Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
hens, breath, relax darling. You can do this. Be strong, like Oxy said remember all he did to you. It’s all a game. It’s still a game (to him)…don’t let him win! {{{hugs}}}}
ok ok ok – so old email address’s never go away – I have changed them several time’s, but you can always pull them up and check mail..this is why I only found it tonite I went into an old account, a account he shouldnt know about…I went out last sunday evening, not looking for him but always have an eye open to avoid him, I saw that truck and the rest is history..I went to that club after he left and asked about him…stupid stupid me…stupid me..i can ignore him breathe…I think if he emails me again i will say this…[Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could of been any different] period and delete any and all future emails from him….i dont need a computer…look at the mess I am in now ….
Hens!!!
Don’t look back! Look forward. Stay out of that old email address. Actually do yourself a favor and give the email addy and password to a friend and ask them to change the password and or delete the addy for you!!! NO MORE!!! You will be OK!
not crazee!
hens,
PS> and not tell you the access to the account!
HENS – i believe you felt him coming. We just had this conversation about you going out – and here it is. It’s a gift wrapped up in scary. okay? it’s a gift.
so, it’s not the computer – don’t panic, k? if anyone knows, ‘it’s not the computer’, it’s ME. block his email address. simple. block his phone number. simple. i like the idea of notcrazee’s – to have someone change the email password for you. it’s like handing the bottle over – it will keep you safe.
spend some time writing and just processing your feelings. you have an opportunity here – you can peal back another layer of the onion.
your panic says, loud and clear, you don’t really want to have anything to do with him. he scares you. and well, you scare you a bit right now too – you have forsaken yourself to some extent (by asking about him), so now it’s time to go deeper and figure out how to not do that, but how to love and protect yourself.
you will be okay emotionally. make sure you are on your guard physically, in case he comes around.
you are going to be okay. xo onestep
onestep – i have avoided going out for almost three years for fear of seeing him. your right i scare me…i have put a few profiles up in gay chat sites – my bad – why cant i completly delete an account? i asked att to delete it but it is always there if i want to go back in it…..change password to prevent myself from going back in? it would be easier to dump the puter…I blog on lovefraud, i play cards, i listen to music thats all i do with the puter…40.00 dollars a month..well that is cheap therapy i guess…..that onion is peeled to the nub …I think of what would happen if i got involved with him again..i would lose everything, everyone,,i dont want him back..i was just curious so i asked around……i am going to cancel internet tomorrow i cant trust myself……
hens, but you are panicking and i don’t think you have to.
BREATH!!!!!!
accounts – how the hell else are you going to meet someone? queer in the boonies? how else? not, ‘your bad’ fer christ’s sake.
Dear Henry, Sugar, you know it isn’t the computer, and you are right, you DID go ask about him! BOINK! but you know, when there is pain, there is more stuff to process…so this is a wake up call!
It is peeling the onion! Just when we think we have things “in hand” we find that there’s another layer to peel off.
I still think your DEPRESSION is not situational, and I still think you need to go back to counseling and go back on the medication to help you through this. Depression is NOT a sign of weakness, and it isn’t just about the things in life we have to go through…there are genetic traits for depression just like there are for diabetes….and the thing is that you wouldn’t say to yourself, well, this diabetes is just because I have cataracts and when I get them fixed my blood sugar will be better…you’d take your medication and watch what you ate and your exercise and depression is the SAME THING.
I know that I’ve probably ALWAYS had a tendency for depression, but I “managed” to FUNCTION IN MY DYSFUNCTION as long as the dysfunction wasn’t horrible, but with the chaos came the INABILITY to continue to function at all and I melted down….you and I have been through some big melt downs sugar! We’ve been here on LF for each other, and you know I’m a straight shooter—and I know you do NOT want to hear what I am saying—-any more than I wanted to hear my doctor when she told me my feet swelling was because I was eating my weight every day in SALT…I did NOT want to hear that, but now that I am LISTENING TO HER AND DOING WHAT I CAN TO HELP MYSELF, I am feeling better and my little toes don’t look like GRAPES any more and my legs don’t look like tree trunks!
Henry, sugar, take care of YOURSELF, go to the doctor and get the medication refilled, go back to therapy and work through this shiat! Staying in denial ain’t gonna help it, and yes, it is painful to work through it, believe me I know—you know I know–but pretending it is okay when it isn’t is painful too.
It is like if you have a cat that shiats in the house and you just keep covering the pile on the carpet up with a throw rug, and another one and another one, the shiat still stinks and saying “WHAT CAT?” doesn’t make the stink any less….you have to get rid of the cat and first you have to acknowledge that there IS A CAT, and then you have to clean out the schit, tear up the old carpet and pour a gallon of bleach on the spot, clean it up, and live P-FREE AND STINK FREE!
I couldn’t clean my own house until I admitted I had a “cat”—and now I’ve gotten rid of the cat schit that went with him! Hell, Henry, I was like the old woman with 100 stinking cats in a one room trailer—but I’m living in a MANSION now without a single whiff of cat carp now!!! It is wonderful! (((hugs)))) and my prayers for you sweetie! Love Oxy Your “twisted sister”
completely off topic – but it made me laugh:
http://ca.video.yahoo.com/watch/8481189/22665319
two fat cats 🙂