Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
Clap…Clap…Clap! Great poem, Erin Brock! I also agree that perhaps Donna should ‘pin’ it somewhere. Would be great for me to read it every now and again to see my own progress. And of course, all the other Lovefraud gals and guys may wish to do the same.
Standing ovation EB!! That was GREAT!! l
EB: ditto for all of the above. Wow! (You sure do listen, don’t you?) Clever person! xx
OxDrover: I agree with all of your advice to Freedom. Big thumbs up from Down Under!! xx
Freedomatlast: In addition to the good advice already posted here, you might find some of the blogs listed under the “Law, court,sociopaths” thread to be of assistance. Also – if he doesn’t pay child support (whether or not it is court-ordered that he do so), diarise and document it all. The upside to his refusal to pay might be that the longer it goes on, the worse his case for contact/custody might be. If, down the track a bit, you were able to demonstrate in court on paper that he did not care enough to pay, it could actually go in your favour. If you do this – or anything like it – though, you must resist the urge to blurt it out angrily at him in an argument, or to tell anyone else you are doing it; don’t give the game away. Some traps need to be laid quietly and carefully and left for a long time in order for them to work.
If you must have contact with him for child contact arrangements, try to have the conversation on paper. Either write notes/letters (factual, business-like, totally-on-topic, emotionless wording – don’t hook into any of the drama or reveal your feelings, simply state the facts) which he might be silly/arrogant enough to reply to in writing, thus furnishing you with documentary evidence or else send/receive text messages if you have a cell-phone. DO NOT DELETE texts or emails unless you have first transferred them to paper (there are usually standard applications with cell-phones that will do this via a USB plug into your PC). Then take your written copy of any texts to anyone who can certify legal documents and have them view each message and certify the paper copy as being a true and correct copy of the original. Keep anything like this in chronological order and make up a list of such documents.
Don’t tell anyone that you are doing this and don’t use them too soon, unless you really have to. Sit on them until the right court battle, where they can be of the best use.
This sort of thing is widely accepted in our court system as credible evidence, so I would imagine it’s similar over there.
As for possible abduction of your child – we have a system where our Federal Police can be notified and place a stop on the issue or use of a passport for children for whom this might be a risk. There must be something like this available there. Try to contact Jacqueline Pascarl’s organisation, who work to prevent overseas abduction and to retrieve children who have been abducted this way. I’m logging off to find out what it’s called and I will pop back on and let you know what it is once I’ve found it.
Fanbloodytastic Poem,EB!
Well done! Im sure you got everyone in!Im going to print it out and keep it. Arent we the greatest bunch of Spath survivors ever?
China Girl, My heart absolutely breaks for you. Yes, it does remind me of the Jacqueline Pascarli story. It must be heart breaking for you not to be with your precious girl.Keep on fighting to get her back. can you call her on the phone, send her gifts, cards,Etc.?
Your right, lif e is so unfair, its not meant to be easy but its not meant to be this bloody hard either!
St Gerard is the Catholic Saint of Mothers,-St. Gerard Magellan.
Id also pray to Saint Mary Mckillop, Australias first saint.
Im not a Catholic, but many miracles have happened via her.
Also, Padre Pio.It cant hurt to pray to them for advice and help, can it?
I promise to pray for you each night.God bless, and give you strength to hang in there!{{{HUGS!!}}, Mama Gem.XXXPs What is your daughters first name?
By the way, this is Dog in the Manger behaviour from spath. He really doesnt want her, but he wants to deprive you of her.Mean and spiteful, but, ultimately, they DONT win. God is NOT MOCKED, and He WILL turn things a round. Trouble is, we dont know when, but He will!!!Love, Gem.
Freedomatlast:
I have sent her a message via Facebook and will let you know the outcome. Couldn’t find a name for the child wrangling she does (as she calls it). Sit tight. I will get back to you on this thread.
Dear Aussiegirl,
Thank you for helping freedomatlast with this information…this is something I know nothing at all about (this kind of help being available) and I so appreciate you sharing what you do know.
That is the reason LF is so helpful is that there are so many heads here to put together to come up with information and resources!
Kim,
I’ve been reading some of your posts but missed what happened to make you move. Still, I’m so happy for you and Pinkydoodle, moving into your own cottage.
here’s a link that I think might be up your alley:
http://www.alchemylab.com/alchemical_kubrick.htm
intersting thoughts on literature and movies.
EB,
wow your poem was really beautiful. You seem to really “get” each person, I didn’t think you “got” me. Maybe you do. if so, it’s bittersweet. that’s life.
Chinagirl,
your only hope is to read more and learn. He will always be a thorn in your side and he will always try to hurt you. Gray rock, show no emotions. read “why is it always about you?”, “the sociopath next door” and “ponerology”. They will help you understand that the sociopath wants one thing: DRAMA. It’s a psychological reward. He is a psychophage – a soul sucker. Money is only the method he uses to keep SCORE! As soon as he gets it it goes out the door to a prostitute, casino or drugs. He doesn’t want the money, he want’s SOULS. LOTS of them, not just yours. that is how he experiences POWER. Power and drama are his addictions, don’t give him any and he loses interest. Your daughter is at risk, so I’m going to give you this advice: the psychopath has no idea what a “normal” reaction is. He is counting on you to give him an example for each action and reaction. my advice: give him the wrong one. FAKE your emotions. He won’t be able to tell, because he has none, you are his measuring stick for what is normal, it’s one of the reasons he chose you: lots of normal emotions to mimick. Now, mimick the WRONG ones. plan carefully because he does. think several steps ahead. Don’t ever let him know any of your real emotions. pretend things that don’t matter actually do, lead him down the wrong track. The predator becomes the prey.
Freedom,
the mistake that we make is that we let them know what we think and what we are. That is human nature but not spath nature. Only give him enough information to confuse him and make him act more idiotic than he does. Make sure none of your behavior is documented if it sounds weird, only his.
I feel for you and China girl and everyone who has children with the beasts. It must be hell when they know how we love and use it against us. They feel nothing but seething envy.
I cannot express enough how much reading has helped me.
I’m currently reading ponerology (such an eye-opener), but would not recommend it without reading “why is it always about you” first. I don’t want to offend people who don’t believe in God, or the Judeo-Christian religions (some of the scriptures offend me too!) but reading the book of Job and also the story of the two mothers who went before King Solomen, has really opened my eyes. It’s not about religious belief as much as it is about ancient wisdom.
Dear Skylar,
The Bible has plenty of lessons in “psychology 101” for even those people who are not believers…human nature is well demonstrated in the story of King Solomon and the two “mothers.” Proverbs and other of the books of wisdom tell many truths that will help us in our lives in many ways. The story of Job is one great book, and the stories of King David being persecuted by King Saul are others that helped me both spiritually and emotionally.
“Ancient wisdom” as you said is still WISDOM and from whatever source it comes, it is beneficial regardless of what your spiritual or religious beliefs are. No one belief system has a patent on wisdom.
the moon is so bright tonite I can see my shadow – moon hugz to everyone