Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
Ox Drover
Dear Glittermom,
Welcome to Love Fraud! Glad you are here, but sorry that you need to BE here.
Whatever he SAID is beside the point, the only way you know they are LYING is when their lips are moving. Look at his ACTIONS to see what he really MEANS.
Educate yourself about them and how to spot the red flags. There are 700 plus articles here in the archives, start with the what is a sociiopath one and move out from there, just reading the articles. KNOWLEDGE is POWER and that is what we have to do is to gain back our power, OUR POWER TO KEEP OURSELVES SAFE FROM THE PSYCHOPATHS.
Don’t beat yourself up for falling for his lies…we all have! Again, welcome and God bless.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
#16 I couldn’t tell the truth if it put someone at risk: but i will lie to.
Aeylah
Glittermom,
There could also be a double meaning of, I will let you win now so that later you miss me, feel sorry for me and come back to me when I’M READY to play with you again…then I WILL WIN!
glittermom
and to Aeylah… I had a fantastic meeting with four victims who were in town and we had called three others and received emailed from one more. Amazing to hear of how he told all eight of us the same stories and same lies! And I do not mean just a few…. we listed over twenty different ‘scenarios’ from where he went to school, jobs, health problems, siblings, dead (non existant) wife and daughter….. names changed but stories did not. I guess that was how he was able to deliver the messages so convincingly- years of practice! I guess he did not have to remember the lies because he always used the same ones!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
glittermom – oh, i so hear you on this one!
‘I guess he did not have to remember the lies because he always used the same ones! ‘
Aeylah
Glittermom,
You know it girl! they are slime balls that use the same lines and made up history so that they can keep track of their lies!
I also found that if I said things to him like “actions speak louder than words”….he could so turn it all around agains me and confuse me by showing fake loving actions when in fact they were manipulations to get what he wanted.
Oxy, your line reminded me of another one I used to hear all the time….”I want to grow into our sunset years together”….probably meaning I only want to grow into todays sunset together…..this is another one he used on the ex-GF, now my friend as I found out.
Aeylah
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
…the ex-S has of recently sent a variation of this one…
“I admit I was wrong…..I pray someday you foregive me”……..he’s never prayed a day in his life!
Saw him at a dance last Sunday back with one of the last women he cheated on me with …..I guess he’s telling her all the same lies all over again.
glittermom
I am still just so MAD because I was really the textbook perfect target. UGH! And the worst part is I am really not even angry about it, just shocked and amazed! Everyday a thought will pop into my head of something he said and I feel the shock and amazement all over! I catch myself just shaking my head and staring off into space! Really? I let it go on for months and let my kids get sucked in too? Really?
Findingmyself
Aeylah, LOL-I heard the same line, “I pray to G-d someday you can forgive me for all my transgressions. Like yours, he never prayed a day in his life, AND openly said he didn’t believe there was a G-d.
Aeylah
Dear Glittermom,
It is shocking and painful when you realize that you’ve been duped, used and abused. BUT don’t beat yourself up for this! This was not your fault, you were simply manipulated and blinded by the charm, lies and promises!
I’m sorry for your suffering and for the guilt you feel regarding your kids. I know how harmful these people can be to our family life. The ex-S in my life destroyed my relationship with one of my sons who was still a teenager living with me at the time.
FORGIVE YOURSELF……you didn’t know what you were dealing with…..AND THANK YOURSELF for finally getting out! Be kind to yourself and show the kids compassion. If they are old enough, explain certain things to them….I had to admitt to my son how naive I was and how sorry I was to have exposed him to such an evil person in our own home.