Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
They are really so selfish and just out for supply and will say anything to get it. Of course, their actions never back up their words.
Mine would even say everyday..”I’m going to the gym today and I’m going to take a class, then do half an hour on the treadmill…etc..etc..” My sister would hear him on speakerphone and we would laugh so hard! He NEVER does what he says!!!! He’d call me and tell me he’s at home everyday..tired..and will go tomorrow. OMG!
My X would tell me “I wish I started my life with you”…anything to make me feel like he’s so in love with me!
He wrote me a letter when I dumped him the first time around. It said…”I feel so bad” (notice the “I”)…and “Please forgive me” and get this one….
“Its all your fault that I hurt and miss you. No woman ever loved me like YOU did”!!!
Imagine that, I was wrong for LOVING him!!! lol
Well, I went back three times and now I’m done. I wrote him a letter..nice one..but to the point…no emotions. It basically said that I lost my trust in him because of A- catching his lies…(listed) B- having profiles on dating sites…and C- that “no trust” no relationship…and that I was moving on.
I had to put closure to it finally. I never told him these things before…always got mad and ignored him. This time, I wrote it out clearly that I’ve lost my love and trust for him and that he wasn’t honest and fair to me from the start. No emotion. Just facts.
And, I’m moving on…I have lots of plans to take care of myself and be happy. I will never allow him to paralyze me again like I did last summer. This time I told him the truth and “got real”.
I feel better now…just drained. Naptime.
Thank God for Love Fraud is all I can say. I unexpectedly found myself in the midst of crying for the X sociopath. I have been n/c for 4 months now due to LF, couldn’t have done it without it.
I don’t cry for him anymore, but found myself unexpectedly pulling off the side of the road to cry. It hurt. I realized tho that the pain and tears weren’t the same as they initially were, so that was good to know, that I have done a good portion of grieving and letting go.
I miss him. And where he hit me the hardest was taking away my innocence about humanity and once believing and always looking for the good in everyone. Well, that was my last life. I am totally different now. I am changed forever now. I don’t know how I feel about that.
Here’s my favorite:
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
I have to remember when I get hit by a wave of missing him that he was and is a monster and is not human. It’s like he was born to the wrong planet. There should be a planet just for sociopaths. They aren’t welcome here.
The scary thing is that the prisons only house 15-25% of sociopaths.
Lucky us.
Dear Ifiinallygotthe lesson,
Glad you are moving on and healing, but your statistics are OFF, it isn’t that the prisons house 25% OF THEM, it is that 25% OF the prisoners ARE 30 points or above on the PCL-R, not even 5% of the psychopaths ARE in prison, don’t we WISH 25% of them were, but the other 75% of the prisoners score an AVERAGE of 22 points on the PCL-R scale, and “normal” is like 5, so these people, ALL of the prisoners are HIGH IN PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS and you dont’ want to mess with ANYONE who has a criminal record.
Right now there are about 2 million people in jail/prison in US, and I’m not sure what the percentage of people on the outside have RECORDS but there are like 5-7 million on some kind of parole or probation the last I read so right there you’ve got a snot wad of bad guys and not every “bad guy” will qualify as a psychopath but that still doesn’t mean we want to have them for our very OWN PARTNER.
I’m sorry you feel badly that not everyone has some “good” down deep inside them, but you know, REALITY SUCKS sometimes, but better to RECOGNIZE REALITY and be safe than NOT recognize it and get hurt/burned again.
Just as we try to get it across to our kids when they are little that HOT and BURN are words they need to learn the meaning of we need to learn the meaning of PSYCHOPATH so that we don’t stick our hands into the fire again.
Don’t worry about the crying jags, that is just part of the healing too, and it is okay—shows you are moving on! (((hugs)))) and God bless.
I feel the same way. I was a mess last year over this guy.
This year its different. I am stronger and I handled it differently.
I wrote him my true feelings and facts mostly. I guess because I just didn’t want to be with him sexually anymore. I couldn’t. I fell out of love with him. So it ended better this time around for me. Maybe thats why I went back. I needed to figure out if I was really in love with him.
I may have cared about him, but I saw right through him from the start…just went into denial. I wanted a relationship in my life, so I created the illusion (with his help) that he reinforced with his lies.
Now I am on to bigger and better things. I feel better. It took me awhile to get over the disappointment, and shock, but coming from what he came from…(abandoned by his mom, etc), he just couldn’t do it. He is selfish and wants someone to cater to his needs. I don’t doubt that he wanted me to live with him, but I have teens and he didn’t want kids around.
He only wanted me for what I could give him. And when I denied him sex…he grew so angry and frustrated and desparate. Its over. And I feel peaceful about it.
It took me a long time and to go back with him 3 times and in between I worked on myself..physically and mentally. I am much stronger now and ready to move on.
So, be patient …you will find that peace. Posting here and the support is really key. I thank God for this board.
Wow Oxy…what statistics! My daughter came home today and said that this female teacher, who I don’t like either..from “hello”, who is really mean and nasty, ….”looks like a devil…looks like she’s wearing a mask” LOL!!!!
The woman is a phony and fools most of the parents..but not me or my daughter!!
Yes, they are out there. Its what makes the world go around…Opposites….good, evil…dark, light….physics…
I have one more to post.
I never meant to hurt you: I just got caught.
This one was used on me when I found my boyfriend on line posting naked pictures of himself taken in my home while I was taking care of him while he was out of work due to a work injury. To make matters worst – he said “you are only a girlfriend”. How low and cutting can that be? We were together for 1 1/2 years at the time. He said he had no $$ to help buy food – but he had $$$ for porno.
Czarinamom,
LOL ROTFLMAO that was a gooooood one!!! He didn’t “mean to hurt” you so that is why he PROTECTED YOU BY LYING so you wouldn’t be hurt!!! Gosh, WHAAAAAT A PRINCE!!!! How can you top that sacrifice for you! Gee, you just didn’t appreciate him! Look what you threw away! LOL CHOKE, SNORT, SNARF ROTFLMAO
2Bhappy, I had a prof in college (female) who I know now was a psychopath and I actually changed universities because I recognized that she was dangerous and was in a position to hurt me if she got angry at me and I had seen her do that to other students. I had so far (at that time) managed to BROWN NOSE her that she thought I was wonderful, but I knew I could NOT keep it up for another two years! She was one of the primary instructors in my course so there was no way around her if I had stayed at that University. Turned out to be for the best anyway, but looking back, she was the first NON-FAMILY member that I can in retrospect say was a psychopath and be pretty sure she would pass muster with the PCL-R score. She had been a psych nurse, MARRIED A PATIENT who had then later committed suicide, and she hated male students and persecuted them always with a smile on her face. I also saw her drive one poor female student NUTS with her gaslighting and believe me this woman was the QUEEN OF GASLIGHTING.
When you get in a position with one of them “over” you as a boss or professor or teacher it is difficult if you get on their “wrong side” for sure. I’ve never been good enough at BROWN NOSING for a long enough period to overcome them, so I change jobs or schools, it’s about all you can do.
Yes, Oxy, they are out there!! I no longer see the “good” in everyone. I hate to admit it, but I used to “feel sorry” for criminals! I always thought that they were abused or in pain, which is why they had rage to kill people.
That came from my own pain as a child. BUT…the big BUT…how come “I” did NOT become a killer and hurt people?
Now, I do NOT feel sorry for “evil” people. They are what they are.
This morning I woke up and heard..”It is what it is”. In other words, he is what he is, and I wasn’t happy with how he treated me, being what he is.
Thats what prompted me to write a very “factful” letter. I basically told him that I tried to TRUST him over and over and believe him, but that now the love is gone. I cannot love someone I do not trust. And that I am moving on.
Period the end. I listed the lies I caught him in, several that he admitted during our time together, and he even apologized for. Very matter of factly.
I didn’t get mushy or emotional. Just that I was moving on to find someone who really loves and cares for me and that I’m sure he will find a woman for him.
I feel so FREE that I finally got it out of my system and I am HAPPY….just want 2bhappy!!!!
Czar…He wrote me the same thing…over and over…
“I never meant to hurt you”…..”I’m not perfect”….”I try”…
Amazing, its almost like they are saying that they have no control over what their evil minds make them do!!! omg!
I like Rhianna’s song….”You’re just mad that you got caught”.
Well, I will NEVER stay with someone again, when I see the writing on the wall.
I stayed with him for his “friendship” because I was lonely.
He stayed with me for the sex and emotional support I gave him through all his F@ck ups!! ( and he is ALWAYS in some trouble….drama at work..etc…)
No more…I have true friends…don’t need any fake ones.
Its up to us now, to make our lives better…to learn from the bad experience, and to get into a place where we feel good about ourselves and our self esteem is so high that we would never “settle” for less than someone treating us like GOLD!!!
Dear 2BHappy,
If sending him the letter brings you closure, TOWANDA for you!!! But don’t expect him to “get it” or to admit it or agree with it, because he is INCAPABLE of it!
They have NO shame, no real self awareness, the blame as far as they are concerned is ALL YOURS!
But each of us makes closure in our own way, but I would advise from here on out to not respond or argue with him if he responds to your letter. It is like “arguing with a fence post” because they aren’t going to get it! (((hugs)))