Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
Hi Ox Drover:
You must have a crystal ball. He actually told me that he did lie to me to protect me!!! His best friend is bi-polar who my ex used to say was crazy, nuts and did not care about people. However, after reading the posts on this wonderful site, I now realize that at least his friend is on medicine for his medical condition and nothing will ever help my ex – who was given the nick name “Stray Ray”. Thank you everyone for all your input to these posts!!! Stay well.
finding myself,
My guess would be that if you would have called him out on that he would have said something like the following: actually..it really did just happen…i realized that i accidentally took my e-d pill instead of the tylenol that I had intended to take…think what you want and believe what you want but I am telling you the truth. Ridiculous. The lies they tell are just so ridiculous. I once found that mine had made his profile active on match.com again…(that is where I had met him) The profile was different than the one he had up when I met him bc I don’t think I would have responded to a headline of “just looking for fun” …but he claimed that he hadn’t updated one single thing on it and that it was the same profile he had up when he met me…He said that he must have accidentally activated it again b/c his buddy joined match and he logged on b/c he wanted to check out his profile…but he never activated or updated it..it just must have happened by accident all b/c he logged in. I guess him ending up on adult friend finder.com was just an “accident” too. ha. Well…I look at it now and I don’t exactly think it is funny…more just so unbelievably ridiculous…but at the time…I felt like I was going to die. I knew he was lying but at the time I just let it go because it was easier I guess. idk.
czarinamom,
Yep..heard that one too… “I didn’t tell you the truth because I knew it would upset you and there was no reason to get you upset when I had already taken care of everything.”
They never seem to tell the truth until you catch them and even when you do catch them…it is never exactly the truth…just some ridiculous altered version of what actually really did happen and fake apologies to try to suck us back in or…not any version of the truth at all..just another outright lie. I mean..my spath basically tried to make me think I was delusional…I caught him..I actually saw his car parked in her driveway…very recognizable car with a vanity plate…he tried to tell me that I didn’t see it and that it was not his car because he had not been there so there was no possible way I could have seen it. Even when I knew for a fact that I saw it…or wait…did I really see it? or was I just so sure that I thought it was going to be there that I thought I saw it? Maybe I should have driven past a little slower…He actually started to make me question my own sanity because he could be so convincing.
No crystal ball needed, they use the “psychopath’s play book” and just take out a stock phrase or lie when they need one, there is one in there to fit EVERY OCCASION!
No way they can tell the truth, it would be like ACID coming out of their lips—they cannot tolerate the truth because it is like kryptonite to superman! Burns a hole in them. LOL
NOTHING “just happens” unless it is a meteorite falling from the sky and hitting you on the head—you don’t just HAPPEN to have sex, or JUST HAPPEN to rob a bank, or JUST HAPPEN to take drugs or drink alcohol, YOU JUST DO THOSE THINGS. BIG difference.
Dear Findingmyself
Another story about pills that “make it happen” –
The spath had a workplace injury (real enough) and several spinal surgeries (all real enough also) but claimed a Total and Permanent disablement and was paid compensation plus cashed in his superannuation accordingly (big bucks).
Throughout the course of his post-surgery recovery, and for our entire relationship, I cared for him. From Day 1 of the relationship. Had me so fooled as to the alleged failure of surgical procedures that I was scrubbing his feet in the shower, doing up his shoelaces for him and at times, partially dressing him. I lopped trees with a chainsaw, chopped wood for the fire and climbed tall ladders to clean out the gutters – all because he “couldn’t” do any of it. I did all housework and cooking (even though he was home all day (okay, okay – so I do know now that he wasn’t actually home and so the poor thing didn’t really have time to help out with anything). I worked my permanent job and often 1 or 2 extra part time jobs to make ends meet. Then I came home and did all of the “boy jobs” and all of the “girl jobs” too, as well as seeing to his personal care when “necessary”.
He was prescribed Oxycontin (a Narcotic) for alleged continous, severe pain, stuff for constipation (allegedly caused by his injury), pills for depression (HA!!!) and Viagra to “make it happen”. I lived a virtually sexless life for over 2 years leading up to the payouts. Based on what I saw and heard at home, I was able to supply for his doctors and lawyers, the perfect reports of a high level of disability in my adored husband, which ensured a maximum compensation payout.
Fast forward to immediately after the payouts. I’m packing the house to relocate (we had separated by then and he kept stalking me in my home, so I had to flee elsewhere to avoid him) and I discover – hidden in shoeboxes under the bed, thousands of dollars’ worth of all of these medications that he had assured all of us he was taking every day (most notably the pain-killer: 3 years’ worth, untouched, unopened and unused). I reason away the Viagra – after all, he has also told me that even if he manages to “make it happen”, that when it all actually “happens” he exeriences terrible pain the whole way from his lower back and down his leg; naturally, loving him as I did, I had been reluctant to push things in the bedroom – I just did without instead and was careful to never make him feel bad about his “inabilities”.
Then I discover that there have been many other women throughout our entire relationship. Much of the disappearing money has gone on prostitutes, down-loaded porn and telephone calls to sex-lines. There have been orgies, three-somes and other variations on group sex – all very remarkable for a man who can’t “make it happen” with his own wife and who is unable to vaccuum a floor or to prepare a meal – yet can go at it for hours with his “disabled” body accomodating what I presume and imagine must be all manner of potentially uncomfortable positions and physically exhausting activities ….and all without the assistance of his little boxes of Viagra!
BTW – I’m in the process of investigating how to have him charged with insurance fraud, for misrepresenting the extent of his disability and the effect of it upon his lifestyle.
Spaths, hey? Who’d have ’em?????!!!!!
aussiegirl, he’s such a slimebag, what a disgusting excuse for a human being.
Even though I have some fantastic and supportive friends, I know that it’s only you guys on here (and of course, his other ex-wife) who know just what a slimebag he is truly is.
Your compassion makes me weep, knowing that you get it.
xx
OMG – He emailed me…..said ” I heard you were out at the club last nite call me ### – ####” i didnt know who this email was from so I blocked my number and called the number and got his voice mail..This is all my fault for nosing around.. I am having a panic attack..how did he get my email? I deleted his email with his number before it had time to imprint on my stupid brain……now I know it’s time to burn this f–ing computer…..I was afraid this was going to happen……….shit shit shit double shit…I am gonna ignore this..there is a twing of maybe he cares OX get your skillet out and throw it hard to the west……
Dear Aussiegirl,
The first six months I was on LF I almost drowned my keyboard! I wept as I typed.
I don’t know how you can prove that he is a fraud/fake–unless you had photos or vids of him doing things he says he can’t. They do catch one of those disability fakes here once in a while in the US when some company gets tired of paying and sends out a Private investigator to video him shoveling snow or something along that line.
The boxes of untaken narcotics might be enough evidence to at least get someone to START an investigation into his hi-jinks though.
My X-BF-Psychopath finally got his disability from military for PTSD from Viet Nam, but it is the hardest to prove he was lying, but I have no doubt he was. He lied about everything else, can’t see why he wouldn’t have lied about that.
I do find it ODD that yours didn’t actually TAKE the narcotics as many of them DO like the drugs—but is interesting also that he KEPT THEM instead of selling them or disposing of them, just by flushing them down the toilet, if nothing else. I can understand him filling the Rx even if he didn’t take them, but what is odd is that he didn’t take them, and that he did keep them stashed. ????? Strange…but I guess NOTHING they do should surprise me at this point in time! LOL
My son C’s P-wife took the Oxycontin that was Rx’d for her disabled son, and apparently mixed it with alcohol as well. The kid was in horrible shape so had LOTS of drugs of various kinds.
I sit here and shake my head at you being his personal valet and housemaid—what a maggot he is! I hope you can prove he is a disability fraud and they put his arse in prison where he can be in the cell with the biggest pervert in OZ! Good luck!
Dear Henry,
((((Henry)))) Hugs, darliing, no skillet for you, you didn’t ask him for this contact!!!
Just ignore it and in the future DELETE them…don’t bash yourself on the head for this one sweetie.
You know if you hang out in the same geographical area in the clubs you will either run into him or he will see someone that did see you. There’s just no way you can hang out in the same crowd and not see him or him see you or hear about each other.
My P-X-BF still has mutual friends and I know that if I hang out with my living history bunch I will see him…but you know what, I do NOT CARE any more. I know what he is and you know what M is—THEY ARE BOTH PIECES OF BOTTOM FEEDING SLIME BAGS.
Just remember the time you came home and he had some trash in YOUR BED….just remember the lies he told you…..so if he WAS on his KNEES begging you to love him, does that mean jack schit? NAH, YOU KNOW IT DOESN’T—he is not worth the dirt between your toes and you know it. ((((Hugs)))) He is just looking for another FREE RIDE!
hens, OMG!! Triple shit. Oh, I know about that twinge of hoping he still cares, you’re right, ignore it!!! Jeez, how did he get your email??? Aarrrggghhhh. Change your email! Take a deep breath.