Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
soimnotthecrazee1 — TOWANDA~! so now maybe you can get a shorter screenname?
LOL Hens!!!!
I’m not sure that I want to let go of that yet!! Becuase I am not the crazy one! That SOB is, a sick f+++er waiting for the next victim. OPPS, I let some anger out there!
What would you reccomend as a shorter name? I’m open! How you doing Hens? Did you give up that email addy????? I hope so! They all want to destroy us, whether they are active in our lives or not!
soimnotthecrazee1!!!
Okay, so I just checked again about “EFT” (it didn’t feel write when I typed it) – it stands for “Emotional Freedom Techniques”.
My apologies, I am a wombat!
getting tired!! have a good night all! keep supporting us all! we need it!
Luvs and Blessings!
soimnotthecrazee1!!!!
soimnot the crazeee1,
Hows bout this?
ImNtCrzEE
???
Love, Gem.XX
Aussiegirl-
Thank you for sharing your story (in a nutshell),as well.
You have been through the ringer, my friend.
And Man!,have you got alot of great advice.
It sounds very proactive and makes me feel very hopeful..
Therapy IS a necessity for PTSD,for sure.
You might be 100% right about the volunteer thing for her at the moment.
It may be too soon,especially with out going in to therapy first.
I,like you,also lost a child,and have been extremely devastated.
So I am deeply greiving the loss of my child, as well as the whirlwind of
trauma that all took place at the same time with the spath.
I am sad to hear that you have had the bad experiences you’ve had with the spaths,and all you’ve been through,but so glad you came here to share how you are healing from it,and how you continue to deal with the challenge of it all.
Thank you.
You have offered so many good solutions as to how you have handled things,and it really is empowering for me to hear how you have taken such a pro-active role,in protecting yourself,and starting your new life..
The geographical thing has done wonders for me too.
It is odd for me though,because most times in my life,when I wanted to move somewhere,it may not have been quite the breath of fresh air that this has been.
Maybe some of this for me now,is more symbolic,and a mark of freedom.
I am not convinced that I’ve heard the last of my spath either,but being physically away from him,for now,DOES bring me a sense of satisfaction and cheer about beginning again..
Also,sadly for his new girlfriend(now fiance),he has moved on to a new victim.
Engaged to her just 5 months after we were “expecting”,and had been engaged until he tried to drive off the bridge while we had a fight in the car.
(I was a little upset about that..ha) : /
Anyway,as for his latest engagement..
My joke is(because of course if I didn’t laugh,I would cry at the insanity of it all),is that at least he didn’t have to shop for a new ring..
If she was a size 5 1/2,he probably just gave her the one he’d given me,merely a few months before.
Our child would be due,January 11th,of this year.(2 months from now).
So,I am making sure that I have plenty of other things going on around that time,therefore not to have to focus on the most painful part of this whole situation.Losing my child..
For me personally,voluteering Is one of those things that helps me.
I do get flashbacks (from the PTSD) and anxiety at times,but I’d be getting that anyway,the way I see it.
I find that it does help me to offer help to others.
I DO agree with you completely though about the therapy part.
I was told by my therapsit that there is also NO Cure for PTSD.
Just time,I guess.And I have also had it before,so they said that having it previously may have trigger it again even more this time..
(My first episode happened when my best friend committed suicide ten years ago.I have been to tons of therapy over that.She shot herself,so everytime I saw violence in a movie,or heard loud noises I would experience a terrible reaction,and had to remove myself ,or do the deep breathing you have mentioned.)
As for volunteering,it is merely a suggestion that helps me.
I am going with what I’ve been shown through other experiences,
that the best way to get out of myself is to go help someone else..
And it has been helpful for me..
You have survived so much and sound like a very strong person for sure.
I called my lawyer to find out about the restraining order laws here in the US,in my state,and was told that I had to have good tangible,reason and evidence before I could post one,so now I know..
So far,thank GOd,it has not been necessary.
Sure,I imagine the smear campaign is going on,but I am grateful to be physically away anyway.
@Chinagirl-
I agree with aussiegirl,and will repeat:
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
That probably IS the best thing to share with someone
returning for support.
It is the mantra here..
I love your idea about teaching youth about how to protect themselves from a spath.
What a great idea.
Seems to be a common theme on this site,and I wish I
would’ve had that sort of class when I was growing up.
Still,even as adults,we need to be informed.
I’m still learning on here,and am fairly new also..
There is so much support here,and some really great articles and feedback about dealing with the spath in court,etc.
Keep reading,keep writing,and you will become stronger.
People here DO “get it”.
Its pretty cool.
You have made it this far,and I have a feeling you are only going to become stronger,with the help and encouragement you find here as well.
Do find a counselor..
Maybe send them to sites that describe what a spath is.
Research never hurt anybody.
I don’t know,but I do think it’s important to address the PTSD.
At least have someone(a professional) acknowledge what it is you are going through.
They may be able to better help you..
You are a very articulate and caring person.
Do not give up.
There is hope..
Truelove
PS-
aussiegirl,
The thing about losing the friends hits home too.
I actually said a prayer,and even told one of these friends,that
I had prayed,”God,please remove from my life all the friends
that do not mean me well…”
So when the one I felt did not “have my back” disappeared,
I was actually grateful and have not tried to contact them since..
It happened with three friends.They were only around for the good times.
I call these “fair weather” friends,and they aren’t the kind I choose to have in my life today.
Instead,I’ve been blessed with new friends,more loving and caring friends,who “got my back”..
If I called at 3 AM and needed them,they’d show up at 3:03,yawning but ready to listen,and they know Id do the same for them and have.
It ended up being a lovely housecleaning of all those fair-e\weather folks,and I now know exactly
WHO my real friends are.
That is a wonderful feeling!
Aussie and Truelove-
Thanks so much. I appreciate the words of comfort and reminding me it isn’t my fault. Like EB said in a post somewhere earlier I do take responsibility for my part and learning why I allowed myself to get involved with him but I do not own his crap. that’s his and he is a nightmare.
I will take all your advice to heart and will forge forward and like you all will be stronger more and more.
I am so sorry to hear of your lost children. I empathize with your pain. I had four miscarriages while married to spath and having a child was what I yearned for .When I brought my daughter home she was/is the most incredible gift. He took her as a way to get to me. Not because he thought she would be better off. Well, in his delusional mind he will say she is better off and my poor daughter cried, spit on him, bit him, kicked him every time she had to see him. It has been 5 years, she is used to it and I thought by now I’d have her back…little did I ever even imagine she would be harder for me to see. My god, she is my life. I pray she won’t remember much of this year, but she is one smart little cookie. What kind of man rips a little girl from her mother, esp. when she already had to live through that in china? Who? A horrible man, that is who. I am a great mom. His father would always say that to me….he knows I am. This is to hurt me and boy has he. I would love to call child protective services on him and if I did he would know, he would do something to retaliate even though he had teen porn sites on his computer before I left him….I just keep thinking that he can’t keep this up too much longer. It was about at year 5 of our marriage that I started to really get out of my denial about him and that he is sick mentally.
I read everyone’s posts and my heart just bleeds. Thank goodness there is a place where we all can be heard, believed, supported and loved.
Thank you for those who wrote and gave me some great ideas and advice. Hugs
Chinagirl
You are so very welcome sweetie. xxx (Although I must confess that if I read back through my posts I can’t help but think to myself, “Who in their right mind is going to believe THAT’S a true story?!?” We certainly have a bizarre collection of stories between us all. Can you imagine going with any one of our stories to a movie director and trying to sell it? They would tell us that it’s too far-fetched to make into a movie…)
A thought – do you have a special unit in your police force who track child-porn computer freaks? We do here. A policeman friend of mine works busting the slime-bags by infiltrating their sites etc. Is there a number where you can tip them off anonymously?
A fantastic book I read, that will give you so much hope, is one by a woman whose children were abducted by their father (her ex) and hidden overseas for years. I think it was called, “I was a Princess once”. I’m hopping off the blog to google the author and the title and will get back to you with the details in a tick.
Chinagirl
Okay – so here it is (I was almost right…)
“Once I was a Princess” by Jacqueline Pascarl. She also wrote a sequel, called “Since I was a Princess”. Both are great reads. Such a strong, beautiful woman.
If you can’t find them over there, let me know and I’ll hunt them down for you here.