Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
Aussie:
Thank you for sharing your grandmothers friends quote…..that is so true…..i’d never heard it before.
Autumn leaves……
A few years back, here at LF, we had a conversation on ‘friends’ and ‘who’ we refer toas a friend……there IS a difference between friend, aquantance and someone you just met or know. It’s an easy word to spew out…..we should hold it sacred.
I’ve also ‘cleaned house’….done the weeding….and threw out what I no longer ‘wanted’…..donated them all to CHARITY……
I never thought i’d clean my house of family……the aquantance part was easyish……spath was involved and I didn’t want cross friendships….but FAMILY betrayal…..Nope sorry….ya gotta go!
I’ve gotta got hit the hay…..it’s 2am here, and i’m wiped out.
Holly is so tired she is just laying on the chair snoring.
She’ll love it when I put her out into the snow in the mornign…..I can see the roll already!
Stay cool chicky……it amazes me we are on opposite ends of the world…..and it’s just so hard to understand the opposite seasons……Christmas in summer? And here we are, we dream of a white christmas everyyear.
Carla and Freedom,
I am going to go back tomorrow and re-read your posts. I do have some ideas for both of you……but I want to make sure I get your stories ‘straight’ (in my mind I’m ‘combining’ your stories…..)so that won’t be helpful to either.
I will be refreshed tomorrow……i’ll check back in then.
Welcome to both of you…..i’m glad your reading and searching for answers…..there are so many herer!
Night to you both.
Nite, EB! Im calling you Queen B. from now on!
sleep tight! My 15 yr old Grandaughters name is Holly.
Havent seen her for a year and 2 months Oh well!
Love, Mama Gem.XX
EB: It IS weird, isn’t it?
I work in a school and we have even got a different version of “Jingle Bells” (“Dashing through the snow”), that the kids often sing at their Xmas/end-of-year concerts.
Without boring you to death, I will just say that it starts off –
“dashing through the sand
in our bathers and our thongs…”
and goes on to talk about Barbeques, bushflies (always a nuisance this time of year) and drinking beer… (BTW: bathers are swimsuits and thongs are NOT g-string underwear, but flip-flop style shoes AND the jibe about the beer refers to adult characters in the song)(just thought I had better clarify that, especially since I mentioned that the children sing it!)
Aussie Girl, Which Aussie city are you in? I live in Sydney, or rather the Central Coast of NSW.
I emigrated here in 1973, with my first husband.Im from Edinburgh, Scotland. I dont miss the weather, but I DO miss what Scottish girlfriends I have left.I try to go see them every 2 years if I can.
I find Australians friendly, but, having said that, in my experience,I find its almost impossible to mak e a friend out of them. I find, over and over, I have people round for coffee, lunch, whatever, Im never EVER invited back, unless the person is “foreign’ like me.I think Im a nice, friendly, outgoing person, and I cant understand it at all.They are only interested in their own immediate family, thats it.Also, if you go round to their place, they keep you standing in the front porch, dont even invite you in!WTF???
There was a programme on recently on TV, a group of South Africans,{white] had re-settled in Melbourne. Theyve been there 10 years. they all said the same, they d had Aussie neighbors round to their place for drinks, barbies, coffe, lunch, etc, over and over again, and,Get this,NOT ONCE had ANY of them EVER been invited back for even a coffee!Its very lonely if, like me, your adult kids are spaths.Ive really about given up trying to work this out, are they Mysogenist, Xenophobic, shy,lacking in confidence,WHAT?? All I know is that Ive NEVER in my entire life been as lonely as I am in Oz. If I could afford it, weather or not, Id go back to UK.Maybe Im sticking my neck out saying this, but, itsNOT like Home and Away here or Neighbors,in my experience,{and Ive lived here or 36 years,} Aussies are NOT very friendly, ESPECIALLY if you come from another country. I dont even think it matters if your black red, or yellow, makes no difference.Sorry, but thats how Ive found things to be. Mama gem.Im still no nearer to understanding it than I was 30 plus years ago!!.
thanks for the post Drover!
thanks to all for your posts as I was ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
the grandmothers quote is excellent!!!!!!
you all are so amazing and an inspiration to a newbie like me. Wrapping your head around this spath concept and trying to heal and find healing tools is not easy! Yes it is accomplishable < is that even a word?? LOLOLOL
Queen B where are you on our planet? other than under deep snow? Everybody have a good day or night!
I'm FARKING not crazeee!!!
gem -i think this is why i didn’t push harder to live overseas; it is terrbily hard to live in another culture. even in my town, it’s only the people from away or are gong through major change (divorce, etc.) who have time/ space for new freindships
is going home something you could consider? i know that the movement of possessions is almost impossible, but two plane tickets…?
To ErinBrock:
Love the poem – you should write a book on poetry. It is unreal!!! I sent it to my daughter – thank you on mentioning me…. Love to all and Happy Thanksgiving.
Good moaning..soimnotcrazee – I ponder all the time if i am a spath..i think it’s normal to question ourselves when involved with one..they consume every brain cell we have..i am no angel – i have issue’s – but i would never intentionally harm or take advantage of anyone..i use to be one of them peep pleasers that would landscape your yard and paint your house just for a hug – no more of that…but in the mean time i just try to live in the moment and do onto other’s as I would have them do to me..respect…a spathho has no respect just an agenda…