Sociopaths and sex

Aren’t you getting sick of hearing about all these politicians and other powerful people who can’t control themselves? Are you wondering if they are all just sociopaths? Are all sex addicts also sociopaths?

In the wake of my own dismay at the sheer number of sex crazed politicians, I wanted to share some thoughts with you.

First of all, one of the psychopathy researchers I respect the most is Dr. Grant Harris. He has written a seminal paper COERCIVE AND PRECOCIOUS SEXUALITY AS A FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF PSYCHOPATHY He says that promiscuous, coercive and precocious sex is central to the psychopathy syndrome. However, if you look at the statistics on the PCL-R the most studied method of assessing psychopathy, the two items related to sex have the lowest item correlations with the total score and do not even seem to be related strongly to Factor 2 of that test which is a measure of impulsivity. So there doesn’t seem to be a particularly strong relationship between psychopathy and sex addiction. By that I mean not every sociopath/psychopath is obviously a sex addict.

In his book The Mask of Sanity, Hervey Cleckley commented that “impersonal sex” is part of the syndrome. He also noted though that psychopaths didn’t seem to like sex all that much. Many victims I have interviewed have mentioned that. Sociopaths seem to view sex as a weapon to be used on another person or withheld from another person to hurt them.

As Donna pointed out earlier in the week, there is a strong link between sex motivation and the perception of power; there is also a link between a person’s drive for power and their drive for sex that may be related to testosterone.

When I think about Arnold, Anthony, Elliott and Bill, what I find most striking is their ability to do what I would call dissociate because I can’t think of another word for it. In the moment they are conceiving, tweeting, meeting in the hotel or messing on a dress, thoughts about their families and all of us seem to be completely gone from their minds.

Another great thinker about psychopathy is Robert Reiber, Ph.D. who I had the good fortune to chat with about this very topic in person several years ago. He thinks that this ability to dissociate is what makes a psychopath. When I asked him what he thought about the idea that psychopaths are “without conscience.” He replied, “Of course they have a conscience.” He thinks though they have an uncanny ability to dissociate from their conscience and their memories.

Neither the ideas of Harris nor Reiber bode well for our politicians. But I have learned a lesson from my dogs that might be useful here.

My daughter and I have three Ibizan Hounds, they are sight hounds who also have this uncanny ability to dissociate. When they are hunting small prey they become so focused on the moment they forget we are there and run off. We have been able to prevent this from happening through the use of training collars. We very much wanted them to be able to run free in the woods, so we had to figure out a safe way to get them to come back. They easily learned to come to us to avoid a mild shock that the collars deliver via a remote that has a one mile range. There is also a vibrate button, so after the dogs were trained, the warning vibration is all that is needed. But I have noticed that when they wear the collars they do not become as engrossed in the hunt and they readily come back to my voice. Without the collars, I can be shouting right next to them and they don’t hear me.

So the answer is simple, politicians should wear the collar, and their spouses can keep the remote!

For more discussion about sociopaths and sex see:

Sexually violent predators

Eliot Spitzer and unrestricted sociosexual orientation

The psychopathic personality and human evolution

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227 Comments on "Sociopaths and sex"

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I dont know what this means but, everytime there has been another woman it has been when I am questioning his behaviour, he will then immediately latch on to someone and that very same day profess undying love to the woman whilst telling me how unhappy he is and how I bully him…He never admits there is another woman, it only comes out after, of course he then says he needed somewhere to go so was using her..He will allow this woman to become attatched to him and tell her how badly he was treated by me, he will then when it suits him drop the woman like a ton of shit, not telling her why or what has happened.
At other times when we argued if I checked the pc history he will have been on sex sites advertising himself as a well endowed man (he isnt particularly)
I find it strange that when all hell is breaking lose and the family was falling apart that his priority was to masterbate and search for sex on seedy sites..
Even when things were ok he would always try and make out it was my fault, that I had been kicking him out or moaning at him.
He likes to make out he is a devoted father, and sometimes would pick a fight with me over me telling the kids off…as if I was harming them, when reminded that he was the one who has damaged the kids with his antics and that what I am doing is proper parenting he will react violently and abusively, as if he is being wrongly accused.
I also noticed that if he done something like helped with homework or some menial job around the house he would then say wasnt that good, did you see how good I done that, I dont that really well…
I used to praise him up OTT because I knew it would put him in a good mood..he never acknowledged anyone elses good deeds or actions

Mugged he sounds like TRASH and you have put up with WAY more than you should have. Get rid of this guy! Do you suppose you might be hanging on because you have kids with him? He is going to screw up your children psychologically. You are not doing them any favors by keeping an abusive person in their lives when they are so very young, impressionable, and dependent on you to keep them safe.

I know this isn’t the same thing as children exactly, but my ex used to threaten to hurt my cat if I didn’t do what he wanted (for something as simple as not answering his question right away). I should have left him back then, because now my cat is gone…..Please keep this in mind. If this guy is dangerous, please don’t wait until he does do something that can never be reversed. If he tells you he will kill you, take him seriously. It wouldn’t be the first time a sociopath DID kill his wife and/or his whole family.

You’ve put up with way too much from this guy and I think he’s slowly brought you down to this point where you’d tolerate this from a man. If he had been like this in the beginning, you would have never given him a second glance, but I am sure he slow-cooked you alive until you were in boiling water.

This has to end. Now. For you and for your children. I haven’t read a single thing in your description that gives me even the SLIGHTEST notion that “working on” this is going to help in the slightest. The best solution to the problem is to get RID of the problem, and the problem is HIM. He’s not going to change. This man is SICK and I am so furious on your behalf that I have half a mind to fly over there and hunt him down for terrorizing children like that…..grrrrr.

I wish you the best in this. I hope you find a way to get through this safely…..and by “get through” I very distinctly mean “GET OUT!”

Panther…I know your right. I did go NC for months, and then the memory of the shit with him faded and became abstract, He was back 2 1/2 yrs, for the most I wasnt seeing this side, he would sulk and stuff but in the past few months, he has taken to raging over absolute trivia, even if eh dont like the way I look at him, he has kicked off because I dont respond to his sweet talk as I used to, my eyes have been opened but he doesnt understand that, he acts like Im out of order cos I cant be the naive fool I once was, cos his kisses no longer have me swooning…even if Im tired and dont want sex, its as if I have insulted him…he gets childish…
He has been hassling me now for weeks…knocking for drinks of water at midnight, then going mad if I say get lost its midnight…
I am all churned up today, like I used to be, havent felt this for hearts hammering, my stomach churning as I write this and I recall how bad it got last time

You are doing soooooo much better. Your words are like those of a veteran spathinator. You understand things so well. I’m so happy for you. You’re a very quick study. I hope you continue to learn and gain even more strength from your horrific experience.



panther, i second sky’s comment!

Hi Skylar and One/Joy

A Spathinator! Ahaha 🙂 Well I have the community on LF to thank for the progress I’ve made towards healing and seeing things with a clear head. This is the ONLY place that helped me snap out of it. I cannot afford a shrink after being sucked dry by him, so there was just nothing and no one there who could help, even if they wanted to, because no one understood what was really going on. You guys are a blessing and I am so grateful for all the whacks on the head and blunt honesty! I feel really vigilant already, because I have seen with my own eyes how much of a difference PEOPLE with the right words can make. It wasn’t even a miracle. It was just this community that understood and cared enough to be there which changed my life from hell to….not hell. Wouldn’t call it heaven yet…I still have really bad PTSD and I get really jumpy over the slightest things. Well then, maybe I will call LF a miracle for spath victims.

ANGER really helps. That was like the super-sonic healing button. I’m still have fits of fury 🙂 But it’s turning to indifference already.

Thanks to both of you, Skyar and One/Joy…Ox was really there too….and many others here. It’s not over yet, I am sure….or is it? Who says it can’t be over when I say it’s over? That’s what I wanna say. IT’S OVER and he doesn’t have a say in that whatsoever. It’s over and I’m done and I’m not wasting another second being sad over that jerk. I’m not waiting for the fat lady to sing. It’s over.


hahha – the ‘fat lady’ is a term that has been used on occasion by lf posters in referring to my spath! and she just PRETENDS to be able to sing, oh and steals the identities of famous singers, and unknown singers….and …well, she’s just a steaming pile of shit lies, actually.

i like your attitude panther – it CAN be over in your head and to a large degree in your life – doesn’t mean you don’t have to safeguard your safety or reputation from his moronic actions, but YOU sure can be done with HIM.

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