Sociopaths exploiting your faith

Sociopaths as much as anything exploit your faith in them”¦over and over again.

In many ways this captures the essence of sociopathy in particular, and exploitation in general: The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it.

The more seriously you take him, the more you are vulnerable; the more vulnerable you are, the more the exploiter is licking his chops.

And so the sociopath, or any exploiter, wants you to take him seriously! Indeed it’s his modus operandi to accumulate currency and credibility with you—the more the better, as this better ripens you, better fattens you, for the payoff he’s chasing.

Not all exploiters “get off’ on the suffering you’ll incur arising from their exploitation. Sadistic ones will; they’ll derive a portion of their satisfaction, if not their motivation to exploit, from your pain.

But more often the sociopath is flatly uninterested in your “expense.” He neither relishes, nor regrets, it deeply. What interests him, again, is his payoff; his prospective gain, not your loss, concerns him principally.

And so a core aspect of exploitation lies in the exploiter’s purposeful grooming of the faith of his victims, only then to purposely betray that faith.

And in cases of sociopathy there is the additional heartless indifference to the victim’s experience of that betrayal. Indeed, one measure of the depth of his heartlessness and audacity is the sociopath’s tendency to repeat this cycle regularly, abusing old and perhaps fresh victims.

When you think about it, what sociopaths and other exploiters prey upon—our faith—is what most of us are naturally inclined to give. We want to have faith in others. We want to believe that others will have our backs, not stab our backs in order to take something from us and then leave us, heartlessly, to grapple alone in confusion and despair.

We want to believe that, God forbid, were we lying on a deserted roadside, grievously wounded, that that stranger approaching us will have the intention to help us, and not, while issuing kind, reassuring words, to lift our wallets.

And so it’s no big accomplishment to exploit others. Sociopaths and all exploiters are going after something that’s as easily coaxed as it ought to be honored and safeguarded—our faith.

(My use of “he” in this article was strictly for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors described. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)

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I am back, sorry my computer completely stopped functioning after downloading software updates from Apple (go figure) but it works now, yay! And want to thank all for your urgent LEAVE NOW posts, especially Matt, for the legal advice. And congrats on your new relationship 🙂

I am still working on getting out of here. Like I mentioned before I want to leave no trace. And for some reason I have been cleaning the house like a maniac and getting all of his & the children’s things in order as well. Probably because I know he will be bringing in the next victim/childcare/chef/lay right away and I don’t want him to be able to blame the condition of the house on me. I know that sounds crazy. At least he won’t be able to blame the broken windows and roof that is falling in on me. This was a beautiful house when I moved in 10 years ago, but he can’t be bothered with home maintenance. I can do a lot of things but I will not attempt to roof or install double paned windows that disturbed children throw themselves thru or break in other ways.

I want to assure everyone my life is not in danger. He is totally non-violent and frankly I could kick his butt even tho he is a foot taller and weighs at least three times as much as I. Like I have seen many people post on here, this is not the first abusive relationship I have been in so I work out hard and have good self defense skills. His method of abuse is mental and financial.

But he did drive her to suicide, IMO – it was a just a very slow process. She became an addict to about everything. During their marriage she was given an allowance of $200 per day for alcohol and weed. This kept her at home and made her unaware of his goings on. Which is really sick to do to the mother of your young children on so many levels. I started to go down that path as well – when I first met him I generally only drank beer and wine (unless I was at a client meeting I might order whatever they were drinking). He convinced me I should start drinking Vodka. He would bring it to my apartment every day. It got really bad but a few years ago I went to a fabulous detox center and I am OK with that now.

Anyhow, when he was done paying her off for her half of his businesses, she switched to the cheapest mind-numbing substance she could afford – Dust-off. I learned she was found dead in bed with a can of it in her hand. I did not have this information when her family called and said she killed herself. They believed she had gotten a hold of one of her dad’s guns. I have a huge amount of guilt, because we were very close as I said, and I knew she was doing it. As well as stealing oxycontin from her dad. I was in negotiations with her sister in law, because she called me one day and said a friend witnessed her buy every can of dust off in the local small town store in the mid-west. We were struggling with trying to stage some sort of intervention, but we did not want to damage the relationship she had with her parents. We did tell them to move the pills, but I hate that we didn’t go further. It’s hard for me because I live so far away.

When they met she was a nanny for really high end families out here in Boston. So totally presentable and together. He gave her a three carat engagement ring, a Mercedes, had an elaborate wedding and promptly started cheating on her and hiring prostitutes and she lost her mind. He is so slick that I believed him for years that she was always this crazy addict, until I met her.

For all of you struggling with unemployment, consider bartending. That’s my plan. I did it all thru college and just took a refresher course. Good money, and fun! I am not being insulting and saying it is below any of you – I have a graduate degree and could find a consulting gig in my field of HR/Benefits; I stopped that when this economy blew up, and being the bearer of bad news is just not my thing. Can’t handle it. One industry that increases in times like these are people going to bars a lot.

So no worries about me. I got my free insurance and have an Dr. appt. next week. I feel so lucky for that. Small good things have been happening to me lately, kindness from total strangers type things. Not sure if I am giving off a totally wounded tragic vibe or if it is just God, but I really like it, as I like the kindness and concern of all of you 🙂 I plan to be out by Sat. What a lovely, encouraging & SMART group of people on this site!!!

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