Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
FooledByOne:
“he may lose his job, will be going to jail”most likely prison” – all I can say to THAT is YIPPEEE!!!!!! Way to go spath!! Jolly good show! Well done. (Oh – and also – how VERY excellent!)
“and for the first time that he has realized he has never loved me, respected me, or cared”” – so, here is the FIRST (and very likely ONLY) bit of truth he has ever spoken to you. Treasure it because such moments are few and far between – true rarities! (And let us NOT forget, NEVER said without somehow being a part of their Masterplan)
“Somehow THAT cut me like a knife, deep into my soul”for him to finally SAY” – darling, try to view it as a surgical procedure; the cut hurts and the healing over takes time, but it is done to remove a growth (in this case malignant) or dead tissue that you do not need or want because it is BAD for your health. Spath-cuts are exactly the same; they do us an unintentional favour, by excising the warts and cysts and tumours and bunions and moles and boils and pustules (I could go on, at the risk of grossing you all out…) that are what they are really made from (in the spaths’ case, they are NOT made from “slugs and snails and puppy-dogs tails” at all…but WAY yukkier stuff)
“Any idea how to get text messages off my cell phone and printed with all the info that is shown on the original text , including who sent it, time, date, etc. ??” –
does your cell ‘phone have a USB connection point on it somewhere? If so, a standard USB cable (such as you might use to download photographs from a digital camera or to transfer data from a portable memory stick or hard-drive to a PC) will assist to download the telephone data onto your PC. Most cells these days are pre-loaded with the “program” that will run automatically when you connect the cell to a PC with a USB cable. It should just “pop up” on the PC screen and you just follow the prompts. No typing involved, just a straight “copy and paste” function.
BTW Fooledbyone – your soul is precisely the bit of you that most needs that cut! Good riddance to foul rubbish!! xx
Hey guys…..just checking in….not much good at the moment….gonna hit the hay!
I froze today in this blizzard…..sat by the fireplace, drank some Drambuie (out of the bottle) to warm up…..or just maybe take the aches away?????
Jr chimes in tonight…..saying….MOM…your taking on WAY too much! Oh, ya think? As he’s sitting on his ass waiting for it all to be done……
The problem with one house I plowed…….it’s down on the lake…..not much snow…..on one side of driveway….but boob level on the other side from drifts and the wind…..it was like driving the blower through quicksand sideways with no 4 wheel drive.
The neighbor came over and gave me a hug….said, I can’t believe your doing this…..I said….it’s gotta be done.
So…..5 days of this dang blizzard and deep snow, has forced me to drink, take an advil and hit the sack!
Dear Aussiegirl,
Here is another example of the spath speaking the truth and really deciphering it later. He said that he was afraid that one day everyone would find out he’s a fraud. At the time I thought, aw, he just feels like he isn’t good enough at his job. Translation from spath speak into functional (non fiction) language; I am a big, fat fraud. Yep, I know what he meant, I just needed my “Spath Speak for Dummies” translation book and, BINGO, I got it!
Boob Level – now that is a vision if’n I ever had one..miss erin B..thanks for the chuckle – I got choked on my red ruby grapefruit juice…oh my
I know its late, most are in bed already (at least on the east coast) but I need some strength/help.
I found out tonight that my ex is in the hospital undergoing some further tests on his heart. He had a heart attack 2 summers back and has been having issues ever since. As a matter of fact, last New Years Eve, we went from one hospital to another ( via ambulance) over 2 hours away, so he could be observed by the best in the region–they had no idea what was going on with his heart.
Anyway, he’s been diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy (his heart muscles are thick and can’t pump/circulate the blood properly). I am sure no one here will agree with me, but I want to call. I am not the cold hearted one, when I said I loved (yes past tense) him, I meant it. I know there were times I wished him dead, and now I am feeling really bad about even thinking like that. I hated him for what he did to me, how he treated me, etc..but I really (deep down) wished he would find a way to be happy. I am rambling-sorry! I don’t hate him, I don’t wish death on him or pain/suffering at all. Is it so wrong to be the bigger person? Is it wrong to show I have a heart? Is it wrong to show empathy to someone who didn’t show me any? I must admit, I had said a lot of very mean, nasty things to him during my anger stage before I cut off contact. Maybe I don’t owe him any apology, in my mind, I do. IF he were to die tomorrow (be it heart, car accident, what ever) could I live with myself for saying such hurtful things to someone just because they hurt me? I don’t think so. That is not who I am. I never treated an enemy that badly before, and he was someone I loved. I am not liking myself very much right now…..
Dear Finding myself – Make that call, your love for him was real, dont deny that.
Findingmyself – if he is a spath, you are opening yourself up for more heartache. I will base everything i say on that premise.
You cannot be ‘the bigger person’; that would suggest an even playing field, and their isn’t one. Do not be spurred on to contact by guilt for your former nasty behavior or love that you had for him once, or a sense of who you think you are. ‘Showing heart’ …to someone who will see that as weakness and seize on it to manipulate you???
if you contact him, you are a dupe yet again fooled…not an honest woman with integrity. It isn’t an even playing field! Better for you to spend your time forgiving yourself for not having super powers (which is what it would take for him to not be disordered), and deeply recognizing that you cannot apply the same rules or criteria for your sense of integrity, when dealing with a spath.
Be strong, don’t call. You will only be buying yourself trouble – expensive at half the cost. Is it really worth it? What do you think he will say? Think it will change him in any way? change your past? really think about the outcome, not just your desire to connect – which i am sensing is based in some notions of ‘normalcy’ and wishful thinking. It is one of our biggest challenges – breaking the ‘fantasy’ world we construct to get real about what they are….when you know, you can still grieve, but you cannot go back. It makes you a volunteer.
hens – BOINK!
Findingmyself ”“ Take it from Onestep – if he is a spath, you are opening yourself up for more heartache.
So – he’s not faking cardiomyopathy (and it IS a horrible disease – I had a friend die from it some years back, so I know).
Ask yourself – if it WAS something that he COULD fake in order to exert power and control, in order to manipulate, scheme, lie, hurt and destroy – WOULD he? I think you already know the answer to that. You don’t have to “be” the bigger person – you ALREADY ARE. The first rule of First Aid response – before you do anything to help the injured or ill person, ask yourself, “IS THERE ANY DANGER TO MY LIFE OR SAFETY?”
This means that if you arrive at an accident scene where a car has taken out a light pole and the electric power-line cables are cut, live and touching the car, and the victim inside the car is dying or could die but you can’t get to them without electrocuting yourself – THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO WITHOUT SACRIFICING YOURSELF AND IN ACTUAL FACT YOU COULD BOTH DIE INSTEAD OF JUST ONE OF YOU.
Plenty of spaths fake plenty of illnesses for these very reasons – and make a mockery of those who are truly ill and in pain.
PLEASE choose YOU. x