Aren’t you getting sick of hearing about all these politicians and other powerful people who can’t control themselves? Are you wondering if they are all just sociopaths? Are all sex addicts also sociopaths?
In the wake of my own dismay at the sheer number of sex crazed politicians, I wanted to share some thoughts with you.
First of all, one of the psychopathy researchers I respect the most is Dr. Grant Harris. He has written a seminal paper COERCIVE AND PRECOCIOUS SEXUALITY AS A FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF PSYCHOPATHY He says that promiscuous, coercive and precocious sex is central to the psychopathy syndrome. However, if you look at the statistics on the PCL-R the most studied method of assessing psychopathy, the two items related to sex have the lowest item correlations with the total score and do not even seem to be related strongly to Factor 2 of that test which is a measure of impulsivity. So there doesn’t seem to be a particularly strong relationship between psychopathy and sex addiction. By that I mean not every sociopath/psychopath is obviously a sex addict.
In his book The Mask of Sanity, Hervey Cleckley commented that “impersonal sex” is part of the syndrome. He also noted though that psychopaths didn’t seem to like sex all that much. Many victims I have interviewed have mentioned that. Sociopaths seem to view sex as a weapon to be used on another person or withheld from another person to hurt them.
As Donna pointed out earlier in the week, there is a strong link between sex motivation and the perception of power; there is also a link between a person’s drive for power and their drive for sex that may be related to testosterone.
When I think about Arnold, Anthony, Elliott and Bill, what I find most striking is their ability to do what I would call dissociate because I can’t think of another word for it. In the moment they are conceiving, tweeting, meeting in the hotel or messing on a dress, thoughts about their families and all of us seem to be completely gone from their minds.
Another great thinker about psychopathy is Robert Reiber, Ph.D. who I had the good fortune to chat with about this very topic in person several years ago. He thinks that this ability to dissociate is what makes a psychopath. When I asked him what he thought about the idea that psychopaths are “without conscience.” He replied, “Of course they have a conscience.” He thinks though they have an uncanny ability to dissociate from their conscience and their memories.
Neither the ideas of Harris nor Reiber bode well for our politicians. But I have learned a lesson from my dogs that might be useful here.
My daughter and I have three Ibizan Hounds, they are sight hounds who also have this uncanny ability to dissociate. When they are hunting small prey they become so focused on the moment they forget we are there and run off. We have been able to prevent this from happening through the use of training collars. We very much wanted them to be able to run free in the woods, so we had to figure out a safe way to get them to come back. They easily learned to come to us to avoid a mild shock that the collars deliver via a remote that has a one mile range. There is also a vibrate button, so after the dogs were trained, the warning vibration is all that is needed. But I have noticed that when they wear the collars they do not become as engrossed in the hunt and they readily come back to my voice. Without the collars, I can be shouting right next to them and they don’t hear me.
So the answer is simple, politicians should wear the collar, and their spouses can keep the remote!
For more discussion about sociopaths and sex see:
Eliot Spitzer and unrestricted sociosexual orientation
The psychopathic personality and human evolution
Ox Drover
New winter,
Just be glad you are not with him any more! He does indeed sound CREEPY! Just keep on reading and learning and growing and healing.
Ox Drover
Dear Desperate mom,
click on Dr. Liane Leedom’s web link here “parenting the at risk child” I hope you can find some help there and some support from Dr. Leedom and some of the other parents there.
I can’t even imagine how much pain you and your daughter must both be in. God bless you both, you will be in my prayers.
new winter
Oxy,
Yep I know you are right I’m lucky 🙂 For me, the hardest part of recovery is that as I start to feel better, I keep wondering if “oh maybe if I was this strong & confident when I was with him, I would have been good enough for him”
But then I remember how I was perfect and flawless and his soulmate just the way I used to be (until, of course, he decided I was crazy and bipolar, coincidentally the day he started cheating on me). I think that smear campaign is a huge red flag for spath.
But how can I get rid of those thoughts that he would like me better now that I’m strong and secure?
Hope to heal
New Winter ~ Ridding yourself of the thoughts about him liking you better…
I guess first, you need to realize that the person you thought he was DOES NOT EXIST. He truly is NOT the person that he professed to be. It was an ACT, a character in his own little “play”.
Being your first, I can surely understand why he is hard to get over. The first heartbreak is very hard. No doubt about that. I am so sorry that your “first time” was with one of these creatures.
You deserve to have REAL love in your life. Please try to remember that. ((((hugs))))
H2H
behind_blue_eyes
“I guess first, you need to realize that the person you thought he was DOES NOT EXIST.”
This is the best possible advice but difficult to accept. Even if not an overt actor, all sociopaths use mirroring tactics to present to you the image of a person they think you are looking for.
Thus, they fool you into thinking you have found a soul mate.
Hope to heal
BBE ~ Yes, difficult but not impossible. It is the FIRST step. That is ALWAYS the hardest one to take. It is NECESSARY to begin the healing process.
H2H
behind_blue_eyes
This is where sites like Lovefraud offer a great service. Once I learned of “mirroring” I was able to see the difference between those who are genuine and sociopaths who mirror.
One clue are “little things.” Every time I talked to my x-spath there seemed to be another little thing we had in common. This caused to ignore that we had few “big” things in common…
After the x-spath, I was fortunate enough to meet and date some very nice people. While these relationships did not work out for a variety of reasons, I don’t remember a single moment where any of these guys pointed out to me that we had this or that “little thing” in common…
superkid10
blue eyes
i agree.
We were having an argument over the future of our relationship my spath said to me “I’m not who you think I am. You think I’m this suave polished guy, I’m not”.
I dismissed it. I thought he was being hard on himself.
Now I realize what he was saying was true. He was pretending to be who I wanted him to be.
Wow, it was quite a play.
I am going to my weekly therapist appt tonight. I wonder if I am spending too much time on this versus just moving on in my life. How long does this take? How much is too much ruminating (sp?).
sk
KatyDid
New Winter
The Shakespeare ref “good night sweet prince” has a further meaning. It’s a Machiavellian reference. More creepy than you thought…
Eva
I love this blog. Everybody rumiating similar subjects. The rumiating club 😀