Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
Dear Aprilshowers,
Thank you for the lovely gift of your poem, and sharing it with each of us here at LF, and WELCOME! Peace and healing to you from those of us here. God bless.
Aprilshowers:
Your poem is truely BEAUTIFUL. Thank you so much for joining here at LF and sharing your talents with us.
Much peace!
Thank you for welcoming me here at LF. You are all truly amazing and it gives me strength to be connected with such strong women. My relationships have always been dysfunctional due to growing up with a narcasistic father who left when I was 17 but developed Bi Polar which exaggerated his personality disorder. I cared for him for 21 years, treading on egg shells, putting up with emotional and mental abuse just because he was my dad and his ‘illness’. my relationships have always been unhealthy and physically abusive. I gave myself time out from men to find out who I was and why I attracted such men. But after a few years and eventually When i did learn to trust again I found myself in a relationship with a guy that hooked me in. His actions did not correspond with his emotions. He often gave me d&d and I really believed I had the problem and I couldnt understand why I kept going back to him. My head was screwed up and my emotions and needs were totally invalidated by him. I am having therapy to detach from my father and realised I have attracted the similar personality traits so I decided I had to get out and stop this crazy pattern I have been conditioned to accept. I am in a strange place at the moment..this is my first month with both men out of my life and its hard but I love myself more now. I love myself more than I love them and this is the only way I can be to free myself.
I am so glad I have found this site with you all…
Stay strong and true to yourselves….you deserve so much more happiness than you could ever imagine !!
Peace and love
Aprilshowers xx
Dear April,
I think many of us here have had dysfunctional families behind us, that taught us to accept Devaluation as what we deserved. I’m glad that you are getting therapy and also very glad you are NC. I was NC with my own sperm donor for 40 years before he died, and am NC with the rest of my narcissistic/psychopathic members of my family…living P-FREE is the only way to go!
Glad you found your way here. There is so much to read and learn and knowledge is power, so I isuggest you go through the archives of the articles by subject and read them all. There are about 700 of them so it won’t be over in a day, but the tools you need to learn about them, and to learn about yourself as well are there. Take back your power! Glad you are here! God bless.
April,
I haven’t been here long… follow Ox Drovers advice it is true I have made many self discoveries in just a short period.
Bless you
soimnotthecrazee1!
Dear April, Did you write this poem, or is it by WH Auden?
Love, Mama Gemxx Its so beautiful.
Thank you so much Ox Drover…its unbelievable how much information is here. Seek and the teacher will appear! Its good to hear you are P free and it reassures me that I can do this too. I wish you much happiness Ox Drover
Soimnotthecrazwee1 – thank you also I too want to be like you and make self discoveries as I dont know who ‘my self’ is at the moment. I wish you much strength ‘not the crazee1’
Mama Gem – no i did not write this myself, it is a poem by derek Walcott. It touched my soul very deeply and I cried when I read it. I wish you love mama gem
Thank you all for your responses…. I didnt think I deserved to be here so thank you for welcoming me with open arms and love. thank you for helping with my steps to recovery.
Much love
April xxx
Dear April,
Of COURSE YOU “deserve” to be here—I’m just sorry that you (or anyone else!) “qualifies” to be here, because it means they’ve had a run in with a monster or two. No one “deserves” to suffer at their hands, but we DO DESERVE TO HEAL and that is what LF is all about, the healing. First by finding out what THEY ARE and how they behave, and then, by finding out who WE ARE and why we allowed them to continue to abuse us. We learn how to make ourselves immune to their evil, to their lies, and to spot “one of them” before they hurt us next time. No one goes through life only meeting one of them, so we need to learn how to spot them, “the red flags” and avoid letting them become entangled in our emotions.
People who have never realized what “train” ran over them or people who’ve never been conned by a high level psychopath just don’t “get it”—-and even some people who have, just don’t get it and keep on repeating their mistakes and get conned by the next one that comes along.
We’ve decided to END THE DANCE, to SEND THE FIDDLER HOME, and call it a day with the psychopaths and live P-FREE forever! Welcome to you, and to all who deserve and need to come here!
April,
Thank you and I wish you knowlegde and healing in your recovery. Ox Drover is correct about the stages of healing. God’s speed!
soimnotthecrazee1!
April,
Your poem was beautiful, I hope we can all get to the point where we look in the mirror and love the person who looks back at us. The narcissitic/spath personality looks in the mirror often but the image is distorted.
Oxy, Spath is having lunch with his sister today, let the d&d begin! It’s out of my control. I hope to continue to have a relationship with his mom, but again, it’s out of my control. If she believes I’m a nut job, she will probably stay away.
Daughter said yesterday that she wouldn’t even go to Christmas with her dad, and she loves her relatives. She said we can have our own little Christmas together and whomever wants to come, can come. Spath will have a hard time making out daughter to be the bad guy, I’m sure he’ll say that I turned her against him. She can stick up for herself, thank the lord!!!!
He acts so normal on a day to day basis, it’s really hard to fathom how deep his disorder goes. Even if he manages to hide it for the rest of his life, I know the truth. I keep hoping he will crash and burn but he has the ability to reinvent himself very easily.
Focus on what is in my control and don’t obsess about the rest. I have to keep repeating this until it’s ingrained.