath produces “some excuse for his/her behavior, including rationalizing and placing the blame on others” (Hare, 2003).
I have emphasized that the lack of shame and consequent blaming behavior of sociopaths and psychopaths is caused by their excessive dominance motivation. Sociopaths and psychopaths live for power and control. As dominants, they cannot afford to admit any weakness or error, not even to themselves. I want to share with you the results of two recent studies that demonstrate that a lack of shame correlates with clinical measures of sociopathy and psychopathy.
When I searched the scientific literature for studies of shame and psychopathy, I happily found researchers who not only investigated shame, but who developed a “social rank” theory of psychopathy. This social rank theory is very similar to my social dominance theory of sociopathy. Drs. Morrison and Gilbert studied men in a British prison. They found that sociopaths and psychopaths are more reactive to social rank challenge than are non-psychopaths. They related this sensitivity to challenge to the observed lack of shame in psychopaths. These authors also described two distinct groups with regard to shame and social dominance. Psychopaths feel dominant and believe themselves to be entitled to a certain special treatment. According to the authors, “(Psychopaths) assume that they are dominant and expect others to treat them as such.” If not treated as dominant, psychopaths feel socially threatened and behave accordingly toward “subordinates” who fail to show appropriate deference.
A second group of sociopaths who did not score as high on psychopathy measures, but who were still disordered, was also identified. This group secretly perceive themselves as relatively inferior in social rank and have lower self-esteem. However, these sociopaths are resentful of their perceived status, strive for dominance, and thus are sensitive to threats both from others perceived as dominant and others perceived as subordinate. This study is important because it shows that pathologic narcissism or extremely inflated self esteem is present in the most dangerous sociopaths who are identified as psychopaths by Dr. Hare. In fact, the major difference between sociopathy as described by The American Psychiatric Association and psychopathy as described by Dr. Robert Hare is the presence of extreme grandiosity and narcissism in psychopaths.
In another study, Drs. Campbel and Elison assessed psychopathy traits in a group of 286 college students (111 men and 175 women). You might wonder how common these traits are in college students. Of the 286 students, 52 scored in the high end on the psychopathy test. This means that about 1 of 6 people you meet in college has significant psychopathic traits. These traits do not define them as “psychopaths” by Dr. Hare’s criteria, since criminality is a requirement for the PCL-R, but they do identify individuals who have dangerous commonalities with Dr. Hare’s psychopaths.
Drs. Campbell and Elison found that people high in trait psychopathy have no shame. These researchers looked at five responses to shame: attack other, avoidance, attack self, withdrawal and adaptive. Psychopathy was specifically associated with the tendency to attack others or to withdraw in response to situations that would normally elicit shame.
Understanding that the lack of shame and the presence of blaming and withdrawal behavior in response to shame situations is part of sociopathy/psychopathy is important. Many people ask how they can tell if a friend or lover is sociopathic enough to be dangerous. I share these findings with you because I think shame can be used to identify people who are safe to be with. A psychologically normal person has an adaptive response to shame-inducing situations. This includes admitting mistakes and faults and trying to be a better person. If you notice someone is consistently unable to feel shame and blames everyone else for things that go wrong, be on your guard. Chances are that person is high in sociopathic traits.
Ah but the conman psychopath *knows about* shame, and can fake this too. Mine did.
Can a sociopath fake religious faith? My ex boyfriend who I believe is a sociopath is a choir member of a Catholic Church. The Priest and his religious community very well respect him. He built so much prestige in his church that even the priest thinks he’s a very nice guy. He doesn’t sleep or leave the bed before he does his prayers and everything. If you see him in Church it’s hard to believe that that is the same person I knew intimately. He cheats, lies, he is very manipulative, he tried to take financial advantage of me, he is rude and impulsive when outside Church. He even cheated on me with a girl who was with him on the same choir group. Can this people be so evil to even go and play with God? Do they fear God and have a through faith? Who can answer me please?
Pitanga,
The short answer is yes – they can fake religious fake. I’ve heard numerous examples of sociopaths doing this.
My psycho has faked an injury to the nerve of his left arm for 14 YEARS! He had surgery back in 1972 to relieve an arterial blockage. He said he felt pain as soon as he awakened from the surgery. (His ex that was with him at the time said he didn’t complain about it until almost a year later). He sued the nuerosurgeon and the hospital. The Dr. was going to settle, but the psycho took it all the way to a jury trial, and got Nothing! He went on pain killers, oxycontin and percoset and takes them 4 times a day everyday to this very day.
Supposedly, and I believed him like a fool, that his arm was so overly sensitive that even the slightest breeze or stroke on his arm would send him into excrutiating pain, although, his shirt sleeves didn’t bother him, nor did it appear to bother him in an extreme amount, to do some remodeling work on my property.
I spent the last five years of my life with him being so stressed about his arm. I would use my body to block the wind, I would act as a tackle to anyone who may get too close in a crowd, and explained his injury to anyone who may mistakingly touch his shoulder and try to comfort on his “really bad days”.
Then one day walking through a grocery store, he was walking in front of me with the cart. He bumped his left arm, exactly where he said was his “sweet spot”into one of those coupon things you see sticking out from the shelves. He quickly looked back at me, but I had my head turned just enough so that he thought I didn’t see what happened. He continued on, no pain, no cries of agony. I knew at that moment it was a very elaborate fake.
Why would anyone do that? Fake for 14 years. Everyone that knows him, has suspicions that the arm pain was, if not completely a fake then really exhagerated.
He is another that also tells his stories of his years in the British Secret Service, so secret that he couldn’t tell his parents, but can tell me, all his ex’s, all of my acquantences.
And about the remodeling he volunteered for, now he is sueing me for “sweat equity” for doing work on my seperate property in this divorce that has been ongoing for 6 months now.
About sociopaths and religion/spirituality. Sociopathy is impairment in ability to love, impulse control and moral judgement. There are some sociopaths namely psychopaths that have a complete permanent inability to love. Other sociopaths have variable difficulties with the three abilities.
Sociopaths and psychopaths are attracted to religion for two reasons. First organized religion has power over people, power that socipaths want. Second, some less affected sociopaths genuinely struggle with their impulses and their sins. Christianity, especially, offers them hope to gain better impulse control and try to develop ability to love.
to Pitanga and Dr. Leedom:
Can they fake faith?
Well, I don’t know if the Bad Man was faking his faith but he was a Pastor at one time. Some of the disorders are prone to being some kind of extremist. He definately was a religious extremist at one time but has now exchanged that for being an “erotic healer” and Tantric man. He’s just exchanged one extreme for a new one.
Dr. Leedom, wouldn’t you say that being a very religious man is an excellent cover for being a Sociopath? At least with a Narcissist or a Borderline they want to distort your reality so that you doubt your experience and feel crazy. My ex- called himself the “Minister of Compassion” and he was the cruelest, most vicious and inappropriate human being I have ever encountered… EVER. And I was confused for a long time about this as he always claimed everything bad was coming from me and my faults… and at the same time when we were in public, he would be approached by people whom would address him as “Pastor Jeff” and inquire about his latest humanitarian aid projects (which there weren’t any while I was with him.) It was a total mind-f_ck… (please excuse the expression.)
Bottom line : they are fake!! Everything about them is an expertly created illusion, cleverly designed to enthral you and once enthralled, the manipulation begins. I guess the only authentic thing about them is their mental status (which they would deny of course).
My psycho conducts her life as a spiritual healer and love-filled being with all the right buzz words in the right places but behind the illusion lurks blatant evil intent.
The New Age Movement (healers, tantrics, etc) seems to have much place for psychopaths because they can hide under numerous umbrellas and labels. Sadly, Narcissism & Psychopathy is rapidly increasing with bad self-help and spiritual error like the popular movie The Secret. Be very careful of the self-appointed healers…. Psycho’s make their own rules. The normal rules of ettiquette do NOT apply. And yes, they have a subtle but definite ability to, as you said, mind-f_ck you in a way you would never have thought possible.
Isn’t it so sad that a website such as this should even have to exist? Nonetheless, we are all grateful for the accelerated healing it brings us. Thanks folks.
When I was about 3 months into knowing my ex sociopath, he was taken to hospital for suspected heart attack, he was 39 then. I stayed with him all the time, but strangely his sister who lived nearby never visited him in hospital. Then, on my daughters 18th birthday, he had another one and I had to shelve my arrangements with my daughter to take him to hospital. On both time, nothing was found and I am wondering whether he was testing me to see how much I would stand by him, especially as he never took the medication for cholestrol that was prescribed. I wonder?
Don’t wonder Beverly. You could probably bet your bottom dollar that both counts were a pity-play. How unbelievable is it that a human being could behave to such extremes for the purpose of manipulation? Believe two things : (1) they are emotional vampires and, (2) they are not human because they have no conscience and no remorse. Think about the depths of that for a minute.
We were 2-dimensional cardboard cut-outs, set for their purposes, to gain adoration, power, control and or/money. And if they felt like we were drifting away from their clutches (because we were feeding their sociopathic needs and of course they don’t want to lose good food), so they would plot to get our attention … at ANY cost.
They are a big ACT, heartless and soulless. And they lie, lie and lie… and feel nothing!! Apologies are another big act … to keep you there.
Buzzibee,
I was just thinking about this this morning. That all this Tantric stuff really attracts psychos. They claim that they are craving some kind of deep closeness and learn processes that are meant to bring people closer together but they can use them to feign closeness and depth with an unsuspecting person.
I read all kinds of stuff about Tantric ideas and it all sounded fine to me but I though this was meant for people who truly love each other and want to be deeper… and not to be used to create a phony sense of closeness.
My Bad Man incident happened in Maui where there are a bunch of flakey foo-foos pretending to be Tantric this and that… healers, psychics, goddesses and whatever. I will be VERY careful about anyone that starts talking about all that foo-foo stuff in the future. And to think, I used to think that all sounded nice and had books on that stuff on myself. They are in trash now.
Healthy people don’t need to bang drums or skip naked through the forest to create an authentic loving bond with someone they love.
Aloha… E.R.
P.S. HAHA! “Sexual Healing” is playing on the radio right now…
I just noticed.