Aren’t you getting sick of hearing about all these politicians and other powerful people who can’t control themselves? Are you wondering if they are all just sociopaths? Are all sex addicts also sociopaths?
In the wake of my own dismay at the sheer number of sex crazed politicians, I wanted to share some thoughts with you.
First of all, one of the psychopathy researchers I respect the most is Dr. Grant Harris. He has written a seminal paper COERCIVE AND PRECOCIOUS SEXUALITY AS A FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF PSYCHOPATHY He says that promiscuous, coercive and precocious sex is central to the psychopathy syndrome. However, if you look at the statistics on the PCL-R the most studied method of assessing psychopathy, the two items related to sex have the lowest item correlations with the total score and do not even seem to be related strongly to Factor 2 of that test which is a measure of impulsivity. So there doesn’t seem to be a particularly strong relationship between psychopathy and sex addiction. By that I mean not every sociopath/psychopath is obviously a sex addict.
In his book The Mask of Sanity, Hervey Cleckley commented that “impersonal sex” is part of the syndrome. He also noted though that psychopaths didn’t seem to like sex all that much. Many victims I have interviewed have mentioned that. Sociopaths seem to view sex as a weapon to be used on another person or withheld from another person to hurt them.
As Donna pointed out earlier in the week, there is a strong link between sex motivation and the perception of power; there is also a link between a person’s drive for power and their drive for sex that may be related to testosterone.
When I think about Arnold, Anthony, Elliott and Bill, what I find most striking is their ability to do what I would call dissociate because I can’t think of another word for it. In the moment they are conceiving, tweeting, meeting in the hotel or messing on a dress, thoughts about their families and all of us seem to be completely gone from their minds.
Another great thinker about psychopathy is Robert Reiber, Ph.D. who I had the good fortune to chat with about this very topic in person several years ago. He thinks that this ability to dissociate is what makes a psychopath. When I asked him what he thought about the idea that psychopaths are “without conscience.” He replied, “Of course they have a conscience.” He thinks though they have an uncanny ability to dissociate from their conscience and their memories.
Neither the ideas of Harris nor Reiber bode well for our politicians. But I have learned a lesson from my dogs that might be useful here.
My daughter and I have three Ibizan Hounds, they are sight hounds who also have this uncanny ability to dissociate. When they are hunting small prey they become so focused on the moment they forget we are there and run off. We have been able to prevent this from happening through the use of training collars. We very much wanted them to be able to run free in the woods, so we had to figure out a safe way to get them to come back. They easily learned to come to us to avoid a mild shock that the collars deliver via a remote that has a one mile range. There is also a vibrate button, so after the dogs were trained, the warning vibration is all that is needed. But I have noticed that when they wear the collars they do not become as engrossed in the hunt and they readily come back to my voice. Without the collars, I can be shouting right next to them and they don’t hear me.
So the answer is simple, politicians should wear the collar, and their spouses can keep the remote!
For more discussion about sociopaths and sex see:
I just want to offer a safe place for women to come & feel validated and cared for. Lots of hugs. Maybe give information on the effects good nutrition has on our mental states. Kind of like in LF but with live hugs ,although hugs are nice no matter how ya get them.
Ill need guidelines. I wouldnt ever want to tell them what to do or tell them their decisions are wrong. I just want them to feel comfortable and safe if even for a few hours.
Thanks Hens, Ana and Superchic, for the standing O, LOL!
There actually is a word, which can cover a wide arc over much of the spath’s behavior: MALICE.
Hidden malice to be more specific.
I’d like to see that word used more often when explaining what the spath’s do.
They have so many cover stories: they wanted sex, they wanted money, they wanted love.
But the fact is, they could get those things without the lies and contortions that they put themselves and us through. They can pay for hookers, they don’t need to marry, they can work for a living or sell drugs or any of a myriad of things.
Most any of the things they appear to want from us, they could get much more easily in other ways, but they prefer to obtain them under false pretenses because it creates the most hurt.
So Ana, you asked for a word (or two) here’s my vote:
Hidden Malice.
http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/psychopaths-and-psychological-torture/
Here’s a great post that describes malice perfectly.
Mommon – I went on a church listening course. Most times it’s about listening, reflecting back and allowing people to get there in own time.
One of the things that was highlighted about me (which I was not aware of) was that I was a ‘problem solver’. I have to try to stop myself solving other peoples problems. People need to be given the ‘tools’ to solve their own problems.
So yes, your idea of starting up some sort of group is a good one in my opinion.
Not sure if my POTTED PLANT needs watering. What do you guys think?
skylar:
I love what you said. It popped out at me because I had said the same thing about my X spath. He didn’t have to lie…I would have given him everything he wanted even with the truth. All I ever wanted was the truth.
Candy ~ if your “potted plant” has the first 2 initials jm, YES, I think so. I reported it. 🙂
h2h
Candy? where?
Louise,
Exactly! I was willing to let him have other relationships because I no longer wanted the “type” of sex he wanted.
I loved him for HIM, not for his performance in bed. So while I remained celibate for almost 15 years and thought he did too, he was cavorting with who knows what – including my spath neighbor. (OK, granted that was stupid of me to believe he would be celibate, but not when you consider that he knew I didn’t care, so why not tell me?)
So why did he have to sneak? Well 2 reasons: 1) he didn’t want me to have an excuse to play the field 2) he told all his friends what he was doing so that when I found out what he was, he could say I was a scorned woman.
Who thinks like that? A spath.
‘If you’re vulnerable, sociopaths will pounce’ jm
candy:
Interesting…