When I first met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, whom I now believe is a sociopath, he treated me like gold.
His attentiveness started with our initial e-mail correspondence. Yes, we met via the Internet, but he lived nearby—I wasn’t worried about the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship. During our three weeks of preliminary correspondence—his notes were clever and well-written—he made it clear that he was interested in me.
When we did meet, Montgomery was attentive, charming and entertaining. He asked questions and listened to my answers. He was quick to pay me compliments. Yes, he talked about himself a lot, but he was intelligent and intriguing, so I didn’t mind—I felt like I was getting to know him.
Significantly, when Montgomery said he would call me, he did. Now, before I met him, I spent a lot of years in the dating game. Many, many times, I heard, “I’ll call you,” and then the person who said the words fell off the planet. So a man who followed through with this basic courtesy—well, that scored some points.
Trying to impress me
So, in the beginning of our encounter—I don’t want to call it a relationship—he did everything a man who was trying to impress a woman would do. He wore a sport coat when he took me out to dinner. He brought me little gifts. I interpreted these gestures as signs of his budding affection.
Many Lovefraud readers—both women and men—have told me similar stories about the beginning of their encounters with sociopaths. “He asked me how he could make my dreams come true,” said one woman. “She would do anything for me—nothing was too much trouble,” said a man.
That’s how they get us hooked.
Excellent social skills
Had my ex-husband behaved like a jerk in the beginning—stood me up, acted out in public, flirted with other women in front of me—I would have dumped him. He did none of those things. While he was reeling me in, he was a perfect gentleman.
Of course, I now know that he was on a mission to find a supply, and was simultaneously treating several other women exactly the same way. Apparently, I was the first to bite. He proposed; I accepted. Yes, it was far too soon—but I’d heard all those fairy tales about love at first sight. Why couldn’t it happen to me? I didn’t realize that all his expressions of affection were empty lies.
It would certainly be easier to spot sociopaths if they always acted like jerks. Unfortunately, they don’t, at least in the beginning. Many of them have excellent social skills. But eventually their true, disordered personalities are revealed—they are despicable con artists, out to take what they want, even if it destroys us.
Take your time and pay attention
We can’t allow ourselves to be blinded by Prince or Princess Charming. Under all the sweet nothings, there may truly be nothing, only a hollow shell of a human being. A sociopath.
So what can we do? When meeting someone new, be aware, and take your time. Ask questions. Go slow. Pay attention to inconsistencies. If your instincts tell you something is wrong, listen.
All,
I’d like to recommend a book and a movie that have been extremely helpful to me. The movie is “Gaslight.” It’s been mentioned elsewhere on this site. I think that all of us who have dealt with a sociopath can recognize him in the movie. The main difference between my sociopath and the movie version, is that the movie sociopath actually had a purpose for his actions. He was after his wife’s wealth. In my case, that was a secondary consideration. I think my sociopath primarily enjoyed the mind games for their own sake.
Second, I’d like to recommend the book “When Your Past is Hurting Your Present.” This book is especially helpful if you are a woman and/or a Christian. If not, I think it’s still worth a look. The author is a little skeptical of therapy and more interested in self-help. I think each person is different and what’s right for each person is the therapy/self-help mix that works best for them. I do like the more active/doing approach, rather than just the talking/therapy approach.
I think that most women need to go through the talking phase, whether it’s with a therapist, close friend, or family member. But at some point, at least for me, I’d had enough talking and I needed to take action. The book is a little more action oriented.
If there is an even more action oriented book that any of you are aware of, I hope you post here and let me know. For me, at first the talking was therapeutic. It was nice to know that friends understood and sympathized. But soon, the talking was not enough. Too much talking just made me feel like a victim, wallowing in self-pity. I needed to fight back.
The main problem with action is that it is so difficult to fight back without doing something drastic that the sociopath can point to and hold against you. It’s hard to actively fight back and get any results. Another problem is that sociopaths are adept at fooling judges and lawyers. They only have to fool them for a few hours in most divorce trials. Since they have no qualms about lying, this is easy for them to do.
The “get away from him” advice is definitely the best thing a person can do. But often more is needed. Getting away seems like such passive submission.
This is ALL far too familiar! I am trying very hard to stop “feeling like a fool” after falling for 17 years of manipulations and lies. he most certainly is an “OPERATOR”
A dear friend had said to me “sounds like you are dealing with a “professional” ” so that kindda helps to not “beat myself up.
It is amazing how everything is our fault. I can even control wildlife (by causing a moose to run infront of his truck) (when I was 45 min. away!! ) Yes I AM so powerful!! ha ha
I am grateful that I NOW ( after it was pointed out to me 2 years ago what kind of games he is pulling ) can start to heal. I will be forever grateful to that person.Still have great difficulty understanding that one can actually have NO feelings!. I am very cautious when I feel some “heart strings” or feel sorry for “IT” (best description for him)……….doesn’t happen so much anymore, and to be honest, it is rather surprising when it does. I guess I did love him once upon a time.Nonetheless, I am still very hurt and angry. I too am grateful that he didn’t take all (what little $$ I have) (not that he didn’t try to get it) he certainly did abuse me financially, verbally,psychologically, emotionally, physically, and YES sexually. Its all there. he tried so very hard to “Push me over the edge” however, I am fortunate enough to be too stubborn, PLUS he abandoned us (not around very much) under the false pretense “I am working” blah blah blah. yeah he was working alright, and had us here to “protect” his assets. Had he actually “Physically”been here, I may NOT have been so fortunate to be somewhat sane. I also have heavy duty Trust Issues. I don’t like this at all, and alot of times I feel like I am being paraniod. I have spoken to professionals (I also worked in the mental health field) and they have assured me that I am NOT going Insane.Praise the LORD, because I had come close to losing it, and he actually stated “Oh this is so funny, I like seeing you like this” “you are a crazy woman…” after such horendous abuse
Then there is the manipulation of the child.That scares me the most, because if that person had not pointed out his observations, I would probably STILL be in that believing his rubbish that spews out of his mouth mode. I am now 41, and just realizing what a sick individual I am dealing with. What about a child that only wants acceptance from”poor dad” who was never a father , that is a “recipe for diasaster”. My child is VERY protective of him.I just monitor conversations and behaviours as closely as I can. Trying to differentiate between hormones and just plain “bad behaviour”
Another blessing is this website, where I finally have some understanding as to what I have lived through.
Amazing how there is a “Surplus” of people (my friends) ready to be “Quick to defend” and make excuses. Even after knowing some of the maltreatment!!!! What the???????
Yes they certainly are masters of maipulation and he really saw me coming. 13 years difference in age and a great big “pity ploy” oh she did this and that, she is so evil. HA I tried to find out how to contact her, but it is so secret, and probably all lies as to any info. he has said about her anyway. I sincerely hope she is happy being away from him, and to the best of my knowlege they had no children.
And YES the best advice is to have NO CONTACT. Anything that I say (we are in the Long Slow Expensive process of seperation) is viewed as a “button” to push.That became evident as good old “hind site” kicked in!
Sending good thought to all of you wonderful “survivors”. We have made it this far already. “Onward and Upward” away from them!
I recieved some very good advice I would like to share with you.,
“Stay on the Offence”
&
“You may be a Victim, BUT you don’t need to be a Casualty”
Sincerely
Learning to Fly
” and he even created an email address to pretend to be one of the women I was always nervous about, talking to me for four months, apologizing for trying to *take my man*”
What ? Nuts !
Hi All,
I feel like repeating what learningtofly said:
This is ALL far too familiar! Of course the lying stands out. And not only when there could have been a reason for, but many times when it was totally unnecessary!
The first time, however, I was toubled by my ex’s reactions was when he lacked empathy for someone. I knew nothing about real psychos then. Also I can’t remember the exact circumstance (it was about 30 years ago) but I do remember how disappointed I was in him.
We were married only a few months when my engagement ring suddenly got lost. He left me to think out a reason for the disappearance, which of course was totally wrong. Since then he has sold, broken, thrown away so many things of mine I know what has happened to my ring. I’m sure, although I can’t prove anything, that he sold the ring when he needed money or else only to do me harm. His actions many times didn’t have much to do with reality, although I always found some or other thing I did that could have been the reason. Many times what he did, didn’t seem to have a good reason.
He died last year in an accident with a bakkie while he was riding his bicycle. He told me the previous year that he didn’t need me for sex. HOWEVER, when I filed for divorce, he asked me to withdraw my application. My lawyer couldn’t understand that he didn’t want to divorce me, but he wanted to stay in the house and sleep in another room. He then openly went on with his internet and cellphone sex, bothering me during the night with his escapades.
Five minutes before his death he came into my room and told me that he was going to sleep with me that night. I just said nothing and thought he must be crazy. Five minutes later I came upon him lying in the road, when I went to town to buy milk.
learningtofly says she can’t believe that she fell for his lies for 17 years. I’m ashamed to say that I was married for 37 years. Healing is a slow process. But the lies he told everyone, from the Education Department, colleages and professional people like my doctor, psychologists, lawyer to friends, family and especially my sons will haunt me my whole life. Many relationships will never be rectified because people loved believing him! And he knew exactly to whom he could lie and to whom not. There will always be people whom he helped and treated so good, helpful, tactful, loving, etc. who will never believe that he was such an evil person. That is why it is so important to have NO CONTACT with them.
Thank you so much for this valuable blog, Donna!
The SLANDER!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am just now recognizing that he managed to “lure” or however one would term it it ..so many of MY FRIENDS and FAMILY members. No the relationships will never ever be the same, the best one could hope for is that they can heal a bit. As I am in the slow painful seperation process, this is just when I NEED these people the most, and they are just not there. What a grand scheme that has been thought out for all these years.How sick; that he is now enjoy the “fruits of his labour” setting up all of these twisted sinerios.he is in his glory thinking about all of the suffering and how difficult all of this is for me now. The only reason he even knows how stressed out I am about all of this, is because he is manipulationg the child who give a “full report” as to our everyday. And YES, thanks so much for this safe place of understanding.
Have a safe and happy weekend
learningtofly
Hi friends ! Jesus what a roller coaster ride from hell this has been. It all started out so innocent. Steve and I are first loves from highschool. Yep, we date back to 1978. I was a sophmore and he was a senior. I suppose once a sociopath always a sociopath, but what could a 18 year old kid hope to gain from a 16 year old kid. Personally, in my experience, this disorder worsens like a progressive disease.
He seemed pretty normal, maybe a little thoughtless at times at that age and we were only together dating until the end of that summer a total of 5 months. He left the state to go to college. We corresponded for several months and when he came back to visit home he always visited me. Didn’t think much of it at that age. A long distant relationship either makes it or it doesn’t. At that age, most likely it won’t make it as neither party want’s to settle down.
18 years later, he pops into my mind as I had a premonition about him being in a car accident and dying. I called his sister to ask what he was up to and can I get his phone number.
I call, he is thrilled to hear from me and I ask if he would be willing to come visit me in Florida. He was living in Phoenix. He obliges, we have a great time. I disguss the dream and tell him to just be careful and I’m still not interested in settlling down and I assume we can be friends long distance. Clearly Steve had a different agenda.
Once he got back home he vanished into thin air. He still vanishes today.. Well talk more about that later in the story… I’m thinking, what a prick ! I just spent over a thousand dollars flying him, wining and dining him and he just vanished ! I was confused, hurt, and questioning what I DID…
Time heals all wounds and I went on to reconnect with my second love from college, Tom. We lasted 20 years, have a wonderful daughter and built considerable wealth when he decidied to have a mid life crisis and have 2 affairs, lying and deniying until I had proof. Not only did he cheat, he had been funneling my money since 2004 to a private bank account in Saint Croix to the tune of 4 million dollars. So— am I a magnet for the mentally ill ?
Back to Steve.. After Tom and I had seperated, by pure happenstance, I get a e-mail from Reunion.com a website I had never heard of asking me if I was going to go home for my 25 year highschool reunion. I plugged in about 25 names including Steve’s as we had mutual friends I thought he may be able to contact. Only one person responds to my e-mail. Ok kids, listen up, here’s where it get’s real freaky..
I know I’m going to divorce Tom and I want a new career. I decided I wanted to be a helicopter pilot so I google search training facilities and I planned to get the hell out of Houston and leave Tom behind. I had chosen a school in Chandler Arizona. My mind was set. I’m moving to Chandler.
That one and only e-mail was from Steve, 28 years ago Steve.. Guess where Steve lives ? Chandler Arizona. For some insane reason, I think this must be a sign. Oh yea.. It was a OMEN I just hadn’t come to that conclusion yet. Steve and I e-mail and talk on the phone and he confesses he was inlove with me back in 1986 but felt we were to young and the only way was to break free permanently. Yes, I fell for it.. but today is different, Steve is ready for a relationship and so am I.
Steve is so enchanted with me, I’m perfect to him, please hurry and move to Chandler he says. I commuted every month. I ended up staying in Houston an entire year longer and Steve was still in the picture loving me more than ever, so I thought. In reality, he knew I was wealthy and I never got over him. The perfect victim I’m sure he thought.
I finally move to Az and we live together. No sooner did I move in with him than his car broke down beyond repair and imagine this, Steve has bad credit and can’t secure a loan for a new vehicle. But wait ! I can…
He will just make the payments to me I thought, after all we are going to get married and live happily ever after.
Everything WAS perfect for 5 months when his facade started to decay.
Steve can no longer keep a job, Steve is shooting crystal meth, Steve is into teen porn, Steve loves to gamble at the casinos and Steve has taken up beer and cigaretts, and low and behold, Steve has failed to pay his child support and is going to jail.
He was put on a work furlough program and he was going through detox and was diagnosed as bipolar. I thought, poor bastard, what can I do to help as he was so good at conning sympathy from me. I, completely shrouded in pity, bail him out for 3 grand. That was the beggining of the end of my finances.
I honestly thought, cure the bipolar, cure the problem. He started lithium and I saw a profound improvement in his behavior, but that’s also when he became a even better con man. Every payday, like clockwork he would vanish, for hours even a day and come back home flat ass broke.
He would always come up with some lame excuse, like he had so much back child suport payment, credit card debt, you name it, he had an excuse for it.
Fortunately ladies, I made a new friend. His ex wife.. She told me everything I told her. Steve hadn’t changed, in fact, this was Steve’s MO, mooching off of woman so he can support his filthy addictions.
I went to the police. They did NOTHING ! He wasn’t on the lease, and he had NEVER PAID a dime towards rent or utilities. But you know what, in Arizona, Steve is entitled to residency if he recieves his mail at my address. Excuse me.. So, my only option was a order of protection.
Well now I have to prove my life is threatend or show proof of assault.
Steve was much smarter than that. He is such a experienced con man he knew what he could get away with and what he could not. Months go by and I can’t get Steve to move.
I mean really friends, why would he ? 3,300 sq ft, a hot tub, a pool and a brand new truck all for free.
I wrote letters to the Gilbert, Chandler, Mesa and Phoenix police. There is no law to protect people like us. They actually told me despite the title and registration on the truck is in my name Steve has an established pattern of using it and I can’t take it away from him.
I no longer can handle school as I no longer sleep because now Steve pawns my belongings and steals money from me while I sleep and has helped himself to my credit cards. He even stole $100 dollars worth of quarters out of my slot machine I have at home !
Ive become increasingly desperate and now Steve has become verbally abusive. 9 months later, I haven’t seen a dime, the money is going somewhere and he not bringing anything into the house so I feel it’s pretty fair to assume his filthy addictions. Steve can’t seem to manage taking his lithium as directed and now he is in a manic episode followed by a depressive episode. Back and forth, back and forth, never stable. You know why ? Because Bipolar is secondary to his being a SOCIOPATH
Steve can’t get out of bed to go to work and he loses yet another job.
At this point my dear friend says,” go hit yourself in the head with a baseball bat and tell the police Steve did it’, so I can get this piece of sh—t out of my life.
I’m mentally, emotionally, and spiritually desperate. I realize I have no choice but to flee the state. I make arrangments, contact the police again, to no avail. Then Steve and I have the fight to beat all fights.
Steve can’t seem to comprehend why I’m so angry with him. He says it’s my fault, if I were just more patient. I pulled his hair to get him out of my face as he was screaming in my ear and he punches me in the nose and breaks my nose. Blood everywhere, I race to the hospital thinking this isn’t my life ! This can’t be happening !
The hosptal had to make a report, I told them the truth and an officer showed up, took my testimony and went to my house to talk to Steve.
Steve told the officer I attacked him ! But he won’t file charges if I don’t. The police told me if I charge Steve with assault we will both be arrested for assault.
$6,000 dollars and facial surgery later I am now beaten to thoughts of suicide. I’m facing assault charges !!!! I don’t even kill cockroaches, I take them outside ! My Mary Kay organization describes me as the woman who will give you the shirt off her back, feed you, love you, do anything for you, nurture you, and now I’m facing jail !!!
I told the police, drop the charges, and please just let me leave
this state !
$70,000.00 later, a broken nose, a ruined career, and a waste of 2 and a half years, I am soon to be free.
Steve is going back to jail next month for not paying child support and this time there is no one to pay his bail. He simply couldn’t replace me with his next victim in time.
For that I thank God, and for God I will do everything in my power to protect another woman from Steve.
I still feel Steve will die in a car accident, the odds are in my favor, he’s rarely sober and never sane !
Why is there no law to protect us ?
Kari,
I just read your story and WOW. Rarely sober and never sane! Sounds familiar.
The police are idiots. They are in it to make big busts and make a name for themselves. If it’s petty bullsh–they can’t be bothered — especially if it’s “domestic.”
I am conviced that the law enforcement agencies are like the medical professionals (they don’t prevent illnesses — instead make a load of money “treating” them), they don’t look to prevent crime, they just look to catch the bad guys after they have done the big crimes. All to make themselves look good.
For example, they will let a drug user/dealer use all he wants and commit petty crimes as long as he informs them of the “bigger dealers” and “bigger crimes.” They feel they keep an eye on the guy and basically “own” him as he will give up names in order not to get locked up.
As for the women who are taken in by the con men, the police don’t give a crap and you know why? They figure it’s our fault for getting involved with the guys in the first place. Plus they hate to get in the middle of domestic disputes, because the way they see it — the couple who is beating the crap out of each other today, will be back together and “in love” tomorrow. It’s a waste of their time.
As for him breaking your nose after you pulled his hair…well you know how that goes… you’re the crazy woman who provoked the guy.
They make you think crazy ways don’t they??…. like hitting yourself in the head with a bat to make it look like he did it. Their crazy is infectuous. Once you have the disease in your head — it’s like bouncing back and forth between love him hate him… Am I sane Am I crazy???
I feel the same way, I don’t like to kill the ants and sometimes save them from drowning in the sink because I can’t bear to watch them struggle for life like that.
However, I am the crazy ex-bitch abusive nutjob to this guy and his friends and the cops and his new “victim.” I will call her a victim from now on because that is what she is.
Of course, I look like one because when I found out all this crap, I went insane with anger and told him I’d kill him and that I would have him arrested for all the shit he’s done.
Well, you know what? That was a big mistake… they just get more conniving as you get smarter and wiser to their tricks…they get more ruthless.
Look, if I come to you and I am angry and I yell and scream… at least my anger is honest.
It’s a totally different world when someone is saying I love you, I want to make you happy, I care about your wellbeing — all the while plotting and scheming against you behind your back. True evil… truly the way the devil works… The devil is a liar — he knows your fears right? Same with a con man. They know what you fear most…
If it’s old age, they get a younger woman and flaunt her.
If it’s death, they fake wanting to commit suicide
If it’s being alone, they will make sure you have no one.
If it’s being broke and homeless, they will play on that too.
They know if you’re a competitive person and the play on that.
They use everything your are — good and bad against you.
The best part is – they smile and say I love you while they do it. They push your buttons and provoke you and say you’re the abuser. They steal and blame everyone else. They never accept responsiblity for their actions. They justify everything with their paramoralistic crap.
There is like almost no preparedness for it. I have gone so far as to get a “fiery wall of protection” candle, some protective gemstones in a sack and holy water!!
Think I am ready for the loony bin yet?
It’s a total mind-f–k and if you’re the type of person who has a mind of her own, the more they will take pleasure in messing with it. If you have morals, the more they laugh as you break them. If you love something, they more they enjoy it when it’s taken away from you.
Oh and trying to play their game back, doesn’t work… unless you are a ruthless sociopath yourself and don’t care about anything and just want to win. How can you win? You can’t — sociopaths never win – they just think they do when they see other people suffering — that’s a win for them.
When they know you’re jealous, lonely, broken, tired, confused angry and hurt… oh that’s when they really feel like they have one.
I guess the best way to win against someone like this is to make them “think” you are lonely, broken, tired etc. Give them their win and then go on to live a happy life while they continue to live empty and reckless.
Funny that you say he will die in a car accident… a friend of mine predicted the same for my “villain.”
What can you do? Pop pills until the pain goes away? Face the pain that they never loved us?
Question our own motives… what can I possibly hope to get out of the situation except more pain?
You know what this sick part is… I will go and pick him up from the hospital and take him wherever he wants to go.
Why, because I am a fool and I know eventually he will get his or he will live happily ever after… the question is why do I care?
Why do I care what happens to this lying, theiving, conning, manipulating jackass?
Maybe it’s the same reason why we don’t kill the bugs.
I guess everything serves a purpose and all those sociopaths are really Karma Bearers. They bring your bad karma to you and purify you and make you a better person.
I guess I should just commit myself to a long term nut house.
Argh
Dear holehearted. First and Foremost You are NOT a Fool!!
The new “victim” is on board now. he will find out all of her “weaknesses” & “strengths” Twist & Manipulate every word, feeling, thought, etc………………………… and now this poor soul is in for a Hell of a ride, unless she is already aware of this sick sick sick game. Lets hope she is . Then perhaps she will “turn the tables” on him.Not that it would even “fizz” him at all though. Because EVERYTHING is EVERYONE else’s fault don’t you know.
I had thought once ; that perhaps I will be the one to MAKE him accountable for Something, ANYTHING>>>>>>>>>>>>>
afterall we share a beautiful 13 year old sensitive sweet loving daughter. HA!!! Now, I seem to be gettin’ back to “Reality Land” and can see / recognize that he simply is / never will be accountable for a damn thing. Don’t forget his Mommy has made every excuse for him all of his 54 years! & Still Does. How Very Sad. & YES!!!! Once they realize that we are on to them, they do “Up the Anti”…the behaviour is So Predictable.And YES, it is all about Crazy Mind F’K.& YES again…when they can see us suffering it is a “win”. We will NEVER win, unless we are of the same sick twisted mind set of ENJOYING the infliction of PAIN and they get the sheer pleasure of watching us SQUIRM!! I really like yer idea to let them THINK we are “lonely, depressed, etc. etc……… that way they will THINK they are recieving their “Narccissistic Feed” BUT it is only a “mirage” and hopefull then they will give us a break or a “Honeymoon” period. I am really interested in your comment about the KARMA. My very dear dear friend said to me ” who’s Karma are you paying off for all of these years?”
Lets keep that nice thought in mind that this H”L ‘ ish experience is PURIFYING us!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really really like that thought / idea. Take Good Care Of YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincere Best Wishes
learningtofly
I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to respond. It’s been such a tough, tough couple of months for me. My counselor has been wonderful. I’ve always known that I had abandonment issues stemming from my father’s disappearance as a child, but I never realized how much I appear to be emulating my mother’s life. And all I remember is that my mother never smiled, she never laughed. And there’s something inside me that is so afraid that he has just sapped all the joy from my life. And there’s a part of me that knows, instinctively, that I will never love anyone or trust anyone completely again, and if I can’t offer that to someone, what’s the sense? He has destroyed that very essence of me. And that’s where I see my life emulating my mother; I keep hearing her say how she would never trust another man or let another man take what she had worked so hard for. And I don’t want to be that way. Remember Groundhog Day? Well, I feel like I’m in something similar – like I’m in a parallel of my mother’s life and I can’t seem to find my way back to the “real world.” Does that make sense to anyone?
Anyway, there’s been some eye-opening, painful sessions with my counselor, and as she warned me, we’re only at the beginning.
On top of everything else, I’ve been trying to cope with some of the financial issues that the sociopath created….and to discover that at a minimum, it will cost me nearly $8,000 just to get my house back into some semblance of normalcy has destroyed me.
I’ve been such an emotional wreck that I sent my only child to stay with my sister and brother-in-law until next June, and that, too, has devastated me making me feel like a total failure as both a woman and a mother. I know this isn’t true, but I can’t help how I feel.
Despite the advice from some who say to just let things go and get on with my life, there’s an internal, integrity part of who I am that says I will not let him get away with this. I could handle the broken heart, but I will not let him walk away from the mess he created without some accountability. And I don’t care if all I get is an unenforceable judgment. He has an image he’s trying to maintain, and getting a judgment for taking advantage of a single mother will not go well for him, especially since he has just resumed contact with his son after 18 years.
I feel especially nuts, though, because I still miss him. And I still long for him. And I know how stupid that is. Some emails I’ve received from him again blame me for everything and focus entirely on what I’ve done to him. Which just makes me crazy with anger and hurt and feelings of absolute revenge.
I hate to admit this, but I’ve been in such denial….I don’t want to believe that he truly is a sociopath so I didn’t want to read anything else on this website because the stories were too eerily similar and in reading it in black and white, I can’t bury my head in the sand and pretend it isn’t so.
Anyway, I do want to say thank you to the support messages that followed my initial posting. And to holehearted, let me say that checking myself into the hospital for some intense therapy crossed my mind as well, but my counselor has truly helped me stay sane–even without mood altering medications. But you must do what you feel is best to get you through this tough time.
I have a girlfriend who had an excessively abusive husband. I asked her, how did this happen? She said, “He didn’t beat me up on the first date”.
Yes, the initial hook is the charm…the impeccable manners, the attentiveness, and later the small gifts.