Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
Hopeforjoy,
Thank you! I guess it has been quite the journey. But I am still here and strong and getting stronger every day. Funny thing, after my ex alcoholic live in partner, I was on my own for a couple years with no dating. Trying to read books about relationships-although apparently not the right kind of books. I was in al-a-non for a couple years, just getting my strength back. When I had met my 2nd ex husband, I wasn’t looking for anyone. I was very content and happy on my own raising my children.
I have to admit, I fell more in love with his family than I did with him. My mistake! But he had the best parents in the world, I loved his sister, brother, and extended family. When we split up, they all said to me, “we knew he would screw this up.” Thanks for letting me know! Geeze!
But to this day, I am very close with his family. His mother and brother passed away in the past 2 years and I traveled to attend their funerals. I miss them both like crazy, they were such good people. I have to wonder what happened to him…
I think that we know what we want deep down inside. However, we gravitate towards those things that are “comfortable or familiar”. Meaning dysfunction. Kinda scary really.
When I finally realized that I was choosing men who were like my mother (alcoholics) I made sure to stay clear of drinkers. And I did…but then I chose the other familiar people who were controlling, and then major disordered. So now I have another lesson to learn. No more drinkers, controllers, or those with disorders. I don’t think I have many options out there-that takes away a lot of the population in my age bracket.
All I can say is “Wow”. My sociopath ticked every box on that cheat sheet. Seeing the list in writing makes it so much more obvious.
OMG, I relate to all the posts…what still mystifies me is how my vibrations attracted “blondie” into my life in the first place…I thought I was inoculated from sociopaths and this experience is a rude awakening…..
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
Haha! When his lips are moving and/or he is making any noise and/or gestures, *he is lying!*
I just came up with another one for the list.
You are the love of my life; you were the only one who I was able to manipulate, gaslight, project, and hoover for so long-don’t leave me now.
Ditto on all the posts and list here!
If it’s any comfort or validation to others….they use the same lines and lies with their current “victims”! I found out just how true this is since becoming good friends with one of the X’s ex-GF,,,, he used the same exact lines and lies on her too!!!!!!!! my favorite one being “have I told you lately that I love you” down to the punctuations. Sickening, to say the least.
Aeylah, hand held high on that one, “have I told you lately that I love you” – which probably translates; I have not said it in a while, I better throw that bone out there. Had that bone thrown every so often my way too–good one!
“I want to be kissing you like this when we are 80 years old” LOL
this is my first comment and I am fresh out and still processing the situation….. What do you think of this:
so when he said “I give up, You win” following our break up and my refusal to comply I think he actually might have meant that “I won” in that he could not ‘play’ with me anymore.
Thoughts?
BTW, he was every single one of the points above and I fell for all of them….. what a sucker
glttermom – oh, there is definitely another possibility here; it depends on the inflection with which it was said. It could mean he sees everything as a competition (as they do) and he isn’t giving up and ‘letting’ you win.
Glad you found your way here. Welcome. It will get better; don’t doubt that.