Aren’t you getting sick of hearing about all these politicians and other powerful people who can’t control themselves? Are you wondering if they are all just sociopaths? Are all sex addicts also sociopaths?
In the wake of my own dismay at the sheer number of sex crazed politicians, I wanted to share some thoughts with you.
First of all, one of the psychopathy researchers I respect the most is Dr. Grant Harris. He has written a seminal paper COERCIVE AND PRECOCIOUS SEXUALITY AS A FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF PSYCHOPATHY He says that promiscuous, coercive and precocious sex is central to the psychopathy syndrome. However, if you look at the statistics on the PCL-R the most studied method of assessing psychopathy, the two items related to sex have the lowest item correlations with the total score and do not even seem to be related strongly to Factor 2 of that test which is a measure of impulsivity. So there doesn’t seem to be a particularly strong relationship between psychopathy and sex addiction. By that I mean not every sociopath/psychopath is obviously a sex addict.
In his book The Mask of Sanity, Hervey Cleckley commented that “impersonal sex” is part of the syndrome. He also noted though that psychopaths didn’t seem to like sex all that much. Many victims I have interviewed have mentioned that. Sociopaths seem to view sex as a weapon to be used on another person or withheld from another person to hurt them.
As Donna pointed out earlier in the week, there is a strong link between sex motivation and the perception of power; there is also a link between a person’s drive for power and their drive for sex that may be related to testosterone.
When I think about Arnold, Anthony, Elliott and Bill, what I find most striking is their ability to do what I would call dissociate because I can’t think of another word for it. In the moment they are conceiving, tweeting, meeting in the hotel or messing on a dress, thoughts about their families and all of us seem to be completely gone from their minds.
Another great thinker about psychopathy is Robert Reiber, Ph.D. who I had the good fortune to chat with about this very topic in person several years ago. He thinks that this ability to dissociate is what makes a psychopath. When I asked him what he thought about the idea that psychopaths are “without conscience.” He replied, “Of course they have a conscience.” He thinks though they have an uncanny ability to dissociate from their conscience and their memories.
Neither the ideas of Harris nor Reiber bode well for our politicians. But I have learned a lesson from my dogs that might be useful here.
My daughter and I have three Ibizan Hounds, they are sight hounds who also have this uncanny ability to dissociate. When they are hunting small prey they become so focused on the moment they forget we are there and run off. We have been able to prevent this from happening through the use of training collars. We very much wanted them to be able to run free in the woods, so we had to figure out a safe way to get them to come back. They easily learned to come to us to avoid a mild shock that the collars deliver via a remote that has a one mile range. There is also a vibrate button, so after the dogs were trained, the warning vibration is all that is needed. But I have noticed that when they wear the collars they do not become as engrossed in the hunt and they readily come back to my voice. Without the collars, I can be shouting right next to them and they don’t hear me.
So the answer is simple, politicians should wear the collar, and their spouses can keep the remote!
For more discussion about sociopaths and sex see:
BBE:
I know what you mean. I most likely would not even want my spath as a friend so why do I want him at all? They just did something to us; none of us know what they did, but it was some type of profound impact.
Thanks for your post.
Blue Eyes – If you like him and he like’s you? Why are you sitting there? I mean think about it, a new relationship is the best medicine to get over a spath……….
Hens;
There were a couple of other issues with the new guy but age was and is still the main one as he is only 23. I would also need to move to Russia until he finishes grad school.
Louise;
I have an appointment in an hour and I will give you more thoughts when I return.
Thanks, BBE…
looking back over the years I can see how he(spath) groomed for sexually. Im so ashamed of what I allowed him to talk me into. He promiced me when we were talking about getting married that he wouldnt ever ask me to do sexually what my ex had. I can see now how cleverly he manipulated me slowly into going against all my beliefs. The last few years I just flat refused to have sex at all.He verbally abused me,laughed at me,raped me,devalued me all during sex. Then he would be kind me to say he was sorry for hurting me,he even managed to cry a few tears. I bought this crap for 20 years. When I discovered his hidden sexual appetite I was sickened.
I refused to be a plugin for him & to be a part of his sick sexual fantacies. He threatened to go elsewhere,but he was anyway so it made no difference.
Im really a smart woman but I was a slow learner when it came to psychopathy and how it affects every single aspect of a marriage and the damage it has not only done to me as a woman,his wife,mother of his child. But it also impacted the women he was with. The impact it must have had on their emotions. I wish I could hug each and everyone of them,even the ones that knew he was married. Noone deserves to feel humiliated like that. He always had affairs with women total opposites of me. Women that were a bit over weight,lacked self esteem,and were needy for a man to complete them. He also only went with women with small children. I keep hoping someday 1 of these women will turn him in.
Mommon – ‘He promised me when we were talking about getting married that he wouldnt ever ask me to do sexually what my ex had’ This was a ‘tell’. He KNEW very well what he would do.
‘Im so ashamed of what I allowed him to talk me into’ – me too, you are NOT alone. We have to try to forgive ourselves. You were right we were groomed and led against all our beliefs. We cannot turn the clock back, what’s done is done.
What we can do is learn from our experience and NOT allow it to happen again.
I know there is no comparison but if we compare what he did to ……..him getting us drunk. Maybe normally we would never drink. But he convinces us it’s ok, everyone does it, no harm done. So we have a little sip.
We don’t much like it but he keeps on saying give it another go, all the time coaxing us and telling us he loves us. So we take a little more (knowing that it’s not right for us) but we get caught up in his lie.
Before we know it we’re drunk, do stupid things, and once we are sober, we feel soooooooo foolish and deeply regret what we did because we should have known better.
We cannot undo what is done. All we can do is forgive OURSELVES and learn from the experience so that it’s NEVER repeated.
Momon – Check out the web.
I found this info…..There are currently no laws in the UK regarding counselling and psychotherapy. However guidelines recommend that, in order to practice, counsellors should have completed at least an appropriate diploma, or completed a minimum of 400 hours therapy training.
Not sure which country you are in but it may be worth checking it out. You may be able to help others and at the same time help yourself! How cool would that be:)
candy
Yes, we must forgive ourselves. I dont carry the shame anymore. I have released it years ago. I feel for the women he cons now. I know how devistating it is to our core. I hate that other women may at this very minute are hating themselves for allowing him to drag them down just becuz they want to feel loved and accepted.
Momom – So pleased that you don’t carry the shame any longer, well done you.
As much as we would like to ‘save’ his other women….we can’t.
What we can do is move on and make things better for those we CAN help. Now, that maybe by setting up our own counselling service or trying to help others right here on LF.