Aren’t you getting sick of hearing about all these politicians and other powerful people who can’t control themselves? Are you wondering if they are all just sociopaths? Are all sex addicts also sociopaths?
In the wake of my own dismay at the sheer number of sex crazed politicians, I wanted to share some thoughts with you.
First of all, one of the psychopathy researchers I respect the most is Dr. Grant Harris. He has written a seminal paper COERCIVE AND PRECOCIOUS SEXUALITY AS A FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF PSYCHOPATHY He says that promiscuous, coercive and precocious sex is central to the psychopathy syndrome. However, if you look at the statistics on the PCL-R the most studied method of assessing psychopathy, the two items related to sex have the lowest item correlations with the total score and do not even seem to be related strongly to Factor 2 of that test which is a measure of impulsivity. So there doesn’t seem to be a particularly strong relationship between psychopathy and sex addiction. By that I mean not every sociopath/psychopath is obviously a sex addict.
In his book The Mask of Sanity, Hervey Cleckley commented that “impersonal sex” is part of the syndrome. He also noted though that psychopaths didn’t seem to like sex all that much. Many victims I have interviewed have mentioned that. Sociopaths seem to view sex as a weapon to be used on another person or withheld from another person to hurt them.
As Donna pointed out earlier in the week, there is a strong link between sex motivation and the perception of power; there is also a link between a person’s drive for power and their drive for sex that may be related to testosterone.
When I think about Arnold, Anthony, Elliott and Bill, what I find most striking is their ability to do what I would call dissociate because I can’t think of another word for it. In the moment they are conceiving, tweeting, meeting in the hotel or messing on a dress, thoughts about their families and all of us seem to be completely gone from their minds.
Another great thinker about psychopathy is Robert Reiber, Ph.D. who I had the good fortune to chat with about this very topic in person several years ago. He thinks that this ability to dissociate is what makes a psychopath. When I asked him what he thought about the idea that psychopaths are “without conscience.” He replied, “Of course they have a conscience.” He thinks though they have an uncanny ability to dissociate from their conscience and their memories.
Neither the ideas of Harris nor Reiber bode well for our politicians. But I have learned a lesson from my dogs that might be useful here.
My daughter and I have three Ibizan Hounds, they are sight hounds who also have this uncanny ability to dissociate. When they are hunting small prey they become so focused on the moment they forget we are there and run off. We have been able to prevent this from happening through the use of training collars. We very much wanted them to be able to run free in the woods, so we had to figure out a safe way to get them to come back. They easily learned to come to us to avoid a mild shock that the collars deliver via a remote that has a one mile range. There is also a vibrate button, so after the dogs were trained, the warning vibration is all that is needed. But I have noticed that when they wear the collars they do not become as engrossed in the hunt and they readily come back to my voice. Without the collars, I can be shouting right next to them and they don’t hear me.
So the answer is simple, politicians should wear the collar, and their spouses can keep the remote!
For more discussion about sociopaths and sex see:
My ex spath really enjoyed sex a lot-especially with me. He had ZERO trouble getting it up with me. He was also very good at it. After I was sexually assaulted 18 years ago I was never able to enjoy sex until he came into my life. The first time we had sex was my first orgasm given to me by someone other than myself. We both did it at the same time and that happened on other occasions too. I finally knew what sex was supposed to feel like with him-that and me quitting smoking, were the only GOOD things that came out of the relationship. He also loved giving oral sex to me and always did it right off to make sure I was satisfied before we went any further. The way he was in the bedroom was all that I ever wished for in a romantic partner. He was terrific and very considerate.
Nolarn:
Lucky you!!!
Hens:
I think that was my X spath totally. Only after the pursuit. Especially being married and not being able to make a commitment to anyone. One after the other.
eb-I was very lucky in that manner but all that greatness goes away with what he did in the end. He knew that he had a choice to make-continue to be with me and have his social life change drastically, or go back with her and maintain the status quo. It was be married to a pretty younger female police officer (me) and have a baby, or go back and keep all his fancy friends, social engagements, and not get to have the other kid he said he wanted. That social life was SO DAMN important to him. He was only friends with other doctors and his wife was friends with their wives. He knew that with her gone and me with him that I would not be accepted with the wives and that status would go away. The plans he was making with me were less important. He ended up telling me that he never loved me and used me for sex. I later spoke with him three months after and he told me that all that he said was a lie-it was to make him feel better about leaving me if he could convince himself that he never loved me. He said it would be so much easier for him to go back to her. That’s when he told me that all the things that he said to her about me, were lies. He wanted her to believe that I was not important but he also said that he would tell her whatever lie he had to , to make her believe it.
my n sire had a dog who wore a collar for the electronic fence; but he would take the shock if what was going down the road was more interesting. just sayin….
Nolarn:
So he was telling her lies about you and he was telling you lies about her. Doing both to keep you both. Until the end when he had to make a choice and then it was even more lies. They will almost always choose to keep their current lifestyles. I have seen very few leave. They want to ruin EVERYONE’S lives…girlfriend, wife, kids, but they still want to come out on top.
Weinergate is far worse than we thought! NY Congressman Anthony Weiner is certainly a candidate for multiple electric shock collars. The NY Post is all over the story:
Weiner and Nevada woman exchanged raunchy messages, planned to meet – including a PDF of their sext messages!
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/weiner_and_nevada_woman_exchanged_oTrCsncHCSMF0CmZqz7CDK
The “dork knight”
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/the_dork_knight_OYsymZ6kNMCxRRjZFtKanJ
Weiner coached porn star to lie for him
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/tell_all_tales_for_me_weiner_RW2jfcK70JzHzj6HCq7r5J
Wow, Weiner is a spath. Notice how in the first article it says he disappears for months and then just pops up again. When the woman asks him where he has been he says where have YOU been when all the while she had been trying to contact him.
Then in “Dork Knight” he says he is dying of boredom…another spath trait…they get bored very easily…need that stimulation.
Well, my x-spath must have outrageous levels of testosterone because he was ALWAYS horny (he just turned 43 and no slowing down either). He masturbated in between the frequent daily sex we had. Often he’d wake me up once or more times during the middle of the night. He was really into porn too. If I said no, he’d usually beg and if I continued to say no, that’s when he’d be his most verbally abusive. Tried not to say “no” too much!
And that was just with me. Of course, there were always other women during our 5 years together, although I chose not to believe that for a long time, despite the AMPLE evidence.
Because of that, missing the sex with him is what I’m having the hardest time with. Couple that with the fact that his new victim is 14 years younger than me, thinner and cuter, and she lives on a road I need to drive by at least a few times a day. If I happen to look down her road while I’m driving by, I can’t help but see if his car is in her driveway, so I have to make a point to look the other way.
I don’t want him back at all, but it KILLS ME thinking of him having sex with her, a mile from my house, even though I’m sure he’s cheating on her too.
Also, he loves to touch and be touched (or pretended to anyway), so we’d be holding each other all night while we slept, and I’m missing that part badly too.