Sociopaths as much as anything exploit your faith in them”¦over and over again.
In many ways this captures the essence of sociopathy in particular, and exploitation in general: The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it.
The more seriously you take him, the more you are vulnerable; the more vulnerable you are, the more the exploiter is licking his chops.
And so the sociopath, or any exploiter, wants you to take him seriously! Indeed it’s his modus operandi to accumulate currency and credibility with you—the more the better, as this better ripens you, better fattens you, for the payoff he’s chasing.
Not all exploiters “get off’ on the suffering you’ll incur arising from their exploitation. Sadistic ones will; they’ll derive a portion of their satisfaction, if not their motivation to exploit, from your pain.
But more often the sociopath is flatly uninterested in your “expense.” He neither relishes, nor regrets, it deeply. What interests him, again, is his payoff; his prospective gain, not your loss, concerns him principally.
And so a core aspect of exploitation lies in the exploiter’s purposeful grooming of the faith of his victims, only then to purposely betray that faith.
And in cases of sociopathy there is the additional heartless indifference to the victim’s experience of that betrayal. Indeed, one measure of the depth of his heartlessness and audacity is the sociopath’s tendency to repeat this cycle regularly, abusing old and perhaps fresh victims.
When you think about it, what sociopaths and other exploiters prey upon—our faith—is what most of us are naturally inclined to give. We want to have faith in others. We want to believe that others will have our backs, not stab our backs in order to take something from us and then leave us, heartlessly, to grapple alone in confusion and despair.
We want to believe that, God forbid, were we lying on a deserted roadside, grievously wounded, that that stranger approaching us will have the intention to help us, and not, while issuing kind, reassuring words, to lift our wallets.
And so it’s no big accomplishment to exploit others. Sociopaths and all exploiters are going after something that’s as easily coaxed as it ought to be honored and safeguarded—our faith.
(My use of “he” in this article was strictly for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors described. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Thank you Steve, you hit the nail right on the head!
Wow! So true!!! The S that duped me so obviously used this tactic. So obviously, I must have been incredibly weak in my faith in myself to not notice!
When I’d have doubts in him, he’d retort with accusations of broken faith. Not due to trust he violated but due to some fundamental flaw in my own faith mechanisms. When I finally accepted him for what he was, I realized that my faith mechanism in others wasn’t weak, it was too strong; built on blindness without regard to legitimate input from my experiences.
Thanks for the article. It touches home…not only in how exploiting faith was how I was hooked…but in his repetitive patterns with his other past, current and I’m certain future victims.
Namaste
Duped
Retract “blindness” in the second paragraph of my last post and replace with “hope”.
Faith and hope are symbiotic. They both depend on each other to survive.
It takes great strength to have hope….an attribute that a P/S is void of. This is something I believe some of them envy and why they exploit it. It’s a power they do not have. So, they try to take it from us or pollute it, vicariously making them feel powerful.
Great Article Steve, and “faith” can be in so many things, from faith in ourselves to faith in our God, faith in the good of humanity, etc. Yes, they use our faith EVERYTHING to exploit us.
My ex-husband thanked me for believing in him, while he was ripping me off.
Churches are choice hunting territory for cluster Bs. The best thing to do is avoid the disordered members like the plague. Eventually they’ll exhibit enough of their true colors for the rest of the flock to figure it out.
If the cluster B commits an actual crime, report that crime directly to the civil authorities. Be prepared to leave the church. You’ll probably be driven out eventually, particularly if the cluster B suspects you’re on to him/her.
Bang on once again Dr. Steve. I think the concept of the exploitation of our “faith” can also be applied to the bigger sociopathic actors out here, the corporate sociopathic form, and politicians to boot. If the shoe fits…
Dear EC,
Have missed you, glad you are still here! You are so right on. The cult leaders of some organizations are so scary! Remember that tony Alamo cult that I notified Donna about here in Arkansas? That guy is finally in prison but it took authorities years, almost a decade, to get him nailed down and convicted.
Many others are less newsworthy, but no less damaging to the people who are conned out of their money and their faith miss used.
Steve, WOW! and thank you!
My ex Spath did care one way or the other what this did to me. He only cared in what he could get out of me, be it money, prestige. or a “fake faith”, as I’ve come to call it. He looked good and pretended to BE good, but it was all a cover.
The day came when I told him I had no faith in him at all; that he would forever be the liar and thief that he is and nothing would change that. His reaction was “hurt” and outrage. How could I be so cruel? I was the ONLY person who had ever believed in him and now I was taking that away from him. No mention here of what he had stolen from me.
Faith in oneself, God and others is paramount to living a good life. I had lost mine in all of this. When I finally reclaimed it, I saw him for what he really was. It was a “freedom” moment.
anitasee and duped…i agree completely.
I will read and re-read what you have written. It strikes a huge chord with me.
Hugs,
Cat
Steve:
Thanks for this contribution!
So very true…..
The S used to say to me…..You don’t trust me…..and I would respond…..NO….I don’t.
I never trusted him or ever had faith in him…..in 28 years…..but I did try to convince myself at times (like childbirth) that we were ‘partners’….he loved this…..
I wanted to trust him so badly, like all of us…..we were searching for the loving trusting relationship we could enjoy security with…….and have faith in.
But never did!
Thanks again Steve……